Kids' mental health days?

[dglvrk2]

DD1 is in 7th grade. She has been asking on and off (perhaps four or five times?) for a mental health day for several weeks. Usually she has a positive attitude towards school and has always had good attendance, but will sometimes get into a slump and say she just doesn't like ischool. The dislike of school has increased of it this year and I attribute a lot of that to her age. This morning she came into my bathroom in tears saying she just needed a day off. I caved. She's staying home today.

H is out of town. I know this would not fly with him. I played "hookey" at least once a year between 7th grade and my junior year of high school. I didn't think much of it, except it was a good time for me to just decompress. Age completely disapproves of this kind of thing... Saying he never got to do it as a kid. (There are a lot of things that he"didn't do" that weren't necessarily beneficial....

What are WP's thoughts on occasional mental health days, especially for middle and high school students?

Bigger picture with DD1 is she has some anxiety issues. I'm trying to give her coping tools, especially since she refuses to go to a counselor. At this point. Am I starting her on a bad habit? Or just giving her what she needs?

[waverly]

DD (10 and 5th grade) asks a lot, but I make her go. I don't think it is a mental health day for her ask, it is more she just doesn't want to go to school. She also doesn't want to go to band (required until the end of the year), or Girl Scouts. So I figure it is just kind of where she is right now. I pick my battles with Girl Scouts and anything social but she is required to do school and band.  She will be allowed to quit Girl Scouts and band at the end of the "season" which is the end of the school year.  Reading this she sounds depressed, but she enjoys school and band once she is there, and she does like going to soccer. Its just that initial knee jerk reaction of oh I have band, ugh.  Then when I pick her up she is like oh that was OK/ good.   

DS (13 and 7th grade) has never asked, but he had Covid at the beginning of 6th grade and was out for 4 days. It took a month to make it up, so I think he realizes that if he misses school he has to make it up and we both kind of feel it is easier to just go. I used to fake sick in 8th grade to sleep in, but I never had much work to make up back in the day.

So, I am not necessarily opposed to mental health days in theory, but since you brought up bigger picture for your DD, then I wonder is that just a band aid and really the anxiety needs to be treated?

For our kids, we will strongly encourage them to go to school because of the make up work.

[186momx]

DD 7th grade asks for mental health days at least twice a week. She is extrémala board at school which leads to school refusal. I can't get the school to see this because she is content and goes through the day as nothing is wrong. DD constantly comments that if she could get all the work for the week on Monday and a quiet spot to work she would be done by lunchtime on Tuesday and then could have the rest of the week off.

That said I very seldom let DD stay home for a mental health day. This month the only week she actually goes to school 5 days is this week and I need to pull her early one day for a doctor appointment.

[sdlaura]

My kids will sometimes complain about going to school, but don’t ask to stay home/take mental health days. Honestly, they have so many school days off already. Especially this time of year. They were off for Veterans Day, have the full week off for thanksgiving, and then have 17 days off including weekends for winter break. So I can’t see why they need even more days off at this time of year unless there’s a big reason. My kids have also gone to full day/full time daycare since they were babies, though, so they’re very used to being out of the house all day on weekdays.

[mommyatty]

It’s really kid-dependent, I think. DS has a half day every Friday. And if we ever let him take off “just because,” we would never get him back to school. DD has very rarely asked to just have a day. And we let her because she’s normally a kid who argues she’s well enough for school even when she has a fever. So if she says she just needs a day, she really needs a day.

[traveltheworld]

I agree it depends on the kid. Both of my kids generally like going to school, so if either of them needed a day, I'd let them.

I also skipped a TON of school growing up (went to the public library to read on my own), so my attitude towards school attendance is probably not the most conventional.

[mae0111]

Last year I definitely allowed mental health days for my kids. Their environment was really stressful, especially for DD1.

This year, no one has asked so far. They also get a good number of days off and they're spread out really well. I do give them days off from activities/sports if they feel like they need it. But they like school so much this year that they haven't asked.

That said, I'm anticipating a request or two in the Feb/April timeframe since they don't get those breaks anymore.

[librarychica]

I think you definitely have to go with your gut here.

I haven’t done any fully-healthy mental health days, but we do allow a slower convalesce when the girls — esp DD1 who is recovers slowly from respiratory things — are out. We also all played hooky to go to a theme park yesterday which is very out of character. That was a mental health day for me — I do not function great in theme parks and would have really struggled on a peak-crowd day like a Saturday.

I know I do have a way more relaxed attitude toward school since the pandemic and am much more chill about it than my parents, for whatever reason. I think if it was a constant I’d want to dig deeper into the “why” but a one-off or to release pressure while you work through the situation, why not?

[rayandos]

It's awesome that you recognize the importance of those mental health breaks, especially with the kiddos. And playing hooky for a theme park day? That's the kind of spontaneous fun we all need sometimes

[ECB]

I agree that this is kid dependent. And the situation can play such a role too. DS didn't have a good year last year and wanted to stay home "just because" a LOT. This year - hasn't been an issue. But he's said he's enjoying this year much more.

Big picture- my take is that I think kids deserve a break occasionally too. BUT we need to work with our kids and what we know about them. I haven't had to do this, but if I felt doing it once would lead to DS asking all the time, I would set an expectation - he gets one mental health day a quarter/a semester.... whatever *I* feel would work for him. Just like I get a set number of personal days, some kids probably need a set number of mental health days. It's not necessarily a bad habit, but there HAVE to be parameters around it.

And, as you mentioned, there are other factors at play with your DD. I would continue the discussion with her around what she needs - REALLY needs - to be successful at school. You're willing to give her that one day, but that can't be a regular thing. What else can you do to help her, and what else is she willing to do to help herself?

[rayandos]

Nov 27, 2023 6:04:33 GMT -5 rayandos said:

It's awesome that you recognize the importance of those mental health breaks, especially with the kiddos. And playing hooky for a theme park day? That's the kind of spontaneous fun we all need sometimes

By the way, if you're ever curious to explore more about maintaining a healthy mindset, check out www.mentalhealth.com. They've got some great insights. Keep embracing those chill vibes and making the most of those well-deserved mental health days!