Monday ramblings and grumblings

[doriswe]

What do you want to share with the class? 

[chalupa]

I went to a 6:30 barre class this morning, came home to flop on the bed, and announced "I am deceased". What M heard: I am diseased. LOL. Neither of us are early morning conversationalists, clearly.

Also, my poor legs already feel like jello and I know tomorrow is going to be painful once the soreness sets in.

[doriswe]

I woke up at 4 AM and instead of going to yoga at 5:30 AM, I just laid in bed until 6 AM. I did a yoga sculpt class over the weekend and it's hard to get up/down on the toilet today lol! I also spilled 1/2 of my coffee on my office floor. But I came in to find a unicorn skeleton on my desk, so still a win.

FWP: My mom bought me tickets to go to Taiwan in January. I was sort of indecisive about going and I appreciate her doing that. But she (and my brother) decided the length of time I'd be there without asking me. So I'll be gone 9 days, which is a pain since I didn't arrange where DS will go as it's all during the times he should be at home with me. Plus the way it falls, I'll basically need to be off of work for 2 weeks. I have the time, but it's just annoying I didn't have an option in it.

[tiramisu]

I went away this weekend and was out in nature. It was exactly what I needed and part of me wishes I was still there. We went to Yosemite, but not all the way in. It was all mind-blowingly gorgeous and I got a ton of photographs. I haven't even started editing the ones on my real camera, the ones I took with my phone are pretty decent and I've been enjoying them. I also practically spammed the guy I'm dating with photos. He's very nice about it. I guess my grumble is that he's said he wants to go slow, but his slow is *way* slower than I anticipated. We still talk/connect in some way every 1-3 days, depending. So I'm trying to get comfortable with a very slow pace and get my dating anxiety to chill the fuck out. Maybe it's good for me to be working on this right now.

[kaneen]

In the space of two weeks I ran into my Ex's kid and then my Ex and it completely triggered old feelings that I really thought I'd worked through. I knew that he was trying to work on his relationship with the woman he was with before me and so somehow I decided it would be a good idea to do some Googling to try to find out if they were living together again. I was able to figure out that they sold the house they still owned together and that she has bought a house on the same street where he and I were buying a house. Can't tell if he lives there with her but can't imagine she bought that big ole house for just her and her kid. And so now I'm just all in my head and feel like shit.

He's basically living the future he and I planned but with her. Fuck.

[tiramisu]

((((((kaneen))))))

Those things do feel like a punch to the gut. Let yourself grieve, be sad/angry/all the things. I'm so sorry.

[chalupa]

(((kaneen)))

[doriswe]

(( kaneen ))

[doglove]

((((((( kaneen )))))))))

[downtoearth]

doriswe , that sucks that your mom didn't check the dates with you first. Are you still thinking of some solo adventures while there?

kaneen , I don't know the backstory, but I'm sorry this is bringing up feelings of mourning that imagined future. I get that.

I am swamped at work and still not getting everything done. It's frustrating and still I keep getting things started, at least. Ugh.

Also I have had the kids from last week's Sunday night through tomorrow night with only Wed off (8 nights in 9 total). It was great and it's been feeling very normal and relaxing, but also a lot of work to parent those 3 continually by myself. It is reminding me of how much of the parenting that I did in the past 7+ years basically alone (even with XH around) and how much work that is. Having kids only 60% of the time feels like a break compared to being married with kids to my XH. Another reminder of how hard it was to be with him. Also it's way easier to be in a relationship without kids around than with. It's quite the adjustment for my person to get used to things to have kids around so much, but he's doing pretty good and I'm making sure I have time with just kids and not him too. It's a balancing act. 

Oh and I confronted XH about moving the rest of his stuff out - 10+ months after I made him leave and almost 3 months since our official divorce date (too long, right?). So XH came to finally get more stuff out of the house and some large tools out of my garage. He loaded up an entire truck load and took his motorcycle, but didn't get the right people to move the machines. It wasn't a great effort, and so typical of my XH - he keeps reminding me how much better life is without him in my life - I hope he keeps doing that. My person looked in the garage after he left and said, "Wait, didn't your XH take a truckload? It doesn't look any different." I laughed so hard b/c it doesn't look different, and I'm so over XH's excuses. He has until the end of the weekend and then it's all going to craigslist or donated.

[spindle92]

kaneen I am so sorry.
You have every right to feel upset.

I am also really sorry for the poor child involved in all of this. His father is a real piece of work to be putting him thru all of this.

[kaneen]

Oct 21, 2019 18:22:07 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

kaneen I am so sorry.
You have every right to feel upset.

I am also really sorry for the poor child involved in all of this. His father is a real piece of work to be putting him thru all of this.

Could not agree more.  

[gault]

Just seeing this. I am so sorry kaneen.

[kaneen]

Thanks for the hugs everyone. Very much appreciated! It's crazy how sometimes its so comforting just to have someone validate that what you are feeling is ok.

[bullygirl979]

kaneen, sending you hugs.