beerlover I live in San Diego and grew up in Maryland, so we go back and forth to BWI a lot. You're right that Southwest has the only non-stop options. I would just book for him online.
I would try to piece together some other care and backups. FWIW, I am a SAHM and would definitely take a good friend’s kid for a couple of days, in a pinch. Especially if you drop him off with a Starbucks or door dash gift card, lol.
Otherwise, I’d just go alone. I know it really sucks and figuring out that kind of travel by yourself is rough, but I’d also be slightly excited to be by myself and eat what I want and not worry about the planning of any other human.
I wouldn’t take my 5 year old on a plane right now, though. I might consider MIL if she could completely quarantine between now and then and do a rapid test that day. But you’d have to have a last minute backup plan if she was positive.
I would also go alone. Are there any commuter trains that go to BWI that are on your way? Maybe your H could drop you off at one so he doesn't have to drive as far.
Not sure exactly how your dad's health is, but would your parents want to be the ones to stay home with your son?
I have bad driving anxiety, and while I technically *could* go alone, I would only travel without H if I was very familiar with the driving involved, or if I could Uber/taxi and not drive at all.
jinkies, definitely thought about that possibility and I could see my mom deciding to just not go with my dad's health and offer to watch him, but I don't want to bring it up first you know? She has so much anxiety about all this too and has had a rough go of it with taking care of my dad the last few weeks.
I see that we are twinsies with the driving anxiety lol. It sucks. I think I said this on the boards before but the last time I drove to Pittsburgh I kept having intrusive thoughts about dying on the way home, so that was cool. Not really wanting to relive that.
Post by timorousbeastie on Oct 11, 2021 15:41:41 GMT -5
To be honest, given your update on your dad’s health and the likelihood that he’d cancel if you do, too - that would probably be even more reason for me to not go. If his health is already fragile from his recent illness, a breakthrough case could be very bad for him. I’d be tempted to use all this as an excuse to get him not to go so he doesn’t risk his health with a cross country trip. Or at least see if your parents would forgo the trip to stay with your son.
Oh I’m so sorry. If it were me, I’d do a whole lot in order to be there at my sibling’s wedding. I’d go alone, or bring my kid along.
I’d make FIL’s issues his own to decide. If he wants to go, he should go. If he doesn’t feel up for it, he should stay home. But I wouldn’t conflate it all into one mess.
ETA if you have to drive to BWI alone, I recommend going the night before your flight and getting a hotel room, then taking the airport shuttle day of. It takes a TON of the stress out of the process!
We are actually already doing this so I wouldn’t have to drive directly to the airport. Just the hotel. Still nervous about it though. The intrusive thoughts I had last time I had to drive to a city were kind of scary. (I was OK when I was actually driving it was mostly the buildup before hand)
I suspect my dad might cancel anyway I just don’t think he’s feeling strong enough. But I know he really was pretty determined to go at first this all sucks so bad.
Post by ellipses84 on Oct 11, 2021 17:17:36 GMT -5
That is such a difficult decision. If you don’t want your son to fly, I’d ask your DH to stay home and for you and your mom to go on the trip. It’s heartbreaking for me to think that your brother wouldn’t have you or a parent there. Is there anyone else you’d be comfortable leaving your son with? Does he have a regular babysitter you could pay? I know you don’t want to ask or burden someone else with the responsibility but I would absolutely help out a friend in this situation, even if we weren’t super close. I’d also consider bringing my kid.
Since you don't feel up to the drive by yourself I would bring your whole immediate family (you, DH and the kid). As far as your parents, they need to make their decision separate from you.
In terms of being in the wedding and watching a 5 year old, I think unless he is poorly behaved usually, you will be just fine. I would bring toys and coloring while everyone is getting ready, then maybe an iPad during pictures. Sit him next to someone that will mind him for the 15 minute ceremony, and let him run around and be crazy at the reception. He'll have a blast. As for bar hopping, I would have you and DH take turns watching him at night, so you both get 1-2 nights where you can have fun.
Post by mcppalmbeach on Oct 11, 2021 17:36:13 GMT -5
I also don’t like to drive unfamiliar places alone…especially city driving and parking. It sounds like your mom might be with you though? Would that help your anxiety?
My order of what I would do is 1. See if I can book ds a flight. We just had to attend a wedding for my Fil. It was a command performance, my two unvaccinated kids came. It was nerve wracking, we were obviously masked throughout the plane and airport with limited masks removal, but it was ok. 2. Go with just your mom if your dad doesn’t really seem up for it (or both if he does). Leave ds with your h. Throw money at the problem and hire a car service. My h would drive me 3 hours to the airport no problem in these circumstances and I’m sure yours would too. I don’t think it’s too much to ask given the circumstances. You guys could even take your son and stay in the hotel the night before, get room service, make it fun. 3. Leave ds with mil. I really don’t think I would do this though. It’s one of those things that would probably be fine, but if she got sick or your fil needed care the. you would be up a creek. Maybe I would do this if you had solid, no fail back up plans like another very close relative ds has stayed with before.
I wouldn’t leave my child with anyone besides extremely close family they had stayed with before during covid times. I would do this for a friend, but I also think it’s asking a lot — especially if you are splitting care and they’ve been with one family and then going to another. I would freak out my kid would develop a runny nose or a random cough and then I’d feel awful about potentially exposing someone else…nope, couldn’t do it!
I also don’t like to drive unfamiliar places alone…especially city driving and parking. It sounds like your mom might be with you though? Would that help your anxiety?
Absolutely not lol. She's worse than me. She won't drive unfamiliar places at all, whereas I will if there's no other option, I'm just nervous about it.
I like the idea of you & your mom going. Leave DS home with your H.
Or maybe your dad would be thankful for an “out” if you asked if they’d be interested in staying home and watching your DS. (Or would that be really hurtful for your brother? I know that would be a huge deal for some and not an issue at all for others.)
I wouldn’t chance having your MIL watch your son. I’m sorry. However, as a mom of a little older kids, I’d be open to watching a friend’s son for a long weekend. Don’t hesitate to make a general ask (especially if your friends are active on something like FB…so no one feels put on the spot) to see if someone might be able to help.
I really appreciate all of the thoughtful feedback, everyone. This just all sucks so bad. I am so angry and I am so tired of having to still take Covid into consideration with every-f*cking-thing we do. This will never be over. We are not even big travelers (usually beach one a year type people and that's it) or flyers at all, and OF COURSE the only time we have to go fly somewhere for something actually important, this would happen.
I think we are leaning toward piecing together some other care and going. I have spent a lot of money already and I don't know if I can do another 1K to take DS, which is what it would be. I saw DS's in-home daycare provider today and told her about this whole disaster and she said maybe she could do a few days. That would be ideal since he's with her all day anyway. If she could maybe get him through to the weekend I might be able to ask one of his regular sitters to do some of the weekend, and then I have another relative free Sun/Mon. If MIL is still fine by the end of the week maybe she can also do Sun/Mon if need be. DS is pretty flexible and I don't really foresee an issue in that regard.
It sounds like my dad still wants to go. He had a follow up dr. appointment today and they said it would be okay. He's just still way more tired than usual.
I know H staying home is a last resort too but he's really close with my brother and has known him since 2005 so it doesn't really feel great to ask him to do that, and I would love him to be there.
It sounds like you’re making progress. It’s OK to be angry at the situation. It all just really sucks.
I hope everything falls together nicely and you can enjoy a beautiful long-awaited getaway and celebration with your brother & soon-to-be SIL.
Also, I will say that this place skews very conservatively as far as Covid goes. If you end up feeling comfortable with your MIL coming (after testing), deciding that the benefits outweigh the risks, you would not be anywhere near the only person who has made that decision. Just because it’s not the decision I would make, it doesn’t mean you’re an awful person for considering it yourself. According to CDC, your MIL doesn’t even have to quarantine unless symptomatic. It’s not in opposition to their recommendations, even if it’s different than what most people here would do.
I don’t think any decision that you make will be a bad one - it will be the best that you can make for your family. For what it’s worth, we are a big travel family and we made the decision not to fly with our kids until they are vaccinated. However, in your situation (no extra risks, tried not to, life happened) I would definitely just take my kids with me (while grieving the supposed to be adult time). If you can cobble together other care and that works, great! But if you need to bring him or you need to have your MIL watch him, it’s OK to say that some extra risk is worth you’re family being there for your brother’s wedding.
Thanks lilac05 and lacey . I knew the kind of responses I would get when I posted this. My area definitely skews very NON Covid conservative. This board has honestly informed a lot of my behavior around Covid and made me more careful than most people where I live.
You do make a fair point that she would not be going against the CDC recommendations if she watches DS here. She would be free to go to work or to do anything else that she needed to. It just feels WEIRD. If this were just a fun trip I'd have no qualms about postponing but the wedding is happening with or without us and I would be really sad to miss it, and he would be sad too.
I think right now we'll see how she is on Wednesday and go from there. I've had several offers from family and friends so I could definitely cobble something together. Or maybe I could have someone else watch him until the weekend and if shes still okay by then (and negative) I can assume she's probably fine since his symptoms started last Thursday. I don't know. Lots of options, just still up in the air.
Dammit, theres another issue I thought of. He's 5 years old and like 39 lbs. Can I get away with just a booster in people's cars if a bunch of different people are going to be carting him around? (I know this is not ideal but we're talking 5 days) and short distances to daycare, school, etc. What are my options here? Ugh.
I doubt anyone cares that much (lol) but wanted to update on this. We did end up having MIL watch DS at our house. We had backup people for each day in case she got sick. She was fine, and is still fine. Thank God for vaccines, and her being smart enough to stay away from FIL as soon as he started with cold symptoms. His case was super mild too, thankfully, and he's just bored waiting out his quarantine at home.
I appreciate everyone's advice and responses. I'm glad we didn't cancel because it really was a beautiful family wedding and my brother was so grateful to have us.
I did have a ton of anxiety the entire time though which kind of made everything less fun for me. I tried not to project that on everyone else though (besides my poor H lol). I was just anxious about SO MANY THINGS: MIL getting sick, DS getting sick, one of US getting sick out in CA and being stuck there, flight cancelations, you name it- I obsessed over it. I think I need to get some help, for real.
Def not flying anywhere again until DS is vaccinated.
beerlover, oh man, I'm sorry the anxiety reduced your ability to enjoy the event. I would have been a wreck too. There is no shame in realizing you need some help managing it though. We've all been through so much. I'm really glad it all worked out, you didn't miss the wedding, and everyone is healthy/recovering well.
And thanks for updating! I'm always curious how these things work out. I'm so glad that your MIL stayed healthy and your FIL's case was mild.
Post by ellipses84 on Oct 19, 2021 22:29:30 GMT -5
I’m glad you were able to attend your brother’s wedding! Pandemic travel is definitely riddled with extra stress and anxiety, almost a relief when you make it home safely!
I wouls go by myself before I skipped the wedding entirely. How is your FIL doing? If your Mom were to get sick, she would n't need to stay alone at your house if FIL already has it. Would he be able to do the watching at their house if your Mom came down with it?