Would you defer?

[melmel48]

I got into the United Airlines NYC Half marathon on March 20th through their lottery. I have always talked about going to NYC for a half marathon with my friend. We both entered the lottery; I got in and he didn't. He did get accepted to participate via a charity number.

We have traveled to many races together and never had any issues. He kept saying he would book a hotel but kept putting it off. I booked the hotel, but because we waited, it is expensive. I learned we need to select a time to pick up our bibs. I usually talk to him every day, but I have not been able to get ahold of him for the past 3 weeks.

I have sent him texts, I have called, I have reached out to his daughter (I am also friends with her), and no response. The race is in 3 weeks, and we need to plan, he needs to select a time for bib pickup as I went ahead and selected mine without him.

I don't have much confidence he is going to go on this trip. I don't want to go alone nor can I afford to go alone. Nobody is available to go with me. I can defer the race until next year. I will lose my $140 registration fee and will have to pay it again next year, but I am glad to have the option.

Finally this past Tuesday, he responded to me and said he promises he will call tomorrow morning..... he never called. He has been going through a lot; I know about everything. I don't think it is right to just leave me hanging like this though. 

Thoughts? 

[laterz]

You have gone above and beyond to get his input. You are well within your rights to make the call and defer.

[mccallister84]

Do you even want to go with him anymore? If so, I’d wait until the last possible moment but plan on deferring. Otherwise I’d just defer right now.

[melmel48]

Feb 25, 2022 14:29:57 GMT -5 mccallister84 said:

Do you even want to go with him anymore? If so, I’d wait until the last possible moment but plan on deferring. Otherwise I’d just defer right now.

I was very excited to go with him, as this is something we both have talked about for years. I always have fun when traveling with him for races. This situation is completely different. I am irritated and just can't feel confident he is going to commit to going. I understand he has a lot going on, but this is just not okay IMO. 

I am just so disappointed. I was really looking forward to this race. 

[Wines Not Whines]

That’s frustrating. If there’s time, I’d give him a head’s up (text or email) that you’re planning to defer and cancel your travel plans. See if he responds. Maybe that will get him to respond and either commit to going or say he agrees that deferral is best. If you don’t hear from him, you can defer and know that you tried.

[melmel48]

I sent him a text last night saying I am going to defer the race to next year. I haven't received a response. I haven't actually deferred yet, because I am upset and just can't bring myself to do it. I am going to though.

[sadlebred]

I'd defer until next year unless you can find someone to go with you.

[melmel48]

Feb 27, 2022 10:19:16 GMT -5 sadlebred said:

I'd defer until next year unless you can find someone to go with you.

I have already tried to find someone. Nobody is able to go. I already told him I am deferring. I have received no response. 

[campermom]

melmel48 What ended up happening? Did he ever get back to you?

[melmel48]

Mar 30, 2022 13:16:25 GMT -5 campermom said:

melmel48 What ended up happening? Did he ever get back to you?

No!! I sent him a text saying I was going to defer... I got nothing. I sent him a text a few days later saying I was cancelling the hotel, but could see if I could change it to him name instead... Nothing. So I deferred and cancelled the hotel. I tried calling him, and he didn't answer. 

I haven't tried to reach out to him in about a month and have no intentions of reaching out. He hasn't reached out either; I think he knows I am done and that he was a jerk. 

Can't wait to go next year! Some friends of mine are going to enter the lottery too and hopefully we can all go together.

As for him; he was a charity runner. If he didn't go, he was still on the hook for the minimum the charity requires. Oh well!