Cancer - what do I do?

[freshsqueezed]

My husband had a colonoscopy last week.  They removed a large polyp which turned out to be cancerous.  Now, he has to have a bunch of tests/work done.  They think that by removing it they took care of it but we won't know until all of the follow-up work is done.  I am just in shock right now and not sure what to do.  Has anyone experienced this with their spouse that might have some suggestions?  Not sure how to respond to all of this news...I mean maybe the answer is just be supportive and that is fine too.

[TR]

I'm sorry y'all are dealing with this. I haven't experienced it, but the answer is probably to be supportive, try to get the follow-ups done as quickly as possible, and don't Google anything. The waiting for answers is excruciating, but going down rabbit holes of possible worst case scenarios will likely only make the stress worse.

[fn2187]

Mar 8, 2023 15:55:35 GMT -5 TR said:

I'm sorry y'all are dealing with this. I haven't experienced it, but the answer is probably to be supportive, try to get the follow-ups done as quickly as possible, and don't Google anything. The waiting for answers is excruciating, but going down rabbit holes of possible worst case scenarios will likely only make the stress worse.

This!

I’m so glad he had the colonoscopy. Did he have symptoms that prompted it or was it preventative?

[formerlyak]

Not with my spouse, but my aunt. Chances are high that they removed it all with the polyp - I think this is one that they can check the margins of what they removed to see if there are more cancerous cells maybe. That is what often happens. Waiting for the follow up tests will be crap. I won't lie. But I think all you can do is support him right now. I am sure he is in shock as well. Find someone you can lean on so that you can be strong for him. He will need that.

My aunt's first polyp was over a decade ago if I am remembering correctly. She just has to have more frequent colonoscopies and endoscopies. They found a cancerous mass again a few weeks ago, actually, but because she is good about her regular checks, it was found early and all was removed.

[mcmel]

I’m sorry you guys are going through that. It sounds like the colonoscopy did exactly what it was designed to do and I would feel confident in the doctors. Go to the follow ups, record the conversations if they get too overwhelming to process, but I hope that you guys have done all you need to do regarding treatment.

[devonpow]

I’m so sorry. I guess rhe answer depends on how your DH deals with stuff like this. Like, when I’m stressed I kind of like to be alone and not talk about it. DH is totally different in how he handles stress. I would talk to him and ask what he needs.

[definitelyO]

I have a few female friends that received positive colon cancer diagnosis and went through this (or are currently in it).
It's overwhelming - but focus on what the doctors are telling you. If they think they took care of it with the removal - then there isn't anything to do until the tests come back. (easier said than done)
If you have to start making a bunch of appts/doctor appts I highly recommend getting a notebook to document all conversations, etc... AND if you're not opposed - at the first few appointments take someone else with you - so they can listen and not be as emotionally involved. they will hear things that you may not (if that makes sense). that has helped with my friends.

You know your DH best as to what he would respond to - obviously be available if he wants to talk or not if he doesn't...

[freshsqueezed]

Mar 8, 2023 15:57:52 GMT -5 fn2187 said:

Mar 8, 2023 15:55:35 GMT -5 TR said:

I'm sorry y'all are dealing with this. I haven't experienced it, but the answer is probably to be supportive, try to get the follow-ups done as quickly as possible, and don't Google anything. The waiting for answers is excruciating, but going down rabbit holes of possible worst case scenarios will likely only make the stress worse.

This!

I’m so glad he had the colonoscopy. Did he have symptoms that prompted it or was it preventative?

Preventative!  He actually works in this area of medicine.  


The hardest part will be the waiting for sure.  I truly felt like I was having an out of body experience as he was explaining all of this to me thinking about our kids and worrying for his health going forward.

[Jalapeñomel]

I’m so sorry. I hope they did get it all!

[k3am]

Right now, you're in a waiting pattern, and that SUCKS. But until you hear otherwise, have confidence in his doctors when they're optomistic that removing it was all that needs to be done. I know that sounds crazy. When they told me surgery was all that would likely be needed for DD, I had a hard time believing them. And when it occurred again - she had such narrow margins, and was less than 1mm away from an eloquent area of the brain - and they wanted to just do another surgery, it seemed impossible that that was enough. But it was.

If it's something more, you'll cross that bridge at that time. In the meantime.. you wait. And probably not patiently, but there's really nothing you can do.

I'll be contrarian to the advice not to google. You know your personality. If you're the type of person that will spiral on it, don't google. But for us personally, I did a lot of googling, and DD's tumors would likely not have been discovered for months or years if I hadn't been researching and pushing. And with DS's cancer scare, I googled the shit out of it and felt armed. You may fall into one of those categories or somewhere in between, so take an honest assessment and decide from there.

[heyyounotyouyou]

My dad was 70 at the time he was diagnosed with colon cancer. He was having bladder issues, they went in and removed some polyps and found they were cancerous. He went through chemo and/or radiation (I can't remember exactly). 10 years later and he's a picture of health (he turns 81 on Monday).

While obviously the physical aspects were hard on my dad (tired, everything tasted like pennies, etc) I think it might have been just as hard on my mom. I was honestly more there for my mom then my dad during this time. My dad had doctors, people asking how he was, all the attention was on him. My point is, don't forget to take care of yourself during this either. It's hard being the care taker.

[InBetweenDays]

I agree with the others. I would focus on what you know now - they removed the polyp and think that took care of it. Don't focus on the unknowns or worry about worst case scenarios (and I say this as someone who does this so I know how hard it is). I hope he is able to get in for follow up appointments soon.

We do have a friend who had colon cancer a number of years ago. They caught it early, he had it removed, and has had no issues in the past 17 years. He just has to go in for more frequent colonoscopies.

[hannahgruen]

freshsqueezed I'm so sorry this is happening. Be supportive, and let him take the lead of what he wants to talk about. A friend uses the audio tape on her phone when she's at a doctors appointment. It's better than relying on another person to write down things possibly incorrectly, or not be able to hear you or your doctor.

[freshsqueezed]

Thank you to everyone for your responses. The shared experience stories are very helpful!

[rubytue]

I’m so sorry. Fuck cancer.

My only thought is to let him take the lead. Talk is he wants to, don’t if he doesn’t. I’m going to guess it literally is occupying most waking moments, but some people want to brain dump, others want distraction. My experience is all from the patient side, not the caregiver side. And, from what I gather, I’m kind of unusual in that I liked to deal with everything by myself (for example, I’ve never had anyone with me during chemo, and I’m ok with that, but most others in the room had people).

[trytobearunner34]

I took my husband to the ER for kidney stones in the spring of 2018.

A doctor with the worst bedside manner I have ever witnessed delivered the news he had kidney stones AND what was likely a malignant tumor.

The tumor was in fact stage one kidney cancer. Fortunately it was caught early and he had cryoablation performed a few months later which has kept him in remission since.

My advice is to follow your husband’s lead and provide the support he feels he needs. When in doubt-ask him.

Sending positive thoughts to you both.

[nicolewi]

I’m so sorry. I really hope they got everything, and the path ahead will be smooth.

[jackie011]

My H was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2019, after a rupture to his colon caused him so much pain the only thing he could do was drive himself to the ER. I was out of town. Turns out he had a tumor that caused an obstruction which caused the rupture. They removed the tumor and then he had 6 months of chemo. It was very rudimentary and went exactly as the doctors described. He had his last chemo treatment in June, 2020, and had a colonoscopy the following week. He’s had colonoscopies every summer since and they have all thankfully been clear. He did have a significant portion of his colon removed and uses an ostomy, which frankly causes some issues but is manageable. It’s his way of life now.

Please stick with the facts. I vividly remember flying back from my trip, not knowing what I was going to face when I got off that plane. I remember calling my mom, crying that we’d lose our house (we did not) and all sorts of other worries. It felt good to get that out, and leave it there, but not put it on DH. The biggest thing I asked of him was to keep talking, to keep me in the loop on what he was thinking and feeling and afraid to face. He did, and we got through it. The bulk of his chemo treatments were during the first months of the pandemic, so that added a whole other layer of mayhem to this situation.

This community is here to support you and I’m happy to help process with you. ❤️

[ginap]

My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2015 so I have been in your shoes and know what is going through your head. The good news is when caught early CRC is highly treatable. My H had surgery to remove his mass (it was about the size of a golf ball) and then did some clean up chemo and radiation. At this point the waiting is torture but you can't let yourself get mired in it. I would follow his cues and if he wants to talk then listen and if he doesn't want to talk, tell him you are there when/if he wants. Make sure to take care of you and if that means unloading all of your worries on a friend or loved one or writing it all down in a journal, etc, just know there is no right or wrong way to process. Lots of hugs coming your way.

You can always pm if you want to chat with someone who is going through it with you.  

[circa1978]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. First off, take a deep breath and try to focus on staying in the moment - not "what if we would have" or "what if this happens?" In fact, when you think any "what ifs" just try to let that thought go. That's my best advice.

My husband had kidney cancer six years ago that was incidentally found in a CT scan that was part of a follow-up for blood clots in his lungs which were ALSO an incidental finding when he went to urgent care and had a chest X-ray (he also had pneumonia). It was such a ridiculously long process, and I found out that things *I* saw as an emergency were very much routine business to oncologists and surgeons. I guess I thought we'd hear he had cancer and everything would happen all at once but it was appointment, scan, appointment, scan, scan, appointment, surgery, scan, appointment - you get the idea.

The other thing I wasn't ready for was that it wasn't MY cancer diagnosis, so I was a little on the outside, even with my own husband. I didn't agree with the surgeon DH chose for his nephrectomy, for example. And DH wasn't nearly as worried about ANY of it as I was. And it irritated him how worried I was. It sounds like you have a lot of things on your side but any cancer diagnosis is scary and you should give yourself time and grace.

[lucybrown]

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. It's a mindfuck. Sending you lots of love and good, healthy energy.

I went through something similar recently. A hysterectomy revealed a cancerous tumor on my ovary (within a benign cyst). In my case, it ended up being a very rare, incidental finding, and surgery had removed all of the cancer. We didn't know all of this without additional testing over the course of a few months. The waiting was excruciating.

Trust your doctors. I learned they don't fuck around when cancer is found. It was scary how quickly things moved, but also, reassuring. I'll now have yearly scans and feel confident that cancer will be found early, if it returns at all.

Googling actually helped calm me down. I learned my cancer was a slow-growing type, almost never found in an ovary. That was reassuring and less scary than what we hear about ovarian cancer.

[sometimesrunner]

Im really sorry you’re going through this. This same situation happened to my dad a few years ago. His initial doctor didn’t do *something* (something about how much he cut off?? I can’t remember now) during his colonoscopy, so he has a follow up surgery where they took about a foot of his colon out, but that came back clear so he didn’t need any further treatment. I’m hoping his margins are clear and won’t need further procedures.

[freshsqueezed]

Mar 8, 2023 19:53:30 GMT -5 lucybrown said:

Trust your doctors. I learned they don't fuck around when cancer is found. It was scary how quickly things moved, but also, reassuring. I'll now have yearly scans and feel confident that cancer will be found early, if it returns at all.

Googling actually helped calm me down. I learned my cancer was a slow-growing type, almost never found in an ovary. That was reassuring and less scary than what we hear about ovarian cancer.

They really don’t mess around! My husband’s doctor is actually his coworker so he has been texting with him. When my DH told him he got his scan scheduled for Wednesday morning, his doctor said his surgeon may reach out about moving it up. That was kind of wild to me…a week ago cancer didn’t exist in our world and now a week into the future is considered too long.

[Alex]

It's very possible that they got it all. It could be as easy as increased surveillance. I have recent experience with rectal cancer, LAR surgery and an ileostomy and am around if you want to talk. Paying it forward as ginap was there for me ❤️

[mysteriouswife]

I want to reiterate how supportive this community can be. The vast knowledge of the posters is amazing. I hope you can find answers and support here so that you can focus on your H when he needs it. I will send positive thoughts your way.

[sonrisa]

How incredibly stressful. The only thing I want to add is give yourself grace and take care of yourself, too.

[freshsqueezed]

jackie011 ginap

I’m going to send you private messages if you don’t mind. Since you’ve been through it I’d like to ask some questions.