Sad WWYD Question

[preppy]

A very good family friend/friend of DH from growing up passed away Wednesday in an untimely work accident. The details of the accident are horrible and DH is having a rough time. The family has decided to have a “family” only service at the funeral home Friday and an outdoor reception Saturday to keep space. They are not putting this information in the paper and it’s invite only. The funeral home is my in-laws house (literally they own the business and live there) and the reception is at the parents of the deceased. This is in a neighboring state to us about 2hr away. We have been at home for 14 days as of Friday with only going to grocery store as needed. We have no idea about the others who would attend. One of the brothers flew in from San Fran and family is mostly from CT and NY.

Would you go to these services then do a 14 day quarantine post services? If you did go would you leave your children with your parents who have been home for 14 days but are 65+ but otherwise healthy?

We really didn’t think they would do services at all until later and now we are struggling with what to do.

[wanderingback]

I’m sorry for your loss.
If it were my bff I would go by myself and leave the rest of the family at home.
If it weren’t my bff then I would probably pass on going and send condolences from afar.

[lemoncupcake]

Mar 25, 2020 18:34:01 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I’m sorry for your loss.
If it were my bff I would go by myself and leave the rest of the family at home.
If it weren’t my bff then I would probably pass on going and send condolences from afar.

Ditto. I wouldn't leave my parents with grandparents right now unless it was an absolute, dire emergency. 

[icedcoffee]

I’d send my H alone. I’m sorry for your loss.

[mccallister84]

I’m sorry for you and your husband’s loss. No I wouldn’t go. And I don’t say that lightly. I know this is an impossible decision.

[preppy]

If I send DH alone the recommendation would be full quarantine for 14 days after for all of us correct? Since we would be exposed through DH?

DH is leaning not to attend as much as it’s killing him.

[mbcdefg]

I’m very sorry.

I would not go. And I’d feel horrible about it. But I wouldn’t go.

[ellipses84]

I’m sorry for your loss.

I probably wouldn’t go. Maybe they could do another memorial when things are better, even if it’s just family and friends getting together to celebrate life in his honor.

I’ve thought about this a lot lately as my grandma is in the hospital a couple states away (negative for Covid so far) and I don’t think we would be able to go. Last year my FIL passed away in a tragic work accident in a remote location, so DH went and they had a small serviced with coworkers and we had a family memorial in another location a few months later.

[usuallylurking]

I’d feel horrible, but I wouldn’t go. Can they even legally host it? Is it a gathering over 10? Our state has flat out said “no funerals”.

Can it be suggested that everyone light a candle and do a group showing of those on a Facebook thread or something?

If you sent your H and he had that much close contact (much tighter space and shared air than a grocery store visit, I’d imagine) then yes he should quarantine/isolate for 14 days when he gets back home.

I’m so sorry. What a tough predicament. My aunt has had to reschedule my uncle’s funeral from mid-April to end of May, and I’m not even sure if we’ll be able to follow through on that date at this point.

[cricketwife]

Are they allowed to do a funeral?

Regardless, I wouldn’t go. It’s horrible, but it’s not worth putting your entire family at risk. And I would feel terrible about it. I missed the funeral of my bff’s husband for legitimate reasons (and would make the same decision again) , yet I still feel terrible about it. And that was not during a pandemic.

I’m so sorry.

[dcn]

Mar 25, 2020 19:14:08 GMT -5 preppy said:

If I send DH alone the recommendation would be full quarantine for 14 days after for all of us correct? Since we would be exposed through DH?

DH is leaning not to attend as much as it’s killing him.

If he goes I’d consider having him quarantine alone when he comes home. As much as that would stink, passing it to you and the kids would likely be worse.

[imojoebunny]

I would not go, and I would not let my husband go. I am not an alarmist, but I live in the land of the CDC, which has been muted by current leadership because it doesn't want to hear, what they have to say. Very sorry for the loss of your friend, and maybe you can do something meaningful, in memorial to him, outside of going to the service? Anything from putting together a slide show to be sent to others who want to morn, possibly, having his parents stream the service, and allow for comments of those who cannot come for the family to watch later, to money for a physical memorial, once we are passed this. Internet hugs on the loss of your friend.

[preppy]

I don’t know what the current rules are in CT but think most states are banning 10 or more people so I don’t really know. They just posted the obit and they didn’t post anything about the funeral as stated but they did list the reception. This could mean tons of people. DH decided it’s not worth the risk of exposing the family. He is devastated that they are having services now and he will be missing them but it’s not really our place to suggest anything different to a grieving family. Thanks for the feedback. It sucks but I think it’s the right choice considering everything happening. It’s not worth risking more lives.

[goldengirlz]

I’m so sorry. I hope your H can find another way to honor his friend’s memory and bring himself some peace.

[ECB]

I'm so sorry. It's hard but I think not going is the right decision. There are other ways your DH can honor his friend, and once this is all over, I'd figure out what that is for your DH and make sure it happens.

[nicolewi]

I'm so sorry. This is very sad, but I definitely agree that your DH is making the right call.

[sapphireblue]

This is so sad but I would not go and I would not want my H to go.

I think there is absolutely no way that social distancing of six feet could be maintained in such an environment so it really could become a place where several people or more become infected. Especially if people are traveling to get there. It seems like a really bad idea.

Maybe in six months or something your H and other friends/family could plan a memorial service?

[preppy]

They ended up adding a zoom login for people unable to attend today and DH and I attended that way. He also FaceTimed in for the service last night at the funeral home through his dad who is the funeral home director so he was able to get some closure that way. Last night was small but there were TONS of people at the celebration of life today and I definitely think he/we made the right choice. Once everything is lifted and we can visit we will be up there with the family but this was the best choice for now.