WWYD- job situation

[verycontrary247]

I've been going through an application process with the city since last October. I received a contingent offer months ago, but it's for a job that requires extensive background checks, so the process has taken SO LONG. It's my dream job, and a 10k pay raise.

Now that I've jumped through all their hoops, I am expecting the non contingent offer this upcoming week. Instead of feeling excited, I'm so anxious and full of dread. Either I stay at a job I hate, or take the amazing job where I may not have any maternity leave. I won't be there long enough to qualify for FMLA.

What would you do in that scenario? Burn all your PTO and go back to work 2 weeks after having a baby? Stay at the terrible job?

I don't know if there's a good way to ask about their maternity leave policy without telling them I'm pregnant, and I don't want to tell them I'm pregnant and open myself up to potential discrimination.

[dreamcrisp1]

You will absolutely not be ready to go back to work 2 weeks after. Nor will you want too.

I would sadly pass it up or see if you can find out about their maternity leave.

Physically I probably felt ready to go back at 3 months and mentally/emotionally I still don’t want to leave him at 5 months.

[swiftlyirun]

I’d wait for the non contingent offer and then tell them your concerns about possible PTO issues with your pregnancy. If it’s your dream job, hopefully it’s your dream boss too and they will work with your to create a maternity leave that works for you both.

At the end of the day, going back at two weeks PP is doable(assuming a vaginal birth with no complications), but at what cost? I know what it’s like to be in a really really terrible job, so i can relate, but if the new job can’t work it out for you- is life there really going to be as dreamy as you envision? There will always be other jobs, one time you have this baby.

I’m sorry you are having to make this decision, maternity leave is so unfair.

[urbancowgirl]

Feb 2, 2020 6:19:56 GMT -5 swiftlyirun said:

I’d wait for the non contingent offer and then tell them your concerns about possible PTO issues with your pregnancy. If it’s your dream job, hopefully it’s your dream boss too and they will work with your to create a maternity leave that works for you both.

At the end of the day, going back at two weeks PP is doable(assuming a vaginal birth with no complications), but at what cost? I know what it’s like to be in a really really terrible job, so i can relate, but if the new job can’t work it out for you- is life there really going to be as dreamy as you envision? There will always be other jobs, one time you have this baby.

I’m sorry you are having to make this decision, maternity leave is so unfair.

I agree with this.  Hopefully the employer can work with you to find a solution so you don't have to go back to work right away.

[jr009j]

I would think that at this point after such a long hiring process, they are invested in you. If it takes a year plus to fill the position, I would be shocked if they didn’t work with you in some way. I would wait until the non-contingent offer is made and ask what your options are.

[psychmom]

Feb 2, 2020 9:19:21 GMT -5 jr009j said:

I would think that at this point after such a long hiring process, they are invested in you. If it takes a year plus to fill the position, I would be shocked if they didn’t work with you in some way. I would wait until the non-contingent offer is made and ask what your options are.

I agree with this. While I know it feels like a huge gamble, they've already invested time and resources into you and your clearances. It would be more difficult for them to start over on someone else than to work with you on some time off.  

[doglove]

Feb 2, 2020 9:27:46 GMT -5 pinkplasticdoll said:

Have you asked them about their benefits ? That's where I would start, in my experience they are happy to send you over their benefits and those have included leave policy. I honestly would take the offer if it is a dream job with a raise then let them know you're pregnant. I have seen many stories from women on this board alone where they accept offers while visibly pregnant and it's the best move for them! I found out I was pregnant with my first right before I started my job, I went into my job and kicked ass, told my boss I was pregnant around 18 weeks and then went out on leave for 12 weeks after I had the Baby, was not covered under FMLA and came back to my job where I continued to kill it. My job was in a industry I had been trying for awhile to get into so it was important to me that I went in and gave it the best I could!

In agreement here.

[jennistarr1]

Well I wouldn't straight up turn down a dream job without trying to negotiate this. With an offer in hand, pulling the offer once you share you are pregnant is too obvious.

How many weeks are you? Do you have a sense if your leave will be during or outside of a busy period for new company

[aprilsails]

I would definitely wait until I had the offer and then see what could be negotiated. They are not going to walk back your offer, and they will also allow you leave to have a baby. Work in my office requires higher level security clearances and we are crushed every time someone walks away from our company once we’ve gotten the security clearances in place. It’s a disaster. So I am certain they will work with you.

[verycontrary247]

Feb 2, 2020 21:55:47 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

Well I wouldn't straight up turn down a dream job without trying to negotiate this. With an offer in hand, pulling the offer once you share you are pregnant is too obvious.

How many weeks are you? Do you have a sense if your leave will be during or outside of a busy period for new company

I'm 9w1d, so I'd be there for 6ish months before I'd have to take off.

I'd be the primary IT contact for the city's Fire Department (troubleshooting pc issues, and also upgrading station systems), but I'm not sure what their IT deployment schedule is. As I understand the person who supports the police department would act as my backup.

[Susie]

Just staying at a job you hate is a bad idea.  So is setting yourself up to go back to work 2 weeks after a baby.

But you're ignoring some pretty obvious options here!  I'm not going to tell you that the illegality of pregnancy discrimination has made it entirely a thing of the past, but:  it is insane to not even try to ask, especially at the post-offer stage, because you are so afraid of the conversation and the possibility that it could lead to illegal discrimination (like yanking an offer?!  probably not!).  If the alternative is just passing on the job to avoid the conversation, you have nothing to lose anyway.  

Wait to have your offer in hand.  Then couch it in terms of discussing your availability to start.  I'm ready to accept and I'm excited to start, but here's my availability during X period of time.  How can we work this out?  

Maybe you accept and do a delayed start date and start after your baby is 6 or 8 weeks.  Maybe you take it as unpaid time off.  Maybe you come up with something totally different.  But advocate for yourself.  You just need this particular accommodation, which has absolutely nothing to do with your ability to be awesome at the job.

Separately, even if you were not pregnant, it would be advisable to ask about their family leave policies before accepting the job (although possibly not until after post-offer).  You don't want to be so afraid of discrimination that you don't ask the questions needed to get the information to figure out if a work environment is a good fit for your life and family.

[verycontrary247]

Feb 3, 2020 10:51:23 GMT -5 Susie said:

Just staying at a job you hate is a bad idea.  So is setting yourself up to go back to work 2 weeks after a baby.

But you're ignoring some pretty obvious options here!  I'm not going to tell you that the illegality of pregnancy discrimination has made it entirely a thing of the past, but:  it is insane to not even try to ask, especially at the post-offer stage, because you are so afraid of the conversation and the possibility that it could lead to illegal discrimination (like yanking an offer?!  probably not!).  If the alternative is just passing on the job to avoid the conversation, you have nothing to lose anyway.  

Wait to have your offer in hand.  Then couch it in terms of discussing your availability to start.  I'm ready to accept and I'm excited to start, but here's my availability during X period of time.  How can we work this out?  

Maybe you accept and do a delayed start date and start after your baby is 6 or 8 weeks.  Maybe you take it as unpaid time off.  Maybe you come up with something totally different.  But advocate for yourself.  You just need this particular accommodation, which has absolutely nothing to do with your ability to be awesome at the job.

Separately, even if you were not pregnant, it would be advisable to ask about their family leave policies before accepting the job (although possibly not until after post-offer).  You don't want to be so afraid of discrimination that you don't ask the questions needed to get the information to figure out if a work environment is a good fit for your life and family.

These are all great points.

I have a tendency to jump to the worst case scenario lol.

Thanks everyone for the advice and reassurance.

[verycontrary247]

I just wanted to update and say thank you.

I got the official offer and told the hiring manager I was pregnant- turns out I'll be there long enough to qualify for short term disability and it won't be an issue.

Today was my last day at old job, I start new one next Monday!

[swiftlyirun]

Feb 25, 2020 13:27:55 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

I just wanted to update and say thank you.

I got the official offer and told the hiring manager I was pregnant- turns out I'll be there long enough to qualify for short term disability and it won't be an issue.

Today was my last day at old job, I start new one next Monday!

Woohoo! Glad it all worked out!

[pandora89]

Congrats verycontrary247! Glad it worked out