I kept clicking on this thread wanting to comment but couldn't figure out how to say what I want to say.
We got an invite to the bar mitzvah of a friend's son. I met her thru synagogue b/c our sons are the same age. But I had to pull my son out of religious school around 3rd grade b/c he just couldn't handle it, we kept getting calls about his behavior etc. Finally I felt like it was all I could do to manage regular school for him, I couldn't handle religious school and all the problems there. So we pulled him. Now his peers are having bar mitzvahs and although he technically can still have one too (even though he didn't learn to read hebrew) it's just a kick in the stomach that they are achieving these milestones that he didn't achieve.
The invite was an evite or whatever and I haven't even opened it. I just keep looking at it in my email and feeling sad.
I kept clicking on this thread wanting to comment but couldn't figure out how to say what I want to say.
We got an invite to the bar mitzvah of a friend's son. I met her thru synagogue b/c our sons are the same age. But I had to pull my son out of religious school around 3rd grade b/c he just couldn't handle it, we kept getting calls about his behavior etc. Finally I felt like it was all I could do to manage regular school for him, I couldn't handle religious school and all the problems there. So we pulled him. Now his peers are having bar mitzvahs and although he technically can still have one too (even though he didn't learn to read hebrew) it's just a kick in the stomach that they are achieving these milestones that he didn't achieve.
The invite was an evite or whatever and I haven't even opened it. I just keep looking at it in my email and feeling sad.
I'm so sorry you had to pull your son. Is there a synagogue in your area that is capable of handling students with diverse needs? My temple has a teacher dedicated to working with sn kiddos during the mitzvah planning process. We just had a non-verbal kiddo celebrate his bar mitzvah last week.
I kept clicking on this thread wanting to comment but couldn't figure out how to say what I want to say.
We got an invite to the bar mitzvah of a friend's son. I met her thru synagogue b/c our sons are the same age. But I had to pull my son out of religious school around 3rd grade b/c he just couldn't handle it, we kept getting calls about his behavior etc. Finally I felt like it was all I could do to manage regular school for him, I couldn't handle religious school and all the problems there. So we pulled him. Now his peers are having bar mitzvahs and although he technically can still have one too (even though he didn't learn to read hebrew) it's just a kick in the stomach that they are achieving these milestones that he didn't achieve.
The invite was an evite or whatever and I haven't even opened it. I just keep looking at it in my email and feeling sad.
I feel you. DH and I both went through the Catholic education system, and DS1 who is 17 is currently a junior in a Catholic HS and is set to graduate next year. It was such a slap in the face when the Pastor of my parish emailed me right after agreeing with the principal to kick my son out of the school, "hey when are you signing him up for Prep?" I'd love to have been in the rectory when I emailed back "We're not. We wanted him to have a Catholic education, and since the school can't accommodate him, you mean to tell me a bunch of volunteers with no education background can suddenly handle him?" I unfollowed a few friends on social media, because I know in a few years when the Confirmation prep starts it's going to hurt. I still have faith, but not in the Catholic church anymore.
Post by regencygirl on Feb 18, 2023 10:59:07 GMT -5
I appreciate this thread, it's so validating to see other people with the similar experiences. Every support group we've been connected with so far as meetings during the school day - and DH and I are both in education and miss enough work with stuff for DS.
I have been a lurking member of this community for years, but my social and general anxiety have kept me from fully participating. Thank you for making me feel welcome, and supported.
I appreciate this thread, it's so validating to see other people with the similar experiences. Every support group we've been connected with so far as meetings during the school day - and DH and I are both in education and miss enough work with stuff for DS.
I have been a lurking member of this community for years, but my social and general anxiety have kept me from fully participating. Thank you for making me feel welcome, and supported.
This board has been supportive in ways I never imagined. Just jump in and don’t act like a jerk. You should do fine. Start easy in the randoms. Welcome!
I appreciate this thread, it's so validating to see other people with the similar experiences. Every support group we've been connected with so far as meetings during the school day - and DH and I are both in education and miss enough work with stuff for DS.
I have been a lurking member of this community for years, but my social and general anxiety have kept me from fully participating. Thank you for making me feel welcome, and supported.
I mentioned this to one of the Parent 2 Parent program employees. She told me most of the moms SAH so it's been what connected the most families possible in the past.
This past summer they started a monthly Valley Parents event in the evenings. EoM it's whole family events. The opposite EoM events are just for parents. It's been a huge success with connecting more families to support systems! I've made 2 mom friends who also have autistic sons roughly my DS' age.
ETA: (hugs) We are all here to help and support each other. I think it was yourmother who originally mentioned starting these threads. They've been a great resource and support for me.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Feb 18, 2023 12:22:08 GMT -5
Re. Functioning levels: a friend of mine who is autistic and an activist strongly prefers using the phrase "support needs".
An autistic person might be super smart and also have high support needs. Or below average IQ and very low support needs. Their support needs might also change over time or within the same day depending on the environment.
My kid is extremely smart at topics he loves, but also has high support needs for self care (tooth brushing, face washing, changing clothes). He has low support needs in some environments like school but high support needs at Boy Scouts which is a chaotic and unpredictable environment.
regencygirl OMG DS was a biter and hitter through most of elementary. Everything you wrote brings it all right back! Especially the lashing out when overwhelmed. He would bite at lunch because it was so overstimulating and then if a kid teased him or something, chomp. We never really figured out a way to intervene (at home or school) before it happened. All I can offer is he did grow out of it and I truly thought he never would!
regencygirl OMG DS was a biter and hitter through most of elementary. Everything you wrote brings it all right back! Especially the lashing out when overwhelmed. He would bite at lunch because it was so overstimulating and then if a kid teased him or something, chomp. We never really figured out a way to intervene (at home or school) before it happened. All I can offer is he did grow out of it and I truly thought he never would!
This gives me hope. Because right now my anxiety goes to level 10 when my phone rings because I'm always waiting for "DS2 hit someone in class again." We're pretty sure the last time he hit in class was because it was a perfect storm of his triggers: he'd had a great week so he was probably masking most of it and tired, he's very rigid with rules and kids weren't following them, and a girl was laughing at someone and he lacks awareness of social cues so thought it was him- which resulted in him getting in her face and smacking her. I breaks my heart because while I fully understand that her parents have every right to be upset, I don't want him being judged because he acted out in a meltdown situation.
Post by PennyCandy on Feb 18, 2023 14:37:08 GMT -5
DS1 just got an educational ASD diagnosis and we are looking into a medical diagnosis. He also has ADHD and anxiety. The last couple of days have been hard. As soon as DS2 walked in the door yesterday he started being mean. DS2 wasn't doing anything to him. All he had to do was look at DS1's legos and DS1 would scream at him. They started fighting as soon as they woke up this morning. DS2 isn't really doing anything wrong, but in DS1's eyes, he can do no right. Sometimes they play well together, but it's rare and short-lived. DS1 is so rigid in his thinking and just kind of expects everyone to know what he wants or what his rules are without actually telling you. It is incredibly hard to play with him because you just get yelled at the entire time even though you don't know what you are doing wrong. There's been so much screaming from the kids and yelling from us. We always start off calm, but he just can't let go of things. He will continue screaming about the same thing forever until we get frustrated and yell too. I know it's terrible parenting and I end up feeling guilty. Last night I cried, which made DS2 cry. I just started a parenting class through our children's hospital for kids with behavioral issues, but there's only been one session so it hasn't been enough to help. We haven't been given any resources yet so I feel lost and overwhelmed while we wait to meet with developmental peds next month.
PennyCandy I empathize so much. The whole getting upset on a dime due to his rigid thinking. We're having fun playing and then all the sudden DS' pissed over some rule he made up in his head that we didn't follow or something else he didn't tell us. Then he can't let it go and that can bring on his violent behaviors and he can't calm down. He just comes after us to hit/kick/throw things. That's when I lock myself in my bedroom while he throws things at my door and screams at me. At least he talks though. /s
He calls himself Evil firstname when he gets like that. It breaks my heart.
Post by regencygirl on Feb 18, 2023 19:24:54 GMT -5
PennyCandy,you've described my DS. Totally inflexible, and it's like he thinks we're mind readers. The only thing we've found that helps is when we're playing anything, we make sure everyone understands the rules before hand. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Our therapist told us to play games and deliberately change or break the rules to give him practice in being flexible. We've done it in sessions a few times - maybe 3 of the 5 times he just melted down. We've yet to practice at home.
We did a social skills class for ASD kiddos and I saw huge improvements in how flexible he was during play. We still struggle with rigid thinking but he is much better at recognizing the when that is happening even if he can't always stop it.
Post by arehopsveggies on Feb 18, 2023 21:10:09 GMT -5
I have a student with very similar behaviors as DS and with the valentines craziness this week wore me out. It’s hard sometimes to not get a break from it- or to be tired of the yelling already when DS falls apart, but he is actually melting down for the first time all day
I am also feeling very whiny about their zoom therapies. On one hand, it’s a price I can afford and gives me options I wouldn’t have locally. But since it’s through a university, we get new people each semester and this spring we have people I’m not thrilled with. My oldest really bonded with his grad student last semester and the one this semester is… not great. He melts down and cries and yells and I feel helpless.
I sent an email early Thursday afternoon to the executive director over the set of schools DS1 is applying to re: his IEP violation. I tried speaking with the test proctor and the schools principal but both deny anything happened. So his SPED teacher said to contact the executive director ( 2- 3 down from superintendent so quite busy) but it has now been 48 business hours (schools were closed yesterday) and I still haven't heard! Do I escalate further? Send a follow up email? Keep waiting? WWYD?
namasteak send a follow up email and call. Be the squeaky wheel!
I should add that my email ended with "If prompt and effective action is not taken to address this, we intend to make an official TEA complaint." I think my follow up will include a deadline with "if we don't hear from you in x amount of time the complaint will be filed". I'm shocked that they haven't responded at all. Not even a "I'm sorry this happened and I'm looking into it."
namasteak send a follow up email and call. Be the squeaky wheel!
I should add that my email ended with "If prompt and effective action is not taken to address this, we intend to make an official TEA complaint." I think my follow up will include a deadline with "if we don't hear from you in x amount of time the complaint will be filed". I'm shocked that they haven't responded at all. Not even a "I'm sorry this happened and I'm looking into it."
In my district, the way you ended the email would have triggered legal getting involved. If their legal department is involved, they may have advised not responding until an investigation was done. Regardless, I'd file a follow up using your deadline of x date. Do you have a lawyer or special education advocate who can help?
I should add that my email ended with "If prompt and effective action is not taken to address this, we intend to make an official TEA complaint." I think my follow up will include a deadline with "if we don't hear from you in x amount of time the complaint will be filed". I'm shocked that they haven't responded at all. Not even a "I'm sorry this happened and I'm looking into it."
In my district, the way you ended the email would have triggered legal getting involved. If their legal department is involved, they may have advised not responding until an investigation was done. Regardless, I'd file a follow up using your deadline of x date. Do you have a lawyer or special education advocate who can help?
We have an advocate & my sister who used to be an AP in the district.
Honestly I wouldn't be so upset at this point if she had just emailed back and said anything along the lines of "thank you for letting me know, I'm looking into it, will be in touch " etc
Post by regencygirl on Feb 22, 2023 9:26:24 GMT -5
namasteak, then they've had their warnings. Your language of we need to hear something from you by x date or I'll file the complaint will hopefully get a response.
I should add that my email ended with "If prompt and effective action is not taken to address this, we intend to make an official TEA complaint." I think my follow up will include a deadline with "if we don't hear from you in x amount of time the complaint will be filed". I'm shocked that they haven't responded at all. Not even a "I'm sorry this happened and I'm looking into it."
In my district, the way you ended the email would have triggered legal getting involved. If their legal department is involved, they may have advised not responding until an investigation was done. Regardless, I'd file a follow up using your deadline of x date. Do you have a lawyer or special education advocate who can help?
Even when legal has gotten involved with me (when I was discriminated against on the job as an employee of a school district, so different than IEP violations) they were swift to get back to me so I wouldn't seek legal action of my own. In hindsight I should've but I was young 20s and had no idea what I was doing.
(hugs) namasteak . Definitely stick to your deadlines no matter how/when the school district responds.
I sent a follow up yesterday with no response. Today I am speaking with the parent advocacy department because they help parents get help when the schools are resistant. I have also started looking for a lawyer. There are only 4 school days until they announce admission so if they are going to honor our request of a retest then it needs to happen ASAP.
We don't feel safe sending him to the school he tested at but good results would allow him to attend another school.
namasteak, can you call the secretary and say "I have sent an email and need immediate action. Should I expect a reply today or do I need to escalate it further?"
namasteak , can you call the secretary and say "I have sent an email and need immediate action. Should I expect a reply today or do I need to escalate it further?"
Update: I couldn't get through to the secretary and didn't hear from the ED so the situation has been escalated into the districts official complaint system. We will see if we hear anything tomorrow...
Post by mysteriouswife on Feb 22, 2023 21:23:52 GMT -5
We have an IEP meeting for next week! I have signed up for a parent support group that gives insight on how IEPs work and how to navigate the process too. I’m really hoping this is going to be the start to getting help and answers.