This is normal in this housing market, right?

[expectantsteelerfan]

We put an offer in on a house yesterday.  This is our 3rd offer in the past few months in this crazy market.  This house is above our original budget, and our offer is only slightly over asking because that is the max we're able to spend.  They will likely continue doing showings this weekend and respond to offers Monday.  With offers 1 and 2, I really expected to get the house, and I was SO excited after we put in the offer, immediately looking up furniture that we would buy for the new house and imagining holidays there, etc. 
This time I'm trying to avoid thinking about the house at all.  And when I do think about it, I flip between thinking about all the great things about it, and obsessing over the few things wrong with it and wondering if we made a mistake.  I'm hoping that I'm hyper-focusing on the negative in order to try to prepare myself to not get this house (because there is a good chance we won't).  But overall, I don't feel excited at all right now, just vaguely nauseous and anxious and like the next few days are going to be the longest of my life.

[origami]

Yep! I did the same. Hope this house is The One.

[nicolewi]

I think this is normal. My mom has some serious anxiety, I think, about houses. They have been looking for YEARS to move closer to us. They finally, to all of our surprise, they put a down payment on a new condo. SINCE THEN, she has been constantly flip-flopping and they have almost backed out several times. In fact, they DID back out, but then got back in. They also got something that was really above their initial budget, b/c they just couldn't find what they wanted within their price range. It's been a couple months and I am still hearing about this. She's just been sick about making a decision.

It's a lot of money and she wants it to be "perfect". I keep telling her that there is probably nothing that ticks every single box, unless you have unlimited money and build. She still sends me other listings to look at, but there's usually SometHING "wrong" IMO.

Sometimes I think the more you look, the harder it is; you might already be thinking, "oh, but that first house had that amazing sunroom!", or "the bedrooms were so much bigger in house B". If you like the house, it's in an area that works, it's available, etc, you can make it be great.

[Susie]

Sounds normal to me.  We only made one offer this house shopping go-round, but when we bought (in 2008) the house we're now selling, it took 8 tries.  The first few I was super optimistic, but by a few offers in, you start guarding your optimism significantly.

Are you anxious and nauseous about the house feeling right, or about the budget?  

[expectantsteelerfan]

Apr 17, 2021 10:21:09 GMT -5 Susie said:

Sounds normal to me.  We only made one offer this house shopping go-round, but when we bought (in 2008) the house we're now selling, it took 8 tries.  The first few I was super optimistic, but by a few offers in, you start guarding your optimism significantly.

Are you anxious and nauseous about the house feeling right, or about the budget?  

I'm fine with the budget.  Dh was much more nervous about increasing our budget, but I am the one that handles all our financials, and I am 100% sure we will be fine.  Increasing the budget meant I had to take my 'whole house new furniture because we've had the same furniture through several military moves and our bedroom furniture is actually the bedroom set I had in my room as a child' fund to put towards the down payment, so we will either need to save for a few months and furnish one room at a time over the next year (or just wait until our current house sells, but we aren't planning to list until we've moved into the new house), so I won't be able to go insane buying everything before we would move in.

The only thing I'm not sure about with this house is the neighborhood.  We are staying in the same school district, and this house is within the district, but in a different area of the district than I would prefer to be.  But we wanted a newer and bigger house, and 98.5% of the houses in the area I really wanted to be in are the same age/size as our current house, although many are more updated.  So there is a small chance that if we keep waiting/looking, we'd find a house we like as much in a neighborhood I like better.  There's nothing wrong with the neighborhood this house is in, but it's about 5 more minutes away from the schools my kids go to, and will add about 10 minutes to how long it takes us to get to the activities we go to regularly (mainly the pool we go to in the summer and dd's dance studio.  Right now it takes us 2 minutes to get to the pool, and 8 minutes to get to dance.  So if we get this house, it will take around 12-20 minutes to get to these places).  

The ONLY things I don't love about the house are the kitchen counter tops (they are fine, just not what I would choose, but I love the cabinets and backsplash) and the master shower.  The master bath has a large soaking tub and split double vanities, but then it has a shower that is smaller than a standard shower  (but slightly bigger than a stall shower), but it's all enclosed like a stall shower so it's dark and close.  Those are things we could change eventually, but I'd have to live with them for a while.  Oh, and the back yard is smaller than I want (but it's exactly the size dh wants, and he is in charge of yard maintenance, so I knew this was likely something he would win on), but it's flat and has a great entertaining area (covered patio and deck).

I think the hardest part is that we were seriously considering building.  We actually had an appointment at the end of the month to put down a lot deposit down.  But we just found out the lot we had picked out has sold, and that was really the only lot we loved.  And as much as I was excited to pick out exactly what I wanted, I was also dreading the stress of building, and I know the builder we were going to work with would overcharge us for any changes we wanted to make to their standard plans and finishes, so we KNEW we would have gone over budget.  And most importantly, building would take a year and I've been so ready to be out of this house for so long now.  

So I think a lot of the mixed feelings are coming from also letting go of the idea of building my dream home, and also no longer even really having that as a safety net in case we don't get this house.

[Susie]

That's tough, because it sounds like it would be quite a needle to thread for neither you nor your H to feel like you're conceding on something.

When we initially offered on the house we are buying, I had some waffle-y feelings.  We spent the last 12 years updating most of our house, and the things we've done now suit us perfectly because at the time we weren't planning to sell.  We did gut reno's to the studs of both baths, so moving to a house with 1994 original dated baths feels like quite a comedown.  The kitchen backsplash is awful, I hate some of the lights, the granite counters are only ok.  There'a pool that we need to rip out, that formed the centerpiece of the landscaping, so that's going to be a whole thing.  I also had a little trouble, even for how much time I spend on H&G, imagining the house with our stuff.  It was so poorly staged/presented, I didn't like the paint color that is throughout, the carpet sucked, etc.  I struggled a bit to see myself there, for superficial reasons, but reasons that won't all change right away.  We haven't moved in yet so I can't say how it'll turn out, but I am feeling a lot more on board now.  Measuring the rooms during the inspection helped, and realizing how much bigger some of the spaces are than what we have.  Also, thinking about the price tags of similar sized but beautifully updated homes.  We'd have ended up house poor, which I don't aspire to.  

I focus most of my attention on the things that you can't change about a house, because those are the things that went wrong with our current house in the end.  The backyard isn't big enough, the garage isn't big enough, the basement isn't big enough, and with setbacks, we're short on bathrooms, laundry space, office space, and there's really no way to expand.  In your spot, location and yard size would be the big ones -- but the latter you guys don't agree on, so that's not as useful.

The counters, shower... that stuff is temporary.  That stuff doesn't worry me so much.  If the house has good bones and enough space, you can make it yours in time.  The location needs to be ok with you, like really really ok.  

[expectantsteelerfan]

Well, we got the house!

[Deleted]

Apr 20, 2021 7:57:00 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

Well, we got the house!

Congrats! I was just getting ready to ask for a follow up  

[Susie]

Congratulations! (I hope that's the right thing to say but I understand it doesn't always feel 100%)

[aprilsails]

Congratulations! I hope that the purchase process goes smoothly from this point forwards. I bet it will feel great once you are in the house.

[nicolewi]

Congrats! I bet it's going to be great.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Thanks, I am actually ecstatic! Dh is still nervous about money, and he probably will be until we close (mid-June). Inspection is on Monday, and I'm still trying to hold it in a bit until that is over with (the house was built in 2000, and current owners just did a lot of updating including brick repointing, driveway work, roof work, updated hvac) so if the work was done well, I think we will be in good shape, but you never know. I think if the inspection does go well, I will be over the moon and full-on obsessing over how much I love the house.
I'll try to add a few pictures:
c3baf832e5823f2dd16c66597c1188cf-uncropped....webp (120.91 KB)

[expectantsteelerfan]

Hmmm...I think the files are too big to just add.

Attachments:

88e98e41e52bffbcd05ae475bc700a31-uncropped....webp (50.19 KB)

[simpsongal]

It's HUGE! Stunning kitchen! Congrats!

[aprilsails]

That is a gorgeous home.

[libbygrl109]

Congratulations! The house is gorgeous!

[nicolewi]

Oh, beautiful! Love the kitchen! Now you can start thinking about the holidays for sure!

[maudefindlay]

Very nice, hope inspection and closing go smoothly!

[Bad Dingo]

Congratulations, the house is gorgeous!