Heading back to reality this morning. The whole family had a great visit with DS. I am broke between the eating and shopping. Plus we did the touristy put put, rides, and ski lifts. It's hard to leave him after such a nice visit, but we are already planning visits in October and November. We did get a 4 mile hike in before he got there and we got to set by the creek and pout a little after he left.
Weekend was good! DH and I took DD2 out for dinner Friday night to wrap up her month as an only child. Then we stayed up late to watch the Women's World Cup game USA vs Vietnam. Fun game to watch!
Saturday morning DH got up super early to make the 2.5 hour drive to pick up DD1 at camp. She was home by noon and we all went out to lunch at her favorite spot. Then DH, DD2, and I swam after Dh and I worked a bit, DD1 was resting for a while and finally joined us in the evening. Yesterday my parents and niece came over to see DD1 and swim for a couple of hours.
This week is fairly chaotic. DD2 is at soccer camp 20 mins away. When I signed her up, the hours were 9-1. I then got an email that they changed the hours to 9-1145 (no reduction in cost, though). So that kind of ruins my work day. So today both kids are having friends over, tomorrow we may go to my parents' to the beach, then DH and the kids will leave Wed evening to go back to the beach house. I have a mandatory work meeting Friday so I will join them Saturday morning (avoiding horrible Friday traffic that will double my drive time). The weather looks great so we will have fun! DD1 hasn't seen the place since we moved in, so I'm excited for that.
As an aside, DH had a few beers on Friday night and said some fairly nasty things to me. He has not apologized, but he's been extra nice for the past couple of days - laughing extra hard at my jokes, offering to hang out with me more than usual, etc.
Friday we drove a million hours to pick up the kids. DH was tired, so I drove the last leg. DD had a World Cup watching party. Saturday and Sunday I did laundry and a lot of chores with some relaxing.
I am annoyed with DH though for a long list of reasons. One of which is that I cancelled the kid's dentist appointments because his parents were coming today and instead they came yesterday and now have decided to not even stop by today even though they are staying at a hotel in the area and could come by for 30 minutes.
Annoyed with DH because: 1. Overuse and selfishness of family resources including time and money 2. Lack of communication 3. Selfishness in regards to conversation for example never asked his dad about his health but talks about his side business instead. I had to ask all the health questions because DH couldn't be bothered.
mae0111, how does telling your H that you're ready for a sincere apology whenever he's ready to give it, but not at the moment you solicit it, sound? My H has certainly said some unpleasant and not true things to me when ges had a few too many and I've had to encourage apologies. When he does apologize, I always respond with, "I accept your apology. Thank you," instead of, "That's okay." I know this irritates him, but it's honest and less enabling;)
Our weekend was really good. We had dinner with my sister and her family Friday night and went to a neighborhood party Saturday night. Saturday morning, my sister and I ran a crazy 3.5 mile race. It started at the base of one of the local ski areas and went to a tram station. It was ....well, I was glad I did it....when it was over!!! We went to a swimming hole on the mountain afterwards with our fay, which was awesome! Sunday, we did a long mountain/road bike ride with our girls.Last night, DD1 taught herself to play the theme song to the Indiana Jones movies on her sax. So cool!
This week both girls are in the same camp for once. We also have a carpool going so less driving than usual for me. Yeah!!!
We had a nice weekend. DD had a friend over on Friday. Saturday we swam and ate dinner out. I also had a killer nap and I managed to go to the gym. Sunday was errands and not much else, but I needed that.
MIL has a friend whose husband is dying from Parkinson’s dementia in slow motion. She also appears to have something really, really wrong with her. She had weight loss surgery a couple of years ago and went from obese to appallingly skinny. I’m guessing her doctors haven’t changed the doses of her medications. But anyway she appears to be drunk all the time (like nodding off while eating soup at my MIL’s house) and recently had an accident after which, when the police asked her who was president, she told them they would have to ask her something else because she couldn’t remember his name. It should be noted the MIL met her while they were both working on a Democratic political campaign. So her not remembering the president is very significant. MIL can’t deal with her anymore. She comes to MIL’s house and stays for hours. She tells the same stories over and over. But MIL won’t set boundaries with her. And I’m frankly sick of hearing about it. It’s heartbreaking and I’m too far removed to help the woman. MIL is too busy being WASPy to help her. And MIL won’t just say, “I can’t do this with you anymore.” I’m about to put a moratorium on her talking about it. Either fix the situation or accept that you’re accepting it. But quit bitching about it.
waverly, I'm sorry. Is this kind of behavior new for your H? As I recall it's not and, nevertheless, it's got to be really draining for you. Do your in-laws know you cancelled plans in order to spend time with them today?
Saturday I got a ton of homework done while DH (that's weird to type instead of beau) was at work. I also started doing some gem painting again. It's such a relaxing thing to do while watching TV and keeps my hands busy so I don't mess around on my phone as much. I also did some more unpacking and cleaning in the basement to sort through the last of the boxes that ended up there when we moved. And I completely rearranged the furniture in the family room down there. We decided to set up the spare bed we have in the corner of the big family room so that we have more "guest room" space. With the way I arranged the sectional, the bed feels separated from the main living area so it's not awkward. It also gets the really nice mattress out of the garage where we were worried it would get ruined.
On Sunday we had an amazing date day! We went into the city to go to an art museum then we walked around downtown, and eventually grabbed dinner in the North End. There's an Italian place that we found last summer that has amazing gluten free options for me! Not an easy find in the Italian neighborhood.
I feel really refreshed and genuinely ready for the week, which is a nice change from the constant craziness we've been having.
waverly , I'm sorry. Is this kind of behavior new for your H? As I recall it's not and, nevertheless, it's got to be really draining for you. Do your in-laws know you cancelled plans in order to spend time with them today?
While I appreciate DH handling all in-law interaction, I guess the communication on both sides is usually bad although if he dug in I think he could get actual information. I don't know why they said they were coming Monday instead of Sunday when clearly they were coming Sunday the whole time. They do not know that I cancelled dentist appointments for them. And I do not know why they are not coming to visit today. I get they want to get home and it is a long drive, but they clearly have no interest, and I can't make them have interest. We are both working and they opted out even though the kids are around. Why not just at least stop by for a few minutes on their way out of town to see the kids. It makes no sense especially since they came all this way to see us. They once met up with SIL's in-laws in our hometown to eat breakfast and we were told that we were not invited. Her in-laws live an hour away from us. They could eat breakfast at any place within that hour but chose to do it in our hometown and not invite us. In-laws live 5 hours from us and were in the area, SIL's in-laws live 1 hour from us.
I think DH is a bit delusional about healthcare matters. If he says everything is OK, then it is OK and we just have to go along with that because he said they were fine. Well FIL is better, but he is certainly not fine and dandy. Maybe it is a coping measure, but I've dealt with that for a long time with him just being like oh well I wasn't bothered so no one else should be. OK.
The resources issue is something that honestly I think we need to go to therapy about. He's agreed to weekly meetings, and then we didn't have a meeting this week. I need to force the issue, but he spent all of Saturday doing a brake job on my car. One can argue that was unselfish and saved us money, but he did it to have time to himself while I had to manage the kids. It's triggering because he used to do that when they were little, and I honestly think it is to avoid providing childcare to little kids. Kids are older now, so it's not an issue, but we were relaxing all weekend which really means chores/ relax/ chores/ relax repeat. Then you feel like nothing happened all weekend. Yes, I could have gone somewhere but I was trying to relax too after the long drive- just proves that being home is not relaxing to me that much.
It was just interesting to see me ask the health questions and he be like "so, my business". Yes, I get you have a business and want the help/ support of your parents, but you understand they are almost 80 here now right?
I rescheduled the dentist appointments for maybe a better time, so I am OK with it. But I was annoyed because it was just one more thing in the DH and in-law lack of communication cycle. And also he's been making jokes about appointments that I am getting annoyed with. You and your appointments, you love to make appointments crap like that. It was me being nice to him since he has the more demanding job, but I guess not anymore.
Post by supertrooper1 on Jul 24, 2023 12:06:52 GMT -5
We had a relaxing weekend. Saturday, we went bowling, lunch, and then drove out to Beau's son's house for a while. It was nice driving around with the Jeep top off. Sunday we went to the beach then to a mini golf/go-cart place.
I'm still baffled by Beau's son. Saturday on our way to bowling, we stopped by Beau's brother's mechanic shop because his son and brother were working on a truck together. Beau's grandson was there, so we took him bowling with us, 10 minutes away. Instead of telling us when he was done so we could coordinate him picking up his son, Beau's son drove home, which was a 45 minute drive in a different direction, so we had to take his grandson home. We probably were going to their house this weekend anyway because Beau was hoping his grandson would be riding his motorcycle on his own, but I'm still surprised that his son didn't text to say he was headed home. The motorcycle gets me too. Beau and his son are frustrated that the grandson won't ride by himself when his sons were riding at 3. I sit there thinking that he's only 4, it doesn't surprise me that he's a little scared. The hard part for me is knowing Beau's son spend $6K on the bike that he couldn't afford in the first place.
Since I am complaining (sorry WP), I have to vent about my nephews and sister for a minute. Nephew 1 (18) didn't gradate high school. Instead was skipping classes sitting in his car and doing inappropriate things with a female student, got suspended. Is doing summer school, and no one knows if he will actually graduate.
Nephew 2 (15) was suspended for doing "something stupid". They are spoiled, i.e. their parents took them to Hawaii after these suspensions. They were suspended at the same time. Why not take away the car??? I told my kids if they pull crap like that I will take the day off and follow them around school making sure to be as embarrassing as possible.
Her DH does zero parenting not sure why but my observation, and she is "too busy at work".
Post by sandandsea on Jul 24, 2023 12:29:45 GMT -5
We had a frustrating weekend at the track but that’s the sport and it’s a good reminder to always celebrate the victories and enjoy the family time together regardless of the racing stuff. We have to survive 5 days of work with no camp this week for the kids and then we are off on our cruise next week. I can’t wait. I’m also planning our 22 hours in Seattle so trying to make a list of the top must dos. So far space needle, pikes market and the giant wheel are the big three and I’m trying to decide the best way to spend the rest of the time. We have dinner reservations already near our hotel.
sandandsea we really enjoyed the space needle the last time we were in Seattle. The area around it - specifically the artists at play playground at Seattle Center - is really cool too.
I stayed in my house more this past weekend than I have in a very long time, trying to potty train DS3. He's making progress. DH and I both started work late today because we really wanted to delay taking him to daycare until he pooped in the potty, which he hadn't done yet. I had to finally go to the office at like 9:30 am but DH had success shortly thereafter - yay! Daycare provider is super thrilled about helping us potty train him this week - I say that sarcastically She's in her 70s and retiring in 3 weeks when DS3 and his daycare BFF both go to preschool. I made her and her husband cookies as a bribe/thank you for helping us.
My two older kids are in Maryland now with my parents/sister and family, and DH flies there Wednesday and takes them to see his side of the family through Sunday. I have a workday with no scheduled meetings Friday and I'm debating whether to do a day pass at a local fancy pool, or just sit around my own pool in my backyard. I have trouble relaxing at my own pool when there are chores to be done, and there's no one to bring me food or drinks, but it's definitely cheaper and more convenient. I'm also trying to decide whether I get a babysitter for a bit next weekend and what I would do with the time, since I'll probably want at least a little break from my two little boys. My 6-year-old in particular is not independent at all and I may go nuts if I'm the only adult he has to harass for 50-some hours straight
The end of last week was rough. Work is a mess because our servers are in the process of being moved. So access to certain items is very limited which is not good when you are trying to build software on said servers. Last Thursday, DH had a massive anxiety attack and it took 2 hours to calm him down. There wasn't one direct link as to why this happened; it seems it was a buildup of various things. It scared me to my core and I honestly thought I was going to call 911 a few times because he was on the verge of hyperventilating. He also told me that he had chest pains while we were on vacation in early June. He has a history of anxiety and depression and is on meds for that as well as blood pressure meds. So I'm not sure if he should see a psychiatrist or cardiologist at this point. He has an appt with his psychiatrist on Wed. Then he needs to find a new PCP since ours left the practice. I'm so worried about him. He seems better, but I don't think he is great. The only thing I can do at this point is to keep an eye on him and make sure he gets the appointments scheduled.
sandandsea, DD liked the children's science museum next to the space needle better than the space needle. Even with timed tickets we stood in a very slow-moving line for way too long to get to the top of the needle. The aquarium which is near the big wheel is a good spot to go if the weather is crummy since it is inside. We loved the harbor tour we did because we got to sit down and relax after a ton of walking. Depending on where you are staying the train is the way to travel into downtown and 100 times cheaper than parking.
Weekend was fine. DH went to play paintball in Central Oregon so was gone most of the weekend. He came home really early Sunday because he messed up the dates of the concert in the park. It is next weekend and he was so pissed off when he got home because he could have done other stuff but rushed home and of course he blamed me. I put the stupid concert in the park in his calendar which he refuses to look at.
Saturday DD and I watched her friend play softball and then just had a lazy afternoon/evening. Sunday we spent the morning cleaning all the flat surfaces in the house (counter, coffee table, craft table, kitchen table) of crap. Within 20 minutes of DH being home he piled crap onto the kitchen table. This is why I want to ditch all the tables.
I was hoping to take some time off this week. My BFF is at her grandparents and I want to drive down and visit with her one day. BFF isn't getting back to me on a good day and so far my payroll clients aren't getting me payroll in a timely manner even though I told them I was going to be off the 2nd half of the week. Grr
Whew yesterday was super rough with dog related problems and kid problems, and kid/ DH causing dog problems, and I am ready to move out to my own apartment and never see anyone again! Just me and maybe the cat.
Post by librarychica on Jul 25, 2023 9:29:19 GMT -5
We had a nice weekend, even though the party Sunday was a bit of a bust. This family is H’s best friend and their kids, the oldest who are the same age as ours. But they just don’t really get along much anymore. The son is happy to hang with DD1 when it’s just the 9 of us but ignores her if his school friends are around and their daughter rubs DD2 the wrong way. Plus one of the kids hit DD1 hard enough with some toy that she bruised rather badly. DD2 spent most the evening off reading a book.I think we will be reducing our attendance at these parties. Neither H or I know any of the adults well either, so it was just kind of awkward.
Monday was super busy. Today should be less so. DD2 is at her last week of camp. DD1 had a friend over last night and they were quiet but awake when I went to bed. Idk what time they fell asleep, but when H got up for work they were asleep with the lights on, DD’s glasses still on her face, and they’re still asleep. It is 10:30, I’m not sure DD has ever slept this late even when sick!
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jul 25, 2023 9:47:34 GMT -5
We're on vacation this week. Unfortunately a work thing is blowing up and I may have to testify in court on Thursday. Luckily our vacation is just 90 mins away so if I have to leave I will...but I am hoping our outside counsel moves the court date. The only issue is that it has moved a couple times now so that may not be an option this time.
Someone just please tell me what I'm doing Thursday!
Post by sandandsea on Jul 25, 2023 11:14:14 GMT -5
Thanks! We are staying downtown and are walking everywhere so no car. And it’s our port for a cruise so we will be having lots of time on the water after.
Is Chuhily garden or the pop culture museum or museum of flight worth it?
sandandsea, We went to the pop culture museum without kids because it was just a couples trip. I liked it; I think my kids at the time (6 and 8) might have been bored, but older kids will like it.
sandandsea, DD was 8 when we went to Seattle and she hated the pop culture museum. It was really boring for her and for myself who was trying to entertain a tired kid. DH like it. If you are into music and music history I think it would be interesting. I really wanted to go to Chuhily garden but DH was an adamant no and DD was no which is why we did the pop culture museum. DD wants to do underground Seattle the next time we go for a visit.
Whew yesterday was super rough with dog related problems and kid problems, and kid/ DH causing dog problems, and I am ready to move out to my own apartment and never see anyone again! Just me and maybe the cat.
I have fantasies about this very thing sometimes.
There are countless reasons -and very good ones - why the girls in Sex and the City kept Carrie's old apartment!!
On that note, I love reminiscing about the nine months of my young adult life when I was single and living on my own. Not every day was a party, but it was a good time of personal growth and general happiness.
Whew yesterday was super rough with dog related problems and kid problems, and kid/ DH causing dog problems, and I am ready to move out to my own apartment and never see anyone again! Just me and maybe the cat.
I have fantasies about this very thing sometimes.
There are countless reasons -and very good ones - why the girls in Sex and the City kept Carrie's old apartment!!
On that note, I love reminiscing about the nine months of my young adult life when I was single and living on my own. Not every day was a party, but it was a good time of personal growth and general happiness.
I used to tell this to my classes all the time. There may be only a brief period where you just care for your own needs and not anyone else's. Go where and when you want, eat what you want at the exact time you want, sleep. I lived on my own for around 2-3 years before I got married. I wish I appreciated it more.
There are countless reasons -and very good ones - why the girls in Sex and the City kept Carrie's old apartment!!
On that note, I love reminiscing about the nine months of my young adult life when I was single and living on my own. Not every day was a party, but it was a good time of personal growth and general happiness.
I used to tell this to my classes all the time. There may be only a brief period where you just care for your own needs and not anyone else's. Go where and when you want, eat what you want at the exact time you want, sleep. I lived on my own for around 2-3 years before I got married. I wish I appreciated it more.
OMG I LOVED living alone, especially when I lived in the city. I lived alone in a few different places for about 4 years. It was the very best. One place was an amazing garden-level brownstone apartment in South Boston. I was 2 blocks to the ocean, 2 miles from work/Fanueil Hall/Newbury St. Beautiful, flat places to run and walk. I could walk to work every day, or take a very convenient bus for 10 mins or so. Super fun bars and restaurants a couple blocks away, or a quick cab ride (because I'm an old and there was no uber).
DH may take the kids to the beach house tomorrow evening, and I can't get there until Saturday due to work. The kids' therapist told me to make plans with friends. Nope. Takeout and World Cup on the couch, TYVM.
I used to tell this to my classes all the time. There may be only a brief period where you just care for your own needs and not anyone else's. Go where and when you want, eat what you want at the exact time you want, sleep. I lived on my own for around 2-3 years before I got married. I wish I appreciated it more.
Yessssssss... I didn't do it for long enough, but almost as good, for years after we were married, DH worked out of town, so he'd leave early Monday morning and come back late Thursday/early Friday morning. So during the mundane parts of the week, I had peace and quiet and freedom - and a clean house and meals entirely of my choosing! And then on weekend, he was around for the "fun" stuff. And the bonus, we had enough airline miles and hotel points that traveling was free - we're actually still working off the airline miles, since we rarely travel now. (Now if he tried doing the same again now that we have two kids with busy schedules, I'd probably murder him... but some days I dream of it. The peace and quiet, not the murder.)
Tuesday afternoons are my "me time". DH golfs March-September and DD has practice 4-7 during that time. I get usually 3 glorious hours to myself and only have the dog to contend with. I get so cranky when family or friends bug me during these hours.
My BFF was going to be in my area for 2 weeks starting this week but something changed and she is only close to us next week. Close is 3 hours away which is still closer than the 9 she is right now. Next week I'm super busy at work due to the beginning of the month payrolls so I can't play hooky in the middle of the week. The only day I could go visit would be Friday and she is already booked. We haven't talked other than short text messages since December and I really needed some girl time. I'm so bummed. I think I'm going to ask if she can meet me halfway on Wednesday afternoon and just leave work at noon.
I never lived alone until I got divorced. I went straight from living at home to college roommates, to marriage to exh. It was a tough transition at first, but it turns out, it is pretty awesome to do whatever you want, whenever you want all by yourself!
Now I get the best of both worlds. DH always works on Tuesdays and we don't have the kids, so I wfh with a quiet house to myself all day and then I have all evening to myself to do whatever I want. When he doesn't work, or he comes home early, I am admittedly a little disappointed!
Post by supertrooper1 on Jul 25, 2023 16:00:45 GMT -5
sandandsea, I would skip the Museum of flight unless you have an aviation fan in your family. Pike Place Market is my absolute favorite thing to do in Seattle. We go a few times a year and I have my favorite stops like Pirosky Pirosky and DeLaurenti Italian store.
186momx, it's probably been 20 years since I went on the Seattle Underground tour, but it was pretty fun! I think your DD would like it.
I wish I had lived alone for longer in my life. I moved from my parents house to ex-H's house. I lived on my own for about 5 months, and then I met Beau. While we didn't move in together right away, but it still wasn't complete on my own freedom. I really confused Beau when we first met when I said I wanted independence. He thought I didn't want to be exclusive, but what I really meant was that I wanted to do what I wanted in my house when I wanted, decorate it the way I wanted, etc.
Every year DH takes the kids camping for a few days to a week. It's a glorious bit of time off for me. I purge, clean, eat the takeout that I want that no one else likes, see my friends, work uninterrupted. The trip is scheduled to start at the end of next week.
Also, we'd planned on taking the kids to the beach house tomorrow for about a week. We were going to work there and try to get the kids out and moving, exploring the area. I had a mandatory several-hour in-person meeting added to my calendar for Friday, so I can't reasonably get there until Saturday unless I sit in hours of traffic. So DH planned to take both kids Wed evening, and I would join them.
DD2, who has been basically attached to me all summer, is refusing to go on either trip without me. All of a sudden, she hates the beach and all camping-related activities.
I don't want to make her go, but holy crap I need a break. And not a break that a sitter can remedy. I need to be IN MY HOUSE, ALONE.