PDQ, I may delete. I don’t know what I’m looking for here. My almost 4 yo daughter won’t poop in the potty. We’ve spoken to the pediatrician as recently as last week and have been assured this is normal. Child is neurotypical and the ped isn’t concerned about any sensory issues. I’m outwardly acting low key about this. I’m not going to get into a power struggle (I know I’ll lose against a 3.5 year old) but, I’m SO tired of changing her diapers (really pull-ups) and/or cleaning up poopy underwear.
Post by icedcoffee on Jan 31, 2023 12:09:59 GMT -5
My first kid pooped in his underwear A LOT from the time we potty trained at 3 to almost 4. I washed so many poopy underwear. OMG. And then one day he decided he was done. And that was it. I think you're close to her deciding based on my experience so just keep going. Pull ups at nap/bedtime. Underwear the rest of the time. You got this.
I think it's really common for kids to be weird about poop. My son had no issues PTing at 2y9m for peeing in the potty, but he wasn't consistently good about pooping in the potty until almost 5. Even now, at 6, he still has bouts a couple times a year where he struggles and sometimes ends up with (thankfully small) accidents. And he still won't wipe, ARGH.
It drove me nuts cleaning up poopy underwear almost daily for over a year. And sometimes it was really hard to keep my cool because I really didn't want to give him a complex about it and make it more of a thing than it already was. Ultimately, the thing that I think was most helpful was just time, but as he got better about it, we were able to be a bit more emphatic about insisting he try to sit on the potty at regular times.
Post by icedcoffee on Jan 31, 2023 12:17:04 GMT -5
Ok if she's never pooped before she's probably scared. We had this issue at first. I promised him a WHOLE DONUT if he pooped in the potty which excited him, but didn't get him to do it. We made sure he had enough fiber to make it soft and I spent the day really close to him. Then when I had a good hunch he needed to poop (you can kind of tell because TMI they start farting) I made him sit and basically held him hostage there until he pooped. And then he got scared and cried so I sang "let it go" and then when it came out I cheered and danced. And I sent my H out for the donut with THE MOST sprinkles. And we called all the grandparents.
And then he still pooped in his underwear for about 6 more months, but he would sometimes poop in the potty.
And that's the story of how we made him not scared to poop in the potty. LOL
Post by mccallister84 on Jan 31, 2023 12:29:47 GMT -5
I know you said you don’t want to get in to a power struggle but that’s what I did and I won and I regretted not doing it sooner. I’ve told this story on here before.
DD1 was pee trained in hours when she was 2 years 3 months. She then proceeded to ask for a diaper to poop in (or wait for her nap time diaper before she dropped naps) for over a year. She never had a poop accident.
One day early in the throes of Covid I had had A DAY and I was just over it. She asked for the diaper and I said no and put her on the potty. We sat there for probably the worst 30 minutes of her life with her sobbing and me trying to be sympathetic but firm until she finally pooped in the potty. She was so proud of herself and we never had an issue again.
Ok if she's never pooped before she's probably scared. We had this issue at first. I promised him a WHOLE DONUT if he pooped in the potty which excited him, but didn't get him to do it. We made sure he had enough fiber to make it soft and I spent the day really close to him. Then when I had a good hunch he needed to poop (you can kind of tell because TMI they start farting) I made him sit and basically held him hostage there until he pooped. And then he got scared and cried so I sang "let it go" and then when it came out I cheered and danced. And I sent my H out for the donut with THE MOST sprinkles. And we called all the grandparents.
And then he still pooped in his underwear for about 6 more months, but he would sometimes poop in the potty.
And that's the story of how we made him not scared to poop in the potty. LOL
Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s really helping me feel like we’ll overcome this (logically I know we will, emotionally it doesn’t feel that way). She’s definitely scared. If I can just get her to go once I think she’ll see it’s not too bad. I know when she has to go but she’ll hold it in once she’s on the potty. We’re starting MiraLAX today per the ped’s recommendation.
Oh, I forgot to mention that bribery was a major motivating factor in our case. He got a treat if he pooped in the potty with no accidents. Or on some hard days, if he just agreed to sit on the potty and try.
And now he still expects a daily treat for pooping, ha. But it's a small price to pay.
Post by icedcoffee on Jan 31, 2023 12:38:11 GMT -5
You'll get through it. I know it feels never ending though. I weas just talking about my younger 1 today because he's still peeing his pants a lot and realized it's only been 6 months since he peed in the potty for the 1st time...but it feels like an eternity. LOL
Oh, I forgot to mention that bribery was a major motivating factor in our case. He got a treat if he pooped in the potty with no accidents. Or on some hard days, if he just agreed to sit on the potty and try.
And now he still expects a daily treat for pooping, ha. But it's a small price to pay.
We’re doing m&ms and stickers. Were there any treats that worked really well for you? Maybe I need bigger rewards…
Oh, I forgot to mention that bribery was a major motivating factor in our case. He got a treat if he pooped in the potty with no accidents. Or on some hard days, if he just agreed to sit on the potty and try.
And now he still expects a daily treat for pooping, ha. But it's a small price to pay.
We’re doing m&ms and stickers. Were there any treats that worked really well for you? Maybe I need bigger rewards…
He especially liked popsicles.
Just find her currency. Since you are still trying to get over the hurdle of the first time, I wouldn't be above a really high ticket item, like a new toy. Something to get her excited and really proud when she finally does go.
(Disclaimer: I am not a child psychologist and I have no idea whether this is a healthy way to approach these things. It's just what helped make things click for my reward-motivated child.)
She asked for a “big girl” bed shortly after turning three. I foolishly told her she could have one when she’s potty trained thinking it would be super motivating. Well, the joke’s on me because I’m still lifting her out of her crib daily.
DD was so scared to poop on the toilet. She trained herself for pee at 2.5 and I thought it would be so easy from there and LOL nope. She was so scared she started withholding and developed encopresis. I was so over it and absolutely lost my patience. Bribes weren't working. Letting her be wasn't working. Giving it time wasn't working. I had to force the issue when she was 3.5/4. We stayed home for a weekend, did a cleanout, and decided we would actually get into a power struggle. I won. Anytime I could see her struggling to keep the poop in I'd plop her on the toilet and would make her stay there for a period of time. She cried, I cried, it was awful. Eventually she went, all was fine, and that was that. She wasn't scared anymore and cashed in on the promise of a gigantic toy she wanted.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Jan 31, 2023 13:10:47 GMT -5
Have you tried a pooping buddy?
It was my oldest’s tradition with her dad. He’s bath guy, so every night after dinner, they would dance to 1-2 songs in the kitchen while cleaning up the dishes, then head to the potty. He would sit on the toilet, she’d sit on her little potty, and they’d have poopin’ time. They chat, sing songs, read books, play on the iPad, and sit together for about 15-20 minutes. Almost every night, she’d poop. She was on a good schedule and his presence relaxed her so she didn’t get all spun up and try to hold it.
My son is basically feral. Sorry, lol.
He’s been a little more difficult because his body doesn’t have a regular poop time. So, he can be an overnight stink bomb in his pull-up, or will successfully poop on the potty when it’s his idea and he’s awake. I get told, “Go away, mommy,” and then the bathroom shuts and 10 minutes later I get the, “All done, help meeee!” yell.
Post by maudefindlay on Jan 31, 2023 13:22:19 GMT -5
All 3 of mine were "late". I used quotes because the medical field says it is fine, but preschools etc often have rules about being potty trained to move into the 3s classes. Your kid is fine though, really. You can't force it and I just had to let it go until each showed signs of readiness.
Your child WILL be potty trained! My DS was on the older side, a little over 4, when he was finally fully trained. He had been peeing for some time but was not successful with poop. Finally about a month or two after he turned 4, it was like a switch flipped and he got it. Your time will come! Its really hard though, and hard not to get angry with them over it!
I have a DS who is 3.5 and is still fully in diapers. He sits on the potty at preschool and very occasionally at home, but never for long enough to relax and pee. As a consequence, he doesn't understand the connection between sensations and outcome, and doesn't know how to control it. He even articulates, I don't know how to go. He will usually tell me he doesn't want to sit on the potty, probably bc in any given sit down, it seems pointless at this point.
I have this hope that when he gets it, it'll come fast because he's older, but it's taking forever to come. We don't even have a trajectory right now, even for pee training.
Our other challenge is that he does not like to be naked, so naked time isn't the simple solution. If we leave him pantsless, he goes and gets pants and puts them on. So IDK what to say except that I'm deeply tired of diapers too.
Oh, I forgot to mention that bribery was a major motivating factor in our case. He got a treat if he pooped in the potty with no accidents. Or on some hard days, if he just agreed to sit on the potty and try.
And now he still expects a daily treat for pooping, ha. But it's a small price to pay.
We’re doing m&ms and stickers. Were there any treats that worked really well for you? Maybe I need bigger rewards…
I was so frustrated with my son (who would hold his poop until we put a pull up on him, then he'd go to his poop spot and do his business, then ask to be cleaned... so frustrated! he was about 3.5) that we promised him a trip to Disneyland. It took a week once we came up with that bribe, but he finally pooped on the toilet and started doing it consistently after that so we had to take him to Disneyland. Lol!
Have you tried having her read a book on the toilet? I've heard that helps kids to relax enough to go if they have to.
If it had been left to my husband, our son never would have pooped in the toilet! It was difficult because he was definitely scared. Things that worked in our favor were that my son has always eaten a ton of fruit so there was no way he could hold it indefinitely. He also covered himself whenever he was going. I removed every pillow and blanket and wouldn't let him go behind any furniture or hide anywhere. There was a lot of screaming (all him!). I would sit and hold his hands assuring him it would be okay. There was one time in public I thought people would think I was murdering him. I just kept reassuring him that it wouldn't hurt and holding hands with him while he was going.
This part was an absolutely nightmare for us. We had a hellish trip to Disney because he REFUSED to poop anywhere but home. He held it until he basically made himself sick. It was beyond awful. I have no words of advice because I’m pretty sure I got it all wrong…but eventually we made it through. Once he got it, he was good to go. Never another issue.
I had completely forgotten about how awful this part of parenting was (he’s 12 now) until a friend mentioned she was having struggles with their kid. Now it feels like a blip on the radar…but honestly, at the time, it felt like one of my lowest parenting moments. Actually, even looking back, there have been few things in parenting worse than this situation…so far.
Oh, I forgot to mention that bribery was a major motivating factor in our case. He got a treat if he pooped in the potty with no accidents. Or on some hard days, if he just agreed to sit on the potty and try.
And now he still expects a daily treat for pooping, ha. But it's a small price to pay.
We’re doing m&ms and stickers. Were there any treats that worked really well for you? Maybe I need bigger rewards…
When my DS pooped in the toilet for the first time he got a $10 duplo set. No regrets.
We did m&ms for pee from the start and for poop after the first time.
DS was over 4 before he would use the potty at all, pee or poop. I tried all kinds of things, finally gave up, and let him do it when he was ready. Once he decided to do it, he never even had a single accident, ever. It was so easy. So the only downside of waiting for us was me feeling a little embarrassed, which I shouldn’t have been, and buying diapers for longer.
Oh, I forgot to mention that bribery was a major motivating factor in our case. He got a treat if he pooped in the potty with no accidents. Or on some hard days, if he just agreed to sit on the potty and try.
And now he still expects a daily treat for pooping, ha. But it's a small price to pay.
This is what we did with DD. And she still asks for a lollipop every time 😂 We started PT at 2.5 and I don't think poop was really easy until 3.5. That was very rough and dramatic. The bribe + miralax seemed to be the key. Oh, and a little potty, she was more comfortable with that at first.
No advice, but all the sympathy and hugs. Potty training was THE ABSOLUTE WORST. Solidarity from all the moms who have been there.
I'm beginning to see how the rose-colored glasses work, because I saw your post and initially thought, "Eh, it didn't last all that long. Wasn't that bad," but the truth is, I remember thinking it was torture and told multiple people back when it was all fresh in my mind, "It's purgatory!"
Our kiddo was also 4ish before he was consistently pooping on the potty. What worked for us (and we still do it at almost age 9!) is set aside 15-20 minutes a day for him to sit on the potty. He gets to use his iPad, but you could do books too. It’s low stakes — there’s no pressure. Sometimes he poops and sometimes he doesn’t. At first there were cheers and rewards. He STILL is very proud of his poops and loves when he clogs the toilet. He still asks me to come look at his best creations (eww).
Post by estrellita on Jan 31, 2023 18:40:09 GMT -5
A is 5 (turned 5 in Dec) and she still won't consistently poop in the potty. But she also has some issues (thanks to me posting about it here, she is in therapy for it!). So, I don't say that to scare you, but commiseration that PTing is terrible. Every pair of underwear is stained, I'm so over buying pullups, it's so frustrating. But I also say this so you know that it's normal. When I mentioned her issues to the doctor a year ago, she said that it can be very normal to not be fully PTed until 4, sometimes longer, depending on the kid.
Her advice at the time was no punishments/consequences, but lots of encouragement. Sitting her on the potty after every meal and any time she seems like she needs to go. Some additional tips from therapy are to use a stool for feet, sit up straight, and practice breathing with a little coffee straw (helps her blow it out more slowly). Lots of water, and lots of fiber, and cutting back on foods that tend to block things up like dairy in particular. You probably don't need to go to any extremes (we also give A Miralax and probiotics due to her issues) but doing some breathing on the potty helps with relaxing, and the other tips probably wouldn't hurt.
Trust me, you have plenty of time. I know how much it sucks though and how it doesn't seem like it will ever end. If it helps, E stopped having accidents completely at about 3.5. They were never as often as A, and were just a result of him not wanting to stop what he was doing to go to the bathroom. We finally started a points board for days without accidents so he could earn prizes. That ended up working for him!
Post by countthestars on Jan 31, 2023 19:57:49 GMT -5
I didn’t read any of the responses, but DD wasn’t pee trained until 4 and poop trained at 4.5. DS was somewhere between 4-4.5 as well for poop. At the time idly was so overwhelming/embarrassing but now I never remember until someone posts about their own struggles (they’re 7 and 9 now!). I bet I could find an old post or 7 that I made about the same topic. What ultimately worked for us was time, and for DD specifically we lined the baby potty with a diaper to get her comfortable. I hope it happens for you soon, but can assure you that you’re not alone <3