Infertility and the media

[Jalapeñomel]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how IF is portrayed in the media, thanks to watching Greys Anatomy and Meredith’s hostile uterus. It seems that most media portrays it as ultimately something women can “overcome”, the old adage that once you stop, it’ll just happen.

I vaguely remember watching Dinner with Friends (perhaps this isn’t the name?), the sitcom, where you see the couple doing shots, but I can’t remember if they end up pregnant.
There’s a secondary IF situation in the YA drama on Netflix (Never Have I Ever, I think), and she does not go on to have a second.

Can you think of any instances where the woman just cannot have a baby? Doesn’t have the means for IVF, doesn’t just get knocked up?





(I’m determined to keep this site up and running...I know there are more of us out there struggling, so even if they’re just reading, it could be of some help!)

[discobiscuit]

I know there was an IF storyline on Friends. Monica and Chandler adopted. It's been a long time since I watched that show but I'm pretty sure they had both male and female IF.

*edit.  Rereading your post, I'm not sure this was exactly what you were looking for.  I'll have to keep thinking for other examples too.

[Jalapeñomel]

Feb 1, 2021 15:21:19 GMT -5 discobiscuit said:

I know there was an IF storyline on Friends. Monica and Chandler adopted. It's been a long time since I watched that show but I'm pretty sure they had both male and female IF.

*edit.  Rereading your post, I'm not sure this was exactly what you were looking for.  I'll have to keep thinking for other examples too.

I forgot about this. Did they pursue fertility treatments? I cannot remember.

Also, this ties into the stupid thing people say to IFers: why don’t you just adopt?

[discobiscuit]

Jalapeñomel, I genuinely don't remember anything treatment related being a big part of the storyline.

I also remembered that Charlotte on SATC struggled with IF for quite a long time. I feel like the series ended with she and Harry wanting to adopt but I never saw either movie so I don't know how that played out. I clearly need to rewatch some of these older series. LOL.

My mom watches This Is Us and has mentioned to me that there's a character on that show that struggles with IF but I've never seen it. I know it's pretty popular so maybe someone else will chime in with more info on that one.

And, yes, 100% to the 'why don't you just adopt?' thing. I hate it on so many levels.

[Jalapeñomel]

Feb 1, 2021 16:33:14 GMT -5 discobiscuit said:

Jalapeñomel, I genuinely don't remember anything treatment related being a big part of the storyline.

I also remembered that Charlotte on SATC struggled with IF for quite a long time. I feel like the series ended with she and Harry wanting to adopt but I never saw either movie so I don't know how that played out. I clearly need to rewatch some of these older series. LOL.

My mom watches This Is Us and has mentioned to me that there's a character on that show that struggles with IF but I've never seen it. I know it's pretty popular so maybe someone else will chime in with more info on that one.

And, yes, 100% to the 'why don't you just adopt?' thing. I hate it on so many levels.

Ok, I looked it up, so there are spoilers!


“This season's premiere showed Kate and her husband, Toby, visiting a fertility specialist to discuss their options. But when the doctor delivers her assessment to the couple, she says this: "At your weight, the chances for a successful pregnancy are very slim—even with IVF."

The doctor frames the prognosis around Kate's weight, even though she also knows Kate has PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and is 38, which is medically considered "advanced maternal age." (This category actually applies to all pregnancies in women over 35—just another example of the B.S. women face at the doctor's office.) Both of these factors complicate one's ability to get pregnant, but her doctor chose to focus on one thing: the number on the scale.”


www.glamour.com/story/on-weight-fertility-and-this-is-us

***sigh***

[seeyalater52]

Feb 1, 2021 19:05:15 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Feb 1, 2021 16:33:14 GMT -5 discobiscuit said:

Jalapeñomel, I genuinely don't remember anything treatment related being a big part of the storyline.

I also remembered that Charlotte on SATC struggled with IF for quite a long time. I feel like the series ended with she and Harry wanting to adopt but I never saw either movie so I don't know how that played out. I clearly need to rewatch some of these older series. LOL.

My mom watches This Is Us and has mentioned to me that there's a character on that show that struggles with IF but I've never seen it. I know it's pretty popular so maybe someone else will chime in with more info on that one.

And, yes, 100% to the 'why don't you just adopt?' thing. I hate it on so many levels.

Ok, I looked it up, so there are spoilers!


“This season's premiere showed Kate and her husband, Toby, visiting a fertility specialist to discuss their options. But when the doctor delivers her assessment to the couple, she says this: "At your weight, the chances for a successful pregnancy are very slim—even with IVF."

The doctor frames the prognosis around Kate's weight, even though she also knows Kate has PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and is 38, which is medically considered "advanced maternal age." (This category actually applies to all pregnancies in women over 35—just another example of the B.S. women face at the doctor's office.) Both of these factors complicate one's ability to get pregnant, but her doctor chose to focus on one thing: the number on the scale.”


www.glamour.com/story/on-weight-fertility-and-this-is-us

***sigh***

And then they get knocked up on their first embryo transfer. Sigh. There are parts of their IF story that are better than 90% of media portrayals but it’s got room for improvement.

[seeyalater52]

Feb 1, 2021 15:56:37 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Feb 1, 2021 15:21:19 GMT -5 discobiscuit said:

I know there was an IF storyline on Friends. Monica and Chandler adopted. It's been a long time since I watched that show but I'm pretty sure they had both male and female IF.

*edit.  Rereading your post, I'm not sure this was exactly what you were looking for.  I'll have to keep thinking for other examples too.

I forgot about this. Did they pursue fertility treatments? I cannot remember.

Also, this ties into the stupid thing people say to IFers: why don’t you just adopt?

I don’t watch friends but didn’t Phoebe do an embryo transfer as a surrogate and take a pregnancy test like, the same day? That shit was a day 3 transfer you aren’t getting lines!

[Jalapeñomel]

Feb 2, 2021 7:55:09 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Feb 1, 2021 15:56:37 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I forgot about this. Did they pursue fertility treatments? I cannot remember.

Also, this ties into the stupid thing people say to IFers: why don’t you just adopt?

I don’t watch friends but didn’t Phoebe do an embryo transfer as a surrogate and take a pregnancy test like, the same day? That shit was a day 3 transfer you aren’t getting lines!

She was a surrogate! I forgot! 



Hmmm, maybe I need to write something about this.  Or start a podcast. Maybe this is a way for me to grieve. 

[turboteal]

I think Friends from College is the Netflix show you are thinking of, I remember them showing her doing stim shots and I think racing to get more meds when they spilled it once. I dont think she got pregnant, and I think one or both of them ended up cheating? So they might have stopped trying or separated. It's been a bit since I watched and it felt like there was more story to come in future seasons but I'm not sure if/when another one will be out. It was one of the more realistic depictions I've seen, I think.

On friends I think C&M both had issues and were told it seemed like it would be very unlikely to successfully treat, so they moved to adoption pretty fast after their dx.

Charlotte from SATC is one of the better examples as well, caveat being the miracle natural pregnancy at the end. So close.

Have you watched Bojack Horseman? It's a very heavy (but also very smart and funny) show and his agent, Princess Caroline, goes through IF via multiple pregnancy losses and eventually adopts. The way it affects her relationship with one BF/fiancee I think is pretty accurate.

I cant think of any examples where people eventually stop trying without any kind of success (including adoption). Feels like there should be at least one example but I cant think of it.

[doggielover]

I can't think of any specific examples but I don't like how the media makes it seem like it's a womans fault they can't get pregnant or that the struggle isn't real. They pretty much all fail to show the emotional and financial toll it takes on the person/couple/marriage. There really isn't enough real life stories and everything you hear about is on a tv/movies, or that IVF doesn't always (usually) work the first time.

[pinkpeony08]

I also can’t think of any examples other than Meredith’s miscarriage on Grey’s and This is Us. I find it frustrating and hard that it seems both in media and on social media that so much emphasis is put on success, rainbow babies, etc. The fact that some people don’t have success or never get a rainbow is essentially non existent. It’s presented that if you try hard enough or want it enough, you will have success.

[loira]

You should check out this little show on CBC, or see if it's available elsewhere. The title is obviously tongue in cheek, and I don't think the description on the page really does it justice. It's very easy to watch, and each episode is only about 12 minutes long.

I think it does a decent job of portraying the frustration and heartache, as well as stupid comments from "well meaning" friends and family.

www.howtobuyababy.com/








***Spoilers below****










The couple do only one round of IVF (I think) before coming to the conclusion they don't want to/can't afford to do another. It's set in Canada and fertility treatments are often not covered by provincial healthcare. In the second season they decide to pursue adoption but the show treats that pretty well, and shows all the massive amounts of paperwork, hoop jumping etc. I think one of their adoptions even falls through, and they eventually change their application to include older children. They do adopt an older child at the very end.

[Jalapeñomel]

Feb 3, 2021 11:19:58 GMT -5 loira said:

You should check out this little show on CBC, or see if it's available elsewhere. The title is obviously tongue in cheek, and I don't think the description on the page really does it justice. It's very easy to watch, and each episode is only about 12 minutes long.

I think it does a decent job of portraying the frustration and heartache, as well as stupid comments from "well meaning" friends and family.

www.howtobuyababy.com/








***Spoilers below****










The couple do only one round of IVF (I think) before coming to the conclusion they don't want to/can't afford to do another. It's set in Canada and fertility treatments are often not covered by provincial healthcare. In the second season they decide to pursue adoption but the show treats that pretty well, and shows all the massive amounts of paperwork, hoop jumping etc. I think one of their adoptions even falls through, and they eventually change their application to include older children. They do adopt an older child at the very end.

I clicked on this at work. Lol!

I’ll take a look at this later, thanks for posting!

[pickel]

Private Life on Netflix shows failures with treatment and adoption. It’s been awhile since I watched it but i remember feeling like it seemed fairly realistic.

[sss13]

On the show “mom” Jill tries to have a baby and miscarries, then decides to foster a teen, gets attached to the girl, then the birth mom comes back and takes her. She doesn’t pursue anything after that.

[seeyalater52]

Feb 4, 2021 12:42:17 GMT -5 pickel said:

Private Life on Netflix shows failures with treatment and adoption. It’s been awhile since I watched it but i remember feeling like it seemed fairly realistic.

Private Life is the only one I can think of. I appreciate that it ends on an ambiguous note. But I’d also love to see realistic plot lines in shows and movies that aren’t *about* infertility and loss, ya know?

[scsarah]

Life in Pieces has a couple storylines. The first season starts with one character having her first baby, but she then has a miscarriage later on before having another successful pregnancy. Also, one of the other siblings has an IVF storyline, where they also attempt to pursue surrogacy and then end up adopting. Nothing about being unsuccessful in the journey though.