Post by snipsnsnails on Nov 21, 2023 17:32:07 GMT -5
Say you’re helping plan a 2-day birthday retreat at a semi-local location for a friend. She picked out the guest list, and the retreat will have a chef for all meals, private lodging, and programmed elements throughout. I’m sending out the invites. Should I pay for the attendees? Or they will register and pay for themselves? What would you think? No right/wrong, just curious. Thanks!
Unless I’d explicitly said this was my treat (and I likely would not do that for anyone other than my sister) I would expect folks to pay for themselves.
That sounds super expensive, so I know the answer for me, lol. I can’t imagine the scenario where you don’t get to limit the invitations, the amenities, and the activities, and you are expected to pay, too.
I think it would depend on how it’s presented. Friend invites you to a birthday weekend! = friend pays. Come join friend at a retreat to celebrate her birthday! = invitees pay I would not expect the person helping to plan to pay for everyone .
Is it your bday? I need more details about this! If you’re a friend of the bday person I don’t see why you would pay? And what are these programmed elements? I have questions! Lol
Oh sorry, the birthday is the friend who picked out the guest list. I’m asking if the hostess who sends out the invites (but not running the retreat) should be paying for the registrants. The programmed elements are generally wellness things-think group exercise, etc-and will be 80ish% of the time.
I think it would depend on how it’s presented. Friend invites you to a birthday weekend! = friend pays. Come join friend at a retreat to celebrate her birthday! = invitees pay I would not expect the person helping to plan to pay for everyone .
Ah, makes sense-more of the latter. ‘Come join friend at a retreat to celebrate her birthday’
I would expect to pay for myself. But I would be explicit in the invites so there is no question: "help us celebrate Sally's birthday at a two day yoga retreat! Cost is x per person, which includes all meals. you will need to reserve your spot and pay them directly at Xyz.com by Dec 5"
I don't know anyone with the financial means to pay for an entire group to attend a two day event with lodging, private chef and programmed activities. So it honestly wouldn't cross my mind as an option.
They are payingvto go to the retreat, and the activities that are planned by the person having the birthday take up 80% of the time and have extra costs associated? If they are not being paid for by you or the person having the birthday then I think it should be made clear what the price is for each activity.
What happens if only 50% of the guest list RSVP's yes? Is the event still a go? Does that change the cost per person? Or is this something where it's a bigger retreat (not just your party) where the cost per person is the same regardless?
I'm trying to decode if this is something like an AirBnB scenario where the cost is $XXXX split equally between guests, or more like a hotel, where if 2 or 10 guests go, they get all the same stuff but the cost is the same because they're just renting a portion.
At the end of the day, there are very few people that I trust to pay me back if I front the money, so I would send everyone instructions on how to pay and register in advance.
They are payingvto go to the retreat, and the activities that are planned by the person having the birthday take up 80% of the time and have extra costs associated? If they are not being paid for by you or the person having the birthday then I think it should be made clear what the price is for each activity.
No, no extra costs associated - the registration fee is inclusive of everything, and, generally, planned by the retreat center with some input from the attendees. It was more to express that the getaway is not a lot of down time-it’s mainly planned activities/meals/rest.
I would assume something like this is at minimum a few hundred per person, and I know none of my friends have that much disposable income to be fronting the bill for everyone. Sooo I would assume each person pays.
Except for like here and real housewives I really don't know anyone that invitation = covering all costs.
I would expect I was being hosted unless the invitation included a price list for activities or wording that indicates that I’m paying for myself.
I feel very poor reading this lol. Unless I knew up front what this weekend was going to cost me, I would opt out. I don’t have that kind of extra money.
What happens if only 50% of the guest list RSVP's yes? Is the event still a go? Does that change the cost per person? Or is this something where it's a bigger retreat (not just your party) where the cost per person is the same regardless?
I'm trying to decode if this is something like an AirBnB scenario where the cost is $XXXX split equally between guests, or more like a hotel, where if 2 or 10 guests go, they get all the same stuff but the cost is the same because they're just renting a portion.
At the end of the day, there are very few people that I trust to pay me back if I front the money, so I would send everyone instructions on how to pay and register in advance.
A retreat center, so much more like a hotel, and the cost is same no matter how many RSVP.
I would probably only pay to go to such an event for a REALLY good friend or if the things were something I really wanted to do. That’s a lot of time to ask people to give up as well. I also may just be too old to really entertain these kinds of things anymore.
Not that it matters with your situation but I’m curious - is this a milestone birthday or the norm in your group to celebrate birthdays in this way?
Not the norm - But, both a milestone birthday with someone who also has had some significant circumstances (had a very large tragedy in their life).
Was this whole thing your idea or did bday girl ask you to send out the invites but plan it herself? Is she expecting you to pay for everyone? That’s a huge ask and I definitely would have ironed that out before agreeing to do it.
To answer your question, that sounds pricey so I would not assume someone else was paying. But I would be really clear about that on the invite because some people are oblivious and I’d want to avoid any misunderstandings. I would also make people register and pay themselves. I’ve been burnt too many times by the “you book it and I’ll pay you later” bullshit.
I think it would depend on how it’s presented. Friend invites you to a birthday weekend! = friend pays. Come join friend at a retreat to celebrate her birthday! = invitees pay I would not expect the person helping to plan to pay for everyone .
First, the inviter should pay if the inviter is rich AF and/or the proposed location is out of the real of mere mortal affordability.
Second, most grown people aren't interested in spending multiple days celebrating someone else for a birthday. Maybe I'm a birthday grinch, but I am happy to spend, like, a meal's worth of time and money for your birthday unless you are literally my oldest friend. A weekend? I have a life. A job. Other priorities for my leisure time and money. GTFO
Last, and the reason for the post quote, the suggested wording is to vague for the invite. Like "you can register and make your payment here" or something. I don't have the time for deciphering genteel inference.
Is it your bday? I need more details about this! If you’re a friend of the bday person I don’t see why you would pay? And what are these programmed elements? I have questions! Lol
Oh sorry, the birthday is the friend who picked out the guest list. I’m asking if the hostess who sends out the invites (but not running the retreat) should be paying for the registrants. The programmed elements are generally wellness things-think group exercise, etc-and will be 80ish% of the time.
I’m very confused. Does the person sending the invites have the money to pay? We’re they consulted before this idea was decided?
I guess this might be how rich people live? I’m definitely not poor but no way would I be happy to pay for all these people for a 2 day all inclusive retreat.
I kind of took it more as a “girls weekend” with retreat programming and a birthday was involved. Rather than spend 2 days on a birthday celebration. I know many do girls weekends.
Is that the idea, OP? Or is it more of a random group of friends? Couples? Were guests consulted beforehand to gauge interest?
Post by emilyinchile on Nov 21, 2023 18:25:07 GMT -5
It's Jenny's birthday, and she wants to go on this all inclusive spa weekend (I don't care if it's not a spa) and invite Suzy, Sally, Mary and you. She's asked you to send out the invitations so that it's not her doing the inviting. That's the situation, right?
Send them with very clear wording of "the cost is X per person and includes Y, please register and pay directly at *link to retreat* and RSVP to snips." Then whatever happens happens.
Purely out of curiosity, do you think most people will be able to come? I feel like this kind of thing would need to be more of a group coordination than one person sending out invitations to everyone else if I expected people in my circle to be able to make it between the time and the cost.
Second, most grown people aren't interested in spending multiple days celebrating someone else for a birthday.
So true, but this is very person and group dependent.
The only time I've seen something like this go out (and be well received) was a friend who had been there for all of us over the years - stood up at weddings, hosted baby showers, generally all in. But here came 40. She was charming as always, but also unmarried and childless without any plans towards either. So hell yes we showed up at a birthday trip to celebrate her like she had for all of us.
In contrast, my SIL regularly does things like this with her friends. Everyone pays their own way.
Snips - I would be VERY explicit about the terms of the invitation giving the cost and where and how to pay if you want to participate.
Not the norm - But, both a milestone birthday with someone who also has had some significant circumstances (had a very large tragedy in their life).
Was this whole thing your idea or did bday girl ask you to send out the invites but plan it herself? Is she expecting you to pay for everyone? That’s a huge ask and I definitely would have ironed that out before agreeing to do it.
To answer your question, that sounds pricey so I would not assume someone else was paying. But I would be really clear about that on the invite because some people are oblivious and I’d want to avoid any misunderstandings. I would also make people register and pay themselves. I’ve been burnt too many times by the “you book it and I’ll pay you later” bullshit.
An informed idea from some of us in our friend group, meaning she didn't ask and she doesn't have any expectation, but we know this is something she would love.
Oh sorry, the birthday is the friend who picked out the guest list. I’m asking if the hostess who sends out the invites (but not running the retreat) should be paying for the registrants. The programmed elements are generally wellness things-think group exercise, etc-and will be 80ish% of the time.
I’m very confused. Does the person sending the invites have the money to pay? We’re they consulted before this idea was decided?
I guess this might be how rich people live? I’m definitely not poor but no way would I be happy to pay for all these people for a 2 day all inclusive retreat.
The person sending the invites could pay, and I think I wanted to see what people might expect in a situation like this (with limited context b/c, hey, internet ) I was asking people at work, and they had very different opinions, so on to my GBCN focus group for more data.
It's Jenny's birthday, and she wants to go on this all inclusive spa weekend (I don't care if it's not a spa) and invite Suzy, Sally, Mary and you. She's asked you to send out the invitations so that it's not her doing the inviting. That's the situation, right?
Send them with very clear wording of "the cost is X per person and includes Y, please register and pay directly at *link to retreat* and RSVP to snips." Then whatever happens happens.
Purely out of curiosity, do you think most people will be able to come? I feel like this kind of thing would need to be more of a group coordination than one person sending out invitations to everyone else if I expected people in my circle to be able to make it between the time and the cost.
Yeah, I think most people would be able to come. It's a lot of lead time and it's a lot like sonrisa described in that this person is so dearly loved and outrageously kind and generous and loving. She has had a lot of very, very hard things happen to her, and her closest friends would love to celebrate her milestone birthday.