Medical bill for a relative

[lessel]

There's a way long backstory about my MIL that involves years of health, mental health, and alcohol and drug abuse issues, to the point where my H is just shy of being estranged from her. (My SIL is completely estranged and hasn't spoken with MIL in probably 10 years.) The past few years MIL is in declining health with, honestly a bit of a mystery-to-us combination of seizures and maybe strokes? H is not a medical power of attorney, but is listed as an emergency contact (we live several states away), so he typically gets calls/info from the hospital for the first day or two of these incidents and then the information stops when she is somewhat coherent. The info he gets from her then is hard to make sense of. I've truly lost count of how many times this has happened, but at least a dozen in the past 3 years. A few times she's been discharged to a SNF/rehab center. We just got two bills from one of these recent stays to our old address (we moved in June and honestly I doubt MIL remembers this). It was sent to "MIL Firstname Lastname C/O DH's Firstname Lastname." It's several thousand dollars. DH has called this place and left voicemails. I've googled to no avail... How does this happen? What does this mean?

At this point he's working with a hospital social worker to try to get a conservator appointed to direct her care, but... I dunno, the whole situation is a giant mess.

[Susie]

Is it possible that at some point your H was listed as a party responsible for payment?  I don't think he actually is, but if his name is in that field on forms, that could explain how you're getting this stuff now.  I'm thinking of forms that I see at every healthcare provider in the section about insurance.  They ask who the primary policy holder is, relationship to that person, and separately, who is financially responsible for care provided.  If your H's name ever found its way to that field, the hospital is going to mechanically pursue that avenue to the fullest in hopes of payment, even if he's not really legally obligated.

Have you opened the bills?  Can you tell how they are addressed?  Are they addressed to her at your place, or to your H?  If to your H you probably have a bigger mess to sort out than if it's just to her, c/o your house.  

If you haven't opened them, I'd be tempted to return to sender.  That's the easiest option if available.  This really is not yours to have to solve and I'm sorry you're dragged in.

[quesyrah]

Unless he signed something acknowledging financial responsibility for the bill, he shouldn’t be responsible.

But I’m thinking about it and on every form
I’ve filled out is a spot to list who is financially responsible….so what happens if MIL listed your DH without his knowledge??!

[lessel]

Nov 15, 2023 15:09:40 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

Unless he signed something acknowledging financial responsibility for the bill, he shouldn’t be responsible.

But I’m thinking about it and on every form
I’ve filled out is a spot to list who is financially responsible….so what happens if MIL listed your DH without his knowledge??!

Honestly this is what I fear. One of the reasons for the SIL/MIL falling out was MIL putting debt in her daughter’s name. It’s so messy.

That’s what’s so weird about this. I know we’re not supposed to be responsible for a relative’s expenses but it’s weird enough that I feel like it’s going to be a complicated process to sort it out. 🫠

[quesyrah]

Nov 15, 2023 16:26:10 GMT -5 lessel said:

Nov 15, 2023 15:09:40 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

Unless he signed something acknowledging financial responsibility for the bill, he shouldn’t be responsible.

But I’m thinking about it and on every form
I’ve filled out is a spot to list who is financially responsible….so what happens if MIL listed your DH without his knowledge??!

Honestly this is what I fear. One of the reasons for the SIL/MIL falling out was MIL putting debt in her daughter’s name. It’s so messy.

That’s what’s so weird about this. I know we’re not supposed to be responsible for a relative’s expenses but it’s weird enough that I feel like it’s going to be a complicated process to sort it out. 🫠

Right, exactly. I would be worried too. What if they hound you, how do you prove you didn’t know she put his name down? Yikes z

Sorry you’re going through this! Hope it all works out okay.

[mcsangel2]

The first thing you guys need to do is check your credit reports and see if there are any surprises.

[lessel]

Our credit is frozen, but I need to pull a report anyway (annual financial advisor homework), so I'll double check that.

DH finally got to talk to someone at the rehab center. It wasn't the correct person (who is out until after Thanksgiving). The person he talked to seemed as confused as we were. Somehow our old address was listed as her current home address? H's name was only on file as emergency contact allegedly. So maybe it'll be easy to clear up?

Unrelated, MIL called H about being her conservator and he said no. The whole thing really sucks. I'd love to be able to help her out, and we've tried over the years, but it's just a losing battle.

[mofongo]

I’m sorry:( I imagine that if she put his name somewhere without his knowledge he wouldn’t be responsible. That seems wild to me. I hope it gets sorted.

[midwestmama]

I don't have advice, though I agree with others that if he did not sign something, he cannot be held responsible. (But it makes me wonder if she forged his signature...)

I just want to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. MH has a strained relationship with his mom due to her mental health and also past drug issues. Years ago she somehow got a credit card using her daughter's info (so yes, she committed fraud). (SIL was in her 20s, so not when SIL was a dependent of MIL's.) Having MH listed as a financially responsible party on her medical bills is something I wouldn't be surprised if my MIL tries to do someday.

[livinitup]

I am a social worker and I used to work for a community based organization and it was not unusual for clients to use our agency address for forms that required a mailing address (like government benefits - they still registered, applied, and managed benefits online) and to receive mail that said “ Mr. So&So C/o name of agency, agency address “. It is still their mail. With nothing to do with us.

Good luck with getting things settled and feeling settled, too.