MOOKS (?): Not Sitting Still/Attention Span

[niq]

V (8) has basically always been the high energy kid. I thought it would ease up over time, but it's not, or it's just happening very slowly. Nothing seems to hold his attention. We're lucky to get him to stick with crafts or cooking or anything for fifteen minutes. We can't sit down as a family to watch a movie, at most we get about 45 minutes to an hour before he runs off and does something else. I tried to play some NES Classic games and he kept wanting to give up the first time he died. If anything his 4yo sister has a longer attention span.

Is this normal? Do you have any tricks to get your to sit still for an entire movie?

[ny96]

No tricks or tips, but my 8 year old is similar and we are in the process of getting him diagnosed with ADHD. Is he having these same issues at school?

[niq]

Aug 12, 2021 12:36:21 GMT -5 ny96 said:

No tricks or tips, but my 8 year old is similar and we are in the process of getting him diagnosed with ADHD. Is he having these same issues at school?

We didn't get anything pre-pandemic, even when we asked about it at his kindergarten and 1st grade conference; return to school in April was a garbage fire but nobody cared enough to really do anything. No camp counselor has said anything. He's pedi says "normal".

I'm not *worried* it's just kinda frustrating.

[ellipses84]

I think this school year will be telling and I’d bring it up with his new teacher early. If it’s causing issues there, the pedi will be concerned, but not necessarily at home. Camp keeps kids so active I don’t think it would be an issue there. IDK if it’s a boy- girl thing but I definitely feel like my boys and nephews have less of an attention span and are less likely to do calm, independent activities than the girls in our family, or how I was as a kid. It drives me crazy sometimes, partly because they leave a mess in their wake and want to be on to the next activity before cleaning up. One thing you can do is timed activities, and increase the time by 5 minutes each time (reading, playing a game, watching a movie). Start with what you think his threshold is.

[dcn]

Hmmmm my 8 year definitely has attention span issues but it’s mostly with stuff he doesn’t want to do - schoolwork, chores, - or things he’s not interested in - most crafts, etc. He also loses interest quickly with things that are challenging or require practice (kid can’t tie his shoes yet, he’s almost 9). He will watch a movie but he moves around a lot during or needs snacks or is playing with a toy at the same time.

He did virtual school last year (which was very frustrating for me to get him to actually do his work) so I’m very interested in how this year back in person goes. I would not be surprised if we move toward an adhd diagnosis or something like that.

His brother is 5 and is totally different. Will sit with play dough for an hour, entertains himself, will keep trying things if he doesn’t get it the first time.

[niq]

Aug 12, 2021 14:29:48 GMT -5 dcn said:

Hmmmm my 8 year definitely has attention span issues but it’s mostly with stuff he doesn’t want to do - schoolwork, chores, - or things he’s not interested in - most crafts, etc. He also loses interest quickly with things that are challenging or require practice (kid can’t tie his shoes yet, he’s almost 9). He will watch a movie but he moves around a lot during or needs snacks or is playing with a toy at the same time.

He did virtual school last year (which was very frustrating for me to get him to actually do his work) so I’m very interested in how this year back in person goes. I would not be surprised if we move toward an adhd diagnosis or something like that.

His brother is 5 and is totally different. Will sit with play dough for an hour, entertains himself, will keep trying things if he doesn’t get it the first time.

Yeah, mine sounds like yours. New lego kit? Will do it start to finish. New book! Will sit and read it for an hour or more. Happy to watch Zebra Gamer on end. But a random movie, even if he chooses it? Nope nope nope.

Always good to know I'm not alone ...

[erbear]

DD’s adhd came to a head in 4th grade. Up until then, her teachers wrote it off as active kid. It became increasingly obvious at school in 4th - we had her tested and started meds and it’s been so much better.

[twilightmv]

I’m not a doctor but adhd usually involves components of impulsivity, executive functioning issues, sensory seeking, difficulty transitioning, etc. I think what you are describing is a kid just not very interested in those activities.

[mainelyfoolish]

In my experience with two kids with ADHD, teachers will never tell you how bad things are at conferences. My 8 (almost 9) year old boy exhibited symptoms that made me ask his pediatrician about it at his 8 year checkup; she dismissed the idea. At his fall parent-teacher conference, I specifically asked about his attention in class and the teachers said he wasn’t that bad and they were working with him. When I got his report card in January and nearly all his grades in the social skills and work habits sections were “approaching expectations” I called the pediatrician and insisted that we (parents and teachers) fill out the Vanderbilt scales to assess him for ADHD. Spoiler alert: he has ADHD and is now medicated and last spring at school he was like a different kid.

Being able to focus intensely for a long period of time on a preferred activity, like a LEGO kit or a new book, is actually another feature of ADHD called hyperfocus.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Aug 14, 2021 14:14:27 GMT -5 mainelyfoolish said:

In my experience with two kids with ADHD, teachers will never tell you how bad things are at conferences. My 8 (almost 9) year old boy exhibited symptoms that made me ask his pediatrician about it at his 8 year checkup; she dismissed the idea. At his fall parent-teacher conference, I specifically asked about his attention in class and the teachers said he wasn’t that bad and they were working with him. When I got his report card in January and nearly all his grades in the social skills and work habits sections were “approaching expectations” I called the pediatrician and insisted that we (parents and teachers) fill out the Vanderbilt scales to assess him for ADHD. Spoiler alert: he has ADHD and is now medicated and last spring at school he was like a different kid.

Being able to focus intensely for a long period of time on a preferred activity, like a LEGO kit or a new book, is actually another feature of ADHD called hyperfocus.

This is similar to our experience with ADHD and attentiveness.  Ds never had problems focusing on activities he liked.  And his attentive issues aren't that he can't sit still or be quiet, it's more that while he's sitting there when he's supposed to be listening or doing activities, he's actually looking around for fallen paper clips or pencils on the ground that he can pretend to get up to get a drink/kleenex/sharpen his pencil and pick up to add to his 'collection' or make something with.

A good indicator in my opinion is if they can follow pretty simple directions for a neutral task that involves going out of your sight easily or not.  I can ask ds (at 12 years old and on medication) to go upstairs and grab me my kindle from my room for me, and he can be perfectly willing to do it and off he'll go, but 5 minutes later I'll be yelling 'ds where's my kindle???' and he'll be all, sorry, I saw this x on the way and it led to y and z, but I'm coming now... (and hopefully he will be coming, but if it's before he's had his meds I'll likely need to yell for him 2 or 3 more times).

[minzy]

I’m here to commiserate. I’m beginning more and more to suspect ADHD for my younger kid. If she’s awake, she’s moving. I tried snuggling with her this morning because she woke up pretty early, and it was wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. She can focus, if it’s watching some knucklehead on YouTube, or sometimes she’ll get engrossed in drawing or a book, but that’s not all the time. She’s messy, and we are constantly reminding her to complete known, everyday tasks (put shoes away, brush teeth, break down your lunch, etc.). She was just found to have a mild hearing loss (which is not particularly noticeable, in my opinion) but I don’t think that’s the whole story. We’re on the waitlist for the full evaluation. That takes months here so maybe you call to get on the list and can change your mind later if you aren’t concerned any longer.

[browneyedgirl9]

My DS (7.5) has very limited attention span. My 3yo has a better attention span. My son has been diagnosed with ADHD combined. We have had attention issues at home and at school.

[niq]

Aug 18, 2021 21:02:06 GMT -5 browneyedgirl9 said:

My DS (7.5) has very limited attention span. My 3yo has a better attention span. My son has been diagnosed with ADHD combined. We have had attention issues at home and at school.

What's the definition of "limited" that met the ADHD criteria? EDIT: a lot of doctors here won't diagnose ADHD before 3rd grade...

Things have generally been getting slightly better, between tutoring + sticking with a rewards system at home. It's not *great* but there's forward progress.

[aspentosh]

This is an interesting thread. One that I'll watch.

DD (9.5) struggles with a lot of what's above, but because she can do a huge lego set or read or do things she's really interested in without problem, I have never worried. But when it comes to homework she often wants to make it a game (I hold my breath while she writes her sentence for word study) and I just don't know if that's "normal" or expected at this age. Movies can be hit or miss. Sometimes she wants to watch them upside then in splits then in another weird position. Other times she'll sit through it no problem.

She can follow two and three step directions but it might take awhile for her to do them and they USUALLY don't require reminding. If we ask her to cleanup, she often starts playing instead. It's so hard to figure out what is expected at this age!

[ny96]

Aug 13, 2021 16:55:37 GMT -5 twilightmv said:

I’m not a doctor but adhd usually involves components of impulsivity, executive functioning issues, sensory seeking, difficulty transitioning, etc. I think what you are describing is a kid just not very interested in those activities.

My son has all of these behaviors which is why we are seeking a diagnosis. I would also just chalk it up to not being very interested in activities like movies.

[niq]

Aug 13, 2021 16:55:37 GMT -5 twilightmv said:

I’m not a doctor but adhd usually involves components of impulsivity, executive functioning issues, sensory seeking, difficulty transitioning, etc. I think what you are describing is a kid just not very interested in those activities.

I mean there's some of that too ... it's just hard to get a sense of what level of transition difficulty/sensory seeking/etc is normal. He's really improved during tutoring and there's been some positive spillover to every day behavior. Hopefully with full time in-person school + sticking with some sort of rewards system at home, things keep improving.

[waverly]

Mine is borderline, but not diagnosable for ADHD. He also had sensory seeking and avoidant behaviors which we worked on with OT and fine/ gross motor issues.

He is very sensitive to media, which I was as well as a kid and still am more than some adults. For example, I won't really watch any horror films. Anyway, movies came later but they did eventually come. DS is 11 now.

I think there is a big push for movies in society without really realizing that many of them are not really age appropriate even the rated G Disney ones were terrifying for DS. DS was into sports, so we ended up hooking him through live action sports movies. The first one we started with that was successful Mighty Ducks. Then we did the Sandlot etc. Keep in mind there is some language in these because 80's movies.

DS is really into slapstick humor so that kind of thing definitely kept his attention longer. When he was no longer scared, then he would start to enjoy movies like Home Alone which is 99% slapstick.

Also, there are some great TV shows out there, so instead of movie night you can all watch a show as a family. And at a 45 minute time span it is the perfect timing. We did the whole Thomas the Train, Dinosaur Train, Daniel Tiger stuff when they were younger. Some great holiday specials in some of those shows. And then when we wanted it to be more adult, we've done the Lego Masters, Masked Singer, Amazing Race- those kind of things. If he likes history, there are some shows like History Detectives that we watch now. Gameshows like Holey Moly, the Hustler etc. have been fun for us to watch as a whole family as well.

ETA- I can't tell you if your DS's attention span is normal.  But I can tell you that kids not watching movies until they are older is probably normal.  

[ssmjlm]

Personally, I think we're still holding kids to expectations of the 80s/90s and not adjusting them for today. Kids shouldn't be expected to sit still all the time. I have an active child. She's smart and can focus, but if she's not interested in something it's 2x harder to get her to do it.

Now this is all at home. She's good in school. Home is where she feels safe and where she can play and have fun.

I would see what his teacher says. They see our kids more during the day than we do. I've never had an issue with her in an educational setting, which is why I'm fine with her getting the wiggles out so to speak at home.

And sitting still during a movie is hard for everyone, I'm thankful we can rent a new release at home so if I need a bathroom break myself we can hit pause (and have 48 hours to watch it more than once).

[Dumbledork]

I wanted to echo an earlier post about teachers not always bringing things up in conferences. That’s not a knock on teachers. They’re busy and they’re not doctors.

I started being concerned dd had anxiety in 2nd grade. I asked over and over and over again if her teachers saw anything to further concern and was always told no. I even asked the school counselor to check in. Last year, in 5th, I watched her have panic attacks at least weekly during school and was still told that she was just a “bit of worrier” and was fine.

We found a therapist on our own who quickly diagnosed her with general anxiety and is referring us out to ot for suspicion of more diagnoses.

She has a 504 now too, because when I brought the diagnosis in, admin went through her state testing for the last four years and found data that supported the diagnosis and its impact on her learning. Years of data that hadn’t been reviewed because she was high achieving and quiet.

Teachers have a lot going on. They’re overworked. Seek their input, but don’t let it be the final deciding factor if you have concerns.

[waverly]

Aug 20, 2021 6:55:49 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

Personally, I think we're still holding kids to expectations of the 80s/90s and not adjusting them for today. Kids shouldn't be expected to sit still all the time. I have an active child. She's smart and can focus, but if she's not interested in something it's 2x harder to get her to do it.

Now this is all at home. She's good in school. Home is where she feels safe and where she can play and have fun.

I would see what his teacher says. They see our kids more during the day than we do. I've never had an issue with her in an educational setting, which is why I'm fine with her getting the wiggles out so to speak at home.

And sitting still during a movie is hard for everyone, I'm thankful we can rent a new release at home so if I need a bathroom break myself we can hit pause (and have 48 hours to watch it more than once).

Do you mean standards in the 80s/90s about sitting still?

I don’t think media expectations were that different but maybe it varied by family. I don’t think I was watching movies until age 8 either way back in the day.

[ssmjlm]

waverly, I mean across the board. Growing up isn't like when we were kids. I know many of my friends and I have had to basically reprogram ourselves from how we were raised in regards to some standards.

[waverly]

ssmjlm, It is probably family dependent. DH's parents were very strict, for example, and spanked which we do not. So his parenting is very different. The kids weren't allowed to wear shorts to school because it was too informal, which is kind of funny considering British royal children wear shorts and long socks.

My parenting is not too far off from my mom's, but slightly less strict and more open to them making mistakes.

The main differences in lifestyle that I see is that my mom was a SAHM and I work. Also we lived in the country, and now we live in downtown of a small town. Technology is different with smart phones etc.

[sillygoosegirl]

My DD (6) started vision therapy today, and the therapist said she can't sit still because she hasn't properly integrated some of her baby reflexes. I've not really considered her to have trouble sitting still particularly (although I *do* think our society's expectations for how much sitting still should be done are unrealistic, so maybe she does), but I thought that was interesting. They gave us some particular yoga-like activities to start addressing it. (I've been thinking she won't sit still because it hurts her eyes to focus on close work, and she can't track stuff worth a darn, so what's the point of sitting still... and she definitely also has vision problems, but maybe she has sitting still problems too... and maybe they are feeding on each other.)

[waverly]

sillygoosegirl, sounds like my DS. Retained reflexes and vision therapy. He benefitted quite a bit from therapies. I’ve wondered if I needed to take him back but his bike camp was like a therapy camp. I probably need to do some eye tracking exercises.

[niq]

Aug 27, 2021 22:22:37 GMT -5 sillygoosegirl said:

My DD (6) started vision therapy today, and the therapist said she can't sit still because she hasn't properly integrated some of her baby reflexes.

This came up at V's OT screening too. It seems a little woo to me, but we're trying to get him physical activity that's in the same direction as their advice. At the very least it's boosting gross motor awareness.

If something is too exciting he'll just jump around; too boring and he'll move on to something else. But the set of things in the sweet spot does seem to be getting larger. We can play a few 20-30 minute board games all the way through.

[niq]

Aug 24, 2021 9:27:29 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

waverly , I mean across the board. Growing up isn't like when we were kids. I know many of my friends and I have had to basically reprogram ourselves from how we were raised in regards to some standards.

It blows my mind that sitting still is explicitly a non-goal through ... I think all of elementary school here? But I guess as long as nobody's getting hurt or being too disruptive.