Post by starburst604 on Mar 6, 2023 20:08:11 GMT -5
PDQ. This is happening to my good friend C at the moment. Her backstory is her parents divorced when she was 5 and her dad was an abusive alcoholic. He also turned out to be a deadbeat and she never saw him after age 8. She hated him and what he’d done so she was fine with that. Her mom remarried and her stepdad was a good man who raised her as his daughter. Her bio dad died when she was 26 and her mom about 5 years ago. Her stepdad passed in the last year. C is 51 years old now and like a lot of people submitted her DNA to Ancestry out of curiosity a couple of years ago, without much info at first. The first weird thing when she got her results was that she was not German at all. She had always known her bio dad to be fully German and she had his very German last name. So last week she got a notification of a new relative. She logged on and the new relative was listed as her father, a man with a name she had never heard. She was in complete shock and didn’t know what to think.
She did some research on his name in the state she grew up in and found him pretty easily. She was able to figure out who his daughters likely are. ONE OF THEM WAS HER FRIEND J FROM HIGH SCHOOL. They are FB friends. So she sent a PM to J on FB asking if she knew supposed dad. J replied that yes, that was her dad. So C told her what she had found out and J was shocked. Both of her parents are alive in their early 80’s and to her knowledge had a loving marriage since 1968. C was born in 72.
Well, J went and blew it out of the water with her family and just point blank told her parents what C told her. After some shock, her dad admitted to the family that he had dated C’s mom before he was married and that they had a one time transgression after they both were married. It seems he had no idea about C which makes sense, because if he had known why would he put his DNA out there? Oddly, his daughter J had given him the kit as a Christmas gift and he submitted it on C’s bday on January.
After a couple of days he messaged C through Ancestry admitting what had happened over 50 years ago and asking if he could have time to process everything. C is totally understanding of that. She is also feeling completely shaken. While it’s a complete surprise, she is also glad to not be biologically related to the man she thought was her bio dad and is considering changing her last name to her mom’s maiden name. She’s never liked her last name and sees no reason to keep it. (She had never married, so no other easy opportunity for a name change to date).
Anyway I’m sitting here thinking about the shock of this to everyone involved and if I’d have energy at age 82 to be pissed at my H for something that happened 50+ years ago!
Wow, what a story! At 82, no way would I have any hard feelings against my husband; if anything, I’d think it was a wonderful surprise that he has more family out there and I’d absolutely encourage him to get to know her. Hoping it turns out to be a happy ending (which it sounds like it already is, in C’s eyes!)
That really is wild! Not sure I would have reached out to his daughter with that info, quite a bomb! I think maybe I’d have reached out to him first. Hopefully something nice can come from this.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Wow, what a story! At 82, no way would I have any hard feelings against my husband; if anything, I’d think it was a wonderful surprise that he has more family out there and I’d absolutely encourage him to get to know her. Hoping it turns out to be a happy ending (which it sounds like it already is, in C’s eyes!)
C is kind of a cynic and not at all sentimental, but I’m getting from her that if she were to find an unknown family, she is happy it’s this one. She knows J to be a good person and J and her older sister have expressed that they are interesting in seeing her and exploring the relationship. They do say that their mom is hurt and struggling with this knowledge. C lives in a different state now but does return to her home state from time to time, so maybe she will see them all in the not too distant future.
Wow, what a story! At 82, no way would I have any hard feelings against my husband; if anything, I’d think it was a wonderful surprise that he has more family out there and I’d absolutely encourage him to get to know her. Hoping it turns out to be a happy ending (which it sounds like it already is, in C’s eyes!)
I’m a reasonable person, and I think I’d encourage a relationship, but I’m not sure I’d see it as a wonderful surprise that he cheated on me and had a child he never knew about.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
That really is wild! Not sure I would have reached out to his daughter with that info, quite a bomb! I think maybe I’d have reached out to him first. Hopefully something nice can come from this.
I know, I guess maybe the fact that she knew her personally made her make a different decision. If I were the daughter I think I’d at least ask my dad privately about this but it all just came right out to the whole family!
Wow, what a story! At 82, no way would I have any hard feelings against my husband; if anything, I’d think it was a wonderful surprise that he has more family out there and I’d absolutely encourage him to get to know her. Hoping it turns out to be a happy ending (which it sounds like it already is, in C’s eyes!)
I’m a reasonable person, and I think I’d encourage a relationship, but I’m not sure I’d see it as a wonderful surprise that he cheated on me and had a child he never knew about.
That’s fair. I guess I read “before he was married” as meaning before he was dating/with his now-wife but I guess re-reading it, that’s not entirely clear.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
I’m a reasonable person, and I think I’d encourage a relationship, but I’m not sure I’d see it as a wonderful surprise that he cheated on me and had a child he never knew about.
That’s fair. I guess I read “before he was married” as meaning before he was dating/with his now-wife but I guess re-reading it, that’s not entirely clear.
Yeah it sounds like he cheated with someone he used to date about 3-4yrs into his marriage.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
That really is wild! Not sure I would have reached out to his daughter with that info, quite a bomb! I think maybe I’d have reached out to him first. Hopefully something nice can come from this.
I know, I guess maybe the fact that she knew her personally made her make a different decision. If I were the daughter I think I’d at least ask my dad privately about this but it all just came right out to the whole family!
I def get the urge, and I’m sure this was pretty emotional for all of them.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
That’s fair. I guess I read “before he was married” as meaning before he was dating/with his now-wife but I guess re-reading it, that’s not entirely clear.
Yeah it sounds like he cheated with someone he used to date about 3-4yrs into his marriage.
The only reason I finally did 23&me after internal debate was because another family member did it previously which revealed my uncle had a child who was in her 50s (he had a one-nighter at 22 I guess). It was and is a whole “to-do.” I would advise everyone to be ready for surprises if you do DNA stuff, that’s for sure.
Wow! That is wild. To think she went to school with a biological sister and had no idea.
She sent me a photo of the sister and I definitely see a resemblance. Also, C has very pretty green eyes that she always gets compliments on, but neither her mom nor the man she knew to be her dad had green eyes. Guess who does? Bio dad! We think that her mom had to have put that together and obviously knew there was more than one possible dad. But, in a time where nothing could be proven and it would have just blown up 2 marriages, she decided to either live in denial or just take it to her grave.
I always hoped I’d have a long lost sibling or something, every time I get a match notification it’s my freaking mom! I’m like I KNOW!!!!
Right after my mom died, my dad was talking about updating his will to leave everything to me, my sister, and my brother, and "leaving a dollar to any random siblings that might turn up."
I was like, "uh.... OK" (because how do you respond to that??) and when I relayed the conversation to my sister her reaction was "WTF."
I think he was probably referring to his life in the Army prior to marrying my mom. Although at one point he was simultaneously dating my mom and 2 other women and took them all on essentially the same date in the same weekend, so who knows what he might have gotten up to over the years.
Anyway, starburst604 I hope everything turns out well for your friend.
I always hoped I’d have a long lost sibling or something, every time I get a match notification it’s my freaking mom! I’m like I KNOW!!!!
Right after my mom died, my dad was talking about updating his will to leave everything to me, my sister, and my brother, and "leaving a dollar to any random siblings that might turn up."
I was like, "uh.... OK" (because how do you respond to that??) and when I relayed the conversation to my sister her reaction was "WTF."
I think he was probably referring to his life in the Army prior to marrying my mom. Although at one point he was simultaneously dating my mom and 2 other women and took them all on essentially the same date in the same weekend, so who knows what he might have gotten up to over the years.
Anyway, starburst604 I hope everything turns out well for your friend.
One of my mom’s best friends found out she had a half sibling in Germany from a situation just like that.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Right after my mom died, my dad was talking about updating his will to leave everything to me, my sister, and my brother, and "leaving a dollar to any random siblings that might turn up."
I was like, "uh.... OK" (because how do you respond to that??) and when I relayed the conversation to my sister her reaction was "WTF."
I think he was probably referring to his life in the Army prior to marrying my mom. Although at one point he was simultaneously dating my mom and 2 other women and took them all on essentially the same date in the same weekend, so who knows what he might have gotten up to over the years.
Anyway, starburst604 I hope everything turns out well for your friend.
One of my mom’s best friends found out she had a half sibling in Germany from a situation just like that.
My H played pro basketball for Germany for a short time, long before we met. A little while after we were married, a friend of his jokingly texted him that a woman on the Olympic German soccer team looked just like him. I was like huh let’s see if we can pick her out! Well we looked up the team and damn, there was one woman who looked like the female version of H. I was like. WHAT YEARS DID YOU PLAY FOR GERMANY AGAIN?! I did the math and he was off the hook, but it was a serious moment there.
Post by Captain Catnip on Mar 6, 2023 21:52:32 GMT -5
A friend of mine found out that her dad who raised her was not her dad. He had no clue and her mom wouldn't tell her the info for a couple years. She looked nothing like them though. Looks just like the bio family but unfortunately her bio dad has dementia so she can't even really meet him on a typical level.
Ugh, these stories are really so sad. I know things can be very complicated, but I feel like the truth usually comes out, and I’d rather hear it from someone I love and trust than to find out after they’re dead. The people in these situations were basically denied the chance for a relationship with each other.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
There is a reason that I don’t want to submit my DNA. I joke it’s so I can still commit crimes. But I guess the real reason is once it’s out there it can’t be taken back.
My first cousin submitted hers though so part of my DNA is out there. She didn’t find anything unusual yet.
There is a reason that I don’t want to submit my DNA. I joke it’s so I can still commit crimes. But I guess the real reason is once it’s out there it can’t be taken back.