Going rate for Bar Mitzvah gift $$?

[magma]

I haven’t been to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah since I was 13, and now it’s my son’s turn. The host invited everyone in the class (small school) and my son isn’t friends with the host at all, but is still happy to go. I’m acquaintance friends with the Mom but not close..

VHCOL, big swanky party with bus transpo, dinner, band, etc. Semi-formal attire.

I assume a check inside a nice card for a gift, but for how much? Any idea on what is the right amount here?

Thanks!

[sporklemotion]

I don’t know the right amount, but multiples of 18 are good. The letters in the word “chai” (life) add up to that. When I was bat mitzvahed (in the 80s), I got lots of checks for $36. I’m guessing more is the norm now, lol., but the point is it doesn’t have to be a round #.

[tacokick]

I agree with multiples of 18 for however much you feel like giving. All of our wedding gift money was like this.

[erbear]

Ditto multiples of $18. We generally do $36 or $54 for school friends and $144 for very close family friends (these are the only two groups we’ve encountered)

[jaycee]

If it is VHCOL and the party includes bus, dinner, band, etc, I'd say >$100 (I love the others' ideas about multiples of 18).

[goldengirlz]

Oct 22, 2022 19:54:45 GMT -5 jaycee said:

If it is VHCOL and the party includes bus, dinner, band, etc, I'd say >$100 (I love the others' ideas about multiples of 18).

I think this is too much for a friend. Since OP doesn’t know the kid well, $54 sounds right. Even $36 would be okay. Just because this family is electing all the extras doesn’t mean OP has to spend extra in turn. That’s a really expensive precedent to set if her DS gets invited to others!

(I have no idea what the answer actually is, but the going rate for a regular birthday here is $25, so I figure double for a Bar Mitzvah. Families tend to give a lot but school friends shouldn’t feel obligated.)

[fn2187]

We give $180 to our friends’ kids. For kids just in the same class it would be around $54. VHCOL

[quesyrah]

I’ve been to one Bar Mitzvah for a casual friend and gave $36. I asked the mom what a common gift was and she said cash in multiples of 18.

[bronxgirl]

I also live in a VHCOL (although I don't think that should matter in gift giving). My daughter's bat mitzvah is coming up in a few weeks and she's been going to many throughout the last year. If only my daughter is invited, we give $54. If it's our whole family $118. Although sometimes we give a physical gift rather than a check, but only if I know the kid well enough to have an idea of what they would like.