A hopefully short school angst thread

[librarychica]

So I had my hope pinned to my daughters moving to this magnet program near my office but it is not to be. They only accepted one kid and I have two. Now I have the following options.

Opt 1: stay where we are, a busy urban area with a large school district and a large K-8 school, give zoned school another chance (we had one decent year there, 1 seriously crap year, I’m not holding this year against them as we’ve been virtual and pandemic.)School is safe and education level seems fine but there isn’t a lot of room for doing advanced work (an issue for one of my kids, not the other), it’s just huge, communication is awful,I’ve tried everything to get to know people and failed, the aftercare is awful and there aren’t any real off-campus options. It’s not terrible but generally the teachers/admin have so much to deal with that kids who don’t scream “needs attention” get lost in the shuffle. BUT it has good ratings, living here is close to work. Generally it reflects the “isn’t very family friendly” ethos of the rest of the area.

Opt 2: we can move back to where we used to live. Our house has a good amount of equity. Schools are excellent and much smaller. We have more of a support system there and housing is more affordable. But that would mean an hour+ commute each way for me and I work 4/10s so ...ooof. But I should be able to telecommute at least once a week. When I am at the office though we would need extra help.

Opt 3: we can move to the more expensive area near my office. It seems nice there. We should be able to afford it, though we would get less bang for our buck. but it isn’t an area we would have randomly chosen but it would be very convenient and I’ve heard good things about the schools, plus DD2 could attend the magnet, which is very well-regarded and she is my kid who agitates for challenge.

Opt 4: move to a more small town down the road. I’d still commute but it would be a shorter. less crazy commute as I wouldn’t have to drive through downtown and we love the area. Schools are pretty good and much more community-feeling. This area is much more my speed, personally, but you could argue that there are fewer opportunities for our kids. However we know almost no one and we’d be farther from work (though not as far as opt 2) and the airport for H.

What would you choose?

[librarychica]

This was not short. I apologize.

[mommyatty]

I would do Option 4 but let your daughter who got into the magnet go there if it’s pretty near your office. I know it’s hard to have one get that opportunity and not the other, but I’m not a fan of holding a kid back if there’s a way around it.

[waverly]

I would investigate option 3 or 4. Maybe join the moms group online and ask some questions on the schools and neighborhoods. We have bussing where we live k-8, but not high school. But across the main busy street they have no bussing k-5 and most are annoyed about that because it’s too far to walk with kids let’s say a mile and lots of bad weather, so they have to be in every drop off and pick up line. You can also look into your aftercare options in both locations, and of course houses.

[librarychica]

Mr Library has requested an opt5 be added. “Library says F off to her corporate career and we go live near a beach somewhere. Or maybe a ski hill. She teaches the kids and I keep her supplied in margaritas to make up for that part.”

Practical, honey!

[waverly]

Apr 7, 2021 16:37:00 GMT -5 librarychica said:

Mr Library has requested an opt5 be added. “Library says F off to her corporate career and we go live near a beach somewhere. Or maybe a ski hill. She teaches the kids and I keep her supplied in margaritas to make up for that part.”

Practical, honey!

This is typically my response however I’m not teaching/ e-learning my kids. I’ll be at the beach without them!

[librarychica]

Well I was leaning toward option 3 last night since we have after/summer care we know and like already (my kids already go to camp there) and there are 3 houses available in our price range, 4 if the girls shared a room. And this isn’t a crazy cheap range, we’re talking 500-600K for a 4 bedroom with almost no lot (vs the .5 acre we have now) and less square footage. Man, the market is nuts right now.

The house around the corner from me sold in 6 days. Six! The last time I sold a house — a perfectly nice house— it took almost 3 months.

[mommyatty]

librarychica, in DFW, at this point, houses go on the market and say, “We will stop accepting offers on Friday at 3:00.” Then they choose from the offers. There’s never been anything like it here. The house that backs up to ours sold that way, above an asking price we scoffed at as insanely high.

And if you have acreage? Omg, you’re going to sell before it’s on the market if you want to.

[librarychica]

Apr 8, 2021 8:03:25 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

librarychica, in DFW, at this point, houses go on the market and say, “We will stop accepting offers on Friday at 3:00.” Then they choose from the offers. There’s never been anything like it here. The house that backs up to ours sold that way, above an asking price we scoffed at as insanely high.

And if you have acreage? Omg, you’re going to sell before it’s on the market if you want to.

DFW is crazy now! Half of my group is there and I was tussling with HR over a new hire salary. I was reiterating my “I think y’all underpay the non-Texas peeps” stance and she was like “have you bought a house in Texas lately?”

[twinmomma]

Apr 8, 2021 8:03:25 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

librarychica , in DFW, at this point, houses go on the market and say, “We will stop accepting offers on Friday at 3:00.” Then they choose from the offers. There’s never been anything like it here. The house that backs up to ours sold that way, above an asking price we scoffed at as insanely high.

And if you have acreage? Omg, you’re going to sell before it’s on the market if you want to.

This is how the market is here too! It's totally wild! Our town Facebook group is full of people asking "Are you thinking of selling soon? Tell me first, I'll buy it before it hits the market." Nuts!

[mustardseed2007]

I think 3 or 4 would be my choice. How far is that longer but not longer commute?

[erinshelley21]

I'm leaning towards option 2, but only because that similar set up works for us. DH commutes almost an hour 3 days a week and is only bothered by it every few months (or in the winter and the heat in his truck doesn't work lol). The support system is what keeps is here. If the support system in option 2 is reliable and would make your lives easier and/or have a positive impact (surrounded by good people/family) and you wouldn't be stuck with limited housing options, it would be worth the commute for me.

[librarychica]

Apr 8, 2021 8:54:14 GMT -5 mustardseed2007 said:

I think 3 or 4 would be my choice. How far is that longer but not longer commute?

Current commute is less than 20 minutes in the morning and 30ish in the evening.

Option 3 would be about the same. Geographically closer to my office but more tourist traffic so probably more like 40 in the evening.

Option 4 would be 30 in the morning, 45 in the evening? So not much longer. It’s geographically further but interstate going in the easier direction.

Option 2 would be an hour in the morning, hour minimum generally more in the evening. It’s the furthest geographically, toll roads and through downtown in the evening. I have nearly decided it is a no-go. Sorry friends & family.

[librarychica]

erinshelley21, H is concerned because it would mean that kid dropoff/pickup would be pretty much on him 3 days a week bc I’d be out of the house 12 hours minimum. What do we do when he starts traveling again? I think the only way it would work is if we managed to move so that our kids went to the same school as either my closest friend or his. They’d probably grab kids for us.

[xctsclrx]

I'd do 4 if 2 is officially out. I say this as someone who doesn't like crowds and giving up space just isn't my cup of tea.

I would definitely ditch the area you are in now. Doesn't sound like a good fit for anyone.

[erinshelley21]

That would be a concern too if family and or friends weren't able to help. We rely on MIL a lot and I know we aren't the only ones around here that use family for hauling kids around. If that isn't an option, then my vote is 4. I love my small town and if we ever moved from here it would be to another small town.

[librarychica]

I talked to my realtor and she told me that we should get some wine and a map and “wargame” as soon as she was done touring several sets of NYers around.

Then she asked me if I could pay cash if I had to. Eeek.

H and I are real gun shy about participating in another 2008. Like, are all of these out of towners really going to stay down here? Am I the only one whose office job wants them back?

We have added private school to the list of options. We could do montessori or the Christian “prep” school. The secular prep school is out of our budget. H is a little hesitant about the Christian as option and we’ve made no bones about our atheism but the girls go to camp at the Jewish Community center and politely keep kosher. They’re good kids, they won’t be rude to anyone, the school says it is “welcoming of all faiths.”. Do any of you have experience with a private Christian school if your not actually practicing Christians?

[waverly]

I personally wouldn’t go to a Christian school if I were atheist. I don’t have experience though except with Catholic.

[librarychica]

Apr 11, 2021 11:05:01 GMT -5 waverly said:

I personally wouldn’t go to a Christian school if I were atheist. I don’t have experience though except with Catholic.

I have pretty much considered and dismissed the idea already. Also DNW to spend $25K.

I talked to my mom and she pointed out that last year’s bizarre situation, even pre pandemic, is unlikely to reoccur. And plus also that I went to “schools that were surely worse.” Lol. So I think we are going to wait and see.

[mustardseed2007]

librarychica, I am kind of methodist and my husband is, I think, an atheist who says he's agnostic. We go to a nondenominational school that started out as Christian Scientist which is....not aligned with either of our beliefs. But the school has no connection to their original roots and the Christian lessons are limited to prayers and bible verses at assemblies. There's no religion classes and Christian holidays like easter aren't really acknowledged and holidays like Christmas are celebrated with programs that cover all the holidays that are celebrated around that time. So...there are levels I think. You have to investigate each one. But of course if it's too pricey that's your answer. I don't pay 25K either.

You saw my house buying thread. I have decided we just want to stay put b/c we are zoned to good middle and high schools and we are 7 minutes away from our private school during rush hour so that maximizes our optisons. I'm now focusing on picking out house designs that would make me excited about my house if we still had low ceilings and a smaller square footage.

[librarychica]

mustardseed2007, we are in a similar spot in that after we bump our way through this K-8 they’re zoned for one of the best high schools in the state.

I am doing the same. Pricing out some things I’ve been meaning to do (some trees need some tlc, the fence needs replacing) and considering some little things around the house like replacing the shiny gold interior doorknobs that have been here since 1991. 😂😂🤣

My work schedule has changed and I work a 4/10 now so I’m resolved to volunteer at the school every Friday morning. Hopefully I can feel out if it’s a serious sitch or just a bumpy couple of years.

[sunbutter]

Apr 7, 2021 15:57:43 GMT -5 librarychica said:

This was not short. I apologize.

Sounds like option 4 is what your gut is telling you. I never regret going with my gut.

[waverly]

Is housing as crazy in option 4? We don’t seriously have a desire to move. We lucked out with our location and schools. But our house doesn’t have everything we want, so we are still working on that, and it’s a historic house so it’ll always be a work in progress.

Your current location doesn’t sound as ideal as option 4, for example, but I totally understand not wanting to buy right now. My local community has people begging for listings or even just empty lots. And your mom is right, wasn’t part of it a teacher died (before the pandemic), and that is unlikely to happen again.

[erbear]

Apr 11, 2021 8:57:15 GMT -5 librarychica said:

I talked to my realtor and she told me that we should get some wine and a map and “wargame” as soon as she was done touring several sets of NYers around.

Then she asked me if I could pay cash if I had to. Eeek.

H and I are real gun shy about participating in another 2008. Like, are all of these out of towners really going to stay down here? Am I the only one whose office job wants them back?

We have added private school to the list of options. We could do montessori or the Christian “prep” school. The secular prep school is out of our budget. H is a little hesitant about the Christian as option and we’ve made no bones about our atheism but the girls go to camp at the Jewish Community center and politely keep kosher. They’re good kids, they won’t be rude to anyone, the school says it is “welcoming of all faiths.”. Do any of you have experience with a private Christian school if your not actually practicing Christians?

My kids go to a Quaker school and we weren't Quakers when we started (we are now...). There are kids from all religions at the school. But...Quakers aren't the same as Christians who start schools, in general. I would not send my kids to a Christian school.

[librarychica]

waverly, the market is a little less tight there because there’s a bunch of new construction but that comes with its own risks, ie can roads keep up with the congestion, pressure on local services and schools, etc. Prices are just as high.

Honestly I feel so much better having just mentally pressed pause on all this. I think I really was overreacting. We may still move to no 4 eventually but don’t have the stomach for the current market. Also I am not sure how much of my freak out is related to actual school issues and how much is anxiety about life going back to “normal,” trying to control what I can control, that sort of thing.