Thursday updates, randoms

[rere]

Give us any updates or random info!

Dd got promoted early for the second time and he hasn't been in quite a year. He is now a private first class. This comes with a raise. He also texted that if I found him some aviator sunglasses on vacation, he wouldn't be mad about it. I asked what they looked like and he sent me a picture of Tom Cruise in Top Gun? Mkay.

3.5 hours and I am off work. I need to finish up some chore and packing because we leave for Panama City in the morning.

[twinmomma]

It's beau's birthday so we're going out to dinner with his mom tonight. She's a really nice lady, but eating with her is exhausting. She cannot keep beau's son's allergies straight for the life of her. It wouldn't be a big deal, except that she shows up with "special treats" for him that he then can't actually eat and it's a whole dramatic thing.

We think beau's ex is playing some games with their son when he's over there even more than usual. Last night he came back to us and cried that he wished he was at mom's instead because he's bored here. At mom's he has two grown women doting on him 24/7 and unlimited screen time and she purposely has him call to ask if he can stay there longer instead of coming back here, despite the custody agreement. Here, he is expected to just play with the other kids or hang out. We are not here to answer to his beck and call and make sure he's constantly entertained. Last night the melt down occurred when beau and I were busy cooking dinner, so his son was around us, but not getting undivided attention. Beau handled it really well, but it totally broke my heart when it was happening. It's really hard for him to hear stuff like that, obviously. He says he's reaching out to a lawyer within a month or so to figure out next steps, so we'll see how that plays out.

[mae0111]

As DD1 gets older we are having a really hard time distinguishing between normal tween/teen behavior and ADHD/NVLD behavior. This week there has been a lot of screaming. Like a LOT. She forgot to take her meds yesterday despite repeated reminders. And when that happens, she can get through the day but totally decompensates at home. So asking her to put a dish in the dishwasher or get in the shower triggers an epic meltdown.

Today’s meltdown happened because she tried to print something and it didn’t work. Is that hormones? ADHD? Who can tell?

Also, I get a lot of “in a minutes” from both kids. I’ll ask them to put their book bag away - “in a minute” and then it doesn’t get done. So now I’m taking away screen time, friend time, sports, etc if tasks aren’t completed.

Normal tween behavior? Probably. Exacerbated by ADHD? Absolutely.

I’ve had it.

[mustardseed2007]

So. Update to my nanny situation. Guys this is going to sound made up but it's not...I can't even. Nanny is staying and the story is ridiculous and scary and wild.

Nanny had been called by a former coworker to come work at his company in the same role she had before the pandemic. It would include a major pay increase and benefits so of course she went to the meeting and told me she wanted to take it. When she went to the meeting he was pressuring her to fill out forms and provide documentation to be onboarded right then and start immediately but she did tell him she has 2 jobs and needed to talk to her current employers and let them know. Rather than sending her off w/ the forms he finally said he would email them to her.

Well. The forms never came. She had been told yesterday to go back for an assessment today, and I told her she needed to find out when that assessment would happen b/c she was supposed to be working for me all day. When she called, the number was disconnected. The situation triggered a memory of her about a friend who had been offered a similar job. She called that friend and found out that the friend's identity had been stolen with a fake job offer.

THE WHOLE THING WAS A PLOY TO STEAL HER IDENTITY. The fast turn around was of course so he could get her info and then ghost her.

Nanny looked up the location she had met the guy, which was allegedly his corporate office. It was in fact a rent by the hour conference room space. The company doesn't exist and the whole thing was scam.

She apologized to us profusely and was crying. Guys it's absolutely insane and scary as well. She Knew the guy, had worked with him at her old place! She was at an in person meeting for a scam.

In the mean time I had interviewed 3 people and placed an add in a local facebook group for nannies/babysitters and caregivers. I'm still processing this and so is she...

Nuts.

[mommyatty]

mustardseed2007, please tell me she’s calling the cops! And putting a hold on her Social Security number with credit bureaus!

[mae0111]

mustardseed2007 omg. That’s insane. And so scary.

[soccermama]

mustardseed2007, that's so crazy!! In my experience with jobs & interviews, if it seems too good to be true, it probably IS!!! I mention that because if I recall you said they had offered her more $$ than what she was currently making.

[mustardseed2007]

Not only more money but benefits too. That was the biggest thing. It was enough additional money that I couldn't match it, but even if I could match it, I can't give her health benefits.

Well, not to mention that I don't have full time hours for her during the school year.

mommyatty, through my work we have relationships with police officers and I have put her in touch with one so she can make a report. She luckily did not provide him with her social security card but I hear, you, that's probably a good idea anyway. It's terrifying to me. She could have been physically harmed when she didn't fall for it!!!!! I think the saving grace is that he was in a rented conference room space in an office building where other people were close by. Which I'm guessing he rented with a fake identity too.

But she KNEW him guys. I mean, not well, but they had worked together before. It's crazy.

[campermom]

PDQ

[campermom]

mustardseed2007 wow!! That is so crazy and she’s so smart to have waited and researched!

[waverly]

mustardseed2007- wow that’s crazy!

campermom- how convenient that he wants custody now that he has a fiancé to pawn his son off on. You know he has zero plans to parent his child, and it’s all going to fall on fiancé’s shoulders.

[campermom]

I’m not worried. It will never happen

[AdaraMarie]

Jun 2, 2022 20:55:33 GMT -5 campermom said:

I’m not worried. It will never happen

My x used to say the same thing when my kid was having a lot of problems- about how much better it would be if he had full custody because I was such a bad mom. It never went anywhere.
And serious side eye about splitting up the kids. My x tried that for a while too - but in that case he decided he would only see the "easy" kid.
Sorry you have to deal with this foolishness.

[marie]

campermom, I wonder if he is trying to impress the fiancé and make it look like he is Dad of the year, but knows it will never happen.

[campermom]

pdq

[polecat8]

campermom, I kind of feel bad for your ExH's fiancee. Does she have any idea of what kind of crazy he is capable of?

And I agree with no response. No need to give him ammo to twist your words around.

[twinmomma]

I am so burnt out and exhausted by overdramatic children. DD2 is her own situation between the ADHD, the OCD, the sensory stuff, all of it. I'm trying to balance her stuff with refereeing how she is interacting with DD1 and beau's son. Then on top of that, beau's son is constantly crying and pitching fits lately when he doesn't get his own way. This morning's tantrum was because he was tattling on the girls for something and then did the exact same behavior, so I called him out on it. And I just got a call from the mom of the girls' BFF that she's all upset about some drama between the girls and says DD1 isn't being nice to her so I have to deal with that too.

I realize they are all just kids and they're all approaching ages with more drama and hormones, but I just want to scream "Suck it up buttercups! For the love of god, just GET OVER IT." Please know, this is not my approach in real life at all, which is why I am venting here and feeling burnt out from juggling everyone's big feelings about everything all the damn time. I feel like a full time therapist lately.

[mustardseed2007]

campermom, his poor fiancé, she doesn't stand a chance.

DD and DS have a play this weekend and dress rehearsal tonight but DD is sick. Like bad fever and just threw up sick. Her first grade teacher and BFF is supposed to come watch her in the play tomorrow. Boo.

[mommyatty]

twinmomma- my DD is the same age as your girls. The friend drama this year has been UNREAL. Then I have the insanity of DS whose issues are somewhat similar to your DD2. I’m constantly wanting to throttle someone so I can’t imagine how nuts it is with three kids around the same age in the house. I can barely handle two.

[twinmomma]

campermom, Good for you for just not engaging! My ExH and his fiancee always claim they "love having the kids there" whenever I've tried to fight for more custody. I'm positive his fiancee sees it as a fun chance to hang out with kids, not like there's any actual parenting responsibility required. I'd bet it is exactly what your lawyer said - fiancee doesn't want to see him as a deadbeat, he doesn't want to look like a deadbeat, and having a kid around all sounds like fun and games until the real parenting comes into play. If they have a kid they get to "play house."

[mae0111]

twinmomma, mommyatty, DD2 is totally dramatic here, in our house. Everything is HUUUUGE drama and emotion. She won a medal when her team won the soccer tournament last weekend. She placed the metal on my center console while I was driving, so I grabbed it quickly and threw it in my bag so it wouldn't slide between the seats. She couldn't immediately find it - screaming, crying, doors slamming... I lifted up my wallet and pulled out the medal...

Luckily there is no drama at school for her at this point. Her class is VERY dramatic, but she has no patience for it and just walks away once it starts.

A small vent/guilt... I reminded my kids no fewer than 5 times that they needed to pack rain jackets today. It's their field day, and it's raining. They would NOT get ready today. Playing with the dog, rolling on the floor, me screaming at everyone... so neither one brought a rain jacket. DD2 tried to grab mine out of the car, but a) it's like 15 sizes too big, and b) no chance it would have made it home. So I decided that this was my stand/hill to die on... and now I feel terrible because it's pouring.

[twinmomma]

mommyatty, This is our first real friend drama. Her mom and I are also good friends, so we chatted about it and she acknowledged that a big part of the drama is her daughter just over-reacting. But I do still need to address it with DD1 and remind her to watch her tone and how she interacts with people. I think sometimes she and DD2 forget that they can't interact with other kids the way they interact with each other. DD1 has sass for miles, so I'm sure it was her delivery that sparked the drama and then her BFF just escalated it. But yes, three over dramatic kids all the same age is just a lot some days. Especially when their other houses have completely opposite rules and standards.

mae0111, No one ever died from getting wet. Our field day games are mostly water play games anyway! This is a great natural consequence. But I know it will suck for you later when they're both complaining about it. Have a drink ready for yourself after school.

[mae0111]

twinmomma, I know you're right. If it was warm today I wouldn't care. But it's cold and wet and miserable. And the field for the events is a mile from school - all the kids walk up and back together - so it's not like they can just pull them inside because of the rain.

But they're both going for ice cream after school so maybe that will help!

[mommyatty]

mae0111 , natural consequence is an awesome teacher.