mommyatty, right?! We made a lot of difficult, strategic choices that got us to this place. Was there luck? Sure. But it was a LOT of hard work and key decisions.
mae0111 DH and I both went to public school all the way through, so when we bought our first house after getting married, we prioritized the school district. We had moved across the country and had no family to try to be close to or preconceived notions about which town to be in, so we picked almost exclusively based on schools.
So much is luck for us, though. Like we did wait to buy for a few years till we figured out where we wanted to be and could find a deal, but a short sale being available walking distance to a fabulous elementary and middle school, that we could afford because we were 30 and 35 years old at the time - that’s a lot of luck. At a time with low interest rates. And none of our four kids having learning difficulties to navigate/need different schools to meet their needs (at least as of yet) was also a lot of luck. Heck, even me ending up in a high earning career feels like luck. DH has a passion for investing but I feel like I ended up kind of randomly in my career.
We had no clue we would end up having four kids either, so being able to access great public schools makes more of a financial impact considering four kids vs two.
Of course, DH has always been a crazy saver and investor and made living below our means a huge priority (when I met him, he was a 27-year-old guy living on ramen so he could max out his 401(k), so I’m sure he would point to those efforts over luck for our financial situation 🤣
Our parents are comfortable (because public servant pensions) but not wealthy, so we’re not expecting any inheritances, and it does seem like a lot of our peers are banking on that.
sdlaura, I hope you know my "must be nice" was tongue-in-cheek. I went through public k-8 and it was not my choice to leave. Truth be told, our public high school was really good back when I would have gone. I got a great education k-8. My older sister was falling in with not a great crowd, so my parents pulled her out of public. So when it was my turn, there was no question where I was going.
It broke my heart to pull my kids out of public. But the district was failing DD1 in a big way, and we needed a solution. Their last school was only a mild improvement, but their current school seems pretty awesome for them so far.
I felt like we had the best laid plans for public (at least through middle), and they blew up on us. Oh well!
mae0111 Oh yeah I totally get it on the ‘must be nice’ being TIC!
I think it all goes back to what k3am said originally - everyone has different priorities - based on individual preferences and also reacting to what life throws at you!
We had a very long search when we bought our house. Started in the city, but prices were high for the space. Several deals fell through some with good schools, some with bad public schools. Started looking in the suburbs, but I told DH that was too far from my job, so started looking in a closer suburb. Finally found a place, and we lucked out that the public schools are good. I would say for the area, the house is pretty well priced- there are definitely way more expensive houses we could get, but definitely not a LCOL area either.
Dear DS, I love that a paint night and paint your own pottery are on the list for “boys’ night” with my dad and brother and potentially overtaking video games as your top choices. I want to see my very large, very traditionally manly looking firefighter dad and electrician brother painting crafts with you! I am cracking up at the idea of it. It would be good for them! Love, Stepmom
Dear WP, Quick ER visit update: after 13 hours and spending the night in the ER, it wasn’t my gallbladder. It’s inflammation in my intestines, which is “not crohns’s, but maybe from the celiac, or just something random I ate” and no one knows. Clear liquid diet until the pain goes away. Ugh.
Post by traveltheworld on Nov 30, 2023 22:58:47 GMT -5
Chiming in on the travel part.
As my name suggests, we love to travel. And we have a nice house. And if you only saw my social media posts, you'd think we have loads of money. We make good money, but we also drive a 17 year old SUV and a 8 year old little car. We only have 1 TV and my kids share an iPad. We just prioritize travel.
For travel....H and I were able to make this a priority before kids. We met in 2002, married in 2006 and didn't have our first DD until 2011. To other WPs' points about luck, we were able to find a small but very affordable rental close to both my and his work when we first moved to a major metro area, in 2007. We put buying a home on the back burner. Our major expenses each month were rent and my student loan payments. (H's parents and scholarships paid his way through school. My path is another story...) I was teaching elementary school at this time and my district had a 10-week on 3-week off track, so I was not working at multiple times of the year. I loved this schedule and knew I was lucky to have random times off.
Nevertheless, I got several "must be nice" comments. Many were from friends who assumed H made more money than he did, which, according to them, enabled us to travel and do other activities we enjoyed like skiing, camping and windsurfing. No, people, it came from saving and making these a priority. Others came from the notion that my job not only enabled me to work for 185 days a year, but from the assumption that I shut my classroom doors when the kids left and I just went home and vegged or worked out. After all, we teachers are glorified babysitters, right?? We don't need to continue learning nor planning...(I'm rolling my eyes as I write this.)
With two school age children and me with a more rigid calendar now, we don't get to travel as much. It is remarkably more expensive to go places. Likewise, planning, logistics etc are way more challenging. My vision is to up my travel game once the D's are out of high school. We have eight more years. H and I both hope to be in more flexible jobs, so we can take time off more on our terms. We shall see.
Another thing about our travel is that DH believes when you’re on vacation, you should have the best of everything. So my kids have never flown coach. We use Amex points to cover flights. Plus MIL always comes with us, so we always need more… more plane tickets, more bedrooms, more food. If we traveled frugally, we could do several trips for the price of one of our trips. Or we could go somewhere much cooler. That makes me batty. I’d rather fly coach, go more places, and stay in fairly inexpensive hotels.
In regards to travel... I had the girls very young, was super broke for a long time paying off student loans with a loser husband, daycare for twins, and then dealt with the expense of single parenting. I'll be in my early forties when the kids graduate high school and have a decent amount of disposable income at that point, so I plan to travel like crazy and live my best life as an empty nester with DH!
We do a lot of little "staycations" with the kids now. We'll do a night or two at a hotel in Boston and explore the city instead of investing in a big trip. Or we'd fly to visit SIL when she was still in the states. This year we'll do two family vacations back to back, but it's because our parents are each chipping in. DH's mom is paying for our flights to go to CA for a wedding and then my parents are paying for an AirBNB for a family trip to DC. That's about the level of travel and vacations we're at right now as a family.
twinmomma, the staycations are such a great option.
We have done this too. When we visit the metro area we used to live in, we sometimes opt for a nice hotel. That way, the kids can have friends over to swim etc. They're weekend trips, but we feel like we got away. And everyone is happy.
mommyatty, my family has never flown anything but coach. We often stay in vacation rentals instead of resorts because they’re less expensive for our family size. So you make a great point that travel doesn’t have to be as pricey as your H makes it.
I’m lucky to have to have some points/miles from work travel and credit card spending, because multiplying any airfare times six makes it pretty nuts.
Post by traveltheworld on Dec 1, 2023 15:58:14 GMT -5
mommyatty, my DH is the exact opposite. He is firmly of the view that we shouldn't bring our kids in "luxury", given that they may not be able to afford the same lifestyle that we could afford. I don't necessarily disagree, but he takes it to the extreme. I will never forget us trying to cross the busy streets of Paris with a 2 and 5 year old and 3 giant pieces of luggage to take the public bus to the train station. Now that was a disaster.
Other funny things - we ski a lot; and have to been to many ski resorts across US and Canada, but I don't think we've once bought lunch on a ski hill. Last year, after looking at our very squished sandwiches, I bought some fries for DD and she kept asking me why, what's it for.
I think it is WONDERFUL that your daughter, who is the same age as DD2, is having her birthday today. I think it is equally WONDERFUL that you are throwing her an "American Girl Doll" birthday party this afternoon. In addition, it's just lovely that you invited about half of the girls in the fourth grade to said party. This half of the grade all showed up at school today with huge gift bags for your darling daughter, American Girl Dolls and wearing party dresses. The other half of the girls... Well they didn't.
Honestly, DD2 wouldn't know what to do with herself at an American Girl Doll party. She has only owned one doll in her life and never played with it. She also does not own a dress. (Never mind wearing one.) Today was one of the rare days that I happened to be at school at dismissal and saw this group of girls clearly divided. DD2 actually went ice skating with a couple of her guy friends and is super stoked. There were other girls, however, who seemed disappointed by the sad looks on their faces when they went to their buses or their parents instead of going to the American Girl Doll group.
I know we have different priorities... But what you did was really exclusive.
Wow. Why can’t the lady have the party at any other time then directly after school? That’s crazy. I’ve never seen a party where people brought gifts and wore special outfits to school.
dglvrk2 - I’m furious for you and all of the little girls that were left out. That mom is a shitty person, and she is teaching her kid to be a shitty person. I get that not everyone can be included in everything, but good Lord have some common sense
dglvrk2 - I’m furious for you and all of the little girls that were left out. That mom is a shitty person, and she is teaching her kid to be a shitty person. I get that not everyone can be included in everything, but good Lord have some common sense
Thank you! She IS shitty. I've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt this year and I'm done. She's one of the moms who whined about DD2's behavior in girl scouts last spring for weeks before I knew there was any issue,and now this. Bigger picture: it's not just DD or me.
I want to call her out on this. I doubt it would make anything better.
dglvrk2 - I’m furious for you and all of the little girls that were left out. That mom is a shitty person, and she is teaching her kid to be a shitty person. I get that not everyone can be included in everything, but good Lord have some common sense
Thank you! She IS shitty. I've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt this year and I'm done. She's one of the moms who whined about DD2's behavior in girl scouts last spring for weeks before I knew there was any issue,and now this. Bigger picture: it's not just DD or me.
I want to call her out on this. I doubt it would make anything better.
People....
Yeah, I actually don’t think very kid has to be invited to something, but goodness, this was insanely jerky. My kid is throwing her first “party” since starting middle school next weekend. I emailed the parents for all the girls she wanted invited from elementary (they are all spread out at different schools now). But she also wanted to invite 4 new middle school friends that we have no contact info for. We had a whole plan on how to fold up a piece of paper that was the invite, discretely hand it to them and tell them not to read it until they got home after school. It is crazy to have a party right after school that requires the kids to show up with all these visible “I’m going to a party” signs.
I doubt the school would wade into it, but it’s likely they have a problem with it too.
Our school policy is no invitations distributed at school unless all are invited. While no invites were distributed at school, this flies in the face of the intention of the policy which is inclusion.
I’m not referring to post above where middle schoolers make their own plans. Talking about formal invitations at the elementary level.