Post by goldengirlz on Jul 29, 2023 16:55:48 GMT -5
Setting the scene:
H went out of town on a business trip, to the city where his family happens to live.
It’s Friday evening and I’m wearing a tank top with no bra (not unusual for me.) And I have no makeup, post-workout messy hair, etc.
He FaceTimes me. I pick up because it’s H, who cares what I look like. EXCEPT. His whole family is on screen to say hello, not only my ILs but his sister and BIL. I was not expecting them. At all.
H says it was NBD because you can’t see much on FaceTime anyway, and no one was looking at me, they were just there to say hi to DC. I think a heads up would have been nice — I definitely would have made sure I was more than half dressed!
My in-laws have called to FaceTime with the kids and I’m half-dressed (bed clothes) with a bonnet on my hair. Not my preferred looked but after 14 years married I don’t really care. They seen me at my best. I wouldn’t be happy to FaceTime with complete strangers like that. Not the first impression I want to make. *I feel like I should add I’m not really close to my in-laws so this isn’t a comfort thing. They just seen me enough to know they are catching me unprepared if I look like that.
Maybe I’m just more comfortable with my IL’s, but this wouldn’t phase me at all. DH FaceTimes with his Mom (Dad when he was still alive) and brother often and sometimes I’ve literally just woken up and am in my pajamas when he puts me onscreen to say hello. 🤷♀️
I feel like this is the telephone version of stopping by without calling first. Neither of which I’d love but also not something I’d complain about either.
I mean, I don't even like answering a phone call I don't know is coming. I get irrationally angry when someone Teams video calls me with no chat to see if I'm available.
I personally am unbothered by this or really anyone showing up on Facetime randomly. I treat Facetime like answering my door - I assume I’ll see the person outside or anyone else who may be around so I accept the calls accordingly.
The only time I get stressed is my kid walking around with her iPad on Kid’s Messenger while talking to her cousins and I just got out of the shower.
I don’t think there is a general right/wrong, since not everyone would mind, but in this case I think your H should know you well enough to know if this would bother you.
Post by hbomdiggity on Jul 29, 2023 18:52:16 GMT -5
I guess your lack of a bra is less obscene than it would be for me. That said my ILs have stayed in our house/ vacationed together so they have seen me relaxed and less put together, so I prob wouldn’t be too upset.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Jul 29, 2023 18:53:31 GMT -5
I don’t care what I look like 90% of the time and don’t put on makeup even for my coworkers on video calls, and so that part wouldn’t bother me. But I don’t generally enjoy video calls, so I prefer a heads up.
Post by penguingrrl on Jul 29, 2023 18:54:59 GMT -5
I would definitely want a heads up. My cousin FaceTimed me out of the blue the other day and it absolutely threw me. And I was on my way somewhere so I couldn’t talk but could have if it had been a regular call.
But I also rarely FaceTime or call anyone. I think it had been almost a year since I had used FaceTime, so I was very thrown.
Post by starburst604 on Jul 29, 2023 18:55:16 GMT -5
Team You. My H is awful about things like this. A friend will pick him up for golf at 7am as I’m puttering around in my PJ’s and no bra, and he’ll invite them in to say hi. C’mon dude.
I wouldn’t care about a FaceTime with my ILs but I think that’s all dependent on your comfort level with them. They’ve all seen me ready for bed/just awake many a time and I have small boobs lol.
I personally am unbothered by this or really anyone showing up on Facetime randomly. I treat Facetime like answering my door - I assume I’ll see the person outside or anyone else who may be around so I accept the calls accordingly.
The only time I get stressed is my kid walking around with her iPad on Kid’s Messenger while talking to her cousins and I just got out of the shower.
I think what got me is if I had seen, let’s say, my FIL or BIL’s name pop up on my phone, I would NEVER have answered it if I weren’t decent. I have DD boobs — bras are kind of required in polite company. Now, granted, I’m not sure how much you can make out on a tiny phone screen, but it was still jarring.
If I’m staying in their house, I always put on a soft T-shirt bra in the morning before I go down to breakfast. We’re like pj-level comfortable but not no-bra-level comfortable!
In your case, I would not like that. You should at least get a texted heads up. I’d probably say I’m right in the middle of something, can I call you right back? Then run a brush through my hair or something.
I personally am unbothered by this or really anyone showing up on Facetime randomly. I treat Facetime like answering my door - I assume I’ll see the person outside or anyone else who may be around so I accept the calls accordingly.
The only time I get stressed is my kid walking around with her iPad on Kid’s Messenger while talking to her cousins and I just got out of the shower.
I think what got me is if I had seen, let’s say, my FIL or BIL’s name pop up on my phone, I would NEVER have answered it if I weren’t decent. I have DD boobs — bras are kind of required in polite company. Now, granted, I’m not sure how much you can make out on a tiny phone screen, but it was still jarring.
If I’m staying in their house, I always put on a soft T-shirt bra in the morning before I go down to breakfast. We’re like pj-level comfortable but not no-bra-level comfortable!
Did you pull the screen up so it’s just your head? I’ve straight up let them stare at the ceiling or throw the phone at the kids if I have a nipples showing or something lol.
I would definitely prefer a heads up, but the older I get the less I care about people seeing me in my natural state. This used to bother me a lot more than it does now.
Eh I voted no it’s not ok to surprise someone. But that’s less because I am not wearing a bra and more because I don’t want to FaceTime with DH’s family.
I think what got me is if I had seen, let’s say, my FIL or BIL’s name pop up on my phone, I would NEVER have answered it if I weren’t decent. I have DD boobs — bras are kind of required in polite company. Now, granted, I’m not sure how much you can make out on a tiny phone screen, but it was still jarring.
If I’m staying in their house, I always put on a soft T-shirt bra in the morning before I go down to breakfast. We’re like pj-level comfortable but not no-bra-level comfortable!
Did you pull the screen up so it’s just your head? I’ve straight up let them stare at the ceiling or throw the phone at the kids if I have a nipples showing or something lol.
Ha, yeah! I was like, Oh, hi! Everyone! Here, let me get DC!
I don’t think there is a general right/wrong, since not everyone would mind, but in this case I think your H should know you well enough to know if this would bother you.
Ha, apparently my H does NOT know me well enough, and was utterly shocked that I even said something to him later.
I mean, at the end of the day, no harm, no foul. I was just curious what others thought. 😀
I’d want even a little heads up. But also I think most people look at themselves while on FaceTime. Or maybe that’s just me! I’m always worried I have a weird hair sticking up or something.