Keep/Donate Question

[purplepenguin7]

I wasn't sure how to word this title.  How do you deal with deciding to keep or donate grown out baby/kids items, if you aren't sure if you are having more kids?  We have a really small house and hoping to move soon so we are trying to get rid of things we don't need. We are very likely one and done but I am not fully ready to close the door on not having a second.  Part of me knows we need the space, but I keep thinking "what if..."?  I know we can re-buy the things we need if it comes to that, but I also know it will pain me so much every time we buy something that we used to own. It's a range of things from bigger things like our non-folding high chair, to small infant toys. I did box up a few things for storage but even that is starting to get out of hand. 

[cricketwife]

I had two 2.5 yrs apart and still sold all the big stuff in between. It did help that I bought 2nd hand originally and I usually sold it for about what I paid. Then I bought again second hand for the next kid. I just do not have the space for all that gear. But I did/do save clothes. And tbh, even that was largely unnecessary. I had two boys, but between being different seasons and TOTALLY different body types, there soooooooo much that was never used a second time. So instead of getting rid of it when I was done with the first time, I stored it for a few years and then realized I couldn't use it and then got rid of it. Seriously, just get rid of it now. It doesn't mean you can't have more kids. It means you can have more freedom in your life.

Why will it pain you when you buy something you used to own? Is it sentimental or the money? If it's the money, save everything you make from selling and then re-use that money to buy secondhand stuff. Remind yourself that the things would be secondhand to the new child anyway.

[Susie]

I never had the in-between state; after #1 I knew I wanted another, and after #2 I knew I was done. So it was easier. But anyway, I would try to think about how much of it you would REALLY want to reuse if you had a #2.  For me there were things I wanted to do a little differently the 2nd time.  We reused a lot of stuff, but I bought one new convertible car seat and got rid of one old one, bought a different high chair, infant tub, changing table pad, etc.  Start off the pruning now by being honest about whether you'd really elect to use ALL that stuff again, and don't keep anything that you wouldn't.  Don't keep any clothes that have any stains, etc., some of which may have become more obvious since you initially packed everything away.  For now keep the stuff you think you would genuinely want, or would re-buy the same thing again if there's a next time.  And not like, oh, I'd buy a tub again so I'll keep this tub.  Would you buy this exact tub again?  Give away the one you have if the answer is no.

[goldengirlz]

I’m OAD but I went through a long period where I wasn’t sure I was ready to close the door, psychologically, on the possibility of a second.

We’ve also moved every few years so I get that part too.

Clothes were the easiest to part with because I could convince myself that there was no guarantee they’d be seasonally or gender appropriate for the next hypothetical baby. (I did save some outfits with sentimental value.)

Also, the longer I saved things, the more worn they started to look. Like we’re still holding on to a crib and crib mattress for some inexplicable reason (and DD is TEN), but I think even if I DID have another baby, I would want something in better shape. We have DD’s stroller too, but it’s not looking too great after all these years in the garage. Plus, products are continually being improved!

Eventually you do get to a point where it feels crazier to hold on to something than to part with it. That said, if you’re not there yet, there’s no downside to saving those items, or to tell yourself it might be something you can hand down to a sibling or a friend.

ETA: I’ll also add that it can feel good to donate something. I picture someone who needs it more than I do getting use out of it NOW vs. me saving it and then dusting off the cobwebs at some future date. Plus, the tax write-off makes the financial piece a bit easier to swallow.

[macmars45]

Do you have a friend or family member who could use the items in the interim? H and I are OAD. H got permanent BC when our DS was 2.5. Up until that point I lent out stuff to a cousin and a sister. Then I told then to keep said items. Any leftover stuff after that I gave to friends or gifted on my FB BN group.

Personally for me a non folding high chair would go. Smaller stuff could be more easily stored. I get you on the small house. My family lived in a small TH and parked our car in our one car garage. We had very little storage space. I stored 2 bins of baby/toddler stuff (until DS was 2.5) and that was it. I had no room for more.

ETA: also I'll echo PP. IF I were to do the baby/toddler phase again I'd do things differently and not necessarily use the same items.

[Velar Fricative]

I'd donate or sell as much as possible and then consider ease of finding things secondhand if you have another. For example, high chairs are a dime a dozen on FB marketplace in my area, so no doubt you could find another if you needed one. If it was something you don't see a huge secondhand market for, keep it until you make a decision. For some items, you may want a newer replacement anyway (I hated DD1's bathtub so I got rid of it and got a new one for DD2 that was so much better but wasn't available when DD1 was a baby, for example).

Think of it this way - you're buying something you once owned because you didn't need it at the moment you donated it. And what you got in return was space to repurpose for your needs at that time.

[corgimom]

Our girls are 2.5, almost 3 years, apart and we aren't reusing everything for DD2 even though we kept it all.
I'd think about how much you used something the first time or if you even liked it the first time around. We found with DD1 a lot of the baby stuff was just unnecessary - we didn't need a bouncer and a swing and a pack n play and other things to put the baby in. That stuff all takes up so much room! Some of the baby toys were fine but we focused more on books and things that would last and grow with kids rather than something used only for a shirt season.
DD1 had a convertible crib so we got a crib from a neighbor for DD2. Lots of stuff can be replaced second hand so I wouldn't tie yourself to replaceable things if you don't have the room.

Could you sell some things and then put aside the money to buy baby stuff in the future if you do try for #2?

[redheadk]

I kept just the most special of items then passed everything on to my sister.

DD was newly 3 when her twins were born and we were still on the fence (ultimately OAD). My thinking about major items was that most are electronic, so probably a pretty short shelf-life in the grand scheme of things, and most of these things are used for a short amount of time and easily found used for very little money. Plus, I have tons of friends to borrow gear from. Seemed silly to leave things in my attic to never get used when they were easily replaced.

ETA: I never actually liked DD's crib so really didn't care about hanging on to it for a 2nd potential child. I knew of someone who desperately needed a crib for her child and could not afford one so I gave it to her. There was nothing wrong with it; I just decided I'd get something new if I had another child.

[aspentosh]

We held onto everything (all clothes, cloth diapers, toys, nursery furniture) because we definitely wanted a second, but due to secondary infertility it never happened. After about a year of trying I started getting rid of the smaller things (especially toys and baby "containers" and after three years I decided we would just rebuy if it came to it. So I guess my answer may be hold onto the sentimental items and if you do decide to have another down the road, rebuy what you need.

[moonpie]

I kept everything that was my favorite. Things I didn’t care for, or we didn’t really use, or were in bad shape I got rid of. I kept a box of each size of clothes, but have limited myself to one diaper box per size. It’s fun to see the kids in the same outfits, but it’s also fun to buy different things and seasons and body shapes don’t always line up well. We also received a lot of gifts/hand me downs for our second child and I wasn’t expecting people to be so generous!

I would not keep toys unless it’s something you have sentimental attachment to. Our playroom is overflowing with toys, and that’s with regular yard sale purges.

[Poppy]

I agree that I would only keep the stuff you really like, with a higher bar for things that are harder to store.

[purplepenguin7]

thanks everyone, I definitely needed this little boost to start clearing things out. It's as much financial as it is psychological, which is the tough part for me. I don't have anyone to pass things on to right now so it would all be donated (or sold). I've for sure gotten rid of things I didn't like, but I tend to be really sentimental and remember how much my daughter liked playing with certain toys, or the amount of use we got from certain items. Clothes are actually easiest for me to get rid of because there are just so many variable when it comes to clothing.

[loira]

I'm OAD but also went through a period where I wasn't sure about that. I chose to part with clothes and smaller items and kept the big/expensive items. This reminds me I really have to get around to giving away DD's crib etc, which we'd been storing in my parents' garage.

[sent]

Mine are 4.25 years apart. DD was still using the stroller when DS came along. I kept the infant carrier because it was expensive and kept her high chairs, one with us and one at grandma's. I actually had a hard time giving the high chairs away for free when DS stopped using them; they were nice chairs but I think lots of families keep their chairs which is why they don't usually get picked up immediately compared to moms giving away toys or clothes. I donated lots of clothes along the way so I bought new clothes for DS. One thing that was different with DS is that we had moved to our current town before he was born and there is an active mom's FB group. So I picked up a lot of free toys for him and I also give away a lot of stuff my kids outgrow. I didn't have that local group connection when we lived in an apartment with DD in a very large town and as a first time mom, I had some stupid notion in my head that used items were not good enough for my precious. Thankfully I became smarter after DS and he doesn't know the difference.

[waverly]

I kept everything but mine are 2.5 years apart and we were not moving. The clothes were not all that helpful because different seasons and genders. We did re-use car seats, strollers, pack n play, high chair etc. I did have to buy a bassinet with the youngest.

[arehopsveggies]

After kid 2 DH wanted another and I didn’t

I got rid of anything that could be easily replaced (highchair swing etc) and about 75% of the clothes

I kept anything that would be expensive to replace or that I would be sad to not have

And then when I made the appointment to get my tubes tied I got rid of everything else

[corgimom]

Apr 20, 2021 13:46:36 GMT -5 purplepenguin7 said:

thanks everyone, I definitely needed this little boost to start clearing things out. It's as much financial as it is psychological, which is the tough part for me. I don't have anyone to pass things on to right now so it would all be donated (or sold). I've for sure gotten rid of things I didn't like, but I tend to be really sentimental and remember how much my daughter liked playing with certain toys, or the amount of use we got from certain items. Clothes are actually easiest for me to get rid of because there are just so many variable when it comes to clothing.

I get the sentimental thing! I kept allll of DD1s clothes and am using what works for DD2 - I store all the clothes in bin by size and when I'm putting them back in I'm keeping a few stand-out things like the sleepers they came home in. I'm also keeping one or two toys they loved.

Each girl has a small bin that I'm putting these things in. It also has their hospital bands, first footprints and each year on their birthday I write a note in a card about that year and put it in the box. They might not care about it when they get older but it makes me feel good to have some keepsakes of them growing up. Plus, a small storage bin doesn't take up much room, especially compared to all the other baby stuff we have in the basement lol