I am so proud of my kid

[themoneytree]

My 10 year old came out as non binary recently and it’s an adjustment for us. For a variety of reasons we have been feeling that their school hasn’t been a great fit for a while. This news has just confirmed that - our school board has lost its mind and it’s not an environment I want A in right now.

Yesterday we went to The Gap shopping in the boys section and kiddo clearly feels way more comfortable now. I think a haircut will be next.

I just dropped A off at a local Quaker Friends school for a trial day. There is only one spot available for 6th grade and I really, really hope A gets it.
A wants to change schools the sooner the better and is worried about making a good impression. On the way in the car I said “just be you”.

The admissions person just came back from dropping A in class and said that there is another non binary kid in class and that A quietly asked her and the teacher if they knew that they use they/ them pronouns.
The admissions person thought that was so brave and so do I.

A is a really quiet and reserved child. But they are self advocating and feeling comfortable to check in with the teacher in advance to be sure that they can be themselves. I am just delighted.
I had such a good feeling leaving A there for the day.

I am so hopeful A will be a fit for the school and will get this spot and feel comfortable being exactly who they are.

[dancingirl21]

That’s amazing. I hope A gets into the school and can be in an environment that will nurture them. You sound like a great mom.

[themoneytree]

Apr 3, 2023 7:51:59 GMT -5 dancingirl21 said:

That’s amazing. I hope A gets into the school and can be in an environment that will nurture them. You sound like a great mom.

I’m trying. At the time I thought I handled it well in the beginning a couple of months ago but looking back now I am cringing. I hope I am doing better now.
My husband is totally supportive and A’s Dad is doing pretty well too although he needs to make more effort with the pronouns. It’s definitely an adjustment for all of us but we’re trying.

[Pilsy]

A sounds very brave, and I'm so glad there is another school option for them. Kudos to you for working hard to support your child.

Please don't be hard on yourself if you reflect and realize you could have done or said some things differently. As we know better, we do better, and it certainly sounds like your heart is in the right place. Even those with the best intentions slip up sometimes, you're learning as you go, and you are human!

[goldengirlz]

My child came out as non-binary over the summer. I’m so angry for you (and all of us) that there are schools that are losing their minds over something so pure and innocent as a child declaring who they are.

But I’m glad you found a school that’s a fit, and where A can be themselves.

ETA: My child also made their first NB friend this year! They were very excited.

[stemmie]

I hope they offer your child a space. They can be a real respite from the bullshit.

Around me, many of the Quaker schools start middle in 5th and add additional students at that time, so having 1 space seems fairly typical. My godchild (now 30) went to 2 different Friends schools growing, her BBF in elementary was nonbinary which didn't cause a blink among staff or students/families.

[erbear]

That is awesome. I teach at a Friends school and have many NB and trans kids. We all introduce ourselves with names and pronouns and I’ve had quite a few visitors email after to say that is what put them most at ease. I hope the day is great!

[themoneytree]

Apr 3, 2023 9:22:22 GMT -5 stemmie said:

I hope they offer your child a space. They can be a real respite from the bullshit.

Around me, many of the Quaker schools start middle in 5th and add additional students at that time, so having 1 space seems fairly typical. My godchild (now 30) went to 2 different Friends schools growing, her BBF in elementary was nonbinary which didn't cause a blink among staff or students/families.

They seem totally open and that’s really the most important thing. There’s no point in moving if A has to pretend to be something they are not. But it really seems that they are open to whomever each child actually is.
We would have gone to this school from the get go but it’s really expensive. I just hope too much damage hasn’t been done.
We have top rated public schools here where lots of kids thrive. But A isn’t thriving there and needs something different.

I am dying to know how it’s going!!

[themoneytree]

Apr 3, 2023 9:39:19 GMT -5 erbear said:

That is awesome. I teach at a Friends school and have many NB and trans kids. We all introduce ourselves with names and pronouns and I’ve had quite a few visitors email after to say that is what put them most at ease. I hope the day is great!

That’s amazing and makes me so happy to hear.
I think I’ve gone from worrying about what people will say to deciding that we need to make more of an effort to be around people who will be supportive and accepting. The others can bugger off.

[jamaicam]

I am glad you got a good feelign and hope this works out for your kid. They deserve to feel safe at school and supported.

[sonrisa]

Apr 3, 2023 9:07:56 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

My child came out as non-binary over the summer. 

Any chance we'll see you guys at day camp this summer? (I can't remember exactly where you are but kids come in from all over the bay area, some from out of state and stay locally.)

[seeyalater52]

I’m so proud of your kid too! And of you for making sure they can explore the best possible options for school. I hope they’re able to get a spot!

My heart breaks at how unsafe and unaccepting schools are. It feels like many places have backtracked substantially on gains that were made over the last decade and it feels just awful to know another generation of queer kids is facing the things we’ve worked so hard to improve.

Sending grown up genderqueer vibes their way. You’ve got this!

[goldengirlz]

Apr 3, 2023 10:31:08 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Apr 3, 2023 9:07:56 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

My child came out as non-binary over the summer. 

Any chance we'll see you guys at day camp this summer? (I can't remember exactly where you are but kids come in from all over the bay area, some from out of state and stay locally.)

Hmm, I doubt it. Is that a special camp for LGBT kids? Feel free to PM me the name!

[sonrisa]

Apr 3, 2023 9:45:04 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

Apr 3, 2023 9:39:19 GMT -5 erbear said:

That is awesome. I teach at a Friends school and have many NB and trans kids. We all introduce ourselves with names and pronouns and I’ve had quite a few visitors email after to say that is what put them most at ease. I hope the day is great!

That’s amazing and makes me so happy to hear.

I think I’ve gone from worrying about what people will say to deciding that we need to make more of an effort to be around people who will be supportive and accepting. The others can bugger off.

YES.

Another parent was telling me she's afraid her own kid might be excluded because of quirkiness (not gender stuff). I said that I only seek out safe spaces for DC. I would rather know that wherever they *are* invited, they are truly welcome. 

Being open in the world makes it easier to find those people. And being open in those safe spaces is so affirming for our kids. mine isn't a shrinking violet, but before fully coming out they had stopped trying to connect with new people. Now you can't miss them. I bet you'll see a similar transformation if your kid attends that school and gets to live fully. 

[sonrisa]

Apr 3, 2023 10:46:36 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

Apr 3, 2023 10:31:08 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Any chance we'll see you guys at day camp this summer? (I can't remember exactly where you are but kids come in from all over the bay area, some from out of state and stay locally.)

Hmm, I doubt it. Is that a special camp for LGBT kids? Feel free to PM me the name!

PDQ because I'll edit this down to be even less specific in a few days. Eternity on the internet and protecting our kids aren't the same 

Trans and GNC day camp with all trans GNC staff!

Kids are grades K-12 (not all in the same group, obviously, lol. There are so many kids that every age gets it's own cohort and they do different activities). They have parent education sessions in the mornings and afternoons (right after drop off and right before pick up).

It's is fantastic! Seriously life changing for my kid. I'll PM you

They have a Boulder location as well if anyone else here wants a PM

[mcppalmbeach]

Your kid is a rock star. I hope they have a great day and I hope they get in if if that’s what they want! I’m so happy there are spaces that feel safe for every kind of kid and at the same time I feel really sad that that isn’t a possibility for every child everywhere.

[themoneytree]

It went amazing. They want to start right now and never go back to their old school.

We have the parent’s interview tomorrow and will see if we can pull A out of school and finish the year at the Friend’s school. I’m not sure what they will say.
It’s spring break for our school from Wednesday. We’re considering not sending to school tomorrow until we know what our options are. I’m slightly overwhelmed as I don’t know how much the end of this year would cost and we would need to make an immediate decision.

I can see the benefit though and A really doesn’t want to go back to their current school which speaks volumes.

[themoneytree]

Apr 3, 2023 10:49:55 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Apr 3, 2023 9:45:04 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

That’s amazing and makes me so happy to hear.

I think I’ve gone from worrying about what people will say to deciding that we need to make more of an effort to be around people who will be supportive and accepting. The others can bugger off.

YES.

Another parent was telling me she's afraid her own kid might be excluded because of quirkiness (not gender stuff). I said that I only seek out safe spaces for DC. I would rather know that wherever they *are* invited, they are truly welcome. 

Being open in the world makes it easier to find those people. And being open in those safe spaces is so affirming for our kids. mine isn't a shrinking violet, but before fully coming out they had stopped trying to connect with new people. Now you can't miss them. I bet you'll see a similar transformation if your kid attends that school and gets to live fully. 

This was why I was mad at myself initially. It’s so easy to come from a place of fear worrying that your child will be excluded and then inadvertently add on to their feelings of non acceptance or acceptance but with reservations.

What I realized is that they are likely already being excluded because they are not being authentic to themselves.

So we need to start with total acceptance from us as the parents and then encouraged them to be totally authentic and true to themselves.
After that we can start to concentrate on the people who are ok with that. I just hope that A is accepted. A is a quirky kid in a variety of ways and I don’t want them to feel invisible at school anymore.