A typical day in your life

[piper84]

I'm interested in hearing what a typical day (as a military spouse) is like. What time do you wake up? Do you work outside of the home? Do you live on base / post? Do you have children? What activities fill up your day? What time does your spouse typically get home from work? What do you do in the evenings? When do you go to bed?

I understand no two answers will be the same... but just interested in curious what all your lives are like. Tell me, what am I getting myself into?

[basilosaurus]

Not only will no 2 answers be the same, I haven't been able to answer the same way in 6 years of marriage. It's so specific to our location, and whether I can find employment. In these 6 years I've lived in 3 states and 2 countries. There is no standard

I'm like you and want to research and get answers, but I think you're overthinking this for now. You'll have nearly 2 years of being a student's wife which is totally different. Just learn as you go.

[piper84]

Sept 24, 2012 20:47:02 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Not only will no 2 answers be the same, I haven't been able to answer the same way in 6 years of marriage. It's so specific to our location, and whether I can find employment. In these 6 years I've lived in 3 states and 2 countries. There is no standard

I'm like you and want to research and get answers, but I think you're overthinking this for now. You'll have nearly 2 years of being a student's wife which is totally different. Just learn as you go.

Oh, I'm totally over-thinking it I try not to but I can't help it! I just can't even imagine what life will be life... definitely looking forward to the change of pace though. It's very interesting that all these changes (H joining AF) are happening at the same time I have a newborn. I'm still trying to adjust to spending my days feeding the little one and changing diapers instead of a 12-hr. corporate job!

What type of work do you do? Have you been fairly successful in finding employment in all the places you've lived? I assume for the first 2 years (while H is a student), I will not even attempt to find a job and just focus on raising our little one.

[cizzle]

Hi! Typically a lurker, and I agree that a typical day probably has less to do with being a mil spouse and more to do with your job (or lack thereof), whether you have kids, etc. Anywayyy
I'm interested in hearing what a typical day (as a military spouse) is like. What time do you wake up? I open one eye for about five second at 5:30 to give husband a kiss goodbye. I then wake up at around 740 for work.

Do you work outside of the home? Yup. I almost always work, but its not always possible at every duty station.

Do you live on base / post? Nope.

Do you have children? Nope.

What activities fill up your day? Work work work, time with husband, getting together with girlfriends.

What time does your spouse typically get home from work? Usually around 7pm, but it can range from 2pm to 10pm depending on the day.

What do you do in the evenings? Cook dinner, sit on the porch with husband, watch too much tv.

When do you go to bed? 930 or 10. I should go earlier since husband and I go to bed at the same time.

For me, it depends on where I am to say how much of a role the Army plays in my life. At this base, not much. We have some Army friends we hang out with on the weekends and I go to Hail and Farewells and Coffees maybe twice a month. Other than TDY's and deployments that's pretty much it. Feel free to ask any follow up questions.

[sookie]

I'll play. I was a reg, but I work like crazy now so I don't know if I'm still considered a reg (which I won't lie, almost makes me sad because I loved the old group). Anyhow:

I work full-time as an outreach coordinator at a very large, worldwide non-profit, but Mr. Sookie leaves an hour-ish before me so I wake up once he's gone and head to work until 5. He's home when I get home, so we make dinner together and then watch TV while it's cooking. Discussion of our days over dinner and then relaxing for the night (watching sports, reading, video games, whatever that means for that day). We're usually in bed around 10.

We don't have kids, but we have two dogs which is pretty much the same thing to us except they don't always get to go on vacation with us.

[crimewatcher]

Sept 24, 2012 20:53:04 GMT -5 @piper84 said:

Sept 24, 2012 20:47:02 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Not only will no 2 answers be the same, I haven't been able to answer the same way in 6 years of marriage. It's so specific to our location, and whether I can find employment. In these 6 years I've lived in 3 states and 2 countries. There is no standard

I'm like you and want to research and get answers, but I think you're overthinking this for now. You'll have nearly 2 years of being a student's wife which is totally different. Just learn as you go.

Oh, I'm totally over-thinking it I try not to but I can't help it! I just can't even imagine what life will be life... definitely looking forward to the change of pace though. It's very interesting that all these changes (H joining AF) are happening at the same time I have a newborn. I'm still trying to adjust to spending my days feeding the little one and changing diapers instead of a 12-hr. corporate job!

What type of work do you do? Have you been fairly successful in finding employment in all the places you've lived? I assume for the first 2 years (while H is a student), I will not even attempt to find a job and just focus on raising our little one.

You sound like me 2 years ago. I haven't been able to find work in my career field here. But I do work outside the home - on base. Do be honest how your life is going to change depends on his aircraft/assignment. If varies a lot over the AF and during specific times of their careers. Right now H is new so he is getting worked like crazy. Depending on tempo your H may have a completely different experience. NTM as they get higher in the ladder they may move more to desk work than flying their face off. While their an Instructor Pilot they will be home every night but they will work longer days. ... and on and on.

You just gotta go with the flow as this point wait until he gets to UPT where you can get an idea of how training in the AF goes. I wasn't with my H but people would do their with their spouse said basically they study or train all day and basically come out of their hole to grab a bite. But it also depends on your H's learning style.


HTH!

[basilosaurus]

I won't share all my experiences because they're not likely to be what you'll face. And I don't want to discourage you too much yet

So much will depend on the airframe your H flies. You may face a relatively stable life in Omaha, where you can have a 5 year plan, or you may immediately go to Misawa and face no jobs, 250 inches of snow with no snowplows, and the highest relative birth rate in the air force because there's really nothing else to do.

Really, you can't think too far ahead because you just don't know. We thought we'd have 5 years in one location, then a medical issue happened so no flying, and we were on a roller coaster. Just try to wrap your head around life as a student spouse and go from there.

[G22]

I've been successful in finding work, but i haven't worked at every base (by choice). I currently am part time, and loving it. I was full-time crazy busy up until last month. I love it because I enjoy what I'm doing and have more "me" time. I also get to see H more often too. When I'm not working I like to get outdoors and hike, run, walk. We live in a beautiful area so I like to get out and see stuff. I find stuff to do!

The time I get up ranges on whether I work or not. Anywhere from 7-11. I love sleeping in when I can!

No kids yet. In the evenings we just hang out at home and relax. Its our time to decompress and spend some time together. Bedtime ranges a bit but usually between 10-11 for the most part.

[basilosaurus]

Oh, and I would encourage you to find work if you can. For one, it helps avoid the employment history gap that is so damaging to people who have my move history. Assuming I stay in Hawaii the whole 3 years, it will be the longest I've been in 1 place so far. I think I maxed out at 18 months prior to this.

But, also, from what H said, school was intense. They worked long hours and studied even longer, plus they socialize as a unit. I think it would be pretty lonely as a spouse. But, if you're excited about the prospect of being a SAHM, go for it!

[beans]

well, my daily life as a mil wife has not been too influenced by H's military career. I suppose this would be potentially different depending on his job. At our first base, we lived on base- I went to my roughly 8-5 job, came home, we hung out in the evenings, every other week I volunteered at a grief center, H took some MBA classes at nights, I also took some for fun pottery classes. ETA: H worked roughly 730-430 daily with some exceptions. Our first year or so of marriage he was gone TDY about once a month for about a week and that tapered off a bit.

Second base we lived off base, and when I didn't have a job yet, I looked for a job and like took care of our dog and cooked and stuff, then when I found a job (~8-5 again) I went to that and we would hang out in the evenings and stuff. I didn't have a pottery studio there and didn't volunteer there, so evenings were chill. ETA: He was in a training course and they did early morning pt and then had class from like 9-5ish, and when he got done with that it was pretty much back to an 8 hour (with an hour lunch) day, so like 8-5 or so...

Current living situation- we are geographically separated because I am in school and he is still at his last base, but he will be moving here in the spring. My life is student based and obviously not dependent on him being in the military at all.

[nsl]

My H's MOS is so wildly different from what yours will be that this is virtually meaningless, but it's late and I'm bored, so I'll play.

I wake up at 5:25 every morning, mostly because that's when my kids wake up.

I work outside the home (and always have) as a teacher. I've had no trouble finding work, but we've been at our current duty station for six years. Due to our location and the nature of H's job/experience, we can stay here as long as we choose. That's hardly the typical military experience, but like I said, we're fairly atypical.

We live off post.

We have two sons, 5 and 2.

I wake up with my kids, I go to work and teach teenagers about Shakespeare, I go to class two nights a week (grad school), then I come home and go to bed. The other nights I cook, play with my kids, do homework, and then go to bed.

I'm asleep by 9:00 on non-class nights, 10:30 when I do have class.

[Deleted]

Honestly? My life is no different when I was married to military and now that I'm divorced it is pretty much the same routine. He worked on a rotating schedule but my school/work kept me on my same routine. So sometimes we would be on same time and other times we would only really see each other on weekends.

[meltoine]

Wile H was still in UPT, he got home pretty late most days. For the most part, they are in the classroom 12 hrs a day, plus MH has a 30 minute commute each way.

I get up at 6:30. DS gets up between 7-7:30. We play for a bit, have breakfast at 8:30, then walk the dogs with my neighbor for about an hour. (We have five dogs between us, so we take two trips.) Then I do some housework while DS plays on his own. W have lunch at noon and DS goes down for a nap. I either study (I'm in midwifery school) or work on a sewing/knitting/crochet project. Sometimes I nap too, especially before DS started STTN when I was super exhausted all the time. In the afternoon we run errands, go to the park or pool, meet up with friends, etc.

Dinner is at 6. If H is home we all eat together. If he's not I'll feed DS and eat with H later. Then DS gets a bath and goes to bed. I clean up dinner dishes and clean the kitchen, then study some more or read/watch TV until I go to sleep.

Rinse and repeat.

[starfish19]

We live off base and have no kids, just a crazy pup. I graduated with my bachelors in May but have yet to get an actual "real" job in my field (hospitality) because we've been given orders and then had them canceled 2 times since then. I don't want to start a job and have to leave in a month so right now I'm working as a server at a resort. It sucks but the money is actually better than what I would be making as an entry level manager in my field

I get up pretty late because I work from 4 to 1 am. I'm usually home by 145 and try to be asleep by 2-230. I get up at 11 and do errands/cleaning before heading back into work. Sometimes I put a meal in the crockpot for my husband to have when he gets home but usually we just eat separately. He cooks himself chicken and veggies when I'm not here.

My husband works from 6 to anywhere from 1 to 8; it just depends on the day. He's also taking classes using his TA so he mostly does that in the evenings. We spend about 2 days a week together. If we get lucky my off days are on the weekends.

We've have a great group of friends out here, both military and civilian. When I first got out here, everyone I knew was military and 3 years later they have all moved.

Honestly, military life is what you make of it. You can be completely involved with the military-live on base, shop on base, have all your friends be military, etc- or you can branch out. Every one is different.

[erin2903]

We live on base and I love it.
I am a stay at home mom. Our son is 17 months.
My husband works a "normal" schedule. Our life only really feels affected when he is deployed, away at schools etc.
I don't have a lot of friends here but the ones I have are all military spouses as well and they are freaking awesome. I feel really lucky that I met a good group of people.

My husband PTs from 630 to 7:30. Then he comes home to shower, eat breakfast and is back to work. I am up at 7:30-8. I work out in the mornings for an hour. Then we usually run errands, play with friends, go to the park, etc. My husband comes home for lunch around 12 so we all eat together. My son goes down for a nap after lunch and he usually sleeps for 2 hrs. During that time I clean up the house, do laundry, meal prep for dinner if I need to or if all of the above is done then I relax and do whatever I want. Once he is up from nap we have a snack, play some more and then I start getting dinner ready. My husband is home by 5 at the latest. My son is in bed by 7:30,8:00 and we follow at around 11. Except tonight when I am being a night owl

[amaristella]

The only recognizable change that I've noticed to my daily schedule as a result of DH being in the military is that I have to make dinner plans at my own risk. I don't always know ahead of time if it's going to be a late night with DH eating dinner at work or not. But that's very much dependent on his exact job/assignment. Everything else is just about the same.

[NomadicMama]

As others have said, there are many, many factors, but I'll play along.

My life at DH's last duty station/assignment (the Pentagon) impacted my life minimally. He was in a small office, there were very few functions we had to attend. It was basically as though my DH was a civilian, except he wore ACUs to work. His hours, despite working at the Pentagon, were steady and reasonable. Our son was a baby/toddler when we lived there, and our plan was for me to be home with him, regardless of our location. In retrospect, it is a bit funny that one of the few duty stations where it would have been easier for me to find a job, we wanted me home.

Anyway, now we live in Germany. Well, my three year old son and I live in Germany, DH is deployed to Afghanaland for year. We live off post (thankfully so, shortly after we arrived, they began requiring everyone with children to live on post). My schedule is changing as my son started attending German kindergarten last week. Once he's up to speed there, he will go from 8:30am--2:00pm. This means we will be going to be much earlier than we have been. It is a good change though. I am very excited for my son to learn to speak German!

Because of my personality (outgoing, people person), our location (foreign country, far from family) and my husband's deploying three months after our arrival), and my inability to speak German (though I'm currently looking for a tutor), I jumped into several organizations on post. I'm active in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel). I knew that I needed to make friends and build my support network quickly. I've been fortunate to have met some good people and to have made a few close friends.

My day is pretty normal. I get up between six and six thirty to make my coffee, quickly walk the dog and take my shower. Then I wake my son up, ideally at seven, to get him dressed, fed and out the door to kindergarten by 8:30am. We are still in the transition phase of kindergarten, so I now pick him up at 11:30am. We come home, have lunch and we nap. Mid-to-later afternoon we play, then have dinner, play some more then go to bed. I'm working to get my LO down by nine, but we aren't there yet.

I will say that my career was derailed when I married my husband. We were married on a Saturday and the movers came on Monday to pack us up to move from Northern Virginia to the middle of nowhere California where jobs were difficult to come by, much less career type jobs for my field. Then we decided to try to start our family. Because of fertility treatments (and the fact that I had to drive two to four hours, each way, to see specialists), short moves, pregnancy, deployment and our son, I have not held a job since March 2008. My situation is unique, but not unheard of. Some duty stations lend themselves to being able to find work. Others, it is impossible. Being open, flexible and realistic is important. If you want to work but can't find a position, remember that volunteer work is beneficial in many ways.

Time to go pick up my little man!

[basilosaurus]

Sept 25, 2012 4:14:46 GMT -5 NomadicMama said:

We live off post (thankfully so, shortly after we arrived, they began requiring everyone with children to live on post).

I'm curious about this bit. Where we were in Japan, we were allowed to live off base. Pretty much every officer was allowed without question, and they were even allowing junior enlisted for awhile.

Then, there was some ordeal, and everyone new had to live on base unless there was no space due to some financial debate. However, I never heard about them making a distinction between those with children and those without. Do you know the justification?

I'm just curious b/c I've heard about distinctions between officer and enlisted, or with/without dependents, but I've never heard of that going to the level of with or without children.

[brandienee]

I will agree with pretty much everyone else, besides living in different places, the Military has had little affect on my daily life.

[beachy]

Sept 25, 2012 8:26:31 GMT -5 brandienee said:

I will agree with pretty much everyone else, besides living in different places, the Military has had little affect on my daily life.

Ditto.

I haven't worked in my degree field in over 2 years now because of all the PCSing. But I have an orientation Friday and will start then hopefully. I've been in this location since January and have only worked one day a week from home. At our last base I had a full time work from home job so I would roll out of bed 10 minutes before work and go to the couch.

For the rest of your questions, we don't have kids yet but have one on the way. My H usually gets home around 3:30 or 4. In the evenings we eat dinner and watch TV, and maybe do some running around that we have to. We usually go to bed around 9:30 because he wakes up around 5 and I'm just exhausted all the time now anyways. He has an 8 day duty rotation so every 8 days he doesn't come home and sleeps on the ship.

I think that was everything.

[NomadicMama]

Sept 25, 2012 6:07:53 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Sept 25, 2012 4:14:46 GMT -5 NomadicMama said:

We live off post (thankfully so, shortly after we arrived, they began requiring everyone with children to live on post).

I'm curious about this bit. Where we were in Japan, we were allowed to live off base. Pretty much every officer was allowed without question, and they were even allowing junior enlisted for awhile.

Then, there was some ordeal, and everyone new had to live on base unless there was no space due to some financial debate. However, I never heard about them making a distinction between those with children and those without. Do you know the justification?

I'm just curious b/c I've heard about distinctions between officer and enlisted, or with/without dependents, but I've never heard of that going to the level of with or without children.

When we arrived in March, the guideline was all O and E-6+ generally ended up off post due to the availability of government housing.

Then in April several things happened. V Corps was weeks away from deploying (and you know how a decent percentage of the population heads home), recently renovated stairwell apartments were becoming available and they were very close to opening a brand new village of over 300 SFH and duplexes. They had inventory and it needed to be filled. Plus, a guess on my part, is that transportation costs for getting students to the DODs schools is less expensive the more contained the students are. And, finally, there were several instances of children being approached, on playgrounds in military communities in Kaiserslautern (100km away) by a man who appeared to be military affiliated. I *think* the theory was to help "protect" military families (but this seems misguided by me since this would simply funnel more kids into military communities). I can't remember if this was a theory put forth on the interwebs, or an actual statement by the Garrison. . . But it was part of the several factors involved.

IMO, the way it was all handled was poor and left folks feeling frustrated. There's even more to the situation since USAEUR HQ is moving from Hiedelberg to Wiesbaden and housing had been guaranteed to those families. . . I am glad we were able to avoid the frustration by getting caught up in all of that.

And, as a result of where we rented, outside of the city of Wiesbaden, LO is now attending German kindergarten (it is very difficult to find a spot for your American preschooler in a German kindergarten in Wiesbaden because the demand out paces the availability of spots).

I was going to ask if this made any sense, and then I realize that it really doesn't make sense. I just hope that I was able to explain it reasonably well!

[basilosaurus]

No, it doesn't make sense, which is expected

So, am I the only one whose partner regularly works 12 hour days on a good week? During an exercise, sometimes he'll just catch a few hours sleep at his desk and keep going. I think his worst hours where after I left Korea, and he was in a new job the last few months. He was regularly pulling 15+ hour days. I think it's times like that he especially misses being a pilot!

I know he's insane and never sleeps, so at least I'm reasonably sure he's not just saying that to avoid being home. I know he prefers my cooking!

[pennylane]

My H's schedule varies a lot from day to day, so he might work normal hours 7/8-4/5 or it could be really early mornings, or really late nights, or a combination of all of that in one week. When he flies it's always 12+ hour days. So I do my own thing, and just bend what time I cook dinner based on when he's supposed to get home. I'm not working right now, so my days revolve around running errands, walking the dog, volunteer stuff and taking care of the house and cooking.

[Dory1988]

Before MH deployed we both worked daylight, went to the gym (when he got home at a normal hour) after work, had dinner, and spent the evening outside with our dogs (usually at the dog park on base). Now that he's home and I finally have a job in my field we will be living apart for a few months. I work mostly nights (which I would probably do anyway since MH will be working a good many nights with his new position). I'll try to finish my MBA before DH and I move back in together. The dogs live with me until we figure out where MH will be (career and location wise) in the next few months. We have no children and don't plan to for a while. Dogs are plenty for now.

[ggirl]

Sept 25, 2012 14:06:20 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

No, it doesn't make sense, which is expected

So, am I the only one whose partner regularly works 12 hour days on a good week? During an exercise, sometimes he'll just catch a few hours sleep at his desk and keep going. I think his worst hours where after I left Korea, and he was in a new job the last few months. He was regularly pulling 15+ hour days. I think it's times like that he especially misses being a pilot!

I know he's insane and never sleeps, so at least I'm reasonably sure he's not just saying that to avoid being home. I know he prefers my cooking!

Whether he is on days or nights my H works 12 hours or more. He's a Marine, and his job is basically as a mechanic for F18's (to put it simply) since may he's been on night crew so during the week we never see each other. He leaves for work around 4pm. I get home at 6pm. He gets home usually around 2am at the earliest, but lately it's been 5am. If he is on Daycrew he leaves for work around 630 and will get home at the earliest 530. So not exactly 12 hour days, but it depends on what needs to be fixed and what not.

I leave for work at 730am and get home at 6pm. I work an hour away. I do have a job in my field though, and I got it before we were married so I moved to SC earlier than planned.

[crimewatcher]

Sept 25, 2012 12:35:57 GMT -5 beachy said:

Sept 25, 2012 8:26:31 GMT -5 brandienee said:

I will agree with pretty much everyone else, besides living in different places, the Military has had little affect on my daily life.

Ditto.

I haven't worked in my degree field in over 2 years now because of all the PCSing. But I have an orientation Friday and will start then hopefully. I've been in this location since January and have only worked one day a week from home. At our last base I had a full time work from home job so I would roll out of bed 10 minutes before work and go to the couch.

For the rest of your questions, we don't have kids yet but have one on the way. My H usually gets home around 3:30 or 4. In the evenings we eat dinner and watch TV, and maybe do some running around that we have to. We usually go to bed around 9:30 because he wakes up around 5 and I'm just exhausted all the time now anyways. He has an 8 day duty rotation so every 8 days he doesn't come home and sleeps on the ship.

I think that was everything.

Wait whaaa? and I didn't get a text? :-( haha jk. YAY!!! for you guys though.

[crimewatcher]

Sept 25, 2012 14:06:20 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

No, it doesn't make sense, which is expected

So, am I the only one whose partner regularly works 12 hour days on a good week? During an exercise, sometimes he'll just catch a few hours sleep at his desk and keep going. I think his worst hours where after I left Korea, and he was in a new job the last few months. He was regularly pulling 15+ hour days. I think it's times like that he especially misses being a pilot!

I know he's insane and never sleeps, so at least I'm reasonably sure he's not just saying that to avoid being home. I know he prefers my cooking!

When H is deployed he has those hours but when he is home... if he is home, home then he works 9-10 hr days.

[audette]

When I'm at home (I travel for work, so things look different when I'm on the road):

5am, wake up, stumble into workout clothes and head to gym. (private gym - we live off base, and it's cheaper to pay the gym membership than to pay the gas costs of going to/from base every weekday)

Workout at gym, head home, sometimes stop en route to pick up a few groceries at safeway or walmart.

Get ready for the day, eat breakfast

Start work at 9am. I telecommute, so this involves walking into my spare bedroom at home.

Work until 3pm, figuring out lunch at some point during that time when I'm hungry and not on a conference call.

Run errands, take care of the chores, make supper.

Have supper, and do whatever the plans are for that evening. Some nights I meet up with friends, some nights I stick around the house and knit or do whatever.

Bed by 10.

Pretty boring, all things considered... Not much time for interesting things.

[ggirl]

Oh I should add. H being in the military doesn't really affect my schedule. I do what I need to do. If he is there, great, if not, I still do it. We have no kids, or pets right now. I work full time during the week and weekends are "our" time. It ranges from going to a friend's house, to a night out with just each other, to just hanging out at home. It really depends what is going on. I get together with friends during the week if I want to, or I don't. It's basically the same as before we were married and we were long distance.

[verycontrary247]

What time do you wake up? Usually around 8am.

Do you work outside of the home? Yes

Do you live on base / post? No

Do you have children? No

What activities fill up your day? When I'm not working I'm typically either playing computer games, watching Netflix, reading, going to the gym, hanging out with friends etc. I also spend a portion of my time as VP of H's ships FRG.

What time does your spouse typically get home from work? He is gone now but in the few months before he left H got home around 6:30-7pm on non-duty days

What do you do in the evenings? Same things I do during the day.

When do you go to bed? Depends on what time I have to work the next day.