Driving children places and sports

[somersault72]

My oldest (15 yo sophomore) is on the HS bowling team and the only thing they provide transportation to is away meets. Not practices, not "home" meets (since they're not at school, they're at a bowling alley about 15 minutes away. I'll be honest, it's obnoxious. Absolutely obnoxious. Thankfully most of his friends drive and they've been an absolute godsend this year and last especially for bowling because he needed rides TO and FROM versus most anything else he did just needed a ride home from the school (and by that time either myself or my husband was available to pick him up). But an 8th grader? Yikes. I don't know about all that. I would hate to tell her no, but unless I could find a carpool with the parents, I don't know what else there is do.

[stemmie]

The school district cancelled the 5pm activities bus my son's junior year which meant we had to figure out rides among his friends who drove and parents. Is something like that an option? I was SAH at the time and drove 2-3x a week. Not that distance but probably as long when I have 5 kids who needed a ride.

[missva]

We do year round sports and the only thing that has saved me (full time working mom) is carpooling. For both high school and club teams we have a team of 4 parents so each just takes one day a week. If there is a roster, I would reach out to other parents to try and arrange a carpool.

[joy]

I am finding this completely insane. Completely.

Everyone in a family has obligations that must be met. A balance has to be achieved by everyone because respecting everyone else’s needs is important. It’s not a no to cross-country skiing, but it would be a no to this team this year with this set up.

[nicolewi]

My DH is usually gone in the evening and with four kids I struggle mightily with this as well. plus most things we do are at least 15 minutes away, sometimes more. We don't even do the really intense sports. I'm dismayed by the unreasonable level of commitment and time some of these activities require of the entire family (this isn't about your skiing).

I just decide each one on a case-by-case basis. Sometimes it turns out much BETTER than expected, as DH is home on key days or the weather cooperates or whatever. Other times it's a PITA. I also try to carpool with people if possible. But yes, it's a crazy amount of coordination (in my case, I feel like my DH doesn't fully appreciate the mental load of this!).

If it's really important to my kid, OR, if I feel like it's a really important opportunity to try something new/be part of something/have to do it now if want to do it in the future, I try to make it work.

In your case, if she doesn't care that much, I'd pass. And I'd tell the school the reason for their future planning. I imagine this is a giant hassle for everyone.

If she really wants to do it, I'd try it for the season. Even if you can only take one friend, I'd try to carpool with at least that one person every time. Maybe there's a parent who plans to stay and hang around every week or something and would take your DD home? And I'd still tell the school that this is extremely difficult for families. And then decide on next year based on how awful this year turns out.

[DotAndBuzz]

SAHM here, there's no way I could swing that. And every day for FOUR MONTHS?! no way.

Definitely reach out to the coach. Why was there busing last year but not this year? Is it a funding issue? How much is needed? Is there a compromise you could make to make, say, 2 practices a week, understanding that she won't be able to compete, but at least can then participate?

my older daughter is on the JV tennis team, and they get a bus for matches that are beyond a certain radius, but have to find their own rides for closer matches (like, 20 minutes from school). For that, the coach puts out a call asking for any parents who can drive (since most are freshmen and sophomores, so can't drive, or have limited licenses where they can't take others in the car with them), but that's VERY occasional. like maybe 3-4x/season. But every day for 4 months, with no transportation is really unrealistic to of the school to ask of the parents.

[nicolewi]

Could parents combine $$ to hire a bus?

[Susie]

I'd be willing to reach out to the coach to see if there are any solutions in the works.  If you know other parents, I'd be willing to reach out to them too.  But absent some kind of organized solution, it'd be a nope from me.

It's too many days/week.  Too many months in row.  Too far.  Too early/during the work day.  We're a dual career house with two kids.  This is just beyond what I could put together.

[fluffycookie]

DS plays hockey and the school does not provide busses to the rink after school for practice so ware setting up carpools for the kids that don't drive. The older players have also volunteered to drive kids if needed.

Why did the school decide not to provide transportation? Maybe if enough parents request and offer to pay they can provide transportation.

[penguingrrl]

That stinks! I know our district has had major issues with busing due to a major statewide school bus driver shortage, so even if they could get buses the cost is now astronomical (last year a midday drop off and pick up for our band to the community college 10 minutes away cost $3,000 for 2 buses for one single day event) and the bus left to continue the regular routes during the time they were there.

We also could only use parents to carpool since NJ aid 17 for a drivers license and for the first year you can only have one passenger in the car with you.

We would have to say no, even though it’s hard. I feel bad for the students and the schools in these awful positions. Our swim team still has a bus for now but I’m expecting it to be cut soon, which will mean my kid can’t continue as a varsity swimmer since our practice pools aren’t local.

[rhian]

Wow, that's a ridiculous expectation of families! Since she really wants to do it, I think your plan of reaching out to see if a carpooling situation can be arranged makes sense. I also like the suggestion of asking if she can join practice a few times a week if 5x is not feasible, but you could make 2x work. But if not, I think it's fine to tell her that it's logistically not possible for your family this season. I can't imagine you're the only family for whom this just won't work!

[gerberdaisy]

Agree with everyone else that I can't believe there are many families that this could work for. We need an update when you have one!

Also, is it cold enough to make snow and start practice already? I live in snow country, but we are still month+ out from skiing.

[melmaria]

Nov 8, 2023 7:36:30 GMT -5 SusanBAnthony said:

Nov 7, 2023 23:45:01 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

She's in 8th grade. It's the high school team. I'd tell her she'll need to wait until high school at the very least and then organize a carpool.

But honestly "ski team" is one of those fancy things our kids know is for other people. Like sailing team and second homes. That schedule sounds like something for people with an extra minivan and a nanny or two to drive it.

To be clear it's cross country skiing and we live in MN so it's very much NOT an elite sport. It's 40$ for a season ski pass to groomed trails, free for tons of ungroomed trails, and skis can be picked up for 100$ at play it again sports but probably you can find free ones in the neighborhood. Most kids who join the team have never skied before.

I live in MN too and while I don't have a kid on our high school’s Nordic ski team, she has friends that are. She said:
- November practices are generally dry land (because not enough reliable snow yet) and are held at the high school. So kids don’t really have to worry about getting to some of the other parks/locations for practice until December
- Upperclassmen with licenses generally drive the younger kids from the high school right after school to the off-site/park practice locations (where parents can pick them up later in the evening when practice is done).
- The season ends in mid-February, not March, because that’s when the state meet is (per MSHSL website it’s Feb 14-15 this year).

Not sure if any of that helps or might be relevant to you? I sympathize because the schedule you’ve laid out would be impossible for us too.

[eb777888]

Is there a friend she has that she could tag along with? One that you know the family well enough to work something out? I only say this because I'm on the other side of this situation. David's good friend has very busy parents and as a SAHM, I have no issue at all doing all of the driving and in this situation would be more than happy to help out and let one of his friends tag along.

[pinkdutchtulips]

This would be a hard NO! 

The logistical nightmare not to mention the mental load nightmare. No no nope. Sorry sweetie but we're going to have to pass on this. 

Miss R did little league softball and getting her to pre-season practice was hard enough w me working an hr away. J stepped in and helped on his days off but she missed alot of pre-season practice. Game days, I used vacay time to be able to get her to weekday games. I loved but at tje same time hated the LL softball season for this reason. 

[SusanBAnthony]

I'll try to answer various questions but will probably miss some.

-in MN middle schoolers participate in high school sports (especially in smaller districts) so this is the high school team even though she is in 8th. There aren't as many middle school specific options because of this.

-they do do dry land until snow, but it's a coop team so she still has to be driven both ways to the host school

-thank you to the poster who corrected me on the end date, at least it ends earlier than I thought!

-there are 11 kids from our school, and a parent started a Google doc for carpooling. I haven't had time to look at it but will check tonight.

-it seems like a lot of high school kids here don't get licenses right at 16 + we have graduated licensing so for at least the first 6 months they can't carpool. Plus the 11 kids includes I think at least 8 that can't drive yet. So kid carpooling isn't a major factor.

-bussing was cancelled due to the cost skyrocketing and unavailablity of drivers. I will definitely be expressing my opinion to the athletic director but I give it a 1% chance at best of making a difference.

-coach is fine with attending fewer practices but DF has anxiety and that provokes her anxiety. But we have been talking about how that may be her only option.



More to come!