Exhausted. I worked 2 hours OT on Monday and and hour and a half last night. Some really involved calls and I'm glad I was there to handle them. I haven't slept well two nights in a row and in the morning my boy cat has been getting up before my alarm jumping on things and whining and yelling. I need to just sleep in one day and it'll be better.
Other than that I'm doing pretty well, though. Trying to just focus on what's in front of me instead of looking too far ahead. I find it helps. That and not consuming too much news.
It always depends on the day...or the hour...or sometimes the minute. Last week they announced two lay offs and 13 positions they're not filling. This week, we heard upper management are looking at more lay offs. My boss told us last week the lay offs were a "one and done" thing, but turns out they're looking at every area to trim the fat, if you will. I know I'd land on my feet if/when I got laid off, but it's causing a lot of anxiety for everyone and tension is really high. DS is really dropping the ball at school and I lost it, within reason, last night. I'm so frustrated with him. DD never leaves the house and is now tracking how many times I'm getting up to go to the bathroom throughout the day. The walls are closing in on me and I just want to escape. So not great, but on the other hand I know I'm incredibly lucky to be working and everyone around me being healthy.
Like always - I am tired but now I am treading into new (or past) feelings. I mentioned this in a thread on CEP yesterday about mask wearing. I cannot wear one due to some past trauma. (I was gagged and assaulted). Covering my mouth in any form is very traumatizing. While my employer has been very accommodating, the looks I get from mostly older women is very judgemental.
Yesterday I was doing my weekly grocery store run for my parents and a woman was literally yelling in the produce aisle that I was not wearing a mask. I tried to tell her I have a medical condition that prevented me from wearing one and she just kept making a damn scene.
This is dredging up a lot of feelings about what happened in the past and just adding to the stress of life.
The past couple weeks have been rough for me. However, I got an email from my dad this morning (this is a new thing for him!) and he signed off with "luv you guys" and it's just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. I keep opening up that email and smiling.
spindle92, hugs that is awful. I hate that this is bringing up bad memories for you. If we don't have enough to dwell on right now.
Today is H's birthday. I decorated the house to celebrate and am picking up a duck breast from a cool butcher shop for dinner. I will wait in line in the rain today for it probably. I want to support the local business and cook something delicious for my H. It will be the cheat meal for us this week.
This week H and I started a diet, paying attention to portions and eating more fresh foods. (less pizza) I'm down 3lbs since the last time I weighed myself. I'm sure it's water weight but seeing the scale go down instead of up makes me feel better.