Very long story short, BFF/her H had an adoption fall through a day after being in the birthing room (mom changed her mind). They're understandably devastated and I'm heartbroken for them. Me and her 2 other friends are trying to figure out what we can do. We're going to send dinner for when they get home, maybe flowers during the week. What else can we do? I feel useless and dumb.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Jun 25, 2022 9:59:31 GMT -5
Are you local to them? If so, I would try to plan a time to show up and just spend time with them. I feel like a lot of time people feel like others need time/space to grieve when really they crave company, even if it's just hanging out watching tv or whatever you'd normally do together.
Be a good communicator and ask what would be most helpful now (then give concrete choices - give you space, sit with you, walk with you, send some dinners). Be a good listener, try not to say "at least...." or "look on the bright side" or try to fix this, just let her have her sad moments.
Post by purplepenguin7 on Jun 25, 2022 16:50:47 GMT -5
I’m so sorry for your friend. It is so devastating. Something very similar happened to a friend of mine. I would straight out ask your friend what they need because it’s very personal and people grieve in different ways. For my friend, she didn’t want dinner, gift cards or anything she attributed to “new parents”. She felt like her life/life style hadn’t changed and felt uncomfortable with things like that (just reminded her that she didn’t have a child). I’m sure others would feel different so I would just ask what kind of support they need.
(My friend was also not ready to pack up the baby stuff right away, but that might be something you could help with if you are local)
I’m so sorry. That happened to a friend of mine right before the pandemic hit. It’s devastating.
I think one of the most important things is to still be there when things calm down. Everyone shows up in the first week or two. The grieving family feels loved and supported, though they’re often still in shock. Then the shock wears off right about the time that the cards, visits, and meals stop…but that’s often when they need support the most.
Mark the date somewhere so you can remember it next year. Follow their cues as to talking about the baby…it will most likely mean a lot if you call the baby by name. It’s infant loss, just with the addition of the extremely complex emotions surrounding the birth mother deciding to keep the baby.