Vent/now I know why H is not good with money

[flygirl]

PDQ

((deleted details))

[scm1011]

Is your H my long lost brother?

This is my mother to a T, including the millionaire ex and mobility issues in her 70s. She has $140k to last the rest of her life and spends it like she's a Rockefeller. I've talked to her about it until I'm blue in the face but it changes nothing. I think she assumes that me, my sister, or my dad (who she's been divorced from for 25 years) will swoop in when shit hits the fan but its not going to happen.

[janegold]

This sounds very familiar. We had to take over my ILs' finances a few years ago when my FIL's dementia started progressing; I posted about it here at the time. It turned out they have $250k in debt (second mortgage, line of credit, etc.) and less than $100k in retirement savings, with a very modest fixed income. They were drawing from the line of credit every month just to pay the second mortgage, it was awful.


I really don't think they had any idea of what a precarious situation they were in. My MIL doesn't understand and wasn't involved in their finances at all, and it's hard to know whether my FIL was making bad decisions due to the dementia or if he was really financially illiterate too. Luckily, they had some non-liquid assets (real estate) we were able to sell to start to dig them out of the hole, but it weighs heavy on my mind how we can make sure they have enough to live on, particularly since my FIL obviously needs a lot of care and my MIL is not very healthy, either.

[flygirl]

For her I’m sure roughly 140k is a lot of money and should last her, but 2 years in assisted living and it’s going to be gone. She’s been so concerned about telling H who gets what for inheritance and I’m thinking lady, there isn’t going to be anything left!

[Stan]

That's so hard flygirl, I'm sorry. Parents are so frustrating. My parents finally went through with estate planning after leading me to believe it had been completed for years.

[midwestmama]

I am here to commiserate. MIL isn't a huge spender, but she is on a fixed income and can be an impulsive buyer and has gotten herself into some financial pickles over the years. Her dad will usually bail her out, but now that he's in his late 80s, he wants to hand her off (after he enabled her for at least 20 years) to DH to deal with. And DH (and I) flatly refuse to bail her out of bad choices. She is getting tested for Alzheimers, and if she is diagnosed, then we will need to start have serious talks with her about her finances (since she is very secretive about her finances, probably because she isn't making good choices), so we know the situation when looking for memory care homes.

[macmars45]

I'm sorry flygirl.

My ILs are awful with money. They were in massive debt (a few hundred thousand) and only paid it off after MIL's dad died and left them a tidy sum in his will. Neither of them are in good health. H and I worry about how they will provide for the coming years. They're in their early to mid 70s.

I think my H just vowed to do the opposite of his parents, thankfully.