Private school decisions

[calamity]

DD is in 7th, but has a possible opportunity to go to a private HS on an athletic scholarship.  It's a very prestigious school and $$$ but would be close to free for us.

Some pros of the private school would be much smaller class size (1:8 ratio) and "connections" she could make.  Could get an "All American" title in her sport.  Would look good on college applications.  Some cons (I think?) would be that should would be in school with very wealthy students (and not a lot of diversity) and we would have to drive her a 1/2 hour each day.

Pros of our public HS are that it is a very good school, she could walk to school, and she might be able to get some of the school records in her sport.  It is a very diverse school (culturally and economically) which is important to us.  Really the only con would be it is a very large school so getting "lost" in the shuffle I guess?

I know it's a personal decision and thankfully we have some time but I was wondering if anyone else has experience or thoughts on it?

ETA- We are leaning towards public, with the only caveat that if some of her friends go to that private she might be swayed by that

[nicolewi]

Before you do anything else, I would visit both schools if possible. Maybe have her shadow, too. That might help a lot. Can you talk to other kids who have played there on scholarshiP?

If you can get a big scholarship to a very expensive school, and it's not a place she actively dislikes, I'd lean towards trying it. She could always go back to public, but she's unlikely to have this opportunity again to try the private.

The 30 minute drive is tough, for sure, but maybe you could carpool? It sounds like a tough decision.

[Velar Fricative]

The con for the public school isn't bad to me, so I'd stick with that because driving a half hour each way every day (twice a day!) would be miserable for us. Even with carpool options, we'd still have to be responsible for driving at least some of the time so that would be enough for me to dissuade me from the private option.

[Roc A Bee]

My DH has worked at private and public HS. We send our kids to public. When a very similar situation came up for his cousin, he told them to send to private. If the sport is very important to her, she will get the most exposure at the private school. Cousin is now sending 1 out of 4 of her kids to the private school.

[calamity]

That is helpful, thank you nicolewi!

Her brother goes to the public school and she has visited so she is familiar with the school. She would go with the kids she has classes with now, so she knows people.

She does know several girls at the private school as they are there on scholarship for the same sport. Visiting is a great idea! In speaking to other parents she would need to try out at other private schools to negotiate the best scholarship. The coach has contacted us directly and really wants her on their team.

[gummybear]

I agree with the idea of letting her shadow and speaking to current students on scholarship, and maybe also the coach. When our oldest was looking at high schools, several of her friends were offered very generous scholarship packages that made tuition nearly free. There's on school in particular I'm thinking of that while prestigious and expensive, offered lots of aid packages for a variety of reasons (sports/academic/arts/need) that diversified the student body quite a bit. Although it's sad to say, some of these fancy secondary academies open doors (and continue to open doors, I still see it and my friends are late 40s-early 50s). She can always go back to public. I'm not sure where you live but the exceptionally talented athletes here actively get recruited to the private schools from public quite often, and switch during their soph/junior year.

I'm of the belief that kids find their people. There are some really wealthy families at DD's school and she figured out pretty quickly where she felt comfortable.

[litskispeciality]

Sept 6, 2023 9:53:13 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

The con for the public school isn't bad to me, so I'd stick with that because driving a half hour each way every day (twice a day!) would be miserable for us. Even with carpool options, we'd still have to be responsible for driving at least some of the time so that would be enough for me to dissuade me from the private option.

Also what is the weather difference 30 mins away? In my area we have a lot of regional schools that tend to either cancel IF there's going to be any bad weather anywhere in district so no one risks driving/bussing in, or they make the decision based on the schools location/town, and screw the other students in other towns if they have to trek in. Obviously private school wouldn't care as much if students drive a bit in bad weather, so that could sway my vote. I think private schools might have more flexibility with snow/weather days too though?

Also could you find out (this obviously could change) the time of practice and after school activities in relation to when you'd have to drop off and pick up? Say lacrosse practice runs until 4:30 PM, now you don't get home until at least 5 PM, or whatever. 

Will your child have to play a sport every season? I've had friends who've looked in to this and their kids had to play a sport every season per the school guidelines. Personally I liked having sport seasons, and not sport seasons so I could focus on my homework more, and maybe join a non-sport activity. 

Oh, and, I worked with someone who had kids in private Catholic school, and they had more half and whole days off than the publics. Their breaks were different too, like one 2 week break in March, rather than Feb and April. That caused issue for the younger child who was in public school about 3 - 4 grades lower. 

[gummybear]

One more thing...which school has the better team? I do think that being a very good player on an awesome team looks a lot better than breaking records on a mediocre team.

[calamity]

litskispeciality, She would just have to do the one sport and practices are right after school. She is familiar with campus bc her USA team practices there now (that's how she knows other students at the private school)

gummybear, it's kind of hard to tell which team is 'better' since they are in a totally different private school league and our public HS is huge. Her relay team at private would be KILLER, whereas she would probably be the standout at public school. It's an individual sport though (swim), so I'm not sure the team matters as much as say soccer or other sports.

She really really really wants to go D1 for college, and I'm not sure if which HS matters bc it's mostly about what times she makes. She swims year round anyway.

[dale]

We had a similar decision to make and it came down to academics. Our local HS is very large (DS's class is at around 700) but they offer so much more academically than the private schools do. His school has teachers who have gotten certified by local and state colleges/universities to teach college level courses to juniors and seniors. Not AP classes, but things like A&P, engineering, accounting, and economics. There are many seniors who graduate who have already enough credits to shave off a semester or two in college. DS knows exactly what he wants to major in for college and so he chose the public school route so that he can get a head start.

[sparkythelawyer]

It sounds like she will be fine either way. Which does she want to go to?

My kid attends the local catholic school for various reasons that are irrelevant to this thread, but it has been a huge benefit to us and our family. But that is family specific.

[calamity]

dale, excellent point. I should look at what the private provides for higher level academics. Our public school does have a ton of options.

[VillainV]

What happens if she accepts the scholarship, then something happens and she can’t play, like an injury, or she struggles to keep her grades up? Would she lose the scholarship?

I was in a similar situation as a teenager..:minus being good enough in my sport to make records or be all-American. The coach of my traveling team coached at a private school and said if I came to that school I’d probably start and get lots of playing time compared to my high school. We seriously considered it, but I ultimately decided “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and stayed in public school.

[mrsukyankee]

Sept 6, 2023 10:22:34 GMT -5 calamity said:

litskispeciality , She would just have to do the one sport and practices are right after school. She is familiar with campus bc her USA team practices there now (that's how she knows other students at the private school)

gummybear , it's kind of hard to tell which team is 'better' since they are in a totally different private school league and our public HS is huge. Her relay team at private would be KILLER, whereas she would probably be the standout at public school. It's an individual sport though (swim), so I'm not sure the team matters as much as say soccer or other sports.

She really really really wants to go D1 for college, and I'm not sure if which HS matters bc it's mostly about what times she makes. She swims year round anyway.

Does she already have connections with people who would be able to write to coaches, get her seen, etc? Because that would be the most helpful thing more than anything else. If the private school has good connections to D1 coaches but the public school coaches aren't as connected, that would be a good push for the private school. If she's already swimming with groups/clubs that are drivers toward D1 schools, that may be enough. I would definitely talk to the coaches about their experiences with sending kids to D1 schools.

[kath16]

so i had family friends growing up who made this decision

if it's along the same level as the very prestigious school that they went to in my general area, i will tell you that their connections were unbelievable. their oldest went on a music scholarship and then the two youngest had sports scholarship, but certainly were helped by having siblings already there, etc.

ANYWAY, all three kids went to elite (ELITE) universities - one went on to get his masters and another went to a TOP law school. they would have gone to the same public school as i did, which was perfectly fine - i truly had a good experience there. but if someone from that public school went on to the universities, and now jobs, that this family did it would have been a HUGE deal in our town. instead it was in line with what many other kids from their school did - children of Presidents went there just to give context. i will just round this out by saying that it was also a boarding school and they all did their last two years as on-campus students even though it was nearby.

if the above sounds appealing to you, i would ask her how she feels about it and let her shadow as a PP said. if it sounds awful to you, then there ya go.

[sdlaura]

That's a tough one. I wouldn't like the commute, but I'd let my DD go if she wanted to. What kath16 said about connections is big. And she can always go back to the public school if the private school doesn't work out for any reason, while the private school opportunity may not always be there.

[whattheheck]

I would check the course catalog at the private school. There tends to be fewer electives, etc. at smaller schools. Will it be enough for her academically?

[waverly]

We are big public school people, so we would do public. Caveat, if our child was struggling in public especially with things like bullying etc., I would not hesitate to pull them for a different atmosphere.

You have to do what is best for your child and best for your family. Driving 1/2 hour each way when we both work would be difficult for us. Our high school is .5 miles away and the kids walk making it easy for extra curriculars and more. It sounds like you are in the "more research" phase. If you truly think this is the best decision and your child, then go for it! As part of the more research also try out the drive and see how it goes in terms of traffic and drop off/ pick up. But I would definitely do my research and have a few chats with my child before jumping in.

[jamaicam]

Quite a few kids from our school go abroad to Florida for swim scholarship for all of high school or just the last 2 years, and from there head to college on swim scholarships so this is something our coaches have already started to talk to parents about.

How would the school link in with her current coaches? My impression is that for swimming, a lot of the biggest meets are club related not school related; so she would get the same exposure/fast races/chances of making the times with club rather than her school.

A lot of the temptation for our kids is that it moves them to the US system which makes the transition to college easier. Also, as they go as boarders, it is easier for them to train in the mornings and after school as the pool is right there, rather than having to do any commuting home before and after.

For me personally, academics is huge, no matter how good of a sports kid you are. I am terrified of one bad injury ending their 'career' so I don't want to put all their hopes in their sports. so I would only consider this if the academics are also of a high standard.

(PS PM me the school name please so I can know if it is one that any of our team have gone to!)

[calamity]

VillainV, that is a good point. She would probably lose her scholarship. She could go back to public I suppose. She's pretty strong academically but injuries do happen.

mrsukyankee, her club swim has great D1 connections (and some former swimmers are NCAA champs and Olympic trial qualifiers.) I'm sure the private school would look better on college applications in general.

whattheheck, that is a great idea.

jamaicam, sending you a PM!

[savan]

What do her club coaches think about her swimming for either school? In my area, the club is preferred. High school swim is for social purposes. They compete but it’s more for the team than any individual times. A lot of club coaches don’t want their athletes doing high school swim. My DD’s club coach has made his negative opinion of high school swimming very clear to us. My DD is not looking to be a D1 swimmer though so we just ignore him.

[msmerymac]

I also prioritize diversity and lean towards supporting public education (despite having gone to a Catholic high school myself), but I also think it's child-dependent.

Would she have similar opportunities for college choice or scholarships at both schools?

Are you sure you'd need to drive her? It's pretty common for districts to have transportation if there are multiple students attending that school (perhaps combined with other nearby private schools). You'd probably have to pay something, but it could be worth it.

[calamity]

savan, most kids on her team swim both club and HS, although the coach does grumble about it. There is a connection between our coach and the private school, so I'm sure the coach would have no problem with her going there and probably prefer that over the public school.

[origami]

I agree with doing the tour/shadowing, etc. Assuming that goes well then I would do the private school. My kids have been in public, low budget private, and fancy private schools (which we didn’t pay for). If we could do fancy private we would - because this is America and that actually does give kids a leg up in this world. It shouldn’t, but it does. my kids are in public now. Their school is great but I would switch them in a heartbeat if an elite school was free. That said, when I was growing up, the elite schools in my area had a major drug problem. Many of the kids had absent parents. Just mentioning in case that’s still a thing.

[calamity]

msmerymac, I'm not sure on the driving bit- there could be a central pick up and bussing. I head in that general direction for work so we could figure out the transportation thing. I feel like at a smaller school she's more likely to get good letters of recommendations for college and the school has a really great reputation. There are a lot of really big alumni names.

nicolewi,Velar Fricative,Roc A Bee,gummybear,litskispeciality,dale,sparkythelawyer,VillainV,mrsukyankee,kath16,sdlaura,whattheheck,waverly,jamaicam,savan,msmerymac, thank you all for your input! You've brought up some great points that I didn't think about. I love this board <3

[calamity]

origami, excellent point as well! Sometimes when kids have a lot of money and too much time it can cause problems (cocaine, etc.)

Plus, if she doesn't have all brand name things, will she be ostracized? Rich mean girls can be brutal.

That being said, even the public has drug issues (mostly with pot though).

[onetruething]

I am a big public school proponent, but in a case lie this I would lean toward the private school. The opportunities that the private school would provide are too good not to t least try it in my opinion. As someone had said upthread, if it's not a good fit she could always transfer to public. The inverse is unlikely.

[fryjack2]

I did this my junior year of high school because I was recruited ( not all that ethically) to play for a somewhat local private school. I knew students there because of sports. I played there a year and won many awards. The students were wealthy but that's the norm in my area so not a change from my public high school. Both schools were great for academics with private being slightly better. Class sizes also similar. I left because the coach was a jerk and I missed being with my old friends every day. My mom wishes I had stayed because she thought it was the better school academically. I still received scholarships to play at the college level, which I did.

If I had been recruited to play for an elite East Coast boarding school or something, I probably would have stayed there. But it was a localish private school. Ha.

[fryjack2]

PDQ

**poof**  It wasn't exciting. Just bit more personal than I normally prefer. 

[eddy]

Personally I would not drive 30 minutes one way for a school when the closer school is perfectly acceptable. That is a grind you will have to put up with for years.

I should add I know nothing about the world of D1 athletes. My focus would just be on the additional problems with a kid going to school further away.