I made a bad decision today

[expectantsteelerfan]

I just dropped my son off at a birthday party for his bff.  I thought it was only going to be ds, his bff, and one other friend from school that we've done socially distanced fun stuff with, but there were 2 other boys I wasn't expecting there when I dropped off (the text included only me and other friend's mom, but she must have texted others separately).  It's indoors at their house.  Ds was wearing a mask, and no one else was.  And I let him stay because I didn't want to mortify him by pulling him out of there after the fact.  I KNOW I should have said no to begin with and now I feel like cr@p for not being a stronger person and giving in to my son pleading with me to let him go.  Today I am part of the problem, and it does not feel good.

[VillainV]

Wow, I feel like those parents put you in a really bad situation.

[ktw]

I have been there. We went to a PTO drive in movie night back in September. There was mask wearing in the beginning, and then later it was kids sans mask/eating together in the back of SUVs and pictures of PTO officers with masks down around their chins for social media. I felt horribly guilty after, but at the time, we couldn’t leave because we were boxed in, and I just didn’t have the heart to tell my DD she couldn’t be with her friends. It turned out ok, but it’s really hard. Now I just try to avoid situations unless I know exactly what is going on. My kids probably miss out on things, but it’s easier for me to say no right up front.

[bugandbibs]

I’m sorry. It sucks all around and it’s why we have kept our circle very small. I don’t trust anyone. We are in a similar boat about a birthday party in December for one of my oldest/closest friends. I told her that unless all 4 kids and herself wear a mask my kid won’t be coming. Anyone who is willing to attend an event like that without a mask is also making choices outside of this party that is too risky for me.

I would talk about it with your son and discuss why this won’t happen again and that everyone needs to do their part to follow the guidelines so that we can end this pandemic.

[nicolewi]

I had something like that back in August. DD had a party (the only one we'd been to since pre-pandemic) and I knew it was really important for her to go. It was supposed to be all outside, but it ended up TOTALLY not being all outside. You can't win them all. I'm sorry that happened but I would have done the same thing and let my kid go to the party once we were already there. It will probably turn out fine, but it is stressful. I fault the hosts, big time, for not letting you know the whole situation in advance. I would love it if everyone would be very clear about their plans and expectations!

I've said before I'm in the Twilight Zone where our cases are skyrocketing but everyone acts like everything is fine. I'm constantly being the "weird" and cautious one, and it gets very tiring.

[freshsqueezed]

Oct 30, 2020 17:46:47 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

I had something like that back in August. DD had a party (the only one we'd been to since pre-pandemic) and I knew it was really important for her to go. It was supposed to be all outside, but it ended up TOTALLY not being all outside. You can't win them all. I'm sorry that happened but I would have done the same thing and let my kid go to the party once we were already there. It will probably turn out fine, but it is stressful. I fault the hosts, big time, for not letting you know the whole situation in advance. I would love it if everyone would be very clear about their plans and expectations!

I've said before I'm in the Twilight Zone where our cases are skyrocketing but everyone acts like everything is fine. I'm constantly being the "weird" and cautious one, and it gets very tiring.

I feel the same and say the same! I always remember where you are because of your screen name. We should hang out post-Covid LOL.

OP it’s going to happen to most of us at some point and it’s easy to be all righteous about what you would do until it’s your turn to make the decision in real life.

[lilac05]

It happens so easily. We were invited to do a Trunk or Treat with some friends. All are doing virtual school and all parents WFH. Almost none have family in town (so VERY little exposure). Outside. With masks. 4-5 families in a big parking lot. I got the final headcount today and the list is up to 24 kids. I don’t know all of the families or their level of exposure, though I’m guessing based on how strict the organizer is that the add-ons are similar...but I don’t know for sure. My kids are SUPER excited to go, as this is literally the ONLY time they will have been even near kids other than one neighbor family since March. And now I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I feel that the host was not honest with you. Does she know that you’re typically extra cautious? I’d wonder if she intentionally sent separate text threads because she knew you’d say no if you knew other kids would be there.

[beerlover]

This is something that would totally happen to me. You're not alone!

[scribellesam]

Very unfair of the hosts not to give you the full picture beforehand. I think I would have frozen in your position as well.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Thanks guys. I felt sick to my stomach the entire time he was gone, and then the host sent a picture of all 5 boys huddled together mask free and I had to turn my phone off and go to bed and made dh go pick him up. He had so much fun though. Dh thinks we should start adding more 'regular' stuff back into our lives, but I am still only ok with taking things on a case by case basis and only saying yes if the risk is minimal (ie outside, masked, and distanced ideally, 2 out of the 3 for sure). I let dd go to a playdate the other day because when the mom texted me and invited her and I replied 'sorry we aren't comfortable doing indoor stuff yet' she wrote back that the weather was going to be nice enough that they could stay outside the whole time and she'd make sure they both wore masks the whole time, and it was such a relief. It stinks that I can't count on ds's bff's family to be as considerate or careful.

[redpenmama]

I'm sorry. We got stuck in a couple of situations like that this summer, where we thought my kid was the only one attending and others were there. Don't beat yourself up over it. This is hard, and I feel like we all do things we second guess or unintentionally find ourselves in uncomfortable situations.

Even my 9-year-old said to me last night, when talking about how we have to play trick-or-treating by ear depending on how others are behaving: "I don't want to be in a situation on Halloween that makes me feel bad about it the next day."

[Poppy]

I'm sorry. A similar thing happened to us and it was so bittersweet to see how happy my kid was while also having that guilt and dread.

It's tough.

[Velar Fricative]

It really sucks. I can’t blame you for freezing.

In the future though, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask the host who exactly is expected to be there, indoors or outdoors, etc. Especially if they are calling it a “party.” It’s not rude to ask those questions and it will help you make decisions so that you don’t get put into this awful position again.

[ellipses84]

Something similar happened to us a while back, although it was outdoors. I’ve come to the conclusion that anything with more than a couple kids at a private residence is nearly impossible to implement social distancing. Kids are just so physical with each other and they need frequent snacks and water. The best you can do is limit your exposure to anyone else for a couple weeks and statistically you’ll probably all be fine. You can offer to host a play date or suggest a meetup at a park with you supervising in the future. At this point, I think most or our friends are not being as careful as we are. DS2 is going to preschool though and they are being super strict and I don’t want to have to keep him home for days quarantine if we socialize.

[flygirl]

I have the opposite problem right now. DS has a friend who’s birthday party is Saturday and all the kids in school keep talking about it but DS wasn’t invited because his mom knows I wouldn’t let him attend. DS already has a hard time making friends due to his anxiety so now he feels bad. Why are people having birthday parties (indoors)? Cases have hit record highs here. Just stop-junior will survive without a party this year.