Am I being crazy?

[emma245]

Ok so I did just watch the Vow (cheesy but good) so maybe Im way off but I feel like something has been telling me something is off in my relationship for a couple months now. BF and I have been dating for about 10 months. We both have high demand jobs with longish hours (8-7) and exercise, go out with friends, etc.

Here's the problem:
I feel like with EXH we were SUPER into each other and always wanting to hang out. I dont have that desire to constantly be with my BF. In fact, I must confess sometimes Id rather be alone. I can't tell if Im reading too much into this or if this is a red flag.....

HELP!!

[starryfish]

May 18, 2012 13:08:43 GMT -5 emma245 said:

Ok so I did just watch the Vow (cheesy but good) so maybe Im way off but I feel like something has been telling me something is off in my relationship for a couple months now. BF and I have been dating for about 10 months. We both have high demand jobs with longish hours (8-7) and exercise, go out with friends, etc.

Here's the problem:
I feel like with EXH we were SUPER into each other and always wanting to hang out. I dont have that desire to constantly be with my BF. In fact, I must confess sometimes Id rather be alone. I can't tell if Im reading too much into this or if this is a red flag.....

HELP!!

With my ex-bf, I felt like I wanted to be more and more alone towards the end of the relationship. But this was part of a larger problem in our relationship.

Is there any other flags, yellow or red?

[emma245]

There arent any major flags.

He does not communicate as much as I would like but we've talked about that.

We also havent really talked about our future at all and I feel like at 10 months thats a normal conversation to have (whether its very long term or not).....

[starryfish]

May 18, 2012 13:16:40 GMT -5 emma245 said:

There arent any major flags.

He does not communicate as much as I would like but we've talked about that.

We also havent really talked about our future at all and I feel like at 10 months thats a normal conversation to have (whether its very long term or not).....

Yeah thats a little odd...

[audg]

If it's what you're feeling, then you're certainly not crazy. Was he a rebound bf soon after your divorce?

[emma245]

Timing wise you would assume yes. It was about 6 months after divorce was finalized.

However, I had checked out of my marriage way before then and had cheating and other issues that made the marriage easier to get over. I did have a period before the BF of casual dating....so I wouldnt categorize it as a rebound.

I really love him but Im just not head over heels have to spend every waking moment with him.....

[audg]

May 18, 2012 13:31:53 GMT -5 emma245 said:

Timing wise you would assume yes. It was about 6 months after divorce was finalized.

However, I had checked out of my marriage way before then and had cheating and other issues that made the marriage easier to get over. I did have a period before the BF of casual dating....so I wouldnt categorize it as a rebound.

I really love him but Im just not head over heels have to spend every waking moment with him.....

Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but then again you have to follow your heart. Maybe you feel as though he's the one that's not that into your relationship and that's what is bothering you most?

[emma245]

Maybe youre right? But what am I supposed to do ask if he's into me or not? Or should I just be clued in that he isn't that into me.....

[theycallmeliz]

I think its natural to go through ups and downs and not be "into" each other constantly. But if you find this to be a prolonged feeling, then something greater could be wrong.

Is it possible that maybe your relationship has fallen into a routine and is a little to predictable? Maybe try jazzing things up like a mini away trip or something?

[audg]

Maybe you need to have the "where is this relationship headed" conversation. I would sit him down and tell him everything you just said (besides the comparing it to your XH of course). Because it might be that he feels like you're not into him. You'll never know if you don't talk about it. And then at least you'll know where to go from there.

[emma245]

May 18, 2012 13:48:18 GMT -5 audg said:

Maybe you need to have the "where is this relationship headed" conversation. I would sit him down and tell him everything you just said (besides the comparing it to your XH of course). Because it might be that he feels like you're not into him. You'll never know if you don't talk about it. And then at least you'll know where to go from there.

I agree but all my friends are telling me NOT to do this because they feel like if he wasn't into me (at our age) he would not waste my time and would let me know. I dont think thats necessarily true knowing his personality. Im going away this weekend but maybe Ill talk to him before I leave so he can think about things if he needs to. I just dont want to scare him with a serious talk about committment in the future but darn it thats what I want! I do have the desire to get re married and definitely want kids so I dont want to waste my time....

[starryfish]

May 18, 2012 14:02:47 GMT -5 emma245 said:

May 18, 2012 13:48:18 GMT -5 audg said:

Maybe you need to have the "where is this relationship headed" conversation. I would sit him down and tell him everything you just said (besides the comparing it to your XH of course). Because it might be that he feels like you're not into him. You'll never know if you don't talk about it. And then at least you'll know where to go from there.

I agree but all my friends are telling me NOT to do this because they feel like if he wasn't into me (at our age) he would not waste my time and would let me know. I dont think thats necessarily true knowing his personality. Im going away this weekend but maybe Ill talk to him before I leave so he can think about things if he needs to. I just dont want to scare him with a serious talk about committment in the future but darn it thats what I want! I do have the desire to get re married and definitely want kids so I dont want to waste my time....

He shouldnt get scared off bc this conversation should have already happened, IMO.

[wrathofkuus]

I think his feelings are a red herring here. You were on the right track in figuring out whether YOU are that into HIM.

[audg]

May 18, 2012 14:05:01 GMT -5 starryfish said:

May 18, 2012 14:02:47 GMT -5 emma245 said:

I agree but all my friends are telling me NOT to do this because they feel like if he wasn't into me (at our age) he would not waste my time and would let me know. I dont think thats necessarily true knowing his personality. Im going away this weekend but maybe Ill talk to him before I leave so he can think about things if he needs to. I just dont want to scare him with a serious talk about committment in the future but darn it thats what I want! I do have the desire to get re married and definitely want kids so I dont want to waste my time....

He shouldnt get scared off bc this conversation should have already happened, IMO.

Agreed. Why do you think this would scare him? You don't have to ask him if he plans on ever marrying you.. but you should def tell him how you feel.

[achase123]

I don't necessarily think you need to be CRAZY to hang out with him...you probably are more independent than you were with ex and enjoy your alone time, no? However, if you PREFER being alone and are starting to dread hanging out, I'd listen to that. There doesn't have to be a red flag for you to decide that maybe you're just not that into it anymore.

[formerlyak]

Your relationship with this guy is different with your ex. So you can't compare how you felt there or how much time you did or did not want to spend with him to this bf. I know with my ex, I would have been nuts if he went away on a trip without me (probably because I knew in my heart he was being inappropriate with his "friends"). BF does all the time for work and I miss him, but enjoy my time alone, too.

I think at 10 months it is perfectly reasonable to have the "where is this heading" conversation. If that scares him after this amount of time, it will surely tell you something.