I have four kids, and one to two was the hardest transition. But I think there were a few reasons specific to us that caused that - our first two kids were only 17 months apart, baby number two was born with a heart defect and required open heart surgery at 5 months, and our first was a ridiculously easy baby and awesome sleeper. Baby number two wasn’t a hard baby, just more normal.
I don’t really have any specific advice beyond the fact that you’ll figure it out and be fine. For me, watching my kids interact (most of the time, anyway) is pretty incredible. And I think it’s so fun to observe the unique personality traits of two kids that have same two parents, are growing up in the same house, etc. and see how unique they are. And obviously the tough transition didn’t keep us from having more kids
For me, the adjustment to having my first child was easy. The adjustment to having my second (my kids are 20 months apart) was ROUGH. And it stayed rough for at least a year.
+1
My PPD/PPA was terrible after my 2nd kid was born.
I was worried about my daughter (first kid) feeling like she wasn't getting enough attention but that was never, ever an issue for us. Both kids were irregular sleepers and that took such a toll on me. I'm so protective of my sleep now - I swear there's some lingering PTSD there.
Ditto whoever said to keep your first kid in childcare if it's at all possible to do so. My daughter went 3 days a week and it was perfect for us.
I’m following this thread with interest, as DD is 14 months (we also have my SD virtually full time but she’s so much older in age that having DD wasn’t really the same “going from 1 to 2” in the sense people are discussing here).
I’m hoping for a 2.5-3 year gap, so I’m not ready to TTC just yet (and I feel apprehensive about TTC with COVID not going away anyway...). But having a newborn kicked my H’s ass and he still isn’t even ready to have the conversation re: timing. So I’ve been solo-obsessing about it lately.
Maybe a bit of a threadjack, but it seems like a LOT of parents say their second kid was a better sleeper/more chill. That seems too common to just be coincidence - is it just because the parents are more relaxed/confident the second time around, and that rubs off on the baby somehow? (This could just be wishful thinking on my part, because DD was the world’s shittiest napper for her first year and I would love to not repeat that, LOL).
This was not true for us. DD1 was a tough baby in a lot of ways, but she was a great sleeper. DD2 was easier in every way EXCEPT sleep. So while the transition from 1-2 was easier in general, between being sleep deprived for the first year and basically never getting a break with 2 kids, it was still rough.
I think what surprised me was that taking care of DD2 was the “easier” part since we were experienced parents, so we knew what to do. I feel like that was the hardest part of going from 0-1, figuring everything out was so much work. We had all the gear, knew what to worry about and what not to, and were in general more confident about our ability to take care of her. I’m actually really glad we had a second kid because it kind of validated how much we had learned and grew into being parents.
What I wasn’t prepared for was how hard managing DD1 in addition to DD2 would be. It was a tough transition for her and juggling her needs and a newborn was hard. We were lucky in that she loved “her baby” ❤️ right from the beginning and didn’t have too many issues with jealousy. But it was obviously hard not getting the same attention and her behavior was tough to deal with on top of a newborn. She never took it out on her sister though, just on us, LOL.
Overall, having a second child has been one of the best experiences of my life. They love each other SO much, it fills my heart with joy. I have a book about siblings and it has a line that says something like “a first child is a gift for the parents, the second child is a gift to the first” and I find that to be 100% true.
Thanks again, all, for the congrats and for sharing your experiences! Obviously, we have no idea how easy/difficult this baby and transition will be until he or she is here in January, but, honestly it is always so good to hear that even if it is difficult, it does become easier and more routine. Now that I'm slowly starting to feel less sick and tired all the time (which I did not have at all with DD and totally took for granted!), I'm going to try and focus on having more special times with DD while she's still my only baby! I really do think DD is going to be excited about and love her sibling - she generally does really like being a helper and is usually pretty gentle with us, our dog, etc. noodleoo I lvoed what you said about the first being for us and the second being for our first, that really helped make me feel better! Even if it's rough at times, it brings me comfort that they have the chance to be good friends and will always have each other!
Thanks again, all, for the congrats and for sharing your experiences! Obviously, we have no idea how easy/difficult this baby and transition will be until he or she is here in January, but, honestly it is always so good to hear that even if it is difficult, it does become easier and more routine. Now that I'm slowly starting to feel less sick and tired all the time (which I did not have at all with DD and totally took for granted!), I'm going to try and focus on having more special times with DD while she's still my only baby! I really do think DD is going to be excited about and love her sibling - she generally does really like being a helper and is usually pretty gentle with us, our dog, etc. noodleooI lvoed what you said about the first being for us and the second being for our first, that really helped make me feel better! Even if it's rough at times, it brings me comfort that they have the chance to be good friends and will always have each other!
I agree it is super heartwarming to see my kids loving each other and having fun playing together.
When I was pregnant with our 2nd we were at the pediatrician and she told me she thought I was doing the best thing that I could do for my son, to give him a sibling.
It did help me to remind myself of that (which I had to do a lot) when things were feeling challenging.
The transition from 1 to 2 was much easier for me than 0 to 1. My oldest was 2Y10M when the baby was born. We somehow got a second easy baby who basically slept the entire first two months of his life plus DS1 was in daycare. I spent a good chunk of my maternity leave watching the Olympics and decluttering closets! There were definitely moments of exhaustion and frustration and crying (potty training a toddler two days post c-section is not fun, but he suddenly insisted on it after months of refusal), but overall it was smoother than I expected (I felt so guilty, though, because I preferred weekdays when DS1 was in daycare, even though I loved him to pieces. Fridays and weekends were exhausting. I actually think the transition from 1 to 2 is probably much harder for SAHMs than working moms. At least it would be for me. While it was relatively easy for me, I didn’t feel fully in the groove and back to myself until he turned 1, and then I felt like we had it conquered and I went back to lots of my volunteering, the gym, etc.
I think my newborn experiences are a lot easier than most, though, because my body doesn’t produce milk—like not one single drop the second time—so I don’t breastfeed. And since either of us could feed the baby, we split all nights 50-50, making sure we both got a few hours of sleep in a row. I felt major guilt over this with DS1. For DS2, I was honestly pretty thankful it didn’t come in! (I felt bad, but it’s true.)
I found it much easier than the transition from 0 to 1. It's hard in that your attention is split between the two, but none of the baby stuff was brand new and that made caring for DS2 much easier and less stressful for me. I also had (self-diagnosed) PPD with DS1 and not with DS2, so that probably made a big difference.
I will say that things felt really busy for the first six months or so. After that, they eased up. By a year, it felt like we had always had two kids.
Keep your older one in childcare if that's an option (I know there's a pandemic...). Our oldest was only in care 2 or 3 days a week at the time (I can't remember now), but it was so helpful to have him out of the house a bit so I could focus my attention on DS2 a bit and give myself some time to relax.
Truly, it wasn't bad. You'll make your way through it.