Will My Child Ever Be Potty Trained?!??

[heygrey]

DS was just shy of 4 before he potty trained. I spent so much mental energy fretting about it at the time, but then suddenly it wasn't an issue anymore. So maybe give yourself grace and let this go right now? You've done all the medical stuff to make sure there isn't an actual issue, just chalk this one up to maturity and personality.


I'm not sure if it was the best approach, but at 3 years, 10 months I put underwear in DS's drawer and told him that 4 year olds don't use pull ups for daytime and to let me know when he was ready to wear underwear. 2 weeks before his birthday he chose to wear underwear and never had an accident. He was fully day and night trained without issue. It was nothing I did and all about his choice. We were confident that it wasn't a medical or developmental issue, just stubbornness.

[mcppalmbeach]

magic

I didn’t read all the responses, but have you tried going pantsless? How frequently do they go?

Pantslessness was really the trick for all my kids. They all trained right around 3. There was definitely the cognitive ability to realize it didn’t feel “right” to poop on the floor into the void lol. I have a very clear memory of my oldest…he had peed in the potty but never pooped. So I dedicated three days to stay at home. He didn’t go the first day, but the second day there was a very clear look on his face when it dawned on him that he had to poop and he had on no bottoms like “oh crap” literally and we ran to the potty and never again pooped in a pull-up or underwear.

[penguingrrl]

My middle refused to potty train for a long time. She was absolutely capable, just entirely disinterested. She basically had to do it on her own terms. I also think that she learns like I do, and needs to fully understand everything before trying at all (this was why I failed math often, I had to understand the goal for the steps to click in my head).

What finally worked for her was that a friend very innocently asked why she wore diapers like the babies (they were in preschool and my youngest was a newborn and friend had a younger sister and mom was pregnant again). This was a few months before she turned 4. That day she went home, announced she was done with diapers and used the toilet. She never had a single accident from then on, either. She was ready, it was absolutely a power struggle that she won.

[sent]

I have no personal experience to add here. Friends of ours were saying how their cousin hired a "potty training consultant" to come to their home for 2 or 3 days and thousands of dollars. I had never heard of this so I was intrigued to hear more.

Apparently this lady's secret is to load the child up with miralax on the first day to force the sensation of needing to have a bowel movement, and then getting the child to go on the toilet regularly during those days she is at their house.

That approach didn't sit well with me but it wasn't my place to judge.

[yellow23]

I think it depends on the child’s attitude. My daughter didn’t like to poop in the potty basically because it was easier to go in her pants. One day she had a messy poop in her favorite Peppa Pig underwear and I cut the underwear off her and threw them away. It wasn’t meant to be a punishment, just one of those poops where there was no saving the underwear and trying to pull them down would have been a horrible mess. She was so upset about it that I told her I would buy her a new set of those underwear once she learned to poop in the potty. The horror of my throwing out her favorite underwear was enough to convince her to poop in the potty.

[osulori]

Kid #1 was easy AF to potty train-started with a slow intro at the sitters, incorporated the same at home but kept diapers/pullups full time. Dropped those shortly before he turned 3 and never looked back. So we figured Kid #2 would be the same.

HAHAHAHA NO WAY MAN. (If you're familiar with my daughter's antics via FB/IG this should not surprise you because she is your typical second kid). She's good with pee during the day but pooping has been an issue. Constipation led to painful pooping which led to holding her poop which led to more painful poops and so on. Because of all this, she wanted nothing to do with pooping in the potty and threw major fits. Our babysitters and I put our heads together and settled on bribery-at their house, she gets the iPad when she sits and earns an extra 5 min after if she poops on the potty (they get very little screen time there so this is motivating to her). We're a little more, ahem, liberal with screen time at our house so that doesn't motivate her at home...but little toys do. So I have a handful of little blind bag style toys ready to go and when she poops on the potty she gets one. We also had to tackle the constipation-started with Miralax and just switched to fiber gummies, and those plus daily fruit has made pooping a lot easier and less scary.

One other thing we've done that she's taken to is...the Poop Monster. Thanks to her older brother she thinks all things poop/fart/burp is hilarious and she loves flushing the toilet so we made up a story about the Poop Monster that lives in her butt and the only way to make it go away is to flush it down the toilet. I am well aware this will not work for most almost 4 year olds, and it may backfire on us at some point...but for now, it works Her bedtime story for the last week or so has been about Princess Zoe versus the Poop Monster, because this is my life now.

[meanie]

Is she holding it? Our DD must have had a bad experience and tried to hold it starting around 3 - 4 years old, which created a cycle of constipation and diarrhea.

I am happy to say she is now 9 and we are mostly on the other side of it, but it was a long road.

Potty training really needs to be child-led, you can make it fun and have rewards but ultimately she will do it when she is ready. Just remember she will be potty trained some day and this will be a blip in time when you look back.

[waverly]

My nephews were not fully trained until 4 and 4.5 respectively. For DS, I put a little potty in his room because he was pooping in his diaper and it was crazy gross all over him. Then he did use the little potty, but it was absolutely disgusting. So not sure I totally recommend that method, but I guess he emotionally needed that bridge.

sent, I wouldn't personally use Miralax without a medical issue, but I know many kids would not go due to constipation. And DD was constipated a lot at that age and was on it daily at the advice of her doctor. Since it hurts, I can imagine constipation being a problem for many kids with potty training. But I wouldn't be doling out Miralax all willy nilly.

[sent]

waverly, yes, I've heard the same about Miralax to be taken under the direction of a physician. I don't know this consultant's credentials except that she has been featured on Good Morning America or something like that. The parents wanted the child to be potty trained to begin some type of pre-school program and the toddler was still 3. I was so curious about her magic and then I had major side eye when I heard them describe her method.

[turboteal]

Our girl was pee trained around 2.5, but asked for a diaper to poop for like another year. We didnt push it bc we didnt want to make it a power struggle, make her constipated, etc. Finally we bought the potty training guide from Big Little Feelings to see if we could move it along because I was pregnant again and really hoping to get her fully potty trained before baby brother came. We started using their language/talking suggestions but it was probably just luck that a week later she accidentally pooped on her little potty when she was only intending to pee 😂. I had left her alone to go get a wipe when it happened. When I got back she told me she pooped and I was about to start clapping and cheering but she immediately told me "Dont be happy! Dont clap!" So I was like oh ok and made my face neutral and just emptied her potty and asked if she wanted ice cream (long standing bribe offer for any pooping in the potty) and she said yes. After that, she was willing to try but had to have privacy (she asked me to hide out of sight) and no cheering or celebrating (but she did want the ice cream lol), and suddenly she was just pooping in the potty! She got used to it very quickly and started forgetting to ask for the ice cream within a week or two. I think she just had to do it and realize it wasn't that scary and then it was no longer an issue. So, yeah she just needed time. The poopy cloth diapers as I was getting more and more pregnant sucked though, I feel your misery and just wanting to be past it!

[blondemoment123]

Yes! My DS turned 5 in November and shortly after he started pooping in the potty. I truly thought he never would and was completely distraught.

Like everything else, its all on his terms 😒

There is light and the end of the tunnel!

[DarcyLongfellow]

Oh, gosh. So much sympathy. Potty training is the worst.

Both my kids were very different, but both had big issues with poop.

DD1 was a nightmare. She pee trained relatively easily, then spent probably 5 months pooping exclusively in her panties. 🤢🤢🤢 And she went multiple times a day. At first, she would poop the second I put a diaper on her for bed. I tried naked time, she just thought it was awesome and would take a dump right on the floor. What finally worked was massive bribing. Every time she pooped in the potty, she got a freaking parade. She'd earn M&M's (I don't remember how many, but a lot), plus a new toy from a treasure box I made and filled with cheap plastic crap from the dollar store. PlUS a sticker on a sticker chart. The sticker chart had a printed picture of a toy she really wanted (the first one was a Flynn Rider barbie doll - I know because I saved it), and she had to poop in the potty a relatively small number of times to earn it - maybe 10? Which was seriously only like 2.5 days of pooping for her. Then, after she earned that, we'd start another sticker chart for another big toy she really wanted.

I don't remember the exact moment it all clicked, but we started potty training in the spring and she started 3 year old preschool in August with only panties.

DD2 was a dream to potty train. I talked up how once she turned 3, she couldn't use diapers any more so we'd give them all away to babies who needed them because she was going to be a BIG GIRL and BIG GIRLS wore PANTIES, not diapers!! So she woke up on her 3rd birthday, informed me it was time to gather up every diaper in the house and get rid of it. Refused any diapers after that - even for bed, and barely had any accidents. (She totally called my bluff - I had planned to wait a day so she didn't have to potty train on her actual birthday, and keep her in diapers for sleeping!)

She did, however, develop awful problems with constipation (even though she never really said anything about being scared to poop on the potty). She's on a daily dose of a chewable saline laxative to this day. I remember hours of rubbing her belly while she sobbed those first few weeks of being potty trained.

[grover]

Just commiserating. Twin boys are turning 4 next month. One will pee in the potty, the other one nothing. We need them trained for fall park district preschool program (they're in district program as well, and that is fine bc they don't need PT for that- one of the boys has a Speech IEP). I'm annoyed bc the park district has a special rate for parents who need care for before/after school district program but won't all pull ups even though 85% of preschool kiddos in that program have IEPs and delays.

[namasteak]

We have tried all sizes of rewards but have had no luck. He stays dry at school & his teacher says he pees there (he only poops at home) so idk what his deal is! Even weirder is the fact when his teacher babysits he goes potty for her🤦🏻‍♀️ seriously considering having her nanny at home a few days to see if that does the trick. But it feels like a power play so maybe not...

He's almost 4 so this feels late!

[felicity]

Feb 15, 2023 15:39:54 GMT -5 namasteak said:

We have tried all sizes of rewards but have had no luck. He stays dry at school & his teacher says he pees there (he only poops at home) so idk what his deal is! Even weirder is the fact when his teacher babysits he goes potty for her🤦🏻‍♀️ seriously considering having her nanny at home a few days to see if that does the trick. But it feels like a power play so maybe not...

He's almost 4 so this feels late!

It totally sounds like he has a bit of a power struggle going on if he’ll do it it some cases and not others. IME with my late potty trainer (over 4), he didn’t need training, he needed to decide he wanted to. It was frustrating for me but he did eventually use the potty.

[namasteak]

Feb 15, 2023 16:25:09 GMT -5 felicity said:

Feb 15, 2023 15:39:54 GMT -5 namasteak said:

We have tried all sizes of rewards but have had no luck. He stays dry at school & his teacher says he pees there (he only poops at home) so idk what his deal is! Even weirder is the fact when his teacher babysits he goes potty for her🤦🏻‍♀️ seriously considering having her nanny at home a few days to see if that does the trick. But it feels like a power play so maybe not...

He's almost 4 so this feels late!

It totally sounds like he has a bit of a power struggle going on if he’ll do it it some cases and not others. IME with my late potty trainer (over 4), he didn’t need training, he needed to decide he wanted to. It was frustrating for me but he did eventually use the potty.

I keep telling myself he won't go to kindergarten in diapers/pull ups so I don't have to stress about it 😂 he has 2 more years of preschool so he has time