Wednesday Open Letters

[macmars45]

Dear H's work,

Stop being so awful! I want my fun, silly & lighthearted H back! He's a huge ball of stress & in a bad mood from working 10+ hours every day to get everything done while chronically short staffed with no end in sight. He took off 5 days for Thanksgiving and I saw a glimpse of my favorite guy. He disappeared on Sunday night. H and his boss told you they need more staff to make the fiance department run more smoothly and you hired another few managers of nothing instead because you're assholes with sticks up your butts.

I'll be glad when H no longer works for you,

Macmars

[k3am]

Dear medical world,

Why does DD have such shitty luck with doctors? We actually like this doctor, but this is now our 4th consecutive appointment that's been cancelled. Our appointment for his cough today was cancelled 2 hours before it was supposed to start. The kid's been coughing for over a month now. I hate seeing you as much as you hate seeing me and avoid it whenever possible.

Signed,
Cranky since his coughing is worse at night and I miss sleeping.

[186momx]

WPs
DD pealed off the high bar last night at practice landed basically flat on her back. (they do swings on the high bar and her hands slipped off mid swing thankfully she doesn't go all the way around the bar yet) She tried to roll/fall correctly but it was one of those falls where the whole gym goes OHHH and becomes silent. Coaches sent her home early with instructions to rest and ice/heat. They went through concussion protocol and checked her out. Her left shoulder is sore and her right ribs. I sent her to school today because other than being stiff she is really fine.
Me

Dear DD's teachers
Please let DD get up and move around in class today. She is stiff and sitting all day in hard plastic chairs won't be good for her.
Worried mom who's kid really wanted to just stay home

[rere]

Dear work,

How is it some are allowed to be just nasty to others, consistently and spread their toxicity through the building AND not even turn any assignments in on time and constantly have an excuse. And no, this is not due to stress or family issues unless they have had some kind of issue every day for 15 years.

Signed, make it make sense.

Ps. I can leave in 2 years. Ignoring bad behavior will just run off decent workers

[mommyatty]

Dear Pediatrician and Friend,

At first I was sort of icked out by the idea of your practice moving to a concierge model that doesn’t take insurance, but the more we have discussed it, the more I think it’s the right option for everybody. Sign us up!

Signed,
Looking For My Own Concierge Doc Now

Dear Work,

I need you to slow down please.

Signed,
Me

[twinmomma]

Dear Lawn Guy,
You're officially fired for next spring. You can't keep pushing off our fall cleanup and then tell us THIS WEEK that just kidding, you can't do it, hopefully we can find someone else. I've been your customer since you started your small business 5+ years ago. Way to burn a bridge.
Signed,
Former customer with an acre of land covered in leaves

Dear DH,
I hope you have fun with your new giant leaf blower! Hopefully this last minute clean up doesn't suck too much...
Love,
I would have just paid someone else

[librarychica]

Dear H,

I know it is sad that we have not managed a larger couples vacation since our honeymoon 15 years ago, but 2 or 3 local nights will still be fun! My parents aren’t really in the shape to have the kids for more than 3 nights and yours are busy co-raising their other grandkids. What can we do about it?

Anyway most of the couples we know going on those 7 day resort trips are divorced and leaving their children with their coparent. We’ve made it 15 years so we don’t have that option, lol.

This town has a Michelin star restaurant now and since we aren’t flying anywhere, I think I’ll get us some reservations. Maybe a night in the dark sky preserve if it’s not too chilly? A couples spa day? It’ll be fun!

Love,
Ready to enjoy our locally-celebrated 15th anniversary

[librarychica]

Dear twinmomma,

Good luck! That’s a lot of land. We don’t have fall cleanup in a leaf-way here but it is time to remulch and separate overgrown plants into smaller plants. Usually H and I do it ourselves but this year I have offered the job to a strapping senior high student. His mother tells me he’s eager for work and so he is dropping by Saturday to help spread 8 cubic yards of mulch and do some miscellaneous cleanup. I am hoping it works out.

[sdlaura]

librarychica , another way to manage a longer trip is to send your kids to summer sleepaway camp and take advantage of that week! Because we have four kids, even if we send our older ones to camp, we can only get away for a few nights, and it still feels luxurious. I'm sure you'll have a great time for 3 nights.

[k3am]

We found a doctor with appointments. Prescriptions for new inhalers and now waiting for chest x-rays. Fingers crossed that something helps improve.

[sdlaura]

Dear softball tournament organizers,

I know I was hoping for no 5 am wake-up this weekend, but I need to be careful what I wish for, because it was not an 8:25 pm game. These girls are 11 years old and the tournament is 45 minutes away. It will also be their third game in a row, so they're going to be asleep on their feet.

Signed, that's way too late for this age

[k3am]

No pneumonia, but visual evidence of reactive airway disease. He doesn’t seem to wheeze when he breathes, but the doctor says his cough is wheezy. I don’t even know what that means. 😬

Also waiting on a whooping cough test result, but that’s unlikely since he’s vaccinated.

We gave up on trying to isolate him long ago, since we had this last year and his cough lasted for months, I really just wanted confirmation we were good to give him the inhalers, but they wouldn’t do that without seeing him. (Last year one doctor said RAD and prescribed the inhalers, the next doctor said he disagreed. So I guess this x-ray proves him wrong?)

[twinmomma]

Dear ER,
This wait time feels kind of insane. Urgent care sent me here with paperwork outline that they think it’s my gallbladder and you didn’t even read it. Now I’ve been waiting for 3 hours and still haven’t been seen. I don’t think you’ve called back a single person since I’ve been here. I’m kind of ready to say screw it and go home to bed and try again tomorrow morning.
Signed,
In pain and exhausted

[librarychica]

Nov 29, 2023 16:50:25 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

librarychica , another way to manage a longer trip is to send your kids to summer sleepaway camp and take advantage of that week! Because we have four kids, even if we send our older ones to camp, we can only get away for a few nights, and it still feels luxurious. I'm sure you'll have a great time for 3 nights.

The oldest went for 5 days last summer! The youngest might join her this year. We’ll see.

I’m sure we will have a wonderful time. He just had a bit of a moment. We have a clump of friends who just all seemed to have gone on gorgeous trips recently. Deep down he knows we’re lucky.

[k3am]

librarychica, DH pointed out that we seem to travel WAY less than just about everyone we know. We make pretty good money and haven't been able to figure out if they just get paid that much more to us, they're going into debt, have generational wealth, or just prioritize differently than we do. Probably some combination of the above.

[sdlaura]

k3am, we spend a ton on travel and it’s mainly because we’re still in the same house that we bought pre kids as a short sale in 2012. It’s definitely tight for six people and not that nice/fancy, but the super low mortgage (our total housing costs are less than 10% of our income) means we have more money for travel. For us, it feels likes everyone we know who already had a nicer house than us has done a huge renovation recently. It’s also a big reason we’ve also both stayed in our same jobs for 15 years when I’m sure we could find more money and satisfaction elsewhere - flexibility to travel. So I think you’re right that it’s just a priorities thing. Not only do I love to travel, I love to plan travel too

[dglvrk2]

Nov 29, 2023 13:04:26 GMT -5 186momx said:

WPs
DD pealed off the high bar last night at practice landed basically flat on her back. (they do swings on the high bar and her hands slipped off mid swing thankfully she doesn't go all the way around the bar yet) She tried to roll/fall correctly but it was one of those falls where the whole gym goes OHHH and becomes silent. Coaches sent her home early with instructions to rest and ice/heat. They went through concussion protocol and checked her out. Her left shoulder is sore and her right ribs. I sent her to school today because other than being stiff she is really fine.
Me

Dear DD's teachers
Please let DD get up and move around in class today. She is stiff and sitting all day in hard plastic chairs won't be good for her.
Worried mom who's kid really wanted to just stay home

Oh! I hope she was okay today!

DD1 is pretty much been out of gymnastics for the last month with severely pulled glutes. She's seeing a third doctor next Tuesday. It's been hard...
Sending your daughter good vibes!

[mommyatty]

Nov 29, 2023 23:26:12 GMT -5 k3am said:

librarychica, DH pointed out that we seem to travel WAY less than just about everyone we know. We make pretty good money and haven't been able to figure out if they just get paid that much more to us, they're going into debt, have generational wealth, or just prioritize differently than we do. Probably some combination of the above.

We have this conversation about a lot of things. How do people I KNOW make a ton less money than we do travel more than us, have better houses, etc? I’m assuming debt. But then I do have two kids in private school, which is insanely expensive. (But even parents with kids in our school travel more/have nicer houses, and I know we make more money than they do.)

[rere]

Nov 30, 2023 8:06:17 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

Nov 29, 2023 23:26:12 GMT -5 k3am said:

librarychica, DH pointed out that we seem to travel WAY less than just about everyone we know. We make pretty good money and haven't been able to figure out if they just get paid that much more to us, they're going into debt, have generational wealth, or just prioritize differently than we do. Probably some combination of the above.

We have this conversation about a lot of things. How do people I KNOW make a ton less money than we do travel more than us, have better houses, etc? I’m assuming debt. But then I do have two kids in private school, which is insanely expensive. (But even parents with kids in our school travel more/have nicer houses, and I know we make more money than they do.)

This is Dh and my reoccurring conversation. How do people afford all the things and we don't. Dh is most likely on course with many of the husbands we know. But, I'm assuming I make way more than many of the wives that work in school cafeterias, or teachers aide, babysitting, etc... who have lake houses, and huge campers, big boats etc.... I guess our boat money is currently at the University with Dd.

[librarychica]

Nov 29, 2023 23:26:12 GMT -5 k3am said:

librarychica, DH pointed out that we seem to travel WAY less than just about everyone we know. We make pretty good money and haven't been able to figure out if they just get paid that much more to us, they're going into debt, have generational wealth, or just prioritize differently than we do. Probably some combination of the above.

Definitely people have varying priorities. H and I are very conservative spenders, mostly on my side I’ll admit, and we have fallen away from the religions of our childhoods but we still “tithe”, again at my insistence. So really he probably should not have married someone so old fashioned, lol.

Also H grew up seeing a lot of but not having any real wealth. I grew up in a town where the top and the bottom weren’t far apart. So he has always strived and when I was newly married my mother lectured me for spending the “household budget” on counter sliced deli meat instead of pre sliced store brand. We could afford the deli meat! Now sometimes I even buy Boars Head, mother. And we do go on vacations — just family vacays to national parks not romantic vacations to South America. I’d say we have a very good life together.

I just don’t spend a lot of time comparing homes and vacations. Not saying this to brag, I fret plenty on whether my house is clean enough and my yard well kept enough in comparison to friends and family and neighbors. That’s where I compare and H has to do the talking-down.

[mae0111]

DH and I used to have that conversation about travel/toys/cars a lot. I would see folks that worked for me (so I knew their salaries) buying boats and jet skis and taking amazing vacations, and we'd wonder what we were doing wrong. But like you all said, it was all about priorities. We bought a bigger house, but kept our mortgage the same because we saved for years... then we refi'd into a 2.75% mortgagte (pure luck).

Now, we kind of get people saying stuff like that to us when the find out where our kids go to school. "Oh, wow, must be nice to have all that money to spend on tuition..." "I don't have a million dollars to send my kids there..." But... then they talk about the vacation they just booked that easily cost 1/2 a year's tuition, and I know it's not the only one they're taking that year. We just prioritize differently.

[librarychica]

mae0111, they “must be nice” you to your face! That’s just rude.

[erbear]

Nov 29, 2023 23:26:12 GMT -5 k3am said:

librarychica , DH pointed out that we seem to travel WAY less than just about everyone we know. We make pretty good money and haven't been able to figure out if they just get paid that much more to us, they're going into debt, have generational wealth, or just prioritize differently than we do. Probably some combination of the above.

We prioritize travel and do it more than the average family. We make good money (both employed and salaried), I work at the school so 2/3 of our tuition is part of my benefits, we drive 15 year old cars, we have a house we can afford that we refinanced at a lucky time, we don't spend money on sports or clothes or things we don't care about, and we take 2 big trips (usually international) every year, plus a few weekends. It's what we want to spend our money on.

[sdlaura]

Ah yes, in addition to low housing costs, sending our kids to public school has made a difference in terms of how much disposable income we have. Putting four kids through full time daycare has been pricey, and we have to save a lot for them for college, but having 12 years in between with free public education is huge. Of course, we’re not at middle/high school years yet so things may change, but we plan to stay public all the way as of now.

[mae0111]

librarychica, yes - happened twice this fall, actually. One said "must be nice" and another said, "I don't have a million dollars to send my kids there." Literally in her next breath, she talked about the vacation that she just booked for her family of 4. So... money for vacation? Awesome! But don't get all salty because that's how you chose to spend your money. We have not taken a Caribbean vacation since our honeymoon. Would it be nice? YES! But we made other choices. And we get that. But it's suuuuper uncomfortable when others make us feel bad for choosing this school for our kids, especially since we've literally been planning for it since DD1 was in utero.

I'm just trying not to talk about it at all with this particular group.

[waverly]

Oh yes the money travel thing. I think I had a post on MM Moms or Married Life asking how people afford all their travel. We make more money than a lot of people and were also wondering what we were doing wrong. DH did travel for work for 7 years, so we used flight points for those years. Basically that meant that all our vacations were half off because we only paid for lodging. He doesn't travel nearly that much anymore so by by vacations. For a while, we did driving vacations. We had 2 in daycare and that was a lot of money. I feel like a decent amount of people responded either different priorities or that their family paid for their trips when they did a whole group family type thing. My family only ever paid for anything when I was broke college student or something like that. They have never offered to pay for our whole family.

I know my one friend both her parents died pretty young. The brother inherited the main house, and the sister inherited the lake house. She sold the house and travels like 10 times to Europe every year. It's insane, but I am assuming that is because of her husband's salary and her inheritance.


Funds have freed up since we sold the lake house, so we are planning some travel. DH is using the lake house money (we only broke even on that business venture) to buy a duplex with existing renters, so it will already be making money. But before that, it was pretty tight because he was trying his business but it wasn't bringing in enough income.

We put aside money every year for the college fund too, so I guess you could say that is the priority. Kids are in public school.

The lake houses here are all the "parents" or inherited. We were the only ones ever to buy our own lake house. That being said I will inherit my grandparents lake house along with my sister, but it is a 1980's trailer. So at a minimum we would need to purchase a new trailer to put on the land or build a house, so I can't say monetarily it's this great thing because for the next generation it would need at least 250K probably to be usable for another 50-100 years. Most likely we would sell it as it or let my sister buy us out. There is the Chicago money that might have expensive places and then a whole bunch of people that basically have crappy houses on a lake.  DH would never be able to not do it "right" which means way too much money for us.  

[mae0111]

sdlaura, public education - must be nice! LOL!!!

I'm kidding, obviously. If we thought public school in our town was a good, viable option for us, we would have chosen it, 100%. It... not. The high school is 50 years old and literally falling apart. Sewerage back-ups, rodents in the cafeteria (not rumors - lots of photos of poop and videos of rats), chunks of the building falling down. The boilers don't function half the time, so there's no heat in sections of the building (it was 25 degrees here yesterday when I drove DD2 to school). The elementary schools (6 of them) are in similar shape. We have 2 new middle schools, so that's nice.

Every year, the state ranking for our town goes down. When we moved back here 15 years ago, the district was #43 in the state, out of about 400 districts. Now it's almost at #100. Surrounding towns have remained pretty consistent.

It's a mess. But we have low taxes and our electricity is incredibly cheap, and it's near all major roadways, and buying in another town with better schools and the same mortgage require a huge downgrade and downsize (just due to the market now vs when we bought). So we stay and we pay tuition at a private school located in the town.

[186momx]

dglvrk2, oh no on your DD's glutes hopefully this doctor has some insight. Did she tear it or just pulled it? I swear pulled muscles take forever to heal. One of DD's friends pulled her quad last season and she took it easy all season and kind of changed up her routine (level 7) to make it not as challenging. She is finally back to normal but still uses KT tape and foam rolls it all the time.

DD went into the gym for about 20 minutes last night to use the foam roller and just stretch out. It helped that her friends (level 7/8) all were practicing and all took breaks to come over and give her hugs and check up on her. I think that helped her mentally recover more than anything.
The coaches also let her touch bars as she didn't get back on them the night before and she was so afraid she wasn't going to be able to do it. Practice tonight and her plan is to go. I informed both her core teachers over parent square Tuesday night that she had a big fall and to please allow her to get up and move around/stretch during class. Some how the entire staff found out and everyone was stopping DD in the halls asking her about it and she was mortified by all the attention and everyone one wanting to know details.

We don't travel unless it is for gymnastics. We do take weekend in state or day trips. Where we live this allows us to do a lot and see a lot. The last time I was on a plane was before DD turned 2 and we went to Hawaii. The summer before covid we drove to Seattle for a long weekend. Traveling stresses me out so I 100% don't prioritize it and DH and I have very different thoughts on how vacation should be.

[mommyatty]

Nov 30, 2023 9:39:17 GMT -5 librarychica said:

mae0111, they “must be nice” you to your face! That’s just rude.

My family “must be nices” to my face. And I have the hardest time not saying “Um, I was close to 40 when I had my first kid, I went to law school on scholarship and passed the bar, I work my ass off and have for years. So yeah, it’s nice. And wasn't luck.”

[supertrooper1]

Nov 30, 2023 11:52:52 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

Nov 30, 2023 9:39:17 GMT -5 librarychica said:

mae0111 , they “must be nice” you to your face! That’s just rude.

My family “must be nices” to my face. And I have the hardest time not saying “Um, I was close to 40 when I had my first kid, I went to law school on scholarship and passed the bar, I work my ass off and have for years. So yeah, it’s nice. And wasn't luck.”

I get the "must be nice" from my brother.  I'm sure he's disgruntled that I'm taking our parents to Hawaii, but I've been frugal on many things to save for this trip.  I buckled down, went to college and landed a great job, waited to have a kid, and stuck with my career.  He has never held a job for more than a few months because he can't keep his mouth shut with his bosses.  

I agree with priorities and debt.  I drive a 10 year old vehicle that has been paid off for years.  I do make payments on our trailer, but that is the only debt that I have.  So we can afford to travel, but I also don't take super expensive vacations.  Our dirt bike trips are cheap each time we go, although it did require a big investment upfront buying the bike and gear.  


librarychica, I laugh at the deli counter lunch meat.  My mom was similar until I compared the prices to her.  It seemed cheaper because it was packaged in 8 ounce containers, but the price per pound was actually equal or less at the deli counter.  Although this has changed in the last year or so I've noticed because deli counter meat seems so expensive now!