Post by SusanBAnthony on Nov 7, 2023 20:31:22 GMT -5
DD (8th grade) is joining the high school ski team. Last year they had practice buses. This year they just told us today that there are no practice buses and the season starts Mon.
Since it is skiing, practice of course is not at school, it's at a variety of metro parks that are 20-30 minutes from us + rush hour traffic and winter snow storm traffic. Plus sometimes the park is the opposite direction from work, so I would have an hour drive to get there.
Practice is either 3:30-5:30 every day OR it's whenever they get a slot assigned at a park with man-made snow, so any time between like 3 and 9 pm. And these practice times are assigned a week at a time all winter long. And sometimes it changes last minute based on snow conditions and wind chills and stuff.
H and I both work mostly out of the house, and with drive time are typically gone 7-5. The thought of trying to organize all the rides for this is making my head explode. The amount of mental load that it will take to coordinate carpools. And of course even with carpooling we will have to drive almost every day because I have a small sedan and can't fit 4 kids + 8 sets of skis in my car (they all need classic and skate skis every day apparently). I think we can only fit one other kid.
I'm an introvert and need some time to recharge at night and still have other regular life responsibilities like dog walking, dinner cook and clean up and sometimes have to do a little work at night.... I don't want to be driving all over the city every night. H and I would split the driving but I already feel like every evening is busy, so adding one of us driving for an hour a night sounds like hell.
So long story short, how do you make parenting decisions about this kind of thing? We could do it but I'm absolutely dreading it already. DD is of course very attached to joining the team and has a bunch of friends doing it.
Post by slbride2003 on Nov 7, 2023 20:41:27 GMT -5
Oof. I’m sorry and I would be super pissed about the last minute change. Any chance some other parents are in the same boat and you could pool funds to hire a van with a driver for some of it?
I work out of the home and am gone 8-7 4 days per week so we would probably have to pass if we couldn’t carpool or hire out. H has more flexibility but not enough to be leaving early multiple times per week.
I am also an introvert but if it were doable I would likely make it work for DS if he loved it. It sucks but I would try to hold on to the fact that it will only be a few years until he’s out of the house (easier said than done, I know).
Ditto cjcouple. The school has to know that some families (if not most) won't be willing or able to do all of that extra transportation. Ski on weekends, but pick a different school-sponsored or club sport for the weekdays--one that won't impose such a huge burden on your family's overall well being.
Post by wanderingback on Nov 7, 2023 21:03:43 GMT -5
Is there another fsmily you could reach out to just to see if it could work to switch off weeks or something? I probably would at least entertain that idea (could still say no, but I personally would at least see what an option might be).
If not, then obviously this is a no. You have to work and this just doesn’t fit in the family’s schedule.
Obviously skiing is a pretty unique sport but in what world can parents be driving kids to practice at 3pm and deal with an ever changing schedule that goes late in the night.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I’d start with reaching out to the coach or advisor about rides. There may be parents who have told them they are willing to help drive others due to the bussing situation. It’s at least worth asking.
But otherwise I might suck it up depending on how long the season is. Sometimes it’s only 6 weeks so I’d do it. If it’s more like November to March, then no.
I would talk to other parents before opting out. I love logistics and spreadsheets and if I were faced with something like this, I would put together a plan for all the parents to coordinate. So it’s possible someone already has something going. Because I can’t imagine the situation is going to work for very many of the families.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Nov 7, 2023 21:14:34 GMT -5
Thanks all. It's Nov to March. And I have no idea how families can do this. I would happily throw money at someone if they wanted to drive to everything. Maybe I'll message the coach and ask if they know of any families that might want to do that.
Thanks all. It's Nov to March. And I have no idea how families can do this. I would happily throw money at someone if they wanted to drive to everything. Maybe I'll message the coach and ask if they know of any families that might want to do that.
I would be shocked if you are the only family that doesn’t have the flexibility needed for this. Maybe they will reconsider bussing 🤞
We couldn’t make the 3:30 drop off. We could possibly pick up at 5:30 but of course the length of driving is an issue. And the 5 days a week. We could potentially do 2 or 3 times a week.
I would see if anyone could take them at 3:30 and offer to pick up at 5:30 for the number of days that you could do. You would probably need 3 families total to swing it. Or I would say no.
Nov - March is pretty long also. You could agree to take friends on weekends if you say no to the team.
I mean, I'm a SAHP of pretty self reliant teens who would say nope to that. It works for kids who can drive themselves, and many high-schoolers do- but unless it's easy to get her from the middle school to the high school, that probably won't work (and is pretty scary in those weather conditions). It's worth asking the coach for ideas, and if there's a group communication, asking there- but there is no way I'd commit to that schedule.
She's in 8th grade. It's the high school team. I'd tell her she'll need to wait until high school at the very least and then organize a carpool.
But honestly "ski team" is one of those fancy things our kids know is for other people. Like sailing team, having a horse or second homes. That schedule sounds like something for people with an extra minivan and a nanny or two to drive it. (And. Roof box for the skis).
Post by Leeham Rimes on Nov 8, 2023 6:59:20 GMT -5
There is no way on earth my family could make this happen without transportation provided. I have so many decisions to make daily, I wouldn’t be adding this to my plate bc it seems absolutely unreasonable, unknown times and locations until the week of?! I mean I get that it’s weather based but I am not a lady of leisure. I can’t just wait around for the last minute every week. Even if I wanted to plan and coordinate, you can do that without the information which it seems you won’t get til last minute.
I’d reach out to the coach and see if there’s any hope for school transportation but I would not want to rely on other parents for carpool bc they also have busy lives and schedules and kids and what happens if someone is sick last minute or has a work thing they usually can skip but can’t this time and I’m an hour away from home which is an hour away from practice—then what? For five months of the year?
I’ve told my kids no to certain sports bc of the schedules. Sorry Charlie, this family consists of 4 people and 4 schedules and I can’t manage having 5 days monopolized by one sport for one kid (that what I told x when he wanted to do travel soccer that would have me in traffic for 90 minutes a day each way for 6 days a week). If we had a nanny or a babysitter or a grandma that could pick up that extra, enormous responsibility, then that’s a different story but I don’t have anything like that.
I do know that my friends have hired drivers in this situation, technically babysitters but all my friends needed was kid to be taken to wherever and then driven back home but they still needed backups bc sometimes baby sitters get sick.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Yeah … this doesn’t seem reasonable. I don’t see how a lot of parents can be flexible with a schedule like this. Set hours Would be hard enough, but the weekly changes? I’ll be curious if other kids have to drop out.
I’d reach out to the coach and the other parents to see about pitching in for transportation, but otherwise I’d be prepared to say no. You probably can’t find a workable carpool option with your small car only being able to take one extra kid, unless you found another parent able to do the 3:30 consistently, who would be happy to have you do the over dinner pickup time.
But honestly this is an objectively ridiculous ask and the school is insane to think this club can run without transport.
Post by dancingirl21 on Nov 8, 2023 7:23:40 GMT -5
I’m a SAHM and I would struggle with that schedule. Driving your kid somewhere every day for 20-30 mins is a no for me. And that’s just one way. And then for months in the winter. Nope. I would see if there is another transportation option or other families who might want to carpool, but outside of that I would not be driving every day.
She's in 8th grade. It's the high school team. I'd tell her she'll need to wait until high school at the very least and then organize a carpool.
But honestly "ski team" is one of those fancy things our kids know is for other people. Like sailing team and second homes. That schedule sounds like something for people with an extra minivan and a nanny or two to drive it.
To be clear it's cross country skiing and we live in MN so it's very much NOT an elite sport. It's 40$ for a season ski pass to groomed trails, free for tons of ungroomed trails, and skis can be picked up for 100$ at play it again sports but probably you can find free ones in the neighborhood. Most kids who join the team have never skied before.
She's in 8th grade. It's the high school team. I'd tell her she'll need to wait until high school at the very least and then organize a carpool.
But honestly "ski team" is one of those fancy things our kids know is for other people. Like sailing team and second homes. That schedule sounds like something for people with an extra minivan and a nanny or two to drive it.
To be clear it's cross country skiing and we live in MN so it's very much NOT an elite sport. It's 40$ for a season ski pass to groomed trails, free for tons of ungroomed trails, and skis can be picked up for 100$ at play it again sports but probably you can find free ones in the neighborhood. Most kids who join the team have never skied before.
Cross country… is it competitive? I might ask the coach if they are allowed to do 2 days a week since there is no transportation and it’s non competitive (theoretically). Do they do meets? Or it just for fun/ exercise?
I was a XC skier! Such great memories. But the no bussing thing certainly throws a wrench in the mix. I'm sure the coach is pissed about it too. I hope they can come up with some other alternative to get the kids where they need to be.
Ooof. I hate telling kids no to activities because it's a good thing to WANT to be active and social. I think the suggestion to ask the coach if she can do it only 2 days a week since there's no transport is a good idea. And then maybe ask what it would take to organize a school bus. Is it a fundraiser? Donations? Someone to organize?
I would reach out to the coach and let them know you are unable to coordinate travel for your kid, they might be able to connect you with other families for carpooling. I imagine you aren't the only ones in this position.
Unfortunately we would have to back out if a carpool option wasn't doable. It stinks that they couldn't let families know earlier.
I don't even think I could handle the level of coordination this would take with other families. That is such a long time to be doing this type of work.
But I also never put my kid's in travel sports and they have only participated in schools sports that have things like transportation. I look at these things from a family perspective. Once an activity starts greatly impacting the whole family, it is a no.
If the practice schedule was reduced like only needing transportation 2-3 days a week I would consider it. But 5 days a week for 5 months? Unrealistic for a middle school sport. In fact I would argue if this is a public school they should just cancel the season if transportation can't be provided. This is an equity issue.
I would have to say no to this. Dh and I are similar to you, generally out of the house 7-5, and have some flexibility. But we also have another kid that has to be driven around for soccer (very locally! Not 30 minutes) and the other chores you mentioned like walking the dog. I already feel worn out every day. DH and I were just talking last night about how much we're looking forward to the holidays because we have a week where we aren't traveling and aren't working and the kids don't have sports and it will be SO NICE! Adding two hours of driving to drop off and pick up every night is not something I'm willing to do. I hope your DD is ok with it. If not, do you think she'd be willing to take up some of the work? Maybe she can walk the dog three times a week, or make dinner once a week, or something else that eases your burden a little.
I agree that I'd first reach out to the coach or other families and explore options. I imagine there are a lot of other families in the same boat, and if you're willing to throw money at the problem you may be able to work something out. If that's not feasible, than I think its okay to tell your DD that it just isn't going to work out this year.
I would either say no or reach out to other parents I know so everyone drives one week a month or something. Does your husband drive a bigger vehicle (allowing him to fit more kids)?
My DS is on the high school golf team. Before he got his license it involved me taking lunch at a certain time year round to pick him up at school and drive him to the golf course. Then I had to pick him up a few hours later. Luckily the course is only 15 minutes away and we do t have snow, so no weather traffic.
Last year, DS drove so I was out of the discussion, I know a bunch of parents made a Group Me to coordinate carpools. Maybe something like that to coordinate without having to actually talk to people? My introverted side prefers that option.