The Santa question

[al dente]

I feel like this comes up every year but... When directly asked do you tell your kids the truth about Santa?

Background - my kid is 5 and in kindergarten. This past summer she randomly ask if I was Santa and I was all "huh?" And kind of moved on since it was so out of the blue. We were recently driving together though and she point blank asked if Santa was real and its all magic, or if we put the presents under the tree. I tried asking her what she thought, and ended up telling her I had to talk to her dad lol.
Theoretically I've always been "if they're asking tell them the truth!" But then it actually being a month out from Christmas and her only being five it was breaking my heart!

[VillainV]

I wouldn’t at age 5. If asked, I’d say something like “What do you think?” Only if the child said something like “I know Santa doesn’t exist because X, y, and z” then I would confirm it.

My kid started questioning about age 7, but he seemed like he really still wanted to believe, so we let him keep believing. He figured it out at age 9.

I figured it out at age 6, and I’m still pretty bitter about it, and wish I’d been allowed to experience the magic for longer.

[Deleted]

If they directly asked I asked what they thought. If they said they thought it was us then I confirmed, told them not to ruin the magic for anyone else and that was that. It wasn’t traumatic for anyone involved. My kids all figured it out fairly young. I think my youngest figured it out when he was 5 or 6. It’s only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

[krystee]

My older one is starting to ask, but in a way that I can tell he still really wants to believe, so I say something like, “Christmas magic is real to me, how about you?” If he presses me, I’ll tell the truth.

[meanie]

DD asked when she was little and I played dumb of said you have to believe to receive.

This year she is 10 and I told her the truth and she cried, then found some loophole and went right back to believing 😂 She wasn't ready!

[nicolewi]

At five I would lie, lie, lie! If most peers still believe, especially, I just lie. Usually kids don't really WANT to know until later. So they ask if Santa's real or say "Santa's real...right?" and I just say yes.

As kids get older I guess you have to know your kid.

Like meanie,I had a really bad experience telling my then-fifth-grade oldest kid, who I thought was totally ready to know and was really pushing me with questions, and she completely freaked out sobbing hysterically and basically ended up half in denial and "believed" for another year. It was just awful. If I could go back I would 100% just get through that Christmas and let things work themselves out before 6th grade holidays. I thought she was ready and I thought I was being mature and honest as a parent. bad move!

Next kid I've never had a direct conversation with at all, but oldest DD says he knows (which I would assume by now! He's in 7th grade!)

Around here most kids are Christian and believe so that makes it easier, I think; usually kids get to around fifth grade. I'm not telling my current fifth grader unless I really think she's 1000% really ready. She's more of a believer personality in general. My current 3rd grader is way more logical and skeptical about stuff so I don't know how things will go with her.

[shauni27]

my 6 yo told me earlier this year he knew santa wasn't real because his friend told him he wasn't. I asked what HE believed and did something along the lines of what meanie said "if you believe in Santa, then he is real." and hope I can keep that up for another year.

I remember being about 6 and asking my dad "is santa real? I need to know because some day I will have kids and I need to know if I have to buy presents for them or if santa will" lol.

[atlas]

I mean, we're not doing Santa is a person who brings gifts so I might be biased. When asked, I always answer my 4-year-old's questions as age-appropriate and honestly as possible. This would be no different.

[jorja]

My nine year old still believes. She did tell me “a lot of kids at my school don’t think Santa is real” and I asked her what she thought. She was like “WELL I DO”, so that’s that, lol.

[sdlaura]

I think 5 is young to answer honestly. I always went the ‘what do you think’ route and ‘hmm, I don’t know, maybe it’s magic?’

I have never wanted my kids to feel like they had to believe in Santa to receive presents. We only do a couple small Santa gifts and don’t make a big deal out of Santa.

My now 11-year-old asked me if Santa was real when she was 9 and I said ‘what do you think?’ And she said ‘I think it’s you and dad’ and I said ‘it sounds like you’re ready to start helping be Santa for your little brothers’ and she was excited about it.

DS1 is almost 10. Last Christmas he was all in on Santa still - we gave him a couple gifts that he was convinced Santa must know him so well to have given him. It was very sweet. I think he no longer believes in Santa this year, but he has a major rivalry with 6-year-old DS2 and I’m worried that if I am completely honest with him, he’ll try to ruin Santa for little brother. We’ll see whether he brings it up.

[thebreakfastclub]

5 seems kind of young, but at age 7 my son was very suspicious and it was 100% over the next year at age 8.
He did not really care either way!

[fortnightlily]

I know some of my 10 year old's friends have told him "Santa is just your parents", but he is always very tight-lipped when the topic comes up, so I don't know if he still wants to believe or if he doesn't want us to know that he knows or what

[lilac05]

IMO, the harder you dig your heels in about him being real, the harder it is on kids when they find out.

I always stuck to, “Well, what do YOU think?” and “Oh! Interesting thought!”

Once they got into school, it was more important to me to not be dishonest. I didn’t want them saying, “Well, MY mom says…” and then having some kid tell them that their mom was wrong/lying.

As they got older, it became, “Santa is a tradition that we celebrate in our family. Some people don’t do Santa. Some people don’t do Christmas. Different families celebrate different holidays, and every family celebrates holidays in their own way. It’s fun to hear about different families’ traditions, isn’t it?”

[sillygoosegirl]

I stick with "What do you think?" Which normally gets a response like, "it doesn't really make sense but I like candy in my stocking" these days. Sounds about right...

[polarbearfans]

I always say Santa is real. I don’t see that as a lie. The idea of Santa adds a little zing to Christmas, and the spirit/idea of Santa helps others create the magic of Santa for others. Kids are too young to understand such abstract thoughts.

[loira]

My 7 year old DD had a classmate tell her Santa wasn't real, and I said he was and that her classmate told lots of stories. Admittedly not very mature but we've been having a lot of issues with this girl and bullying so I wasn't feeling very generous. Anyway, it didn't matter because DD was like "I know he's real! I believe in Christmas magic!" So I think kids will believe what they want and a little encouragement isn't going to stop them if they're truly ready to stop believing.

But I fear this may be our last year and it makes me sad so I let her talk me into getting an elf on the shelf. Karma will probably ensure I end up having to do the stupid elf for a few years yet haha.

[lilac05]

Kids can know Santa isn’t really real and still have fun playing along with it, or still have a magical Christmas without Santa. They know all of their favorite cartoon characters aren’t real, but still enjoy them! Santa can be the same thing!

My boys know Santa isn’t real, but we still do Santa gifts and have fun with the elf. They know it’s me…but yet not. The elf “raids my stash” of fun little holiday stuff for them, and then I pretend to be mad that the elf is trying to steal my thunder & get all of the credit for fun stuff. Or he buys blowup decorations for the yard with a note about knowing how much I hate those things. Silly stuff. Hilarity always ensues.

Kids knowing Santa isn’t real means less stress for mom, but it doesn’t steal the fun & joy from Christmas. It also gives you an opportunity to “be Santa” for others, and add that fun to someone else’s Christmas.

[al dente]

Nov 22, 2023 19:33:16 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

As they got older, it became, “Santa is a tradition that we celebrate in our family. Some people don’t do Santa. Some people don’t do Christmas. Different families celebrate different holidays, and every family celebrates holidays in their own way. It’s fun to hear about different families’ traditions, isn’t it?”

I forgot I had made this post! Lol. I like this though I'm going to keep it in mind.

I tried deflecting with the whole "what do you think?" And she got mad saying "I don't know! That's why I'm asking you!" Lol.

When she was little I never intended on doing Santa, but she became aware through preschool and shows I guess and then I didnt want to rain on her parade when she was excited at like 3 about Santa bringing presents. So I was kind of surprised at myself when I couldn't tell her when she was point blank asking me.

[hermione]

Today C (10) said, “Mom, do you remember that year you got a picture of Santa?” (It was an app). I replied that I did. She then said, “That’s why I still believe.”

So I’m guessing this is our last year with a believer?

[jobae1234]

My 7 yo DD is acting super suspicious this year. Zero interest in mall Santa or a visit with Santa. My MIL has a Santa visit party every year, and DD asked how she hires someone to come to the house and pretend to be Santa. Didn’t want to write a list for Santa.

She’s VERY excited for her elf to return and I honestly think that will be the hardest part for her to accept.

I don’t plan to gaslight the shit out of her to keep it going well past when it’s developmentally appropriate to believe in magic.

Pretty much from now on I’d tell her if she asked for real, but I’m really hoping to make it through this year.

I actually really hate the Santa thing! It adds so much work to Christmas. Hide the different wrapping paper, make the gifts appear out of nowhere, buy different labels for gifts, use different handwriting somehow. I’ll be glad to be past it.