Do you keep a joke up your sleeve?

[fangoriagurkel]

Do you have a go-to joke?

Inspired by me telling my rideshare driver a joke that cracked her up and my cousin incredulous that I just thought of it. I keep a kid safe and adult safe joke always on hand and I thought everyone did. Do you?

[TR]

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

[fernweh]

Nov 21, 2022 20:44:53 GMT -5 TR said:

Why do you never seen elephants hiding in trees?

Why?

[underwaterrhymes]

I need to know the joke now.

I have one courtesy of my sons’ lunchbox joke cards.

What do vegan zombies eat?

SPOILER: Click to show

Graaaaiiinnnssss

[mccallister84]

I mean I have about a bajillion jokes courtesy of my children but I’m not sure anyone over the age of 7 would find them funny.

[TR]

Nov 21, 2022 20:45:28 GMT -5 fernweh said:

Nov 21, 2022 20:44:53 GMT -5 TR said:

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Why?

Because they’re REALLY good at it!

[fangoriagurkel]

Nov 21, 2022 20:47:06 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

I need to know the joke now.

I have one courtesy of my sons’ lunchbox joke cards.

What do vegan zombies eat?

SPOILER: Click to show

Graaaaiiinnnssss

My child friendly joke: How do you know the ocean is friendly? (It waves)

Adult joke: What do you call a cheap circumcision? (A rip off)

[MixedBerryJam]

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. <-- G rating

What's round and hard and sticks so far out of a man's pajamas you could hang a hat on it? His head. <-- R rating

[jackie011]

Courtesy of my niece:
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
You’re under a vest!

Also, if I’m making plans and someone suggests 2:30 I’m forced to say “oh, a dentist’s favorite time” because it’s “tooth-hurty”

I’ve worked with kids my whole life, folks

[W.T.Faulkner]

When kids don’t return my pens at school, I ask them if they’re from Pittsburgh. When they say “no,” I then say “then don’t be a ‘Stealer.’”

They then groan into oblivion and occasionally boo me.

[sofamonkey]

Why does a chicken coupe have 2 doors? If it had 4 doors, it would be a sedan! Hyuck hyuck hyuck

[notsopicky]

Why do seagulls fly by the sea? Because if they flew by the bay, they'd be bagels. Ba dum dum!

[slbride2003]

What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!

[staceymcgill]

Nov 21, 2022 20:47:49 GMT -5 TR said:

Nov 21, 2022 20:45:28 GMT -5 fernweh said:

Why?

Because they’re REALLY good at it!

This is my all time favorite joke.

[flex]

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks

[al dente]

I said no, but I do have some kid jokes. I would never bring them up on my own though lol.

[katfco]

Why was the young strawberry sad?



Because its parents were in a jam.


Last year, I started giving my students a joke a day and I ended up posting them outside my door. Everyone in the elementary school would check my daily joke. I'm so sad, when I changed districts, the file was lost. I worked really hard on it.

[noodleoo]

Nov 21, 2022 21:54:02 GMT -5 notsopicky said:

Why do seagulls fly by the sea? Because if they flew by the bay, they'd be bagels. Ba dum dum!

This is my favorite joke of all time and also my go to!
I love this thread.

[kath16]

My H did a version of a “ketchup/catch-up” joke to my kids and they now believe he is a comedic genius

[katfco]

Some of the favorites from my elementary school:

What do you call a noodle that is fake?

An im-pasta


What do you call a dinosaur fart?


A blast from the past.

[georgeglass]

What's brown and sticky?






A stick.

[egeiger]

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?








Nothing. It just let out a little wine/whine.

[basilosaurus]

2 guys walk into a bar.

One says ouch.

[gerberdaisy]

Growing up my mom's adult joke was super man one where the punch line was "superman you're a mean drunk" which was partially funny because it is so out of character for my mom. But her and my dad would always argue about it, because he would ruin the punchline every time.

I've never had a bar or kid joke ready, but thinking I should now! My dad and my kids are always sharing jokes.

[circa1978]

I send my H any wordplay that amuses me, because he hates it. This is the last one on my phone (which was extra perfect because he's Norwegian-American):

How do Vikings send messages?

Norse code.

ETA: I can already tell from this thread he'll be ignoring all my texts this a.m. 

[underwaterrhymes]

Nov 22, 2022 0:10:40 GMT -5 katfco said:

Some of the favorites from my elementary school:

What do you call a noodle that is fake?

An im-pasta


What do you call a dinosaur fart?


A blast from the past.

I am definitely going to share the dinosaur fart one with my kids this morning.

[MixedBerryJam]

Nov 22, 2022 0:10:40 GMT -5 katfco said:

Some of the favorites from my elementary school:

What do you call a noodle that is fake?

An im-pasta


What do you call a dinosaur fart?


A blast from the past.

I recently described myself as a 12yo boy trapped in a 66yo woman’s body and this joke proved it bc I legit lolled.

[slbride2003]

I put a joke in DS’s lunch every day. I find them online.

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin’s circumference by its diameter ?
Pumpkin pi

[bex1973]

This thread is everything I didn't know I needed this morning!

[shauni27]

our friend group loves a corny joke. We have a million and a half, but I just added the circumcision and the elephant/duck joke.