Non TTTC related but need outside opinions

[EllenGriswold]

Since this is my home on these boards I need some help with a kids/work decision.

Currently H and I live in a LCOL area and I have a very long commute for work (75 miles, about an hour and 20 minutes each way). Other than the commute, I really like my job. BUT we just had baby #2 and I’m not sure how everything is going to work once I come back from mat leave. Neither H nor my job is especially flexible and we are going to have to rely on my mom to do pick up for both kids nearly every day (DS is 3 and in preschool and DD will be 3 months and in daycare). She was able to help us out in the fall before baby but dealing only with 3 year old is a lot easier than two kids and I feel bad asking her to do that. And then I just have very little time for myself ever due to the constant driving.

There will be a job opening here right about the time I come off mat leave. Same general area of work, a little different specialty. Job will be lower salary but the amount I will save in commuting costs will make up a good chunk of it. To be honest if probably is a step back in terms of “prestige”, etc. but is a stable job, similar benefits, etc.

If I keep my job I feel like I’m being selfish and making my mom raise my kids. If I take this new job I feel like I’m sacrificing my career. We’ve talked about moving to city where my current job is but my H would not have a job and it is a higher COL. Also other than my commute, we like where we are and could see ourselves staying here for a while (family close, like the school,

I don’t know what to do and I need other perspectives. Thanks!

[grover]

We're kinda in a similar boat. My commute is only 30 minutes, but as a teacher I'm constantly bringing work crap home. H commutes 1.5 hours each way to Chi. So during my work breaks, I'm alone from 7 to 7 with a 3 year old and infant twins. He's considering looking closer to home, but at minimum there will be a paycut of like 2k. Max paycut could be more. I personally think it would be worth it as the commute costs alone run us about 3000 per year. Plus time back in evenings. If I could have his help doing daycare pickup, I could work the games after school to earn more cash.

In your situation, I think I would apply and interview for the new job, and see how I felt when an offer came. The time and commute costs alone I feel like would be so much better for our work/life balance and mental heath, which is why I am constantly telling my H to apply to see what bites we get.

[starryfish]

i would definitely apply and interview. make a decision after you know more and if it would be a good fit for you.