A different kind of Disney question - mixing families

[fela]

Hi! I have a sort of different Disney question for you all - I need some different opinions!

My maternal grandmother passed away a year and a half ago. Her estate is now settled and my mom wants to use some of the money she received to take our family (my mom and dad, me/DH/our 2 kids, my brother/SIL/their 3 kids) to Disneyland. I want to be clear that it’s not like my grandma designated the money for this specific purpose, but she loved family trips to Disneyland and we (my mom, brother and I) do feel like it’s a “memorial” kind of trip.

Anyways it’s all booked and we’re very excited. None of the 5 grandkids have ever gone. I’m starting to plan/organize (with everyone’s consent).

The sticky point I’m running into now is that DH’s family lives close to the parks and he feels awkward about not inviting them to join us. And I do get that, but I also think it’s ok to ask that this 1 time “my” family can have this experience alone. If it were any other trip I would be happy to include them.

We’re only doing 2 park days (park hopper tix both days) with the plan to start at Disneyland the first day and CA Adventure the second. We can bounce around as needed but I suspect the Disneyland day will be the most packed. Coincidentally it’s also the day I’m most excited for as I think it will be nostalgic of past trips I took with my parents, brother and Grandma. I’ve offered that DH’s family could join us for the DCA day and also dinner the first night (the night before we go to the parks) but he thinks this might hurt their feelings. I don’t want that, but I do also want to preserve some time for “my” family (obviously they are all my family now).

What sayeth the board?

[jewel]

I would offer them time to get together before or after your park days, if you can add travel time on either side, but I wouldn’t invite them to the park. Honestly, planning a multi-family Disney thing is hard enough and I wouldn’t want to try to manage my in-laws too, AND especially not when it’s a memorial trip for your grandma.

When you or your H talk to them, I wouldn’t even bring up the idea to have them meet you at the park. I’d let them know you’ll be in town for a family event and would love to see them before/after/when/if you have other free time.

[mpm]

I think this is a totally subjective question that will vary from family to family. We would probably not see the in-laws at all on this type of trip, or we’d just meet up for a breakfast or something before we left. We also typically do not mix our families on any visit. They live in the same state 600 miles away and we have visited only one family at a time on shorter visits.

[SusanBAnthony]

I would not include them at all.

My family is great and my in laws are fine, but there is no reason for them to mix. They aren't friends and we can't socialize with all of them at once. Maybe I'd feel different if we lived near each other and they knew each other from multiple gatherings over the years.

But for a special family trip? No way and od die on that hill!

[gretchenindisguise]

I would not mix them in for this trip, unless it was adding on extra days either before or after to devote just to them.

[momin2013]

I feel like trying to manage a large group at a park is already tricky, and making the group even bigger would make things even more difficult. I vote no on his family joining for the park visit, but maybe tack on a visit with them before or after the park days if you feel you need to.

[UMaineTeach]

I think that because they live close to the parks it would make it easier for me to leave them out.

Also, this is a large your side of the family outing. I would feel awkward if I was invited as a “third wheel” to BIL’s wife’s cousin’s trip or something. Or if my cousin’s wife brought her mother?

I would probably not see them at all. Save up and plan another trip to see them.

[krystee]

We have had a similar type of trip in these circumstances and added on two days at the end, after my family left, to spend with his family. I think you could do parks or not, but keep the two park days you have with just your family.

I am trying to put myself in the shoes of his family and I would absolutely respect the memorial trip and not want to barge in or impact that in any way, but I think I would be hurt if my family was right by me and didn’t offer any kind of a get together (even just like a breakfast or something).

ETA: this assumes you are flying in and don’t get to see them often.

[tacokick]

It is a special trip. I wouldn’t invite them or extend the trip to see them. They can see you some other time. The trip is about you and your family.

[fela]

Thank you all for the opinions! Sorry I wasn’t able to get back on yesterday - something was up with our internet (maybe the 104 degree heat!).

We are going to add a day on the end of the trip to see and stay with them. And we’ll keep the offer for dinner the first night. Some of the in-laws have annual passes to the parks and obviously we wouldn’t ask that they NOT use them, so it’s possible that we may run into folks there. We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it I guess, but I’ll feel less rude if there is no formal “plan” to meet up 😊

[sju]

I think your plan is great. This is your trip.

Of course each family is different but I live close to Disney world and don’t feel AT ALL offended when family goes to the parks and don’t invite us. We usually do a get together after their park days and other local relatives come. It’s awesome.

[nicolewi]

We have had many smaller scale, but similar issues in which DH feels like we should just invite his family, and what’s the big deal, and the more the merrier! But I feel it just changes the whole dynamic of the event. In your case, I would absolutely want to keep it to just your family. Maybe his family could see you before or after the park days.

[curbsideprophet]

I think your plan sounds good. With only two parks days and already large group, I do not see the need to add people to the park time.

[erbear]

Jul 1, 2023 18:24:38 GMT -5 krystee said:

We have had a similar type of trip in these circumstances and added on two days at the end, after my family left, to spend with his family. I think you could do parks or not, but keep the two park days you have with just your family.

I am trying to put myself in the shoes of his family and I would absolutely respect the memorial trip and not want to barge in or impact that in any way, but I think I would be hurt if my family was right by me and didn’t offer any kind of a get together (even just like a breakfast or something).

ETA: this assumes you are flying in and don’t get to see them often.

This. I’d add a day and spend it with his family. It would really hurt my feelings if my family was vacationing so close to me and didn’t ask to see me.

[jaycee]

I agree with others that you should not include the inlaws.

I would phrase it to them that this is a memorial trip for your grandmother.

We do not mix families at gatherings, like others have said. For example, my mother in law traveled from far to see us for mothers' day. We took her out for a fancy brunch, but did not include my mother, who is local and we saw another day.