Should I complain?

[blondemoment123]

I recognize that the R word is triggering for me seeing as my brother has special needs. That being said, I was at the gas station I frequent several times a week and the cashier said the machine was being "R****" I nicely told her that it was an unkind and ableist word and she did apologize and I really don't think realized how awful that word is.

I'm leaning towards not complaining to managment as she did apologize, but people using that word gets under my skin.

Thoughts?

[twilightmv]

I wouldn't. Sounds like she handled it the best way possible in the moment, and you said the information seemed to come as news to her. It wasn't on official gas station materials or signs. What would you hope to gain by complaining?

[kath16]

if she seemed to genuinely respond to you, i wouldn't escalate.

if she rolled her eyes and said a fake sorry, i would.

[blondemoment123]

Mar 1, 2023 13:41:44 GMT -5 twilightmv said:

I wouldn't. Sounds like she handled it the best way possible in the moment, and you said the information seemed to come as news to her. It wasn't on official gas station materials or signs. What would you hope to gain by complaining?

There really is nothing to gain except the minute chance they give a lesson on ableism to the staff. Which I'm sure won't happen.

[sassystace]

You addressed it and she hopefully will think twice in the future. I don't think escalating to her gas station management will create any positive change.

[rosiebear]

I’m glad you spoke up in the moment and that the clerk apologized; I’d stop there.

[blondemoment123]

Thank you for the feedback!

[egishere]

Nope, she apologized. Hopefully it made her think if she ever tries to use that word again!

[bee20]

If you're really feeling like you should do something, could you send a training link to the manager?

"Hi, when I was in your store an employee made a comment that the equipment was being r****d. I pointed out why that language is offensive and she apologized professionally, but I wanted to pass along this tipsheet/website you could post for your employees to help them understand ableist language".

[wildrice]

I would definitely not complain, as it sounds like she handled your feedback well.

I think the only likely outcomes of you complaining would be for her to either get in trouble OR for them to ignore it completely. Unless they have had other issues or the manager is sensitive about this themselves, they are unlikely to change their training to address this. To be honest, most companies don't do much in the way of training about disabilities and if they do, it's going to be about accommodations vs language. That doesn't mean they shouldn't - but a gas station seems like an unlikely place to lead the way on doing better.

[ECB]

I'm in the "dont' complain" camp. She responded well to your comment.

[stemmie]

You were given an opportunity to educate someone and did so with grace.

Assuming she listened respectfully and apologized sincerely, there is no reason to escalate this matter to management and risk her livelihood. I feel doing so would undo any change-of-heart you are trying to make.

[beerlover]

I wouldn't, since she apologized. Good for you for speaking up and educating her about this though! <3

[msmerymac]

Since you told her in the moment, I could go either way on this.

[dexteroni]

It sounds you handled it perfectly and that she accepted it well. I probably wouldn't do anything more at this point.

[mofongo]

I would not, for all of the reasons already listed. It would almost feel like you wanted to get her in trouble if you did. Had she responded differently I may feel differently.

[sonrisa]

Mar 1, 2023 14:42:08 GMT -5 stemmie said:

I feel doing so would undo any change-of-heart

This.

If she learned from that moment right now that is her take away and she's likely to do better because she wants to do better. If she hears about it from her manager, her take away will be that she got in trouble and that will be her primary motivation (rather than an intrinsic sense that she wants to be a better person in the world). The former is more likely to stick and more likely to spill over into better in her personal life.

(I face something similar but different with my kid's pronouns all the time. My kid is often the first "they" child an adult has worked with. During our conversations when my kid isn't there, sometimes people slip up. When I acknowledge that it's a learning curve and I see they are trying, they often relax and actually make fewer mistakes.)

[achi]

Unless you happen to hear this specific person using the word again in the future, I would not take it further.

[UMaineTeach]

No