This is a s/o of March reading, where someone talked about a friend restricting Colleen Hoover for their teen and I'm wondering where everyone falls with letting children access the reading material they choose.
My kids are big readers and I really firmly believe that kids are far more interested in reading when they can choose their own books.
DD is 10 and likes to look in the adult section, particularly non-fiction memoirs about animals. I sometimes browse the books and let her know what I think about themes, but largely let her make her own choices. When she started reading The Hunger Games, I talked to her about how it was violent and disturbing, but she really likes them and they haven't given her nightmares.
My parents let me read anything I wanted to with little comment (my mom did tell me to stop reading if there was sex...which lol, of course I didn't). I'd like to have some conversations with my kids about what they are reading and let them choose, but I haven't regretted letting them read anything yet.
I never thought I would restrict any reading....then caught my son (who was 12 at the time) essentially downloading erotic literature from Kindle unlimited. And I'm not talking smutty harlequin romances...it was essentially porn.
So we had a talk about how that was inappropriate and he was super embarrassed.
My son is 12. I continue to steer away from sex and really scary horror. I don't know if restrict is the right word? He isn't drawn to young adult relationship books so it hasn't come up much. He started asking to read Stephen King a couple of years ago and I'm not going to let him just go to town with that. He would be terrified by a lot of it and he writes some freaky stuff besides being scary as well. I get him tamer ones.
He is an avid reader and has been reading several grades above grade level for years. We are big library users and the librarians at the libraries we go to have always been great at suggesting things for him.
Post by mccallister84 on Mar 2, 2023 13:04:27 GMT -5
I read Kiss the Girls by James Patterson as a middle schooler. I was a voracious reader and basically read anything I could get my hands on in the house.
DD is only 6 so clearly we aren’t there yet, and while I don’t think I’ll mind her reading something with a sex scene or whatnot I also don’t think she needs to be reading stuff with explicit rape, etc as a preteen.
I was allowed to read anything and definitely wish my mom would have talked about some of it with me so that’s what to with my kids. They can read just about anything but if I know there is difficult subject matter I’ll discuss it with them. We haven’t had an issue with this yet but my oldest is only 12 and just now getting into adult fiction books.
I read the book in question and I’d make it a book we read together so we can discuss in real time. There were a lot of heavy but important topics covered in the book.
Sadly neither of my kids enjoy reading for fun, so it's kind of non-issue for us. But I really don't think I would. I subscribe to a philosophy of "whatever gets them to read".
I was a huge reader as a kid and definitely read some very questionable things, mostly because my mom was not a big reader so had no idea what was in the books that I read (hello, Flowers in the Attic). Having the freedom to choose books that my parents wouldn't have chosen for me was, personally, a good way for me to be exposed to a wide number of things that my family would never have talked about out loud. I mean that as a positive thing-- my mom never really talked to me about puberty or sex or periods or race, but I was exposed to all those things through books which helped widen my horizons.
My kids aren’t big readers so this hasn’t come up, but I wouldn’t. I was a huge reader as a kid and read things well above an “appropriate” age level (Like, I was super into Stephen king and read all his books available by the time I was 11, I read the whole Clan of the Cave Bear series - hello sex scenes! - in 5th grade, I read Lord of the Flies in 4th grade I remember, and that one bothered me, etc). I have trouble thinking of a book I would restrict, but I would always want to have a relationship where they could ask me questions about it.
I read Kiss the Girls by James Patterson as a middle schooler. I was a voracious reader and basically read anything I could get my hands on in the house.
DD is only 6 so clearly we aren’t there yet, and while I don’t think I’ll mind her reading something with a sex scene or whatnot I also don’t think she needs to be reading stuff with explicit rape, etc as a preteen.
Same, that stuff with the snakes reallllllly messed me up. I think that's the same book?
I was going through the Fear Street books about 1 per day. I would borrow one from my English teachers shelf around 6th period, return it the next day so my mom started handing me her Patricia Cornwell and James Patterson books and that one was a bit much.
So far it hasn't really come up, my son doesn't really like to read. He's 10 and making his way through Harry Potter during the times they have to read during school and then the 20 minutes at home for homework. He doesn't ever read more than he has to, he sets a timer for himself lol.
I don't think I would prevent him from reading something, I would definitely want to talk about it with him though.
Post by Velar Fricative on Mar 2, 2023 13:17:50 GMT -5
I'm a librarian and my older kid doesn't really like to read. Awful, I know. She won't admit it but I know it's just not her thing beyond doing what's required for school.
So for that reason, and because of my career experience anyway, I am all about just letting her read whatever she wants. I just want her to find materials she likes to read. So far there's been no issue with her discovering anything I'd deem not age-appropriate, but I'll cross that bridge when we get there.
I read Kiss the Girls by James Patterson as a middle schooler. I was a voracious reader and basically read anything I could get my hands on in the house.
DD is only 6 so clearly we aren’t there yet, and while I don’t think I’ll mind her reading something with a sex scene or whatnot I also don’t think she needs to be reading stuff with explicit rape, etc as a preteen.
Same, that stuff with the snakes reallllllly messed me up. I think that's the same book?
I was going through the Fear Street books about 1 per day. I would borrow one from my English teachers shelf around 6th period, return it the next day so my mom started handing me her Patricia Cornwell and James Patterson books and that one was a bit much.
Yep you’re thinking of the right book. Honestly there’s no way my mother could have kept up with what I read. I was consuming books so quickly. My mother is also a reader but had other things to do.
Post by definitelyO on Mar 2, 2023 13:19:30 GMT -5
DS, now 17, isn't a huge reader except for school assigned -but he used to be. In 6th grade they read a lot of what I considered challenging and stimulating topics such as gang violence, race relations, drugs, sexuality, etc.. I fully supported the teacher recommended books and read them with DS so we could talk about them.
I would say I would agree that based on the one Hoover book I read I would think it may not be appropriate for a young teen - it was pretty sexually graphic. I read Flowers in the Attic series as a kid - it wasn't graphic but still...
To be fair while I answered that I don't say a peep I do see what my 10 yo kid is reading any (so far) there hasn't been anything questionable. If it was questionable she's the type that would come to me or H and ask questions. She's always been a huge reader and reads beyond grade level so we've always encouraged her to read it if it seems interesting. I admit we're generally pretty breezy about content so I'm not entirely sure that will change much.
Yes, I agree with your first point that reading should be child led.
However, I will restrict books especially graphic gore and sex. For example, V.C. Andrews, is problematic with rape and incest and just generally speaking not good literature anyway. Oh and mine are 10 and 12 which I think is a lot different than say a 17 year old.
Post by Mrs. ChanandlerBong on Mar 2, 2023 13:34:38 GMT -5
I was reading VC Andrews, Stephen King and Norma Kline in middle school. I don’t feel it negatively affected me. Because of that I let my kids choose what they want. I don’t think they’ve ever chosen something where I felt the need to censor it.
I don't. My kids use Audible or actual books, neither of them enjoy using an e-reader. So I can easily monitor but I don't restrict at all.
My philosophy is that books are partly for exploring topics that are challenging. This includes violence, sex, drugs, and other taboo topics. I'd so much rather they read an engaging book to quench their curiosity then delve into visuals like porn.
My parents never restricted my reading and I absolutely read stuff that was outrageous. No harm was done, other than I read some really shitty books like VC Andrews.
My kids are huge readers, including my 16 year old son. According to him, none of his friends read outside of school work so I'm just happy he is still such a reader!
Post by arehopsveggies on Mar 2, 2023 13:51:45 GMT -5
I read things I reallllllly shouldn’t have as a kid/preteen
DS1 is a voracious reader but easily upset and scared. So I pre-read things. If it’s borderline, we might read it together. A book he’s reading in small group with older students at school has a part I think will upset him - so I talked with the teacher and we are making a plan to handle that (probably him skipping small group that day and I will read it with him at home).
I know this is going to be a problem as he moves forward, since his reading level and maturity level are NOT a match
Post by mcppalmbeach on Mar 2, 2023 14:01:45 GMT -5
I definitely was reading novels with some serious sex in them by high school. I was a voracious reader and I doubt my mom had much oversight in what I was reading. My kids sadly are not readers so this won’t likely come up, but I’d like to think I’d be more informed on what they were reading,but with online books and whatnot that’s probably a pipe dream. I think I’m open minded about most sex, but I do think I would censor anything that, for examples, glorified non consensual sexual violence (not referring to bdsm). At our last school board meeting we had delightful moms for liberty moms read excerpts from books that could be found in our school libraries (I think this happened across the country). A lot of what they read was romance novel level graphic sex. But there was one passage that was pretty disturbing that, without the context of the rest of the book, I would probably not want a minor to read. It was a male pov and was misogynistic and degrading. I’m not a fan of banning books, but for that one I was like enh. I don’t know that that needs to be I’m school libraries. Maybe there’s a greater context on that book that might make me change my mind, but it was fairly disturbing.
I think if I had just read Flowers in the Attic, some went over my head, and some I was like ugh OK. But then I tried others in the series to see what happened to the characters, and what happened is that they were abused and had crappy lives. Certainly nothing uplifting. Not saying it has to be uplifting, but if I am going to start a series, I would kind of like something happy to be in it eventually.
There are age appropriate kid books that are sad and dour and not great literature either, so I wouldn't really recommend those either. But I wouldn't stop them if they are age appropriate. Mine come to me and ask or they have nightmares, and I am like yes I read that, and it sucked. I am giving you permission to not read that.
My son is 12. I continue to steer away from sex and really scary horror. I don't know if restrict is the right word? He isn't drawn to young adult relationship books so it hasn't come up much. He started asking to read Stephen King a couple of years ago and I'm not going to let him just go to town with that. He would be terrified by a lot of it and he writes some freaky stuff besides being scary as well. I get him tamer ones.
He is an avid reader and has been reading several grades above grade level for years. We are big library users and the librarians at the libraries we go to have always been great at suggesting things for him.
I think I was 13 when I started reading Stephen King (it was the summer before 6th grade...I had basically spent the summer at the library, I read the ENTIRE juvenile horror section and asked the librarian for a recommendation after that and she pointed me to him, I started with Carrie and became an constant reader). My parents didn't restrict anything (tv, movies, etc.), so it would have been really weird if they then tried to restrict books, so I'm really glad they didn't, since books were by far my savior. I definitely read things that were inappropriate for me, but I was also exposed to other things that were inappropriate for me in other ways, so the books didn't do any damage that wasn't already done if that makes sense.
I guess I'm in the camp of guiding them is fine, but if they have an interest and think they can handle it, I wouldn't say no by any means.
I haven’t restricted anything yet and don’t plan to, but my 10 & 12 year olds only recently started exploring the teen section of the library. They haven’t shown any interest in the adult section yet except nonfiction (engineering/space for my son and travel for my daughter). If they tried to check out an erotic novel from the adult section I wouldn’t allow it at their age. I have steered my 12 year old away from some horror choices (but not all) because I know he will have nightmares and not be able to sleep, however I have told him he can read them if he really wants to. My 10 year old can handle horror better than her older brother.
My mom started me on “The Babysitters Club” books when I was young because she was in a bookstore and saw girls my age excited about reading them. I dove right in. When we went to the library and found a huge section available for lending I about jump for joy. A nearby librarian saw me and my mom and made some condescending comment to my mom about “letting” me read the books due to my age. I was so proud of my mom for shutting her down.
I checked "inappropriate and we'd chat" but I definitely do not restrict. If I think the content is more mature than my son, I'll read it along with him. It hasn't really come up yet, but if he wanted to read something with a lot of sex or violence, I would probably intervene. So far, he's just read a few YA books that are meant for audiences older than he and his peers (12).
I teach middle school and have a wide variety of options for my students, too.
Same, that stuff with the snakes reallllllly messed me up. I think that's the same book?
I was going through the Fear Street books about 1 per day. I would borrow one from my English teachers shelf around 6th period, return it the next day so my mom started handing me her Patricia Cornwell and James Patterson books and that one was a bit much.
Yep you’re thinking of the right book. Honestly there’s no way my mother could have kept up with what I read. I was consuming books so quickly. My mother is also a reader but had other things to do.
Oh for sure, my mom didn't really know either except for those because they were her books Lol! 😂