Fwiw, my high school commute was 40 minutes each way, but I drove with my parents, my bff, and bff's sister most of that time. My mom worked a few miles from my high school.
I would definitely do a shadow for a day. I went to private high school 10-12th grade and they let prospective students shadow for a whole day if they wanted.
I'm pro-public school as a parents but I was a kid that was getting lost in public school. The smaller classes really helped me come out of my shell. We lived 40 minutes away but there was a county bus that would take us from a bagel shop in my town to the school. There were about 20 kids on it from different towns along the way. While there were super rich kids, there were also kids on financial aid or whatnot like me.
So I would have her shadow for a day and see how it goes.
litskispeciality , She would just have to do the one sport and practices are right after school. She is familiar with campus bc her USA team practices there now (that's how she knows other students at the private school)
gummybear , it's kind of hard to tell which team is 'better' since they are in a totally different private school league and our public HS is huge. Her relay team at private would be KILLER, whereas she would probably be the standout at public school. It's an individual sport though (swim), so I'm not sure the team matters as much as say soccer or other sports.
She really really really wants to go D1 for college, and I'm not sure if which HS matters bc it's mostly about what times she makes. She swims year round anyway.
My daughter is also a competitive swimmer and the coaches on her year round team are the ones that work with the swimmers on college connections if that is the route they want to go. I will say that my daughter (who is in 7th now in a private school) will continue the private school route as the swim teams are better options for her than the public school team - but to your point her year round team will take priority and that is where she will likely get her fastest times anyway.
Swimming is a hobby (and lifelong fitness) but not a career, KWIM? So I’d look long term. What will set her up best for a university where she can thrive and get the training she needs for her post collegiate life. Athletic ability can be a stepping stone on that path. It can open doors. But it isn’t the destination. What will get her to the destination? There are private schools that are all about sports, or money or academics. If this is the third, it’ll set her up for future goals. The first two are temporary.
I say this as someone whose sibling competed not just nationally but internationally in swimming - things like Pan Pacifics, etc. when it came time for college, swimming opened doors but he kept his focus on long term goals. Instead of going to the top swimming option, he went for the best overall. it made all the difference for his career.
sonrisa, that is excellent advice. I looked into the academic course offerings and they do have a lot of advanced courses. She's still pretty young and not completely sure what she wants to do for a career moving forward, although special education and being a swim coach are on her list of considerations.
Post by Jalapeñomel on Sept 6, 2023 15:10:57 GMT -5
To me, the pressure for children to go to elite schools is out of control and not good for young minds. Most people go to non-elite schools, get great jobs, and have great lives.
If the public schools is good, she can still swim, and diverse, that would be way more appealing than a private school, regardless of the “connections” it may give for college.
To me, the pressure for children to go to elite schools is out of control and not good for young minds. Most people go to non-elite schools, get great jobs, and have great lives.
If the public schools is good, she can still swim, and diverse, that would be way more appealing than a private school, regardless of the “connections” it may give for college.
This. I don’t know much about swimming but did get recruited to play soccer in college so I do understand the desire to be on a competitive team if you want to play in college. However, I will not subject my child to being the only Black person in class so the lack of racial and economic diversity is a no go for me. To be honest, I hope my daughter doesn’t go to college and lives a fabulous life!
sonrisa, that is excellent advice. I looked into the academic course offerings and they do have a lot of advanced courses. She's still pretty young and not completely sure what she wants to do for a career moving forward, although special education and being a swim coach are on her list of considerations.
All of you have given us a lot to think about!
I think your public high school is close to mall shopping , and I’m guessing you’re talking about the next town as the private. If I’m wrong, disregard my opinion/advice. As a school administrator very familiar with both, I would choose your public. I will tell you in terms of academic rankings, your districted public is more highly thought of compared to private. It’s not about the famous alums! I also personally know students from our local public who were not comfortable with the elitism there. But if academics are your/her priority (and I do know that your districted public does very well in athletic recruiting as well as academic success), I’d stay with her projected public.
Pros and cons to both. I went to college on scholarships after playing at a private school, but recruiting happened more from clubs and tournaments than high school so it didn’t really make a difference.
Let her go for the day and check out both. Private schools aren’t inherently wealthy. My kids go to one and we are far from the wealthiest people there and they do just fine. The lack of diversity would be a non negotiable for me but certainly private schools have done a lot of work recently to try to increase their diversity so that doesn’t necessarily disqualify it (not knowing the dynamics Obvs)
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by outnumbered on Sept 6, 2023 18:11:10 GMT -5
As a former swimmer I would say your club connections and times are much more important than the high school team. Public school kids can get All American status and end up at elite schools/swim schools. A local kid at our public school ended up at Michigan to swim. I will also say that the pressure on kids to go to elite schools is ridiculous. Your daughter will have to choose the college that is right for her regardless of swimming.
Post by penguingrrl on Sept 6, 2023 19:15:04 GMT -5
I would send her to public school personally. It doesn't sound like her opportunities will be significantly improved for having gone to the private school and I'm a huge proponent of public education. I'm not hearing anything that suggests she will get a major benefit that would make it worth all of you sacrificing in time and energy to get her there. Not to mention that you'll also have to get her to and from social events, hanging out with friends, etc. My kid is a junior in HS at our local school, but anyone in our county can attend the Performing Arts program and the kids who are from out of district are constantly driving back and forth, hanging out at my house after school for evening performances, etc. It's not just the driving for the school day, but their entire social life is far from home.
I’m gonna delete your quote, but maybe delete some of your wording, the internet is not a safe space.
I agree, the previous post could have been a DM. It’s too much info. Even without knowing OP’s location, there are only so many elite private schools, especially with so many initials!
I would see if she can do a shadow day or at least tour the schools. How is the athletic department in the public school? Would she have good opportunities there in her sport?
We also have a good public HS in our town but our kids currently attend a private Catholic school for elementary through middle, we have a tough choice to make when they enter HS. If they end up staying in private I will be sad for all the high property taxes we paid, lol
I agree that your daughter may be easily swayed by social connections at that age, but with both options having their own benefits I would probably let her weigh in after seeing both schools together.
I’m gonna delete your quote, but maybe delete some of your wording, the internet is not a safe space.
I agree, the previous post could have been a DM. It’s too much info. Even without knowing OP’s location, there are only so many elite private schools.
Perhaps I should have. But OP has been open about their location in prior posts so I simply responded. And honestly, in our area there are at least 5 other elite schools that could fit. I happen to know the swim location.
I agree, the previous post could have been a DM. It’s too much info. Even without knowing OP’s location, there are only so many elite private schools.
Perhaps I should have. But OP has been open about their location in prior posts so I simply responded. And honestly, in our area there are at least 5 other elite schools that could fit. I happen to know the swim location.
Five other private schools with the exact same three letter initials? I feel like you’re being purposefully dense here.
Post by UMaineTeach on Sept 6, 2023 20:49:57 GMT -5
All I got is a co-workers kid when to an out of state private HS his last 2 years for athletics.
He made good connections and started college at a D1 (it wasn’t a good fit and he transferred to a D3(?)). He owns his gym and training business now with multiple locations.
I don’t know if that would have happened if he stayed in the small town. But he also played on an AAU club team, so maybe.
Post by mrsukyankee on Sept 7, 2023 2:50:07 GMT -5
I'll also share as a kid who went to private school on scholarship and who has taught/counselled at them for over 10 years, being a scholarship kid can be rough socially. If it's full of very wealthy families, there can be some teens who will bully kids who have less. Just want that to be out there as a consideration as well.
charteroakstate, I didn't see the info when you posted it, but thanks for deleting any specifics. We do very much like our districted school and I appreciate your POV.
This would come down to academics for us, which school was offering the better path to be prepared for rigorous academics at a D1 college. I know nothing about the specifics of college recruiting, just that we had a kick-butt swim team at my public high school. Lots of girls would swim and rank at the state level and kids would get recruited for college. A colleague had her kids also recruited for swimming from public school into very prestigious colleges in the last year or two. If the academics of the two schools were the same, then I'd be looking at which school would be more likely to get her recruited to the best college for her goals. I'm sure the higher up people in your swim organization would be able to connect you with other parents who now have recruited college kids and may have faced the same decision for their kids. On the surface it sounds like what you already said - swimming is an individual sport so it seems like she would get noticed no matter which school she attended.
The drive would suck, but I'd make it happen if the private school was going to be the answer.
Check your state’s transfer requirements for athletes. Some are saying she can transfer if she doesn’t like it, but in CO, you can’t do varsity in the new school for 365 days from transfer. It limits school hopping and some recruitment.
I will say, starting (public) HS this year, transportation for non-driving kids is a whole other level from MS. Pick up from practices, social activities, etc. we also have to drive kids to games (bus driver and funding shortage), add 30 minutes each way to that, and it would overwhelm me. We’re a 7 minute drive from our public HS now, but last week most of our driving time revolves around DS’s activities.
For swim, I’d stick with public, especially given that it’s diverse and good academics. Swim is a different beast than something like soccer, where you need a whole team to be good to really shine.
Other thoughts: How would practice times work together? Our elite level club kids practice twice a day sometimes, morning and evening. It would be a tremendous burden on our family to do that AND drive that far to a private school (where you no doubt have a LOT of increased pressure to succeed because you are there to serve the school).
I looked at a private school 40 min away and ultimately decided on our crappy local private school. I wanted to be able to be in lots of clubs and activities and be able to hang out with my friends on the weekends, and none of that was really possible if I had gone private.
Re: getting lost at a big public school…She will make a name for herself and/or she will find her people, whichever feels more natural to her. Someone told me when my kids were tiny and I was fretting about our large HS, “No matter how quirky your kids are, they will always find “their people” at a big school.” They Can be free to be themselves rather than try to fit into a mold of what they think is expected of them.
More than potential for future “connections”, I’d make decisions on what would likely be best for my child’s mental health. Of course, things change…but if she’s considering something like special education, connections matter less. It’s not a “status” field…and as far as coaching, she will make those connections through her club team, and also make a name for herself once she’s in the door.
Post by kittywalker on Sept 7, 2023 11:36:59 GMT -5
I would try the private school in a heartbeat. The public school will always take her if she doesn't like it or you get tired of driving. I don't think these opportunities typically surface again - schools like this will fill their teams with the best lowerclassmen that they can. They don't often offer athletic scholarships to older high schoolers because they ideally want to get four years of competition out of you in exchange for covering your tuition. A lot of the schools will reclass kids younger if they can, as well, to get more playing time out of their scholarship kids.
Also, I personally (as a parent of swimmers) would prefer a stronger team to my kid being the standout. Better chance of relays placing and better chance of the team going far - championships, nationals, etc. It could mean more swimming time and exposure (for recruiting) for your daughter during the school season.
Check your state’s transfer requirements for athletes. Some are saying she can transfer if she doesn’t like it, but in CO, you can’t do varsity in the new school for 365 days from transfer. It limits school hopping and some recruitment.
I will say, starting (public) HS this year, transportation for non-driving kids is a whole other level from MS. Pick up from practices, social activities, etc. we also have to drive kids to games (bus driver and funding shortage), add 30 minutes each way to that, and it would overwhelm me. We’re a 7 minute drive from our public HS now, but last week most of our driving time revolves around DS’s activities.
I hadn't thought about this, but NCAA rules, at least in the big D1's, maybe D2's, require so many units of each subject in HS to play at the college level. In theory a "good" private school that prides themselves on getting athletes in to D1 schools should know this and follow it, but my gut is a little weary that the families still have to do the work to ensure they stay compliant as private's in my state don't have to follow a set curriculum.
I think the point about driving to events like dances and other school activities outside of school, meeting up with friends outside of your public district, and sporting events further away (based on the 30 min away location) would be hard on a family. Obviously club swimming probably has you traveling anyway, but factor in where the private would require meets, and/or if that delays pick up/drop off or weekend?
I’d do public. The drive would stink and I also think it could be a hard adjustment to go from a tiny high school to a D1 university.
Honestly I wouldn't worry about this as a factor any more than it is with a student from any school who can prefer a bigger or smaller college experience. I went to a teeny tiny middle and high school (54 in my graduating class) and then went to UCLA, and each was perfect - as a super shy kid I thrived in a small school, and then I was OVER it and ready for the hustle and bustle.
You've gotten a lot of good advice here. I'd just throw out one more thing to think about.
I did go to an "elite" prep school. Between financial aid and my mom taking a job there for the tuition assistance, my parents paid about 20% of the tuition. So I guess I was a "scholarship kid"? I never felt singled out. I had friends with crazy generational wealth, and friends that literally didn't know where their next meal was coming from (I am not exaggerating - and when the school found out, they took care of things in a big way, quietly). I don't remember anything but kindness and help for those who needed it.
But it was a different time, and I'm sure things have changed.
All that aside, I will say this: I left that private school on my resume for about 10 years after I graduated college. I also went to an elite university - it was ranked #17 the year that I graduated. My high school was, by far, way more of a conversation starter and a foot-in-the-door at so many companies than my university. Either meeting other alumni, or other schools in the same sports leagues. "Oh, you went to XYZ School? I went to ABC School! You guys used to kill us in basketball, but we were better in hockey!" It really did help a lot, especially since I stayed in the general area where I grew up.
It's hard to think about that now, but it really did make a big difference. So if there's a way to figure out the alumni network at the school, it might be helpful. Obviously you can't base your decision on this, but just something to consider.