How to decline gracefully but firmly?

[nicolewi]

A lady I hardly know in my neighborhood has invited me several times over the years to join a Bible study group. She left me alone for a while when my kids were small, but she "rediscovered" me somehow and was kind of pushy about an Advent group this year that I declined (just said I was really busy and already had conflicts on most of the dates). She said, "no problem, we'll be doing one for Lent, too!" and I just didn't respond. Now I got a group email to her Lenten group, including me, assuming we are all participating. Copies a guy at our church and asks him to let ALL of us know of future church offerings and also to order all of us books for the group session.

Nothing wrong with Bible study but this is just not my thing right now. I don't want a regular weekly commitment, I don't even really know these ladies and don't get the sense that we'd become besties, and if I do make a weekly commitment it needs to be/I would prefer it be to exercise or something I consider fun and social. 

So how do I decline in such a way that it's clear I don't want to do this, like, ever, without being rude? I see her on walks and stuff around the neighborhood and she's a nice person and all...but I don't want to do this and don't want to be invited. 

[wanderingback]

I would just reply to the email saying "I’m not interested in bible study could you please remove me from this email group." Then, delete any further emails. If she asks you in person I would just keep saying you’re not interested now or in the future. I don’t think it needs to be a big thing, just say no and keep it moving.

[tealblue]

My first thought is just to reply “unsubscribe” and leave it at that.

But I would reply to her and the church guy at least and say something like “please do not order me a book or include me on your future distribution list church guy. Karen, I’m not interested in joining your group.” Whatever you respond, be short. As hard as it would be for me to stop, do not expand to say “I have no time, I can’t now or I will reach out to you in the future” do not give any openings for her to jump.

[VillainV]

If you value any kind of neighborly relationship with her, you could say something like “I apologize for not being clear on this earlier, but I was trying to be polite (or trying not to hurt your feelings). I’m not interested in being part of a Bible Study. Thanks for thinking of me, but please remove me from this distro list. See you around the neighborhood!”

[livinitup]

You are asking how to do two different things :

- How to decline gracefully but forcefully? You did, perfectly

- How to get her to stop inviting me? You can’t

Even if you were rude and loud this woman would STILL invite you over and over again.

Just let yourself be comfortable with ignoring her emails/delete or response “No, thank you” each time. Offer no reason or explanation. She can’t make you go and you can’t make her stop asking. Sadly.

[osulori]

I think you did an amazing job of declining gracefully but unfortunately some people need a more, ahem, blunt approach. I would email her and the guy from your church directly and inform them that you are not interested in participating in this or other bible study groups and to not order you the book for the Lent group. And leave it at that. If either one or both tries to push the issue, repeat the previous until either 1. they listen or 2. you get fed up enough to stop responding.

[jinkies]

"Hi! I was added to this list in error. I am not participating in the Bible study so please do not include me when ordering the materials, and remove me from future communications. Thank you!"

[scm1011]

Jan 13, 2023 16:52:03 GMT -5 jinkies said:

"Hi! I was added to this list in error. I am not participating in the Bible study so please do not include me when ordering the materials, and remove me from future communications. Thank you!"

This is perfect.

OP, you are not being rude. This woman is being rude by pushing her agenda on you when you’ve shown zero interest.

[nicolewi]

I sent a response. I won’t quote the whole thing, but I put in it that I’m really not interested in Bible study or a small group faith formation. I said good luck with your group and thanks for thinking of me.

[ECB]

Jan 13, 2023 17:56:19 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Jan 13, 2023 16:52:03 GMT -5 jinkies said:

"Hi! I was added to this list in error. I am not participating in the Bible study so please do not include me when ordering the materials, and remove me from future communications. Thank you!"

This is perfect.

OP, you are not being rude. This woman is being rude by pushing her agenda on you when you’ve shown zero interest.

i know you’ve replied and hopefully that will be the end of this, but i still had to say “this”. SHE is being rude and clearly has no qualms about it. I get your desire to be neighborly, but if she doesn’t stop after your last reply - realize that SHE doesn’t care about your feelings or being respectful.

[Jalapeñomel]

Thanks for inviting me, but I’m an atheist.

[waverly]

What you wrote sounds good.

I found that once we signed up for something electronically then somehow we were on multiple email lists even for stuff we didn’t sign up for. I had to ask to be removed from choir and I still get the youth group list even though we haven’t gone to church since before the pandemic.