Night time PT WWYD?

[supertrooper1]

DS is 6.5. He is not yet night time potty trained. STBXH insists that he needs to be. We had a discussion that as soon as our supplies of Pull Ups ran out, we would have DS wear underwear to bed. His ran out before mine did and when DS went back to STBXH's house and reported that I was still using Pull Ups at night, I became the parent that wasn't co-parenting.  Our pedi has said at the last several check ups that she's not concerned until DS is 8. The internet says 7 is average for boys. 

So far it's not working out.  DS is a sound sleeper and doesn't usually wake up at night to go on his own.  I tried waking him up before I go to bed, but that doesn't work because he's disoriented and doesn't pee.  I'm tired of changing his sheets every day and want to go back to pull ups, but also don't want to create a co-parenting war.  WWYD? 

[twinmomma]

I think this is one of those things where you explain to DS that things are different at each house and you have different rules and expectations than dad has. Then use pull ups at your house if it's easier.

I'm constantly reminding my kids that dad does things differently at his house than mom does at her house. Some of it I could definitely make a big deal about and fight XH on - amount of screen time, bedtimes being consistent, what is considered healthy food. Coparenting doesn't mean everything will be exactly the same at both houses and your XH has to figure that out. I know that's easier said than done, but it's exactly what your lawyers would tell you too.

[sdlaura]

It doesn't sound like he's ready yet. If pediatrician isn't concerned, then stick with pull-ups. STBXH can do more laundry if that's his preference.

[mommyatty]

As someone with a boy who was night trained around 3 and a girl who only started wearing undies to bed at 7, let me say this super-loud, so STBXH can maybe hear this:

YOU CANNOT NIGHT TRAIN A KID.

Their body will do it when it decides to do it. But something we did find out was DD’s issues were caused by undiagnosed constipation. She had zero symptoms except not pooping very often and wetting the bed. Once we got her pooper doing its thing, she was magically dry at night. According to her pediatric gastroenterologist, the vast majority of kids still wetting the bed after age 4 are chronically constipated. And when they start school (and don’t want to poop at school) is a prime age for constipation. It’s even worse for kids who started “holding it” during potty training, so much so that he said he put his kid on daily Miralax when they potty trained him so he couldn’t hold in poop.

So, make sure he’s pooping Every Single Day, make him sit on the toilet for long enough to get the poop out, and see what happens.

[Deleted]

The co -parenting part of this seems frustrating. I’m surprised your ex is okay with the sheet changing.

Anecdotally, my DS used pull ups until he was a bit over 7. His BFF still uses them and is almost 8.

If you really can’t use the pull-ups because of your ex, I’d suggest using the disposable bed mats that good nites makes to help with the sheet changes. But, really I’d try to convince your ex that pull ups are still okay.

[supertrooper1]

mommyatty, he poops every day, so I don't think that is the issue.

@mrsgreeko, funny that DS mentioned a disposable bed mat, so I wonder if STBXH is using those. He's weird about laundry and doesn't mind doing laundry every day.

[k3am]

I do laundry every day, and even I don't want to have to go through the hassle of changing sheets nightly.

I'd find out if he's having accidents at STBXH's house or if he's somehow magically potty trained there. Assuming that's not the case, I'd keep on keeping on. I might even get an email from the pedi about when to be concerned in case you need it legally.

[acr]

DS didn't night train until 7 (after 1st grade) when we began using the alarms. In the 2 years up to that, my XH would get on me about it every now and then, but honestly, it was going to be me and my current husband dealing with it. I let XH know that if it was important to him, he could take the opportunity of DS's extended periods at his time to focus on it with the alarms.
That pretty much shut down the complaints. I did take DS to a pedi urologist and tried the meds, but that didn't help. The dr indicated alarms would be the best long term solution. Discontinuing use of pull ups will not magically make your son wake up dry, it's going to take work on everyone's part.

Like your DS, mine is a deep sleeper. My husband slept in the room with my son every night for a month+ to make sure he woke up with the alarm (because we knew the alarm wouldn't wake DS) . That did the trick (and you better believe I let my XH know the amount of effort it was for everyone to do this).

[supertrooper1]

acr, alarms are way too much work for me at this time. I like my sleep too!

[acr]

Oct 29, 2019 12:41:30 GMT -5 supertrooper1 said:

acr , alarms are way too much work for me at this time. I like my sleep too!

I totally agree. That's why we put it off for so long, hoping maturity would take care of it. I am of the mind that as long as it's not bothering your kid, why put pressure on him? We always made it no big deal, and really it was only his step-siblings & dad who ever commented on it I think. I checked in every now and again with my son if he wanted to do the alarm, and he always said "not yet". He goes to sleep away camp for a month in the summers, and we decided it would be prudent to not deal with pull ups for that long on his own. 

TBH, I worried it would be more of a pain than it actually was (though I can say that as the one who didn't have to sleep in the kid's room lol). The alarm usually went off MAX 3x in a night, and that was pretty uncommon. We had layers of bedding ready to go, and peeled it off if he got wet. After about a week, it was more like 1x night. Then it was none and all was good. 

[xctsclrx]

DS is 4 almost 5 and he isn't 100% at night time. However when he was wearing pull ups he didn't even try to get up. We got the disposal bed mats and it worked wonders. He got the uncomfortable feeling of being wet at night and I didn't have to clean sheets every night. He wet the bed every night for a few weeks and then dropped to a couple of times a week to now a couple times a month. Hoping we continue with that trend.

My kid was stubborn and definitely took advantage of the pull up.

Another thing that helped was making him go to the bathroom several times a day. And he would take a shower at six ( bathroom before) bed time at 730 bathroom again. I think it is called secondary elimination. If he breaks this routine he usually has an accident.

FYI your ex can't control what happens at your house. If you want to use pull ups just ignore him. Hopefully the divorce is over soon so you don't have to be stressed out about him trying to make you look bad.

[callmekd]

I also have a 6.5 year old who still wears pull-ups at night. Hope you can figure out a good co—parenting solution

[sacattack]

Eh ... both my kids wore pullups until they were 7/8. Like you I had too much going on to deal with new sheets everyday. I would reduce liquid, have them pee before bed and then if I remembered I would wakt them before I went to bed. Each time we ran out of pull ups, I would try to get them through the night and if it didn't work, we'd go back to them. Like your dr, mine said there was nothing to worry about and in the end, there wasn't. They are both night trained now! :-)

[mustardseed2007]

My son is in pull ups at 7. He truly can't control it. We are hoping to tackle this issue with some proactive steps perhaps starting in the winter during christmas or thanksgiving break. I have not had the bandwidth to do it before this moment even though it is something I've been a little concerned about. Recently he's been talking about sleep overs and that's what started him being interested in tackling the issue as well.

[186momx]

My girlfriend's 8 year isn't night trained. She has underlying issues and had bladder surgery last winter. A few things the urologist suggested was cutting liquids an hour before bed, waking her before parents go to bed and sleep walking her into the bathroom with the water running, and most mornings she still has an over flowed pull up. They are working through a number of other things too but sleepovers are far from their mind which my DD finds weird as she loves sleepovers.