This week was better than any I’ve had in a while at work. And my kids are officially off for the holidays, so yay! I have one big thing to get in to a client today, and a few emails that need to be sent, and then I can start taking some time off. I have quite a few meetings next week, and I have a lot of CLE (continuing legal ed) hours to get through before the end of the year, but I’m going to take as much time as humanly possible over the next 2 weeks.
Post by librarychica on Dec 15, 2023 8:59:55 GMT -5
mommyatty, winter break already? Wow. We have another full week!
I just bought tickets for my daughters and 2 friends to see Migration next week for DD1’s birthday at a local, family-owned movie theater and matinee tickets were less than $7 each. Just, wow, that’s cheap. It’s supposed to be a nice, old fashioned theater so hopefully it is because omg I’ll drop them off there every Friday afternoon for $7 and cover the cost of their friends! One of the other moms and I will be having HH across the road.
It was a long week. DD2 had an ear infection and her hamster passed, DD1 has been full of middle school questions. She has noticed that much of the world is terrible and would like that explained, please and thanks. Many conversations with her and tears with her sister and then they got in a fight last night and DD2 was a grump bucket all evening. I can’t even blame the tween for this one. She just wants a little space from her sister and DD2 doesn’t want to accept that she is not going to be involved in every single thing her sister does from now until eternity. She is lucky that somehow all of DD1’s friends are only children or have much-older brothers and so somehow want to dote on a “little sister”. I was trying to ditch my little brother as much as possible at that age!
We are celebrating early Christmas with some of my family Saturday — there’s going to be karaoke — and then popping into a Christmas party, just H and I. Sunday we really, really need to clean this house.
This was a LONG week. Out of town Monday and Tuesday, holiday concerts and busyness with school, drama at my work, drama with DH and his work... it's been a mentally draining week. This weekend we're going to visit my parents for our annual cookie baking weekend. I'm looking forward to it, because it's a fun tradition and the kids love it. But I'm also feeling like I'd rather just hunker down at home, catch up on laundry, and read my book to reset.
I'm not taking any time off for winter break which is bumming me out. I'll get Christmas Day and New Year's Day off, but nothing extra. I just don't have the PTO to burn and need to save it for some other real vacations we have planned in the new year. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but it's just FOMO with everyone else who is taking time off.
Dh and I started the day after drop off chasing what was later determined to be our neighbor's dog. She's new to them and we haven't really seen her out much because they don't walk her around the neighborhood - they go elsewhere - but she is a Houdini and got out of their yard. I brought her some treats and grabbed her collar, and she slipped right out! Eventually our neighbor saw us and realized it was his dog, so all was well!
DD1 has her first school basketball game this afternoon. Half of the team is down with COVID, so I'm not hopeful for a positive result... but I hope she has fun and gets some playing time!
Tomorrow DD2 has a game and DD1 is skipping hers again, this time to go to a gingerbread house party. DH and I are hoping to get out tomorrow evening, but I might have to pick up my sister from the airport... but it's like a highly classified bit of information and no one will give me any information about flights, if I'm needed, etc.
Sunday we have nothing planned. DD1 wants to go shopping. I've already taken her shopping twice. I HATE shopping. She tends to look/buy for herself, and I don't want to do that again. I have too many other things to do/that I want to do. So we will see.
The kids have 2 days of school next week, then they're done until January. Dh will work through Thursday I'll probably do the same, then we'll be off until January. I still have a few gift cards to buy, but then I'm done!! I still have yet to locate my elusive Christmas spirit. Hoping it shows up this week.
DH came home with what he says is food poisoning. I'm a bad wife, but I am annoyed. I've been handling the home front while he travels and then brags about what he is doing and where he is going. Meanwhile, I'm running kids to soccer practice and band concerts and tutoring and basketball practice. Even though he is all in on the driving when he is here, he forgets all I am doing when he travels and calls me every night when I am busy with the aforementioned activities.
I expected him to at least be a functional parent today, and he can barely get off the couch. He hadn't taken any fluids or any medication yet today, so I told him to do that this morning. I hope he feels better because otherwise I was threatening to take him to the hospital. But most likely the hospital would just do fluids anyway, so he just needs to hydrate.
And then when he did finally get up from the couch he starts tracking down packages? Dude, I thought you were sick. I want you to take care of yourself not track down packages.
Post by supertrooper1 on Dec 15, 2023 11:57:43 GMT -5
I started my day off with a work phone call 10 minutes before my day started from a guy who works my old job, asking me questions on how to fix something. He must have been stalking MS Teams, waiting for me to log in today. I fixed his issue and tried to explain it, but he kept interrupting me and telling me he didn't have system capabilities to do certain things which I ended up walking him through, and surprise, surprise, he had the capability. I was still in the middle of explaining things when he cut me off and said have a good weekend. I hate helping that guy.
This week was so busy and I still need to coordinate with the kid next door to show him what to feed our kitten and give him a key before we leave Sunday. DS has early release today to start his winter break. We're going to the gym tonight since we missed last night for DS's school art night. Tomorrow we have pedicure appointments and I need to pick up Dramamine before our trip. I haven't even started packing.
Post by sandandsea on Dec 15, 2023 14:36:12 GMT -5
We have ds1s 12th bday party Saturday though his bday is next week. He’s doing the same thing as last year (k1 speed) so that will be fun. We are going to his favorite fondue place for dinner too. He has a friends bday party tonight and ds2 has a friends bday party on Sunday so it’s a party weekend. We also have to do laundry and pack for our holiday travels.
mommyatty , winter break already? Wow. We have another full week!
Yes, does seem early! We have another 3.5 days. My kids' break is 12/23-1/8. I feel like this week snuck up on me. I need to finish shipping Christmas gifts/buying them for my kids ASAP!
I'm in Portland for meetings today/client dinner last night. Flying back home this afternoon.
This weekend we see the nutcracker tomorrow and then DS2 has a bday party. Sunday softball tryouts for DD, basketball games for both older kids, and then another bday party for DS2. I need to get some bday gifts for kindergartners.
I was supposed to fly out Sunday for a work meeting Monday that got cancelled, so I'm excited to not have to do that. I do have one more work day trip with flights on Thursday 12/21.
I went in early today because I needed to go to the funeral home for a friend of the family. I spent most the day packing my office for painting and my move to an office with more windows after the Holidays.
Tonight I have a women's Christmas party. Dd may go. It is pizza and games, karaoke and dirty Santa. It's also mismatched pajamas theme. So I am wearing an Army sweatshirt with Dds university pajama pants.
Tomorrow, I have to make a casserole for a funeral dinner, make some Christmas candy for a get together Sunday and we are watching the game at friends.
Sunday dd and I will help decorate the church for Christmas and go to a Christmas candy party.
It's a good thing I am taking off starting Thursday, because between the holidays and work, I will not get any downtime until after Christmas.
twinmomma, Hugs. I hope you enjoy your vacations next year and, notably, get some relaxation out of them!
librarychica, I'm so sorry about your hamster passing. I'm here in solidarity on the tween drama and emotions front. DD1 is 12 and in the thick of it. DD2 will be 10 in a few weeks....it's not a question of "if" but "when" with her. Your girls are lucky to have such an empathetic mama
This weekend started off great and should be pretty fun, coupled with the usual adulting. I'll go into details Monday and am knocking on wood.
I'm still digesting a difficult, but, I think, necessary conversation I had at work with my bosses (I have two) yesterday. I'd appreciate any WPs' feedback...Big picture, I've been feeling overlooked for the past three our four months. In June, a new person - I'll call him "Joe"- joined my department and holds the same position I do. I respect Joe because of the experience and rapport with others he has. My and Joe's work is generally project based. Projects last from two days to several months. Joe has been assigned some very important projects, larger scale than those assigned to me. I offered to take on one of these projects in September. Joe got it instead. One of my bosses explained the reasons behind this and I totally understand. A few weeks ago, I emailed one of my two bosses offering to take the lead on another project. (I emailed this boss because he ultimately oversees this work.) I would be a logical choice for lead on this project and don't have too much on my agenda for the upcoming months. No response...
Yesterday, in meeting with both bosses about a few other items, I inquired about this. The boss I emailed - I'll call him "Grant"- stoically explained they assigned Joe to lead this project. I'm usually good at being agreeable in situations like this, but I instantly saw a window to let my - to put it professionally - authentic feelings out. I explained how I've been feeling overlooked because of the imbalance in my and Joe's workload AND if there was something I was missing skill or personality -wise that kept me from being assigned work to the scale Joe was, I needed to know so I could work on it.
I may have caught my bosses off guard. No feedback on missing skills or other aspects of me. After some hymning and hawing, one boss asked how I would approach the challenges of said project. I gave her the 60 second explanation. She seemed impressed and said she'd reconsider the assignment. I also called out my other boss, Grant, for not responding to my initial offer over email.
We ended the meeting. Bosses thanked me for my authenticity and honesty.
It felt good to share my feelings, but I was an emotional wreck after the meeting. I saw Joe and immediately got tears in my eyes. I went to the bathroom and had a good cry. Between drama with my kids, so much solo parenting in the past months, my sister being ill AND feeling overlooked at work, I think I was overloaded. Not my usual MO, but it was what it was.
Grant called me into his office to go over some logistics later yesterday afternoon. This was planned. As we wrapped up, he said he was annoyed that I called him out for not responding to me in front of the other boss. I explained that I never intended to make him look bad and I will follow up with him next time I don't get a response needed within 24 hours.
I'm still conflicted. I appreciate my bosses' willingness to hear me out and respect my feelings, but wish it hadn't had to come to this. I'm usually one to see a skill or professional behavior deficit as a window for improvement. I've told my bosses I'm always open for constructive criticism NUMOROUS times and act on these suggestions (although there have been few). So I'm still wondering if I'm falling short in their eyes or if being overlooked is just that.
sandandsea my DS1 is doing a k1 speed party for his 10th birthday in January. I’m just about to book it. Any tips?
It’s super fun and the only way we go to K1 speed here. They do a great job with the party races and provide pizza and soda for the kids. If you aren’t part of a party the wait here is usually several hours. Check in can take a while but they allow 30 minutes and we never use the full hour in the party room but it’s an easy party place and the kids love it. We can only have up to 12 racers though and I think this is the last year they’ll fit in the junior karts. It’s based on height and so I think next year some of ds’s friends would be adult and some junior height so ages 10-12 seems to be the sweet spot so they all race together in a private race.
dglvrk2- hugs. I think you handled it perfectly. Even calling Grant out, because I’m sorry but ignoring an email about a job assignment isn’t okay. I recently had to have one of these conversations with my boss, in part because I was actively taking calls from recruiters and felt it wasn’t fair to give them a chance to improve my situation before I walked. (No, I didn’t tell him that!) I think for him it was really eye-opening for me to lay things out on the table with no spoonful of sugar. In particular, I had to work with a small group that has been behaving really poorly, and when I gave him specific examples, he was mortified. And this week, things were actually much better and said small group was well-behaved after a year of being absolute jackasses to me.
dglvrk2, I hate to say this but it kind of sounded like sexism or maybe unconscious bias. If you and guy have same qualifications and they can’t explain to you why he gets lead on projects and you don’t…. I think you called them up perfectly. I would expect them to get back to you and either say hey you do need to work on X skill or give you project lead. If not I would reach back out. Also, Grant was totally avoiding you because the project was given to Joe. He’s trying to avoid conflict and rightfully deserved to be called out because he couldn’t be clear.
Now could there be other factors that are maybe not performance related, maybe. But it’s hard to bring anything up if it’s not performance related. For example, if he had better rapport with other employees.
dglvrk2, I also think that you handled everything perfectly. Even calling out Grant. He didn't overlook your email - he willfully ignored it and hoped you would go away quietly. Kudos to you for not doing that.
I remember having a few conversations like this with my former boss. The good news is that, since it was rare that I stood up for myself in that way, he always responded swiftly and appropriately. I think he would figure out how far he could push me before I snapped... and when I snapped, he'd fall all over himself trying to fix whatever I felt that he screwed up. I hope you get the same response.
I'm sorry that things have been rough lately. I hope you're going to get a little time to relax over the holidays.
I'm feeling better about how I handled the situation. I feel I balanced communicating emotion.and ambition well, or at least wellish
Knowing Grant, I would call his behavior unconscious bias more than sexism.
In terms of the email, I do think he deserved to be called out on it. That being said, we came onto this team at the same time. We have a lot in common and developed a comradely over interests and being new together. I get where he's coming from not wanting to look bad to the other boss who is higher than him.....AND hopefully he'll be more responsive to me in the future, even if it's uncomfortable.
sandandsea my DS1 is doing a k1 speed party for his 10th birthday in January. I’m just about to book it. Any tips?
It’s super fun and the only way we go to K1 speed here. They do a great job with the party races and provide pizza and soda for the kids. If you aren’t part of a party the wait here is usually several hours. Check in can take a while but they allow 30 minutes and we never use the full hour in the party room but it’s an easy party place and the kids love it. We can only have up to 12 racers though and I think this is the last year they’ll fit in the junior karts. It’s based on height and so I think next year some of ds’s friends would be adult and some junior height so ages 10-12 seems to be the sweet spot so they all race together in a private race.
lol. Spoke too soon. They were running 30 minutes behind so the kids had to just run around and wait for 30 minutes as the rooms were full still. And they never adjusted the speed of the karts so they were kinda putting around and not as much fun. I had to wait in line forever to check everyone in and there was zero party service - we had to ask for the pizza, drinks and cake to be brought to the room while we waited. It was really annoying and I wouldn’t go back to an $80/kid bday party there again if this was our first time. Overall the kids had fun but it was disappointing compared to last years experience.
Oh and ds corrected me that his k1 speed bday was when he turned 10 not last year.