Advice - helping with budget for family?

[keyslover]

My sister and her boyfriend have separate accounts. They want to keep it that way.
Right now, the system is she pays for household things (mortgage, work done, not 100% sure what else yet) and he pays her back.
She is tired of this situation and it's not working well (forgetting to pay, not paying timely- not intentionally, just forgetful)

She's concerned about a joint account because he has a horrible credit score from some bad choices before they met. Mortgage is solely in her name.

I was thinking a joint household online account where they both can deposit $X amount to use for shared expenses.

1) does this seem like the best/easiest option?
2) suggestions for a Reputable Online Bank?
3) will his negative credit score negatively impact hers with a joint checking account?

Thanks

[ECB]

DH and I have separate accounts. For a period, we did have a joint account that we both put money into for bills. We got rid of that account but I can't recall why. But - when we had it, it worked well. Would they both (or at least the BF) be able to have money automatically deposited into that account from their paychecks? If so- I think that could be a great solution.

But - if the money won't automatically go into that account from his paycheck, if she has to remind him to pay HER, won't she have to remind him to put money into that account?

I do have to ask - if he forgets to pay her/ has to be reminded, is he STILL bad with money? If it really was just previous bad choices but he's better now, couldn't she just give him certain bills to pay that kind of evens out their costs?

[keweenawlove]

Are the monthly payments consistent enough she could ask him to setup an automatic transfer from his bank account to hers? I'm on a joint cell plan with my mom and have this setup with my bank because I'd never remember every month. Could work for the bigger things like the mortgage.

Would something like a Venmo or Zelle request make him more likely to remember?

I feel like a shared account could end up worse if he doesn't remember to pay. What if a bill's due and there's not enough money there?

[wanderingback]

Couldn’t they just set up automatic transfer to her bank account monthly from his to hers? That seems like it’d be the easiest thing to do instead of getting a new account.

[jinkies]

Nov 12, 2020 9:12:03 GMT -5 ECB said:

couldn't she just give him certain bills to pay that kind of evens out their costs?

This is what my H and I do. We have separate checking accounts because neither of us wanted to worry about coordinating with each other when withdrawing money. 

H has always paid the regular monthly bills (mortgage, cell phone, cable, electric) and I pay for all the variable expenses (groceries, vacations, home decor/furnishings, clothes, kids activity fees etc.)

Before we had kids, our variable expenses were much lower and so contributing to our savings was also one of my expected "expenses."

With kids, my portion of the expenses has gone way up, and our housing expenses have gone down so now my H is the one expected to "pay" into our joint savings.  

[ohgillian]

Nov 12, 2020 6:37:26 GMT -5 keyslover said:

My sister and her boyfriend have separate accounts. They want to keep it that way.
Right now, the system is she pays for household things (mortgage, work done, not 100% sure what else yet) and he pays her back.
She is tired of this situation and it's not working well (forgetting to pay, not paying timely- not intentionally, just forgetful)

She's concerned about a joint account because he has a horrible credit score from some bad choices before they met. Mortgage is solely in her name.

I was thinking a joint household online account where they both can deposit $X amount to use for shared expenses.

1) does this seem like the best/easiest option?
2) suggestions for a Reputable Online Bank?
3) will his negative credit score negatively impact hers with a joint checking account?

Thanks

Or, "not intentionally, but just because it's not important enough for him to change something that bothers her when he can keep taking advantage of how easy the situation is for him."

[ohgillian]

Nov 12, 2020 10:30:58 GMT -5 jinkies said:

Nov 12, 2020 9:12:03 GMT -5 ECB said:

couldn't she just give him certain bills to pay that kind of evens out their costs?

This is what my H and I do. We have separate checking accounts because neither of us wanted to worry about coordinating with each other when withdrawing money. 

H has always paid the regular monthly bills (mortgage, cell phone, cable, electric) and I pay for all the variable expenses (groceries, vacations, home decor/furnishings, clothes, kids activity fees etc.)

Before we had kids, our variable expenses were much lower and so contributing to our savings was also one of my expected "expenses."

With kids, my portion of the expenses has gone way up, and our housing expenses have gone down so now my H is the one expected to "pay" into our joint savings.  

He sounds like someone who wouldn't pay the bills on time, etc. 

[Deleted]

With XH, we each had separate accounts and then a joint account. We figured out our household expenses, and then each deposited our portion to the joint account. For example, lets say that his annual salary was $60k and mine was $40k, we figured that he'd be responsible for 60% of the monthly bill total and me the other 40%. So if our monthly bills were $5000 he deposited $3k and I deposited $2k.

When H and I first lived together we just totaled up the monthly bills and each took half. So if I remember correctly, I paid rent, and he paid electric, food, cell phone and water, or something like that.

Both of these systems worked just fine. Now H and I just have one account and all of our money goes in there, but I can certainly understand not going that route when a couple isn't married.

[keyslover]

ohgillian ECB,, I know he isn't as responsible with money. My sis has had to step up (she needed to anyway, so it isn't a bad thing), but hates doing it. That being said, we all have things we hate to do, but do them better than our partners. For them, this is her thing. He picks up the slack in other areas.

These are good ideas, I am going to bring them all to the table. Keep them coming.

[IrishBelle]

Nov 12, 2020 11:18:44 GMT -5 @sameoldstory said:

With XH, we each had separate accounts and then a joint account. We figured out our household expenses, and then each deposited our portion to the joint account. For example, lets say that his annual salary was $60k and mine was $40k, we figured that he'd be responsible for 60% of the monthly bill total and me the other 40%. So if our monthly bills were $5000 he deposited $3k and I deposited $2k.


This is what DH and I do now and for the past 20 years. It works for us.

[purplepenguin7]

My husband is terrible with money and his credit score is not good at all from past issues. We have a joint bank account and his bad credit did not impact mine at all. We have a lot of accounts between us but what works for us is that he transfers a set amount into our joint account per paycheck and that is where we pay all of our joint bills (mortgage, utilities, food, entertainment, etc). I pay all the bills but we both have access. We also each set aside a small amount for small individual purchases, social (pre-covid) and other stuff we do individually. Larger purchases/"needs" come out of our joint account usually.

[ohgillian]

keyslover, I know my replies were kind of snarky earlier. To be fair, my husband isn't very interested in managing the money either and he carries the load in other areas.

I do like the idea of a shared account that they both contribute to, and I'd encourage them to contribute based on their income. E.g, unless they earn equal dollar amounts, I wouldn't expect them to pay equal $ to the fund.

Another option is that his whole paycheck goes there, and then she transfers out the excess to his personal account.

Is another option for her to have access to his venmo and just do the transfer herself?

[wildrice]

Nov 12, 2020 11:01:35 GMT -5 ohgillian said:

Nov 12, 2020 6:37:26 GMT -5 keyslover said:

My sister and her boyfriend have separate accounts. They want to keep it that way.
Right now, the system is she pays for household things (mortgage, work done, not 100% sure what else yet) and he pays her back.
She is tired of this situation and it's not working well (forgetting to pay, not paying timely- not intentionally, just forgetful)

She's concerned about a joint account because he has a horrible credit score from some bad choices before they met. Mortgage is solely in her name.

I was thinking a joint household online account where they both can deposit $X amount to use for shared expenses.

1) does this seem like the best/easiest option?
2) suggestions for a Reputable Online Bank?
3) will his negative credit score negatively impact hers with a joint checking account?

Thanks

Or, "not intentionally, but just because it's not important enough for him to change something that bothers her when he can keep taking advantage of how easy the situation is for him."

Yep. Maybe I'm too biased to see this objectively, but this is raising some big red flags for me. This sounds a LOT like my XH, and finances were a major problem for our entire relationship. This is not a situation I'd willingly go deeper on with this guy. If she is otherwise happy, she needs to sit him down and tell him he pays X amount on the 15th day of the month, no exceptions. She can even remind him it's the 15th if she's up for that. But if he doesn't have the money or doesn't get around to it... that says to me that he's not someone she wants to share household expenses with long term. 

[ellipses84]

I have separate accounts from my DH, but I manage all of our money and have his login info to transfer money back and forth. A joint account won’t hurt her credit unless he does things he shouldn’t, so it could be a savings account where she can transfer money out of into her checking, or a checking account he doesn’t use the debit card or checks for (unless it’s only to deposit at an ATM and never to spend / withdraw). It would be best to have a % of his his pay automatically taken from his paycheck and deposited into an account she can access. I’d make the amount higher than needed and periodically they can use it for joint purchases, to pay his bills off, etc. I think I added DH to one of my accounts just in case something ever happens to me but he doesn’t use it ever.

Credit score has a lot to do with credit to income and available credit ratios. One way we increased my DH’s credit score was to add him as a cardholder on my paid off credit cards because it increased his available credit ratio a lot (but we put the cards in a drawer and he never used them, or we put something small on them like a Netflix subscription). The danger here is if she ever runs up the cards or doesn’t pay it would negatively impact both their credit. Having “good” debt like a car loan he pays on time via auto draft or a $5k debt consolidation loan through his bank will help his credit score. The key there is paying on time and reducing overall debt.

[goldengirlz]

One thing she could also do is have him set up auto-pay for certain bills from his own account instead of paying for those herself and having him reimburse her.

Auto-pay makes my life so much easier for utilities!

Another thing H and I do is we put as much as we can on our credit cards, and link both of our bank accounts to the bill pay section. Then I pay half from my account and half from his. I think our mortgage is the only bill we can’t pay with a credit card. (A joint credit card might be more problematic than a joint checking account if he’s bad with money though.)

[sadlebred]

Since they are not married and not applying for any joint credit, his credit score will in no way impact hers. You don't need any credit score to open a checking account.

I recommend that he have his employer direct deposit $XX/month into the joint account. A lot (not all) employers will allow for paychecks to be direct deposited into 2 accounts.

Honestly, I'd keep things totally separate for now and not worry about a joint account.

Another thing they could do is pay her rent of $XX per month that covers everything except for maybe extra fancy channels he has on their cable or his super fast internet he has to have b/c he video games or something above and beyond basic household bills. This keeps it simple, so that he only has to pay her once/month. One the first/whatever date of the month, she could remind him. He pays her right then at that very instant.

[macmars45]

My twin sister & her H have completely separate accounts and it's been that way the entire 15 years they've been together as adults (they started dating at 16). They each just pay for certain weekly, monthly & yearly expenses. My sister always pays for the weekly groceries, for example. Not sure who pays mortgage, electric, garbage etc, but they split it evenly and are very happy with the arrangement. Also, they each are completely responsible for their own car bills (not maintenance as her H is a mechanic so he does all that stuff).

[kanga1]

Ditto the idea of your sister having her own credit card but the boyfriend's bank info linked to pay it. For example my fiance buys the groceries but I'm usually the one who does the grocery shopping. So I pay the for the groceries on my cc and then immediately make a payment from his checking account for the cost of the groceries. And also ditto the autopay and have certain bills connected to his account so it is automatically withdrawn.