Stuff to do when someone dies

[dr.girlfriend]

I saw this posted elsewhere -- I skimmed it and it seems really helpful so I'm posting it here.  It's not mine, though, so don't come back to me if there's any misinformation.  :-)

Swear Version:
drive.google.com/file/d/12LuGzCeU2PKPTjXjrXG63CGHK-bUB6XV/view

Black Humor but no Swear Version:
drive.google.com/file/d/15cz22OMDqXAfSCXNx4fLn11IMPoxUhoS/view

Here's the original post -- not sure if it will format okay:

ms-demeanorSeptember 13th 2019, 8:16:19 pm · 3 months ago
Hey you know how I said I was going to make a workbook on the kind of bullshit you need to do when someone you love dies? I actually did that.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH LOTS OF SWEARING AT THE USELESS, SHITTY SITUATION YOU’RE IN.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF BLACK HUMOR BUT NO CURSEWORDS.

Featuring Helpful Sections such as:

Death Certificates – What you need, why you need them, and how to get them
Prepare to spend a long and miserable time on the phone
What the Everloving Fuck is Probate
Some Simple Dos and Don’ts
Shitty Mad Libs – Templates for writing Obituaries and Memorials
How to plan a non-religious death party
So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit
This is an eighteen page book that you can print out, download, share, and give away; it is meant to be used to collect information about funeral planning and account management after a death OR you can use it BEFORE you die and give people information so they’re not stuck playing Nancy Fucking Drew while trying to keep seventeen cousins who crawled out of the woodwork from gutting each other in front of the fucking casket as they argue about who’s inheriting grandma’s favorite dentures.

It’s not exactly cheerful and it’s full of things that are probably going to feel really fucking raw if you’re processing a fresh death.

I’m sorry! I love you! Death is shitty! I’m trying to laugh about it a little and I hope you can laugh a little too because otherwise we’re all just going to cry together.

Good luck!

(in memory of my weirdo mother and her weirdo siblings who all died too fucking young and left me holding this flaming bag of dogshit)

[winemaker06]

This is so useful, even with the cursing!
Especially "So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit" - so true.

[dr.girlfriend]

Dec 2, 2019 19:40:05 GMT -5 winemaker06 said:

This is so useful, even with the cursing!
Especially "So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit" - so true.

That was the part that was new to me...we went through a lot with my MIL’s death but because she was vision-impaired her daughter did all the computer stuff for her and had all her passwords.

[Deleted]

My dad passed away and it was like Nancy Fucking Drew to do everything. What was worse was being granted custody of my dad (who died four months later). So while he was living but in a coma and then with brain damage (Like forgot the last eight years, how to read, walk, etc) I had to figure out stuff. I know I missed things because some stuff went to collections and they harassed me until I changed my phone number. I was irate. I made my mom redo her will (my dad's was 10 years old and thrown out by a judge) and tell me all her account numbers and stuff.
I also have laid it out for my mom and my sister. It is invaluable. Even with my Aunt settling my grandma's estate, it has been 6 months and we still aren't done. My grandmother even left specific instructions and everything. Good thing my aunt is retired and has the time.

[jamaicam]

I was so relieved that my DH hadn't been too good with his passwords so once I figured out one, I was able to get into most of his stuff!

I have written down some of my key passwords, including my safe code, and put them in my parent's safe just incase.

[Pom]

How timely. I just can’t find the strength to even tackle this yet. I have death certificates, called SS. I’ve got to get at it. My mom watched us suffer through H’s dad’s dementia and death so she got a journal and wrote me notes. And, any online stuff she had, I did. I’m just not ready.

[winemaker06]

So many hugs Pom
None of it will disappear, so take your time and tell everyone else to go to hell!

[dr.girlfriend]

Dec 3, 2019 18:28:36 GMT -5 Pom said:

How timely. I just can’t find the strength to even tackle this yet. I have death certificates, called SS. I’ve got to get at it. My mom watched us suffer through H’s dad’s dementia and death so she got a journal and wrote me notes. And, any online stuff she had, I did. I’m just not ready.

So sorry for your loss, Pom.

[simpsongal]

This is on my 2020 to do list for my parents. It’s the 1 time I’m glad they don’t know how to use computers (they’re in their 60s, so not even that old). I admit I love the swear version. I also got an A in trust and estates and I barely understand probate. Dh and I don’t have wills, we need to draft them though I’ve been pushing for a trust.

I’m sorry Pom

[insominac]

I’m sorry Pom ☹️
Great resource dr. g

[raangoli]

I’m so sorry Pom. Sending you love and peace.

[smile715]

I am just a lurker but I just lost my husband last week and I really wish I would have had this sooner. I can't get into his phone and Apple is no help. And he had no plans because he was only 40 and it wasn't talked about. It is morbid but make sure you discuss all of this before it is too late.

[farmvillelover]

Catching up - so sorry to hear that Pom. There's usually nothing that has to be done immediately so take your time.

[dr.girlfriend]

smile715 , I'm so very sorry for your terrible loss. If there's anything the board can do to support you at this difficult time, please let us know.

ETA:  I don't know if any of these methods would help.


www.imore.com/how-access-iphone-content-when-someone-passes-away

[farmvillelover]

Dec 11, 2019 0:08:52 GMT -5 smile715 said:

I am just a lurker but I just lost my husband last week and I really wish I would have had this sooner. I can't get into his phone and Apple is no help. And he had no plans because he was only 40 and it wasn't talked about. It is morbid but make sure you discuss all of this before it is too late.

I missed that. I’m so sorry.

[Pom]

Dec 11, 2019 0:08:52 GMT -5 smile715 said:

I am just a lurker but I just lost my husband last week and I really wish I would have had this sooner. I can't get into his phone and Apple is no help. And he had no plans because he was only 40 and it wasn't talked about. It is morbid but make sure you discuss all of this before it is too late.

I am so very sorry.

[mbcdefg]

I’m sorry smile715

[jamaicam]

Dec 11, 2019 0:08:52 GMT -5 smile715 said:

I am just a lurker but I just lost my husband last week and I really wish I would have had this sooner. I can't get into his phone and Apple is no help. And he had no plans because he was only 40 and it wasn't talked about. It is morbid but make sure you discuss all of this before it is too late.

I am so sorry. I lost my husband unexpectedly at a young age too so PM me if you want to talk to someone who has been through this shit too. 

[starlily]

I'm so sorry for your loss smile715.

[mbcdefg]

I’m sorry Pom, sorry I missed your post.

[sadlebred]

Pom and smile715 I am very sorry for your losses!

[smile715]

Thank you everyone. Even as a lurker I appreciate it. This just sucks and my 3 year old is having a really rough time and I don’t know what to do for her.

Pom, I’m sorry for your loss.

[gt7301b]

I'm so sorry smile715. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am sure you are a comfort to your 3 year old even if you feel like you don't know what to do for her.

[kitchenreno]

Dec 11, 2019 0:08:52 GMT -5 smile715 said:

I am just a lurker but I just lost my husband last week and I really wish I would have had this sooner. I can't get into his phone and Apple is no help. And he had no plans because he was only 40 and it wasn't talked about. It is morbid but make sure you discuss all of this before it is too late.

also mostly a lurker (occasional poster) who just lost my husband (probably about the same time as you - 1st week in Dec).  He was only 46.  I try to keep a low online profile but would love to private message if you were interested.

[dr.girlfriend]

kitchenreno, My thoughts to you as well. I am so sorry to hear that so many on this board have been impacted by tragedy.

[kitchenreno]

Jan 4, 2020 22:35:43 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

kitchenreno, My thoughts to you as well. I am so sorry to hear that so many on this board have been impacted by tragedy.

Thank you. It all just sucks right now. You never think these kinds of things will happen to you —until they do

[dr.girlfriend]

Jan 4, 2020 23:01:41 GMT -5 kitchenreno said:

Jan 4, 2020 22:35:43 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

kitchenreno , My thoughts to you as well. I am so sorry to hear that so many on this board have been impacted by tragedy.

Thank you. It all just sucks right now. You never think these kinds of things will happen to you —until they do

My sister lost her husband about a year ago, and only a few months before that we lost a cousin who was like a brother to us.  I know it's not the same, from the outside but this is something I find helpful to think about when things seem especially bleak.


manyfacesofcherig.com/2019/04/03/pain-in-the-box/