Help- 5yo separation anxiety

[Bernadine]

Day camp drop off has been getting progressively worse. Dd cries and clings to me and the counselors usually have to hold her while I leave. This morning the regular counselors weren’t there, and she kept running into the parking lot after me. She was crying the entire time, and I cried the whole way home.

She’s ok going to my parents, and sometimes ok going with MIL. She also sometimes cries when I leave her just with h, although it’s usually ok. She won’t sleep in her bed alone, and if we leave her in there, she comes running into our room crying in the middle of the night.

Idk what to do. When I pick her up from camp, she says she had a good time. She says she has friends, and no one is mean to her. We do have a pedi appointment for something else this afternoon, so I plan to mention it.

[af1212]

Aug 2, 2021 8:48:42 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Day camp drop off has been getting progressively worse. Dd cries and clings to me and the counselors usually have to hold her while I leave. This morning the regular counselors weren’t there, and she kept running into the parking lot after me. She was crying the entire time, and I cried the whole way home.

She’s ok going to my parents, and sometimes ok going with MIL. She also sometimes cries when I leave her just with h, although it’s usually ok. She won’t sleep in her bed alone, and if we leave her in there, she comes running into our room crying in the middle of the night.

Idk what to do. When I pick her up from camp, she says she had a good time. She says she has friends, and no one is mean to her. We do have a pedi appointment for something else this afternoon, so I plan to mention it.

[br

Can anyone else take her to camp? Spouse, friend who goes there, grandparent?

I would first try switching up the routine if she is fine all day and it’s just an issue at dropoff.

[Bernadine]

Aug 2, 2021 8:52:00 GMT -5 af1212 said:

Aug 2, 2021 8:48:42 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Day camp drop off has been getting progressively worse. Dd cries and clings to me and the counselors usually have to hold her while I leave. This morning the regular counselors weren’t there, and she kept running into the parking lot after me. She was crying the entire time, and I cried the whole way home.

She’s ok going to my parents, and sometimes ok going with MIL. She also sometimes cries when I leave her just with h, although it’s usually ok. She won’t sleep in her bed alone, and if we leave her in there, she comes running into our room crying in the middle of the night.

Idk what to do. When I pick her up from camp, she says she had a good time. She says she has friends, and no one is mean to her. We do have a pedi appointment for something else this afternoon, so I plan to mention it.

[br

Can anyone else take her to camp? Spouse, friend who goes there, grandparent?

I would first try switching up the routine if she is fine all day and it’s just an issue at dropoff.

It’s not super convenient for anyone else, unfortunately. H is sometimes able to take her, but not often. She’s fine with him.

[af1212]

Aug 2, 2021 8:53:27 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Aug 2, 2021 8:52:00 GMT -5 af1212 said:

[br

Can anyone else take her to camp? Spouse, friend who goes there, grandparent?

I would first try switching up the routine if she is fine all day and it’s just an issue at dropoff.

It’s not super convenient for anyone else, unfortunately. H is sometimes able to take her, but not often. She’s fine with him.

I would see if you can make this happen for rest of the week - just to shake up the routine and get her out of the habit.

I realize it’s not super convenient but it can’t be convenient to start your day in such an upsetting way either (for you or your DD).

[gretchenindisguise]

We dealt with this with my older.

In K I created a sticker reward chart. If she did a good drop off, the morning care people could give her a sticker. If she got a sticker for every day of the week she got something on Friday. I forget what it was, but it was worth it, ha.

It seemed to work pretty well for her.

I created it all, bought all the stuff, put it in a folder in her backpack and taught the morning crew how to do it.

[yentl]

Start a goodbye ritual that is distracting and fairly quick, like a catchphrase or a handshake.

Do not draw out your goodbyes. Even if you're feeling incredibly anxious or worried about her, hold it together as much as possible. Get out of there quickly.

Ask the counselors to give her a task she is responsible for in the morning upon arrival.

Have her select a small object from home that reminds her of you that she can take to camp with her, like jewelry or a photo.

[mustardseed2007]

If there is a carpool line where you don't get out of your car, I would switch to doing that.

I agree with not drawing out the goodbyes. Her running out into the parking lot is incredibly unsafe and should not happen even if her normal counselors are not there. You should be able to make eye contact with any teacher and tell them, "I need you to come get her." so they grab her and take her inside and get her transitioned to an activity. Yentl's advice is perfect.

[keweenawlove]

We went through a stretch like this with my 4 year old a few months ago. She was crying and clinging to me everyday I dropped her off. It did seem to run its course after a few weeks but things that helped were:
-Letting her bring a special toy
-having an exciting activity for after school
-getting her really excited for playing right as we pulled up. If the other kids were playing outside already things seemed to go better.

Just gutting it out for those weeks and being consistent did make it go away after a few weeks.

[loira]

I could have written your post. My 5 year old DD is a complete mama's girl and has always struggled with separation anxiety. Including wailing about being left with H (who is the primary parent!) or her grandparents.

Her anxiety seems to be made worse when she's feeling uncertain about something in her environment. So summer camps have been awful for it because they change every week, she never knows which teachers or kids are going to be in any given camp. We tried to fix that a bit by asking the camp director which teachers teach which camps, letting her know which camps are coming up etc.

Agree with pps that a short goodbye is best. I even went so far as to put a limit on hugs and kisses. I made sure to discuss this with her when she came home from a successful day at camp, and we talk about how it's her "job" to go to camp and to get out the door smoothly (I don't do drop off, H does, so instead of wailing at drop off she wails at the door when they are set to leave the house).

It's worked for the last week, but who knows how long it will work for? Love one poster's suggestion of a sticker chart. Going to steal that one!

[jssymom14]

These are good reminders as my 5 yo starts school in a few weeks and I am worried about his drop off.

I am sorry OP, I think there are great suggestions in this thread especially having spouse do the drop off.

[flamingeaux]

Before we get in the car, I kiss my son's hand a whole bunch of times and then he puts them in his pocket in case he needs one. Then I stick one in his belly button for an emergency. We talk a lot about, how we can't be together ALL THE TIME, and how neat it is to share our different adventures at the end of the day.