Week of April 18 Randoms

[erbear]

Apr 20, 2022 5:03:33 GMT -5 SwimDeep said:

Apr 19, 2022 18:55:34 GMT -5 erbear said:

SwimDeep, I’m sorry. That sounds awful and I think I would say something to him. Surely he’d change how he’s approaching all this if he knew how it was impacting you too.

he absolutely would... but like I told mrsukyankee, the shame I feel over it makes it hard for me to be vulnerable about it. Maybe I'll write a letter and read it to him... put a buffer between my emotions and what I need to say?

I know I need to ask for his help, but I hate asking for help (from anyone). So, shame and pride are my holdups I guess.

Hugs. Good for you for recognizing all of this. It does sound like therapy could be really useful in helping you right now. You got this.

[mrsukyankee]

Yes, SwimDeep, get to therapy. I'd ask them to also explore why asking for help brings you shame - probably a part of the whole picture. You deserve the help as ANY human being does, regardless of what is going on in their lives. I wish therapy was actually a requirement for all humans at various stages of their lives, if only to give people understanding of how their brains work.

[just]

SwimDeep, I'm so sorry - that's so tough. It's hard to make others understand how incredibly destructive comments like that can be to someone with an ED.

I'm not deep in my ED any more, but one of the most useful things a therapist taught me was that it was ok to say to my husband that "I love you, I trust you to do what you need for your body, but I can't be your partner in that journey - either physically or emotionally. I can't be that person for you."

My DH (usually extremely supportive) bristled at first, but eventually realized how important it was to me. Now I can usually guess if he's 'dieting' based on food he buys, dinners we have, portions he takes. But he never has that conversation with me, he never imposes it into our marriage.

[cattledogkisses]

I had someone in their 20s say to me recently that they were surprised to learn I was a millennial (as in, they thought I was older), and I wish I wasn’t as bothered by that as I am.

[mrsukyankee]

cattledogkisses, I never had a clue how old people were when I was in my 20s. I assumed everyone was older. Now that I am older, I assume everyone is younger than they are.

[rubytue]

In my 20s, everyone I worked with was this blob of older, but roughly 30-60 all was the same to me. Even now, I am pretty terrible guessing people ages.

I have a vent that may get long. There was a training opportunity that I was super interested in. It involved a software program where I am the only one on my group that currently has access to the software. Boss asked for self nominations with a couple sentences why. I sent (to boss onky) a full paragraph talking about how I would use this new capability, and also included an email from literally the day before where I was talking about how valuable this capability would be, and how I’d been hearing for years we were going to get it and I couldn’t wait until we did. Two other people did reply-alls with “I might be interested, but I’m not sure how much programming we would need” (I replied to this explaining how the software works, and the she said “ok, I guess I can attend for [my role]. The other said “I’d like it, but I can wait until next time it’s offered.” The two have the same role, which is not the same as mine.

Boss put forward the two people that were meh. Not me. I am super confused about it. And I’ve been stewing on it for two days now. On the one hand, boss can select who she wants. I get that. But on the other, I’m kind of new to this group and I’m finding myself so confused as to if it was something that made the decision or if it was that the other two were all in the same replay-all thread. And boss just opened that up and scrolled down it. I was in that thread explaining to everyone the software and what we could do with it. But my “I’m super interested” email was just to boss.

I kind of want to ask, because I really do want to know for the future if I need to embrace the reply-all culture. But, it’s just going to come off as entitled. And I don’t know if others replied directly to boss with an actual self nomination (like she asked for) or if it was really selected based on “I guess I’ll attend”.

FTR, my friend in another group got in, and had forwarded me the info asking “why aren’t you in this?” To which I just said “I don’t know, I asked and guess I wasn’t selected.” Friend is withdrawing because she has a conflict, and on her own volition tried to get me to take her place.

[cattledogkisses]

Apr 22, 2022 3:53:00 GMT -5 mrsukyankee said:

cattledogkisses , I never had a clue how old people were when I was in my 20s. I assumed everyone was older. Now that I am older, I assume everyone is younger than they are.

Thanks for the perspective, and for reminding me of how old I thought people in their 30s were when I was in my 20s.  We all adjust our definition of "old" as we ourselves get older, don't we?  I was just a little taken aback by the comment!

[wildrice]

Apr 21, 2022 20:37:02 GMT -5 cattledogkisses said:

I had someone in their 20s say to me recently that they were surprised to learn I was a millennial (as in, they thought I was older), and I wish I wasn’t as bothered by that as I am.

IME, people don't realize how old millennials are! I've had coworkers saying negative things about millennials before and I've been like "ummm... I am one!". I think most people think they are in their 20's or early 30's and haven't realized some of us have entered our 40's. So it may not mean that they think you are older than you are!

[Bad Dingo]

rubytue, it's definitely not entitled to ask why you weren't selected! It's entirely possible that your email wasn't seen and even if it was, you deserve to know for the future.

I'm happy it's Friday but I have no real plans besides some Earth Day cleanup in the downtown area of my town tomorrow. I want to do stuff but I don't remember how (and definitely don't trust people to be pandemic safe).

[TR]

Apr 21, 2022 20:37:02 GMT -5 cattledogkisses said:

I had someone in their 20s say to me recently that they were surprised to learn I was a millennial (as in, they thought I was older), and I wish I wasn’t as bothered by that as I am.

ALSO I think people think millennials are younger than we are. So it may not be that you're older than they thought, but that millennials span a bigger time range than they thought.

[rubytue]

Bad Dingo, thank you. I think I’m going to let it dwell over the weekend. I suspect it feel entitled to ask bc I’m feeling rather fucking entitled to it, given I have been singing how is needing this capability for years and being the only one on our group who actually uses out current statistical software. It’s very frustrating. So hopefully, the weekend will give me some space from the whole “WTF do I have to do to get noticed” thing.

[underwaterrhymes]

@@

I think a lot of people use “millennials” to describe anyone in their early 20s and younger, not realizing that it’s not a broad term for young people, but an actual generation that is aging along with the rest of us. My godmother argued with me about this, and I had to show her that there are actually two generations younger than they are now.

[underwaterrhymes]

rubytue I would email your boss and ask if there is a limit to how many people can participate. Remind them that you expressed interest previously and since your colleague is backing out, if you would take their place, you’d find it really interesting and helpful.

It’s possible that your email just got buried. ❤️

[rubytue]

It’s 12:30pm. My iPad battery is down to 36%. It’s also beautiful outside today. I am having what my H would call a “fuck off friday.” Logged in, doing bare minimum of work. Like, responding to emails within 10 minutes. So I appear attentive. But, my mind is completely elsewhere. Mostly designing my garden. 😂

[Michelle]

Apr 18, 2022 16:36:47 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

DH had a physical recently and his fasting glucose was high. They did a follow up A1c and it was 7.0. He wants to work on things and exercise and eat better, and hopefully lower things and he's hoping to reverse it. I'm trying to not let my medical side take over and just be a supportive wife. It's tough though, because most of our patients that I work with are diabetics, and I help them all day long, so I know a lot and can give him lots of info. I tried telling him he might want to prepare for a diagnosis of diabetes, but he almost put his fingers in his ears and said 'lalalala'. I'm trying to be patient too, and know that this is something we can figure out and handle together. It's just not something you want to have your spouse go through.

It is probably embarrassing for him to have to listen to you... like a mom. But hopefully he will. Once my a1c hit 7.0 I felt like CRAP most of the time. I didn't even need the doctor to tell me i had crossed over to diabetic because I was sweating all the time, had that funny sweet smell, felt weak and light headed. Now that I'm back in the 6's I feel amazing. That difference in feeling alone is enough to help me steer clear of the foods that cause spikes in my blood sugar.

[Michelle]

SwimDeep

Please stand up for yourself. He is very likely being absent-minded with his comments but you deserve to draw a boundary for yourself. He could at least refrain from discussing his diet strategy and ever commenting about what you are eating. (hug)

[rubytue]

underwaterrhymes, oh, I did that already. And I guess I forgot to say that I am apparently in the class now. I actually did email as soon as friend told me she was out, and I asked if I could be on the wait list. Boss’s response was she “would love” for me to take it, but it’s done. Only, it wasn’t and friend and class coordinator got me in. Not boss. Which I think is adding to my WTF ness.

[wawa]

Apr 22, 2022 12:31:05 GMT -5 rubytue said:

underwaterrhymes , oh, I did that already. And I guess I forgot to say that I am apparently in the class now. I actually did email as soon as friend told me she was out, and I asked if I could be on the wait list. Boss’s response was she “would love” for me to take it, but it’s done. Only, it wasn’t and friend and class coordinator got me in. Not boss. Which I think is adding to my WTF ness.

It would be totally reasonable for you to bring this up as an item in a regular check in as a "hey, how would you like me to handle things like this in the future? I was very motivated for this opportunity, and i didn't really feel heard or understand how the decision was initially made.  Could I have communicated better on my end?" ....I mean, that wording feels pretty stiff, but hopefully you're getting what I'm suggesting.  

It seems like a total miss on your boss's part, but I'd give them the opportunity to explain the logic there, or if there was some sort of disconnect with your email getting buried, or at least you'll be clear whether there wasn't any logic and your boss just might suck a little.

[rubytue]

wawa, thank you for giving me words. Everything I worked through in my head sound to me too much WTF. I think it’s partially because that’s totally the tone in my head 😂

Regular check in. HAHAHA. There is a touch of telework, a touch of I’ve known her 15 years, and some other stuff, but yeah, we don’t have regular check ins. In fact, we haven’t even had a staff meeting since I started, in January. It keeps getting canceled or moved. I think it’s going to be next week. Last time she moved it, she said she was feeling out of touch with us and was going to schedule individual catch-ups. Didn’t happen. I called her to make sure I understood something after a meeting, and maybe I caught her at a bad time, but it was actually a 45 second conversation (and I wanted more). I’m honestly so confused. Because I’ve had several people tell me she is the best supervisor they’ve ever had, so supportive and understanding etc. And then I had one friend who said she was terrible, showed crazy favoritism, and nothing was fair. And, one of the meh people is one of the ones that fit all the favoritism. So I am really trying hard not to hear one friends voice in my head when favorite “meh” lady was on the list and I wasn’t. *sigh*

I’m also thinking to myself I’m too high up in my career to be so weird about this.