So what does the "Info if I die" list entail?

[ohgillian]

Several of us in the 2021 goals thread said we need to make or update information to help someone pick up the pieces, organizationally and financially, if we die unexpectedly.

What all are people doing for this?

About 10 years ago I made a table in Word with 3 columns: title, number, location. So for example: OhGillian Social Security Card | number xxx-xx-xxxx | File cabinet 2nd drawer, folder labeled "XYZ." I guess I'm going to update that file, but what else are people doing? My elderly aunt has a whole estate binder on the shelf that her kids know where to find, but she's in her 80s with a lot of wealth. I am not. But maybe I should prepare as if I am? I have an SO who knows nothing, so whatever I leave had better be detailed.

[ellipses84]

I think it helps to have a physical folder of papers and digital (maybe put a reference to other within it). So far all I have is a notebook of all my online accounts and access info (banking, credit cards, retirement). I also have DH on most of my accounts and my mom on one account. I handle all the finances so my DH would be so lost without a guide.

[dragon's breath]

I had a bad health scare last year (all good now, turned out to be a very rare disease where the diagnosis also ended up being the cure...)

Anyway, I made sure I had an up-to-date will so everything would go straight to my son (instead of through my sister as it would when he was little to keep my money out of the ex's hands).

Also:

Set him up as the recipient of "payable on death" for all my bank accounts.

Pre-filled any forms needed to access my retirement benefits and the lump sum payment of my pension (I also made sure to list names and numbers for admin at work, along with my supervisor, so he could call for help).

I made a list of all bills I pay along with the frequency and about how much they are (I have old version YNAB, and he has access to that as well, but the physical list of everything would be useful to him.)

Along with the bills, I noted if I felt he should just cancel them, and how/where to do that. Everything is pretty much set on auto-pay, some through my credit union's bill pay, some through the online account. I also made sure to provide username and passwords to all those accounts, along with account numbers you need when you try to call customer service, etc.

I gave my "advice" for what he should do with the money in stages-- pay off the house or sell it and buy a small house in an area he wants to live, who to talk to about moving my retirement money, etc.

I added things like "these will need to be put in your name" (car, insurance, phone, etc, things that he just pays me back for but I hold the account).

What to do with dead me (cremate, etc).

Phone numbers of friends he could call to help with some things (he's not as handy as I am), who to talk to about selling the property, who NOT to talk to (some neighbors and the old owner really want their hands on my acreage).

I know there was more, but those were the biggest things.

[laterz]

We use 1Password and last year I spent half a day tagging all the logins for things that were health related, financial related, work related, etc - so if anything were to happen to one of us, we could easily find things that need to be looked at.

[hazelden]

I've had big intentions to complete the Big Book of Everything for a few years now. It's 52 Excel pages, so you could do them all in the next month or just do one page a week. The page a week has long been my plan but I keep losing motivation.

It's free and you can find it here www.erikdewey.com/bigbook.htm

[freshsqueezed]

In addition to the standard stuff, My job offers a variety of things if I die so I have it all itemized to make sure my husband and kids get what is owed to them. All beneficiary forms etc.

I also have a letter to each of my kids talking about things I’d want them to know and “hear” from me when they are of age to do so after I died. I regularly update these because I have small children. It sounds morbid but makes me feel better, actually.

[minzy]

Jan 18, 2021 21:27:26 GMT -5 freshsqueezed said:

I also have a letter to each of my kids talking about things I’d want them to know and “hear” from me when they are of age to do so after I died. I regularly update these because I have small children. It sounds morbid but makes me feel better, actually.

I love that you do this! I do, too. I call them “Life Letters.” I update them periodically and they detail various stages and interests and things that they’ve done. There’s also some cheerleading and practical advice from my perspective. I tell them what they do that makes me proud and how much I love them (though that’s an everyday thing, too). When my mom died when I was a teenager, I wished for years that I had received something similar (which is why I am so particular about doing them).

Finally, we found an old disc with what wound up containing a short document my mom had only just started before she died. My mom was like “you can figure out relationships and life directions on your own [meanwhile at the time I was in the thick of handwringing about both]... what I’m here to tell you is to not buy extended warranties. They’re a ripoff.” And that was it. I was like “Noooo, mom!! Tell us the good stuff!!” Lol.

[freshsqueezed]

Jan 18, 2021 22:07:03 GMT -5 minzy said:

Jan 18, 2021 21:27:26 GMT -5 freshsqueezed said:

I also have a letter to each of my kids talking about things I’d want them to know and “hear” from me when they are of age to do so after I died. I regularly update these because I have small children. It sounds morbid but makes me feel better, actually.

I love that you do this! I do, too. I call them “Life Letters.” I update them periodically and they detail various stages and interests and things that they’ve done. There’s also some cheerleading and practical advice from my perspective. I tell them what they do that makes me proud and how much I love them (though that’s an everyday thing, too). When my mom died when I was a teenager, I wished for years that I had received something similar (which is why I am so particular about doing them).

Finally, we found an old disc with what wound up containing a short document my mom had only just started before she died. My mom was like “you can figure out relationships and life directions on your own [meanwhile at the time I was in the thick of handwringing about both]... what I’m here to tell you is to not buy extended warranties. They’re a ripoff.” And that was it. I was like “Noooo, mom!! Tell us the good stuff!!” Lol.

I also keep a holidays/traditions/special recipes binder because I want them to still have it all without me. Oh and a family health history. I decided to do this after I had a daughter and thought how will she know how to answer family history questions about periods/menopause. LOL I may sound crazy

[mlkgls]

Oh these are all really good ideas!

All I have currently is an estate binder with my will and trust documents, but I struggle with how detailed my instructions should be. My accounts are nearly 100% autopay, but the thought of having a binder with a one stop shop of financial information and passwords gives me a little heartburn.

[Lucille Bluth]

There's a website called Get Your Shit Together that is also very helpful. Thanks for the additional nudge I needed to start working on it.

[wildrice]

Another thing I have been wondering about is how to communicate this stuff. For my H it's not that hard - I could create a notebook or a computer file to store on my computer. But if something were to happen to both of us, I would need my parents to have access (given our relationships and geography, I assume my parents would handle everything). My parents live in another state, though, so I'd need to either mail them something or send it electronically. Neither option seems that secure! I have no clue when I'll see them next (thanks, COVID) so I can't really count on handing them something in-person anytime soon.

I was basically thinking I'd create a spreadsheet with all our accounts, account numbers, and passwords. That way H would know what all our bills are and how to access them. I should also include contact information for my workplace so that he could get the ball rolling on life insurance and other benefits info (not to mention notifying them so they know why I didn't show up to work...). I have also never really specified what I want done with my remains or for a funeral or whatever, and although I actually kind of don't care, I know it's easier for the survivors to have instructions so I should figure that out.

Since I don't have kids, I don't intend to leave letters or instructions of decisions to make or anything like that. If I'm dead, my H can figure out what he wants to do without my input But he should at least have a starting point of HOW to access the info.

[ohgillian]

Jan 19, 2021 11:33:47 GMT -5 wildrice said:

Another thing I have been wondering about is how to communicate this stuff. For my H it's not that hard - I could create a notebook or a computer file to store on my computer. But if something were to happen to both of us, I would need my parents to have access (given our relationships and geography, I assume my parents would handle everything). My parents live in another state, though, so I'd need to either mail them something or send it electronically. Neither option seems that secure! I have no clue when I'll see them next (thanks, COVID) so I can't really count on handing them something in-person anytime soon.

I was basically thinking I'd create a spreadsheet with all our accounts, account numbers, and passwords. That way H would know what all our bills are and how to access them. I should also include contact information for my workplace so that he could get the ball rolling on life insurance and other benefits info (not to mention notifying them so they know why I didn't show up to work...). I have also never really specified what I want done with my remains or for a funeral or whatever, and although I actually kind of don't care, I know it's easier for the survivors to have instructions so I should figure that out.

Since I don't have kids, I don't intend to leave letters or instructions of decisions to make or anything like that. If I'm dead, my H can figure out what he wants to do without my input But he should at least have a starting point of HOW to access the info.

For my aunt with the binder, her sons live out of state, but they know where the binder is at her house. It has a designated spot that she's shown them. It is assumed that when she dies, they will go to the house anyway, so they would just access it there. I think this makes the most sense - you don't want them to have to remember to pack it to travel to your home, when they're grieving and lost. 

[Poppy]

I have a one page summary listing:

1) What and where all our accounts are (no account numbers or passwords) and beneficiary.

Example:
Husband 401k Fidelity 50% DC1/50% DC2

2) Recurring expenses and how they're paid (whether auto pay, monthly check, etc).

3) List of all credit cards with issuers and who the primary account holder is.

I keep a copy in the front folder of our file cabinet with a prominent "In Case of Emergency" label, and I have shared a copy in Google drive with our estate executor.

[Violet]

I have a locked excel (that my partner knows the location/password of). It lists my financial assets, liabilities, utilities, lawyer info, and insurance policies. I keep the balances updated and it lists my username for each. I use Lastpass and my partner knows how to access that.

I collect jewelry and gemstones so there is also a tab that lists out my jewelry pieces, details, value, stone type, etc. It might seem silly but when my grandma passed away my mom only knew about the few jewelry pieces grandma wore regularly. We had a whole pile of items that we had to take to a jeweler to determine if it was real or costume. I would hate for someone to throw away an expensive pair of my earrings because they didn't know any better.

For those wondering how to tell loved ones...my parents just told me to go to the safe and how to get in it. They wrote out all of their financial info there.

Another reminder: if you have non-standard investments or rental property, write it down! When grandma passed away we knew she invested in a car wash business, we knew the location of the business, but it still took forever to track down the right person to talk to. Luckily that person was an honest guy because we had zero proof of this said investment.

[wanderingback]

Jan 19, 2021 11:33:47 GMT -5 wildrice said:

Another thing I have been wondering about is how to communicate this stuff. For my H it's not that hard - I could create a notebook or a computer file to store on my computer. But if something were to happen to both of us, I would need my parents to have access (given our relationships and geography, I assume my parents would handle everything). My parents live in another state, though, so I'd need to either mail them something or send it electronically. Neither option seems that secure! I have no clue when I'll see them next (thanks, COVID) so I can't really count on handing them something in-person anytime soon.

My mom just told me where all her documents are in her house. And she has a few neighbors and a good friend that has a key to her house. I guess if she died due to her house burning down that'd be a problem, but otherwise I think that's what most people do...tell whomever where the documents will be left. 

[tacokick]

Jan 19, 2021 19:42:00 GMT -5 Violet said:

I have a locked excel (that my partner knows the location/password of). It lists my financial assets, liabilities, utilities, lawyer info, and insurance policies. I keep the balances updated and it lists my username for each. I use Lastpass and my partner knows how to access that.

I collect jewelry and gemstones so there is also a tab that lists out my jewelry pieces, details, value, stone type, etc. It might seem silly but when my grandma passed away my mom only knew about the few jewelry pieces grandma wore regularly. We had a whole pile of items that we had to take to a jeweler to determine if it was real or costume. I would hate for someone to throw away an expensive pair of my earrings because they didn't know any better.

For those wondering how to tell loved ones...my parents just told me to go to the safe and how to get in it. They wrote out all of their financial info there.

Another reminder: if you have non-standard investments or rental property, write it down! When grandma passed away we knew she invested in a car wash business, we knew the location of the business, but it still took forever to track down the right person to talk to. Luckily that person was an honest guy because we had zero proof of this said investment.

This is a great idea about jewelry! My MIL is an artist and has a lot of other people’s art she’s collected over the years too (and her FIL was a successful/slightly famous artist so there is some of his work too) and one thing she has been doing is cataloging it all, with details about the artist/value and who to get in contact with if we wanted to sell it or show anything. I’m really relieved she is thinking of all that because it will make things so much easier eventually. I am sure someone in a hopefully very far away date will be happy you thought to do that.

[Violet]

tacokick, That's a really good idea about the art too!

[Roc A Bee]

Do I need a will?

I live with my boyfriend (we aren’t married), I have no children. I own a 10 year old car and we rent. I do have 80k in cash plus some retirement accounts (Roth, 404b, and pension).

Should I have a will or is having my beneficiaries listed on accounts enough?

[Violet]

Roc A Bee, I'm not a lawyer, but if you are okay with listing beneficiaries and defaulting to the state law for next of kin for non listed accounts then I'd say no.

[ohgillian]

Jan 22, 2021 1:02:01 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

Do I need a will?

I live with my boyfriend (we aren’t married), I have no children. I own a 10 year old car and we rent. I do have 80k in cash plus some retirement accounts (Roth, 404b, and pension).

Should I have a will or is having my beneficiaries listed on accounts enough?

I guess if you list beneficiaries on every account and don't want to make any bequests, you don't have to have one, but IMO it's a real kindness to whoever has to pick up the pieces after an untimely death. They aren't left wondering.